Brooke only felt better about herself for a few hours after she talked with Kate. It all hit her when she was trying to fall asleep, there was the guilt again, as usual, but there was something else there.
She felt so Selfish.
Brooke only talked to Kate because she wanted to make herself feel better, not because she was legitimately concerned about her wellbeing. This made Brooke feel even shittier. She had to do more. Something genuine, anything besides generic conversation.
A gift.
A gift would work.
But what to get?
Brooke didn't really know much about Kate besides that she was religious and way too nice for her own good. Maybe she could ask someone else what Kate liked.
Max would know. Brooke could talk to Max.
Brooke groaned at that prospect and buried her face in her pillow. She'll have to suck it up and talk to another person, but it was for Kate, so that was good. Brooke rolled over and sighed, her conscience finally feeling unburdened enough to drift into a dreamless sleep.
After classes Brooke decided to talk to Max. The two really hadn't been the best of friends due to Brooke's callous jealousy over Warren. They did make up a bit later, but Brooke still didn't feel like that fixed everything.
Brooke was a little nervous to be knocking on Max's door just to get information about Kate. But hey, maybe she could try to actually further a friendship with Max.
Maybe.
Brooke tentatively knocked on Max's door, half hoping no one would answer and she could retreat back to her room. Of course, she'd have no such luck as Max's door swung open.
"Oh, hey Brooke, here for that drone date?" Asked the room's freckled owner.
"Afraid not Max, your time with my flying marvel will have to wait another day." Brooke replied rolling her eyes, remembering how she suggested it at the Vortex Club party.
"Aw that's a shame, I was looking forward to harassing innocent bystanders." Max joked. Honestly if the drone wasn't so expensive she probably would use it to buzz by people's heads or spy on people in their rooms. "So, what are you here for?"
Brooke tensed up a bit, suddenly overcome by a bout of anxiety.
"Uh, I just kinda wanted to ask you a question… about Kate." Brooke stated, arms crossed and hugging her sides.
Max gave her a skeptical look. "What about Kate?"
"Well do you know what she likes, like if someone was going to get her a gift or something, what would she like?" Max's look changed to one of amused understanding, clearly not falling for Brooke's hypothetical statement.
"Well, I'd say if someone wanted to get Kate a gift they could probably get her some tea, she really likes that."
Tea, I could do that. Brooke thought to herself, slightly encouraged.
"So why are you getting Kate a gift?"
"Me, I'm not getting Kate a gift what makes you think that?" Brooke laughed lamely. Max didn't say anything and just kept staring at Brooke until the bespectacled girl relented. "I just wanted to get her a gift because I've been feeling super shitty about barely caring about her this past week, and honestly for the whole semester."
"And then I remember how you went up on the roof to save her, and I don't do anything for anyone, so I thought I'd try to be a little less selfish for once." Max just gave her a reassuring grin.
"Brooke, you aren't selfish, I mean you are trying to get her a gift, aren't you?"
"Yep, little Brooke's first baby steps to becoming a decent human being." Brooke commented dryly.
"Look don't beat yourself up too much, I think it's sweet that you want to get Kate a nice present." Brooke just sighed. Max always seemed to know exactly what to say.
"Thanks Max, and we should still have that drone date thing sometime, if you'd still want to."
"Of course, I'm sure you'll tell me the time and place later."
"That I can do, seeya around Max." Brooke waved goodbye, just wanting to get the conversation done with. Max nodded in understanding and quietly closed her door.
Brooke's chest swelled after another somewhat successful interaction at someone else's room. This was actually going decently, and now Brooke was a girl on a mission.
A tea mission.
Brooke's room looked like a tornado had plowed directly through it. Clothes strewn about the floor, random boxes and containers opened and stacked all over, and various objects laid out on any available surface. Brooke had been ransacking her closet and any other storage area all evening. She was looking for a specific item, an item she knew she had, but didn't know where.
"Ah hah!" Brooke exclaimed as she plucked an auspicious tin box from her closet. It was a case of imported chamomile tea her parents had bought her before she started the school year. They had told her it would help her anxiety, but Brooke never got around to using it for anything, she wasn't really much of a tea person in the first place.
But Kate was.
Brooke figured she could re-gift this to Kate, after all she needed it a lot more. Brooke immediately vacated her upturned room and made her way to Kate's door, knocking excitedly, before quickly hiding the tea box behind her.
"H-Hello?" Kate called out, meekly opening her door open a crack. From what Brooke could see Kate looked worse than she had yesterday. Her eyes were puffy and the shadows under her eyes indicated a lack of sleep.
"Hey Kate, um is this a bad time? I can come back later or something." Kate just shook her head and opened the door more to allow Brooke entrance.
"It's ok Brooke, come in." Brooke cautiously stepped into the room, noticing everything was about the same, except the whole room was cast in a dismal gloom. "It's good to see you again Brooke, I'm glad your visit the other day wasn't a onetime thing." Kate gave a weak smile.
"Yeah me too." Before either of them could process that, Brooke quickly whipped out the tea from behind her back. "Here I wanted to get you something, you know because I was being a horrible person and neglected to do so while you were in the hospital." If Kate heard Brooke's self-demeaning insult she didn't call any attention to it, instead her face perked up in pleasant surprise.
"Oh, thank you Brooke, you really didn't have to get me anything." Kate thanked, graciously taking the box out of Brooke's hands.
"Trust me I did, anyway it's chamomile, it's supposed to help with anxiety, which from the look of things you desperately need." Brooke internally chastised herself for being too blunt, but Kate didn't seem to take any offense.
"It's that obvious huh?" Kate gave a shaky laugh.
"I mean honestly you look pretty terrible, what's the matter?" Stop being rude you moron.
"Well it's the same as usual I suppose, some days I can put it behind me and get through things ok, but other days I-I can't as m-much and…" Kate stopped talking and she began to noticeably shake and looked to be on the verge of tears.
Brooke was frozen in fear; comforting people was not something she was particularly good at. She had no idea what to do, but she couldn't just stand there and watch.
Before she really knew what she was doing Brooke had Kate wrapped in a tight hug as the shaken blonde sobbed miserably onto the shorter girl's shoulder. The two stood like that for some time, Kate crying and Brooke doing her best to keep Kate in a comforting embrace. Neither said anything, and even if she was given a lifetime Brooke still didn't think she could've come up with anything helpful to say.
After what felt like an hour Kate broke away from Brooke and wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt.
"S-Sorry Brooke, s-sometimes all these feelings build up and-."
"Hey yeah I get it, it's fine." Brooke interrupted, casually trying to rub out some of the tear stains out of her hoodie. For a moment the two stood in silence again before Kate spoke up.
"Brooke, I just want to thank you for, um your support and the tea." Kate awkwardly hugged herself. Brooke had to admit, even after crying her heart out Kate still looked cute when she did that.
What?
"It's no problem, after what just happened I can tell you can probably make good use of it." Brooke responded, trying to clear her mind from that random thought she just had.
"Y-Yeah you're right." Kate awkwardly laughed at Brooke's remark. "Hey Brooke, could I ask you a favor?"
"Sure, what is it?"
"I mean as you can see I'm not feeling too well at the moment, so do you think you could just, um, sit with me for a bit, I just need someone to be with me right now, I mean you don't have to and if you want to leave you can." Kate looked at Brooke, expectant for her answer.
Brooke was shocked, she didn't really expect Kate to want to spend time with her, especially for emotional support. As much as Brooke did want to go back to her room, she couldn't, Kate needed her.
"Yeah of course I can," Brooke nodded. Kate gave her a smile that was absolutely drenched in joy and motioned for Brooke to take a seat on the couch. The two sat down in silence, nothing really needed to be said.
They sat there for an hour or so into the night in sort of a stasis, until light snoring roused Brooke from her stupor. Kate had fallen asleep and was dozing lightly on the edge of the couch. Brooke carefully got up off the couch, trying not to wake up the sleeping Kate.
As Brooke approached the door she turned to look at Kate, she seemed to be sleeping well, although she was shivering slightly. Quietly Brooke grabbed one of Kate's blanket and slowly draped it over the dozing figure. Kate's lips turned up into a slight smile.
"Thank you, Brooke." She said in a barely audible whisper. Brooke's face flushed red and she slowly backed out of the room and closed the door behind her.
Brooke leaned up against the wall and clutched her chest trying to compose herself.
What is going on with me?
