The Grave

I decided to stay at the Leaky Cauldron for the night and figure out my next step from there. I paid for a room and laid on the bed. I would have to get my stuff eventually. Or I could replace it. After a long time, I finally fell into a restless sleep.

I decided that I needed to talk to my mum. So, I summoned the knight bus and had it take me to Godricks Hollow. I pulled on James's invisibility cloak. I headed to the grave yard. There was a church next to it. The iron gate creaked as I opened it. As I searched through the grave yard I came across a statue. At first glance it was a war memorial but when I looked again it was a man, a woman and a baby. Mum? James? me?

Written below was in loving memory of the Potters Lily and James who on October 31'st 1981 faced the darkest evil and their daughter defeated you know who.

I continued searching through the graveyard until I found it. There was a big black dog laying in front of their grave. It lifted its head up and stared wide eyed at me for a moment. The it slowly approached me. I held my hand out towards it and it sniffed me. I pet its head for a moment. I approached the grave and knelt before it. Suddenly the weight of their loss slammed into me. I broke down.

"Mum, James, I miss you so much. I never wanted you to die." The dog came and put its head in my lap whining. Suddenly I was hugging the dog.

I finally composed myself and I knew that I needed to do what I came here to do. The dog now that I had pulled myself together left. "Thanks" I muttered to the dog as it was leaving.

"Mum… I wish you were here. I feel so lost right now. Dad and I can't seem to stop fighting. I just feel like I will never be the daughter he wants. He doesn't get that I want to honor James. He saved my life and was willing to raise me as his own. Dad hates him though and I don't even know why. I don't know where I am going yet but I just feel like he is better off without me. I think he hates me for being like James but I can't help who I am. I love playing pranks and Quidditch but I also love learning. I make good grades. I can be serious when I need to. He is blinded by my likeness to James that he refuses to see anything else. He won't even call me Jamie! I just am so tired of not being enough for him. I have his hair his temper, his sarcasm. He hates me. He told me James should have been my father…. It hurts." I just started crying again. For loss of what could have been. For the pain of feeling like losing my father all over again.

I feel asleep crying. I woke up and the black dog was curled up next to me. I wondered if I could keep him. I went to breakfast at a nearby café and bought a plate of meat for the dog. He scarfed it down hungrily. I ate breakfast happily pondering my next move. I couldn't go to my friends because their parents would tell my dad. As I was debating this the dog looked like it was having a debate of his own.

The dog started to walk away. "Wait!" I cried throwing the money on the table for the bill. I ran after the dog. It kept looking back at me. It seemed to be leading me so I followed it. When we were in an ally, the dog stopped. It turned around eyeing me. Suddenly it wasn't a dog standing there but a man. He was tall with matted brown hair down past his shoulders. He had stormy grey eyes. I gasped and stumbled backwards. "Who are you?" I asked panicked.

"Jamie its me Padfoot." He said.

"Padfoot?" I asked confused. It vaguely rang a bell.

"Some people call me Sirius Black." He said.

My eyes widened. "Sirius Black! Your Aria's father." I said backing a little further. The murderer that killed thirteen people with one spell. How was he out? What did he want with me? He had been guarding me, comforting me, he was nothing like the cold-blooded killer I imagined.

"You know Ari?" He asked. "How is she? Please tell me she is with Remus!" He said.

"She is with Remus don't worry. She is happy despite losing her parents. She has grown up to be the best sister you could ask for." I said. He sounded so happy just talking about her. My heart ached for my own father.

"Good!" He said smiling. "Moony raised you both then?" he asked.

I bit my lip. "No I was raised by Petunia Dursley and her husband Vernon, along side their son Dudley." I said ignoring the blood ties. They weren't my family in any shape or form.

"Petunia? Lily's horrible sister?" He asked. I nodded. "I am sorry." He said.

"Not your fault." I said.

"Is that why you're out here all alone?" he asked with concern. I wondered why he cared. This man didn't seem like a murderer. Maybe he was just a good actor.

"It is a bit more complicated than that." Unsure of what I could and should tell this man.

"Well I don't know if anyone told you this but I am your god father." He blurted out.

My mouth dropped open in shock. "No I never knew." I said.

He ran his hand though his tangled hair looking worried. "Look, I can't stay out here it's too risky. I don't want to leave you all alone. Would you be willing to come with me to my house?"

I bit my lip thinking. I probably should go home. I didn't know this man. For some reason though I felt I could trust him. I made my choice it would either end well or horribly.

"Ok but before we go I need to send owls to my friends and boyfriend letting them know I am safe. I won't tell them who I am with or where." I assured him.

He nodded trusting me. So, he turned back into a dog and settled down to waited in the alley way. I called the knight bus and went to Diagon Ally. I made it to the post office. I bought some parchment ink and a quill.

Dear Aria,

I just want you to know I am safe. I love you sister. Do not worry about me I will see you at Hogwarts.

Love Phoenix

Dear Arabella,

I am safe I promise. I know you are going to chew me out. I am prepared. Stay safe I will see you at Hogwarts.

Love Jamie.

Dear Mischief and Trouble,

I want you to know that I have left the manor. Don't fret I have found a safe place to land. I will see you at Hogwarts. Live up to your names. I want lots of stories.

Love Phoenix

Dear Draco,

I miss you. I want you to know that I am safe. I promise. I will see you at Hogwarts. I love you.

Jamie

Dear Dad,

I know you are probably extremely worried and mad. I just feel like I am not a good daughter. I think you are better off without me. This fighting is just hurting us both. I found somewhere safe to stay. No matter what I still love you.

Always yours Jamie Snape

I hurried out of the post office after sending the letters. I called the knight bus again and headed towards the Ally. Sirius was in dog form pacing. When he saw me, he relaxed. He seemed relieved that I had shown up and alone.

"What did you think I would turn you in?" I asked a little offended.

He returned to his human form. "I didn't know what to expect. I am glad though that I was right in trusting you. James would be so proud of you." He said.

I smiled sadly. "Thanks" I muttered.

"You ready?" He asked.

"I am ready." I said taking a deep breath.

"Take my arm." He said.

I did and suddenly I was being squeezed through an impossibly small tube. I hated side along apparition. We landed in an empty ally. He turned to look at me. "You ok.? I know the first time can be the worst…" I cut him off.

"I am fine it's not the first time. I side along apparated to the train station my second year." I said.

"Really with who?" He asked.

"I don't want to talk about it. If I explain who I was with there is a lot of other painful things I would have to explain." I said.

He looked at me sadly. "That bad huh."

"I am not ready to discuss this can we just drop it. Please." I begged.

He nodded. "Follow me."

I did. We walked down an ordinary street. When we go to number 11 and 13 I noticed there was no twelve.

"Sirius Black lives at number twelve Grimwald Place." He whispered.

I looked at him curiously. "What?" I asked.

"It's under a fidelious charm. I am the secret keeper, so you can't see it until I give you the secret. Think about the address I just gave you." He said.

I did and suddenly twelve Grimwald place appeared between eleven and thirteen. "WOW!" I said.

We quickly hurried inside. "Hey Sirius?" I asked.

"Yea?" He replied.

"Um I just thought about I didn't bring my things when I left. Is there any way to get them? I don't need everything just clothes and my cat, owl and school trunk." I said.

"I have a house elf that can get those for you." He said. Suddenly he called. "KREATURE!"

An ancient elf appeared cursing. "Bad master is back." The elf said bitterly.

"Shut up you horrible elf. You are to go get my god daughters clothes, trunk, cat and owl. Quickly no talking to anyone. No going anywhere else. No secret messages. No revealing our location. Straight there, straight back. No harm done to her possessions or pets. Understood?"

"Yes master" Kreature said irritably. He popped away.

"That's wasn't very nice, and why do you treat him like a child? His task isn't hard." I said. Placing my hands on my hips. I started tapping my foot waiting. He burst into laughter and started rolling on the floor. "You…...sound… just… like… Lily… when…. she… was…. scolding… us." He said between laughter.

I just started laughing. "Aria does the same thing she looks so much like you. Like mother like daughter and like father like daughter I guess."

He smiled at the mention of Aria. "What is she like?" He asked.

"She is smart, funny, loyal, a prankster through and through. We are both Marauders along with Fred and George Weasly. I am Phoenix she is shadow and the twins are mischief and trouble." I said. "She has quite the temper and is very bold and brave." I said.

He smiled. "She sounds like everything I ever wanted her to be. So, you are all in Gryffindor then?" He asked smiling.

I bit my lip. "No…. we are all Slytherins."

"WHAT!" he burst out making me flinch back.

"Jamie? What was that about?" He asked noticing my flinch.

I backed up even more. Unsure what to say or do. I opened my mouth then shut it. "It's nothing you just startled me." I lied.

"Who was it?" He growled darkly.

"Who was what?" I asked.

"Don't play dumb. My father and mother were heavy handed asses. You heard the anger and expected to be hit. Who has been hitting you?" He asked.

"No one recently." I said.

"What does that mean?" He asked.

"I don't live with the Dursleys anymore. Vernon took it too far and I almost died. Aria and the twins saved my life. They got me to a hospital and after that I was taken from their custody. Vernon was sentenced to the kiss and Petunia life in Azkaban." I said.

His eyes widened. "That was you?!" He exclaimed.

I tilted my head to the side slightly. "What was me?"

"I heard the guards talking about a couple of muggles coming in for the worst abuse case of a magical child they had ever heard of. They said they starved locked up and regularly beat their magical niece." He said anger in his voice. "I didn't know that they were talking about you!"

I flinched back again. Tears welled in my eyes. Stupid, weak, useless, freak. My uncle's and aunt's words cut through me again. Seeing my face Sirius wrapped me in a hug. At first I stiffened then struggled he just held me tighter. "I am so sorry Prongslet I should have been there." He whispered.

I just sobbed. I was so tired of breaking down. I was so tired of trying to be ok for everyone. I was so tired of not being ok. Like in the graveyard he comforted me. As soon as I could stop crying shame overcame me. Since that day at the hospital not even my own father had seen me cry. Only three people had ever seen me cry Aria, my father, and now Sirius. I hated crying, it makes me feel weak. Filled with same and self-loathing I ran out of Sirius's grip and up the stairs. I locked myself in the first bedroom I could find. Then a panic attack set in as memories from my past assaulted me. I felt like I was drowning. I wanted my mother. I had never wanted her more than I did at this moment. Then I wanted my father. I wanted to smell the comforting smell of herbs and spices. I wanted to be wrapped in his strong arms like a child. I wanted his comfort. I wanted his love. As much as he has told me he loves me. That he is proud to have me as his daughter. I never believed it. No adult had ever loved me. Why should he?

Because you're his daughter a small voice said in my head.

So? Blood means nothing! I retorted.

He has never harmed you. He has tried his hardest to protect you. What have you done? Give angry retorts and snap at him.

I felt like I had been slapped. The voice was right. My father had done nothing but try and protect me and be a good father. All I had done was give him trouble.

Why though? Why was I doing this to myself to him? I realized I was testing him. Seeing if he could deal with me at my worst. I sighed. As much as I wanted to believe that I didn't have scares from my childhood it was easy to see now how wrong I was. Any adult that tried to get close to me my father, Sirius. I pushed away. My friends though I clung to them like life preservers. Remus hadn't really attempted to get close to me he maintained a safe distance. I was sure though that if he had attempted to get to know me that I would have treated him the same way. I sighed heavily still reeling from the whirlwind that had hit me. I needed to go home. I needed to talk to my father really talk to him. Trust worked both ways I couldn't expect him to keep trying when I wasn't.

I ran my hand through my hair then pinched the bridge of my nose. I then smiled remembering when it was pointed out that I looked like my father when I did this. I stood up and saw that there was a mirror on the dresser. I walked over to it and looked at my refection. My green eyes were red from crying. My pale skin had tear tracks running down them. My long black hair was disheveled. I fixed myself as much as I could. I opened the door to come face to face with Sirius.

"Are you ok?" He asked worried.

"Yeah. I am sorry Sirius. It's just hard for me to open up. When people find out about what happened I feel ashamed. I feel weak. When I cry it just makes it worse. I don't like to cry and I don't ever let people see me cry.

"Jamie crying is nothing to be ashamed of. Neither is what happened to you. It wasn't your fault. It definitely doesn't make you weak. You survived. You overcame it." He said.

"Thanks." I said. "Listen I wish I could stay, but I should go home. I have a lot of things I need to work through." I said.

"Who are you staying with?" He asked.

I opened my mouth then shut it. I wasn't sure how he would react. Seeing my hesitation, he said. "You don't have to tell me. Just know you can always come here if you need me." I smiled at him.

He pulled something out of his robe. "Here it's a mirror. A three way mirror. I have one so does Remus just say my name and you can talk to me." He said.

"Thank you." I said smiling. I gave him a hug.

"Where is Kreature wasn't, he supposed to get my stuff?" I asked.

"Your right. KREATURE!" he bellowed.

There was a pop and suddenly there were two elves fighting on the floor. "Where is my mistress! Tell me! Who sent you?" Dobby demanded.

He landed another punch on Kreature. "DOBBY!" I yelled shocked. "Stop that this instant! I am so ashamed of you." Dobby stopped immediately looking wide eyed.

"Mistress!" He yelled. Kreature punched him while he was distracted. "Kreature enough." Sirius demanded.

Dobby launched himself at me. He wrapped his arm around my legs. "Mistress your safe. Dobby and master has been so worried." He started sobbing.

I patted his head. "Shh Dobby calm down I am perfectly fine." He finally calmed down. He looked around then spotted Sirius.

He suddenly stepped defensively in front of me. "Bad man!" He said glaring at Sirius.

"Dobby…" Before I could finish that sentence, Sirius was blasted backwards. Dobby grabbed my wrist and disapparated with me.

Suddenly I was back in my room at spinets end. "Dobby!" I yelled angrily.

He glared at me. "Yous mistress shut it and listen." He said pointing a finger at me. Poor master has been worrying himself sick over you. Yous been bad! Yous run away and leave poor master and Dobby. Then you let bad man take you. Yous could have been killed. Do you know what that would do to master to dobby!" He said breathing heavily.

"I am sorry Dobby for scaring you. I am sorry for running away, but Sirius isn't a bad man. He protected me and helped me." I said.

He looked at me and nodded. "Maybe he is not so bad, but he sent that horrible elf. Nasty vile elf. Kreature is a bad elf. Muttering about having to work for a blood traitor and touch some filthy half-bloods things. Dobby doesn't like Kreature." He said.

I smiled and laughed. "That's ok I don't think Sirius likes him much either. Now go tend to Sirius. Make sure he is ok after you blasted him. Help him with anything he needs. Tell him to call me on the mirror later."

"Ok." He said with a pop he was gone.

I took a deep breath and steeled myself for what I was about to do. Athena was on my bed meowing. She had missed me obviously. She purred when I picked her up and started petting her. She snuggled into my arms content. I opened the door and headed to the living room. A empty bottle of firewhisky sat by dads chair and the note. I walked over to the note and saw it was littered with tear stains.

I caused him so much pain and I bet I didn't know the half of it. He was so closed off and reserved. He was truly Slytherin on that front. He hid his emotions very well unless he wanted it to be seen.

I walked back towards his office. The door was open and he was sitting at his head bowed. His face is in his hands. He moved his hands from his face to a picture. Pain etched in his face.

"Dad?" I said.

His head whipped sideways. In a flash he was out of his desk and wrapping me in a hug. Athena meowed in protest and I dropped her and hugged him back.

"I am sorry dad. I really am." I said with my head against his chest.

"I am just glad your safe." He said. Running his hand over my hair. We stayed like that for a few minutes.

"I think its time we have a talk." He said.

"Me too." I said.