Her depression had grown over the next few months, causing Lucy to go through some drastic changes. She'd sold her apartment, keeping nothing except her keys, whip, box of letters to her mother, and the clothes on her back.

It had hurt to lose some of the things she'd collected over the years, but it hurt her far more to see them all. They stood as reminders of what she'd lost with Fairy Tail, something she never wanted to remember for the rest of her life as she struggled to move on.

That task was proving extremely difficult as she screamed herself awake from another nightmare that night, causing the blonde to roll over in her new bed in the apartment she now rented in the center of Crocus. She had gotten a job with Sorcerer's Weekly, though it really wasn't what she wanted to do with her life, and had made the move only the day after Fairy Tail's disbandment.

Lucy sat up in bed after a moment and decided she needed some air as she slipped on some shoes and left her apartment in a mindless daze in the dead of night, leaving her beloved keys on the table next to her bed.

She wandered around for a while, walking aimlessly around the dead streets of the usually bustling capitol city. Her eyes were nearly unseeing as she replayed the nightmare in her mind and remembered her friends, her family, deserting her.

She wound up atop the bell tower of the cathedral in the center of the city, the wind whipping her hair as she overlooked Crocus in all it's beauty. And it truly was beautiful with all it's flowers lit up by glowing lacrama streetlights and the organized chaos of the winding roads that made up the city.

Tears began to fall as she wondered if any of her old friends were in the city, if any of them were even nearby. Then she thought about whether they ever gave her a passing thought, maybe wondering what had happen to their supposed 'Light'. Did they ever truly care?

Lucy sighed heavily, sitting down with her feet dangling out over the long drop to the ground below her. Brown eyes that used to sparkle were now dull and muddied, showing no hope, no happiness, no emotions as they looked out over the sprawling city.

She knew the view was beautiful, but she didn't see it, not really. She couldn't allow herself to truly appreciate anything these days, not even food as she'd slowly stopped eating, her stomach refusing to hold anything more than a few sips of water.

As such, she had lost a lot of weight. Her once full figure was becoming hollow and sickly looking, her cheeks sinking in and her eyes seeming to bulge slightly through the effects of malnutrition. It was something that would make her old family tear up just from seeing the numb look on her face, let alone how gaunt she looked.

But they weren't here anymore, Lucy thought dryly.

Fairy Tail had disbanded and, with it, her heart had been ripped from her chest in one smooth motion, leaving her abandoned and alone. She didn't know very much about the world outside of the guild, having only been out of the Konzern for a year before she'd met Natsu and been brought back to the guild.

No, she knew nothing of the world outside of the active guild. It was almost like she was a prisoner who was finally, at long last, set free. The thought made Lucy laugh humorlessly at her own joke, knowing just how ironic that was considering she'd spent the last few years putting many criminals into prison herself.

Lucy sighed heavily as she looked to the ground below her.

How easy it would be to simply throw herself from the edge and let herself splatter on the pavement in the middle of the night. Would any of her old guild care? Maybe, if they even heard about it, she thought.

Would they show up for her funeral? That was a question she highly doubted at this point in time, honestly. They had left her alone, by herself in the big, open world. Why would any of her old friends worry about her enough to show up to her funeral?

She gave a derisive snort to herself at the idea, no, they wouldn't come.

More tears trickled down her cheeks as she thought of her spirits. Sure, they would miss her but they lived for centuries, they would eventually stop grieving her loss as they had any other human friends they may have had over their long lifespans.

They may end up with worse mages than she was, but it was already in legal documentation that should something happen to her at any point in time, then her keys would automatically be handed over to Yukino, having entrusted them to her care.

That was someone who may miss her if she went through with the idea running through her mind right then. Yukino would likely miss her a bit, though she had Sting to help her through it, which was more than Lucy had as she grieved the loss of Fairy Tail.

She stood up and wrapped her arms around herself more to guard against the ache in her chest rather than the cold wind that swept through. Sniffling a bit, Lucy wiped away her tears harshly. She really needed someone she could lean on…

Someone like those within the guild used to be, the blonde thought on a sigh that had a cloud of white floating out in front of her face.

She watched the vapor dance in the air in a swirling mass that seemed slightly beautiful before another gust of wind swept through and swept it all away, leaving no trace left behind that the small cloud had been there to begin with.

Lucy frowned, the corners of her mouth turning downwards as she thought about the irony of what had just happened. The cloud was nearly like she was within Fairy Tail- moving, happy, alive- before something quickly came through and tore that down.

Just like the wind destroying the cloud, the disbandment of her guild had destroyed her- mind, body, and soul. It had broken her down to the most tragic of creatures that could only mope and blindly move about, only prolonging the inevitable.

In many ways, she was just like the cloud. She still moved in that nearly controlled, yet chaotic, state, going about her life as though she could do nothing more than that simple, everyday task, which was nearly true as she could barely eat, sleeping being a fitful chore as she often woke up with nightmares just as she'd done that night.

Bathing was the one thing that actually didn't feel like a chore, something she still took the time out of each and every day to enjoy. It allowed her to just get away from it all and clear her mind as she sat in the water that was her only connection with Aquarius.

Lucy felt fresh tears dribble down her cheek as she thought of Aqua. The temperamental mermaid was her first real friend and had helped her when she was at her darkest hour- before now, anyways. She'd been the one who would tell Lucy that she needed to tough shit out.

But Lucy didn't have the spirit anymore, with only the other spirits, namely Scorpio, to carry small messages back and forth between the two. It hurt Lucy more than she would say to anyone, even her spirits, when she'd lost Aquarius during the battle with Tartaros. She'd been destroyed emotionally then, too.

But, then again, she'd had her friends to help her get through it all.

Lucy couldn't remember the last time she'd summoned one of her spirits, was it a month ago? Two? It all seemed like a blur as she'd forced Loke's gate shut one day when he'd walked in on her doing something unspeakable to herself.

The lion spirit had erupted in anger which had triggered Lucy herself to explode at him and they'd said some pretty harsh things to each other- mainly her saying awful things to the faithful spirit, which she deeply regretted.

Lucy wondered in her mind if he would listen to her if she summoned him, if he would even think about forgiving her for the things that she'd shouted at him that day. It wasn't the first fight that they'd had, especially after Aqua had been sacrificed.

A slender hand reached up to toy with the broken key she kept on a cord around her neck, brushing against the cold metal gently. It was all she had left of the bluenette, the only thing that could make her feel that the spirit might still be there with her.

She shook her head, realizing that she had been foolish to think that no one would miss her if she did this. There were her spirits and some humans who would feel the pain of her leaving, something she didn't want to inflict onto them as she had felt so alone while she knew very well that she need only summon a spirit to be surrounded by friendship and love.

No, Lucy wouldn't do anything like this tonight. She would toughen up, quit her job at Sorcerer's Weekly, maybe go to Sabertooth and accept their offer of joining them. That would be a wonderful plan, to join a new guild and let the past dissipate in the wind like that cloud of air had.

The blonde turned, taking a step towards the stairwell that led back down the tower so that she could go home and get warm before beginning the long task of fixing everything the past couple months that she'd ruined, starting with summoning Loke.

A heavy gust of wind swept through, knocking the malnourished girl off balance. Her eyes went wide as she began to tumble backwards, fingers reaching out to grasp the railing just in front of her, a small gasp of surprise leaving her mouth.

And she freefell down, to the cold concrete below, her screams echoing through the sleeping city with no one to stop her plight.