Repressing
Love: Baby's Story
"Oh Neil, stop it, you don't have to-"
"But but but – Baby shush. The least I can do is treat you to dinner, isn't that right? Besides, it's my hotel. I pay for everything. Don't worry your pretty little head with it."
...That patronising, money-grabbing, pretentious- ARGH!...
The thoughts exploded and crashed, dying out slowly in a defeated slump against the enclosed rooms of Baby's head. Frances "Baby" Houseman was finally reacting to his egotistical attitude; the superior and haughty 'presence' after all this time. So many years had passed with ducking behind it, and yet, she faltered once again? Why couldn't she stand up and tell him what she realised she really thought, and REALLY felt? Something held her back...
"So… umm… yeah…"
"Good movie, huh?!
"Yeah… great… wicked… And I didn't fall asleep!" Baby laughed playfully.
"Uhh… Yes you did!" Neil retorted, grinning cheekily from ear to ear. His eyes glistened in the cold night air. Baby had learned to love those eyes. Learning wasn't hard at the time mind you... You grow an alternate side to you when you don't know who you even are anymore.
"So... Umm…"
"Yeah… Uhh…"
"What?"
"Oh… Nothing… Nothing." Baby replied, quickly trying to change the subject.
"No, go on. Tell me, what were you going to ask?" Neil questioned, visibly interested.
"I, uhh… Ok. Where does this leave us?" Baby forced herself to say… As her emerald eyes moved from his face to the ground, Neil replied:
"I guess this means we're dating… Maybe? If you want to that is… I... Oh god I shouldn't have said anything… I mean, only if you want to that is?" His face gleamed with confusion, worry, and complete vulnerability. Her words meant everything to him. Her eyes told him the answer he longed to hear. The past few weeks had thrown him over, he couldn't pretend with that bitchy alcoholic anymore…
"Yeh… Sure…" Baby smiled with relief… They were dating. Finally dating! He took her hand in his as he walked her home in the twilight. The moon shone and relished in seeing them glow in its bath of light. It was what they had both wanted for some time now. It was all going so great…
"Oh how times change…" Baby thought bitterly, - almost sorrowfully, in remembrance of what once was… She used to enjoy his company. His presence used to make her light up… At least remotely! Now she barely noticed him walking in through the door anymore. Now she felt uncomfortable, threatened, crowded, oppressed.
The sad reality of it all was that before now she'd blamed herself. It was all her fault. For changing, for growing. For becoming more aware of her innermost desires. And she was sorry for that - strangely enough… She was sorry. She knew it wasn't. Every intellectual fibre in her screamed for release. But her feelings couldn't match up,. They held her with an iron lead. She knew she could break free from this life any time. Any way. She was trapping herself and she knew what would break her free. She knew exactly what she needed, but knew it would never come around...
Sitting at home, lost in trains of thought, Baby dived across the sofa, reaching for the house phone. She tried to call Lisa, her slightly older sister, her only remote "friend" it would seem, who was probably out or busy. Again. That was the trouble with Lisa living in the fashion states within Hollywood. An "extra". She was "oh-so-preoccpied now!" Baby almost chuckled with pity for her sister. She had to admit that she missed her. So much. She could've really used her advice right about now too- somehow! Especially with her whole life being flipped upside down over that one damn guy…
"Ohh... What happened to Kellermans?" Baby sighed, exasperated by her own mental processes... And suddenly her mind reverted once back to what changed it all. What stopped her fighting harder. What stopped her giving a damn. What made her body begin to sway, and her heart pound in the time with the music.
"It's like a feeling... a heartbeat..."
