Maybe I can wait for just five more minutes…
In the 3 months that the Cullens had been gone, getting out of bed in the morning had become a daily struggle for me. The internal battle was always the same.
On one hand, I never wanted to see anyone again so long as I lived. On the other, I really, truly, had to. It really was much more difficult than it seemed.
There was nothing for me at Forks High School. The coursework wasn't at all challenging. In fact, I could probably never attend another day of high school except for exams and still pass with at least a C-average.
And I didn't exactly feel as though my friends would miss me if I stopped showing up. I'd already stopped showing up in all ways other than physical. I never spoke. I had tried for a while at first, at the very least to answer the remarks that were occasionally thrown in my direction. But at lunch I had a hard time concentrating on anything other than the empty table across the room, and eventually, those remarks stopped coming my way. Even my teachers had given up, apparently three "Er…what?"-s in a row was enough to classify me as helpless.
But, as much as I hated facing the day, I knew I needed to. Not for myself, but for everyone else. Mostly Charlie. The only experience he had with taking care of others was his job as the Sheriff. And, despite how sure I was that he wished the opposite, there was no one for him to arrest this time. I may be hurt, but there was no crime in it. I felt guilty enough putting him in such a hard position. As it was, I knew he was aware I was hiding. But I just couldn't show that to him anymore. The first week had been enough. Once I'd peaked my head out of the hole that had become my life, I saw how much damage my pain was doing.
After that I sucked it up. I resolved that I would only feel the pain when no one else was there to feel it with me. It was the only fair way to go about it. After all, I'd brought this upon myself, and I'd probably be feeling this pain for the rest of my life.
I couldn't expect anyone else to suffer this too.
