A/N: I had a bit of interest in continuing this and as I'd rather write this than do real work here you go:) This chapter is for HoneyandChai because she wondered if it would be more practical to buy a cow given all the milk everyone seems to have the boys purchase. This of course led to a discussion of Fringe and Gene the cow. If you have not watched Fringe you really should. At least the first 3 seasons. John Noble is brilliant in it. As is the cow:D John's cow conversation is from HoneyandChai!
I own neither Sherlock, Fringe, the boys, John Noble or a cow. Out of the five of those the only one I don't want to own is the cow.
John SH
Yes?
I think we should purchase a cow. SH
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?
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A cow, John. Bos primigenius SH
Are you insane?
No. My mother had me tested. SH
What? Why? Oh good grief. Why on earth should we purchase a cow, Sherlock?
We seem to use an extraordinary amount of milk in a given week. It would save you trips to the shops. It would also prevent you from figuring out ways to convince me to purchase milk. I'm sure you must be tired from all of the attempts you have tried. SH
Sherlock! Just think about this for a minute! First of all where the hell are we going to put a cow? I don't think I have to tell you that it is highly unlikely that London has allowances for the keeping of a cow in a flat. I am thinking it would be against the law. And do you really think Mrs. Hudson would be pleased to have a cow in her building? Seriously?
But John it would be so good for experiments. Think of the possibilities. Bovines share 80 percent of their genes with humans. SH
Sherlock you are not going to convince me to get a cow for you just so you can do experiments again. Oh wait…is this because of Fringe?
I don't know what you are talking about, John. SH
Fringe. That show I made you watch the other night, the one with the mad scientist who keeps a cow named Gene in his lab and all the weird stuff that happens to him.
It is a ridiculous show. You only watch it because of the blond woman. SH
And you only watched because of the cow! And possibly so you can yell at the telly when they get the science wrong!
There is that. But you are changing the subject. What about the cow? SH
We are not buying a cow, nor will we ever buy a cow. At least not whilst I am living there.
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Sherlock?
Yes John? SH
You aren't thinking about replacing me with a cow are you?
Oh yes John. Definitely. Can you imagine showing up at a crime scene with a cow? 'Lestrade I have replaced John with a cow'. SH
And you saying, 'The victim seemed to be poisoned, but that doesn't explain the marks on his neck. What do you think Bessie?' and Bessie says 'Moo!' And then you say 'Hmm, you do have a point.' Can you imagine the look on Anderson's face?
Are you giggling John? SH
Yes and I am getting weird looks!
Are you on the Tube? Odd you'd be getting weird looks there. SH
No I'm getting milk:)
John why did you put a colon with a bracket? SH
It's a smiley face. Sherlock, do you not know about smiley faces?
Extraneous detail, John. SH
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John if we can't get a cow, how about a pig? They are genetically closer to humans than cows. SH
No Sherlock! No cows, no pigs, no monkeys, no rats. No animals of any kind! Sorry! But it's difficult enough picking up after you without adding another creature into the mix!
Very well. SH
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John, if I can't have an animal to experiment on, could I use you sometime? SH
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John? SH
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I'll take that as a no. SH
