The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year
Once upon a time Christmas had been an event that Callen had not looked forward to or enjoyed. He had vivid memories of Christmas's at various children homes, opening a shoe box full of toys that had been donated by well meaning charities. He remembered forcing a smile of gratitude and exchanging disappointed glances with other children. Some Christmases had been spent with foster families but as he had never stayed with any for very long, his present experience went from receiving nothing to once receiving a gift the parents had taken from their own child. Callen smiled wryly at the memory. That hadn't gone down well at all. Needless to say a fight had broken out and the other boy had been left with a split lip and a bloody nose. Callen ended up with a black eye and had been swiftly delivered back to the children's home. He could safely say that was one of the shortest times he had spent with a family.
'What's making you smile?' Sam asked, catching his partners expression from the corner of his eye.
The two were sitting in heavy traffic, eager to get home after their final case before the holidays. The Challenger's engine was chomping at the bit, desperate for her throttle to be opened up and to put some miles between the Mission and a few days of annual leave.
'Just thinking.' Callen replied.
''bout what?'
'Christmas.'
Sam nodded, pleased that a Christmas thought could make Callen happy. He liked to credit himself with some of the changes he had seen in Callen over the past ten or so years. He knew there were many traits which were ingrained within his partner's soul that would never change; his lone wolf tendencies, his random acts of impulsiveness and his desire to keep secrets. But the one area he knew he had made a difference was by treating Callen as family, as his brother and making him an uncle to his children in every way that mattered.
'Care to share?' Sam was an optimist at heart although he did not really expect Callen to open up - not without some coercion.
Callen looked at Sam and raised his eyebrows. Sam would never understand aspects of his past and he certainly had no intention of sharing. He could look back now and find the humour in certain situations, but as a child? His Christmas experiences had been varied - bad, good and indifferent. He remembered naively looking forward to Christmas when he was about five or six. The school he was at was celebrating with nativity plays, Christmas carols and local church services. The other children were talking about the presents they had asked from Santa and Callen had found himself swept up in the excitement. It had been a painful lesson to learn, when on Christmas day the children's home had distributed two small gifts to each child. Returning to school after the holidays had been worse. Everyone was talking about how many presents they'd been give and how many chocolates they'd managed to eat. They gloated about how Santa knew how good they had been and had delivered everything on their lists. He didn't understand what he had done that made Santa think he was naughty and undeserving. He figured that whatever it was, it must have been the same reason why his mommy and daddy didn't want him. It was around then that Callen began to realise that he could not interact with other children outside the home. They were different to him.
'That smile's fading G...' Sam observed the microscopic changes in the man he knew so well.
'Well, not everyone in the world has a happy Christmas.'
'Very true. You know Kensi said that Deeks helps out at a soup kitchen at Christmas time? Giving a little back to the community.'
'Good on Deeks.' Callen said, knowing he should really do something similar, maybe something to help the thousands of children on the streets or in care.
'This'll be a special Christmas, with your - with Garrison still in town.'
'Guess so.'
Sam rolled his eyes in frustration. 'G, you've spent years searching for your family, for answers. Now you finally have them you don't seem to want them.'
'It's just...well...'
'Difficult, awkward? I'm sure it's not a stroll in the park for Garrison either. Christmas is a time for families, for forgiveness.'
Callen pursed his lips. Forgiveness was not something he was willing to consider. His father abandoned him and his sister at such a young age, thinking they would be better off without him. And then had only come to LA to save his former lover. They were strangers to each other and in some ways may always be.
'I know these things take time,' Sam continued. 'But maybe you should give your old man a break. Give yourself a break too. Look you can always come over if things get too much.'
'Thanks Sam. I might just take you up on that.'
There was no doubting it, his experience of Christmas had been a roller coaster of emotions. As a teenager he had swung between being angry and indifferent about the big day. It was the indifference which had won out for many years after. In his twenties and thirties he found he could take it or leave it. He could join in the Christmas spirit with parties, drinking and dinners yet he was just as happy having a quiet drink on his own. His partnership with Sam had challenged and changed his perspective on the festive season. His incessant nagging, blackmail and bribery had eventually seen Callen spend Christmas day with the Hanna family, initially just to shut Sam up. The first time had seen him slightly nervous. Sure he knew Michelle, Aiden and Kamran but still, he felt like he was intruding on a sacred family occasion, much like he had done as a child. He had been ready to make his excuses and bolt but his worries had been unjustified. He was treated as another family member and ordered to peel the sprouts, set the table and to keep Kamran entertained and out of the kitchen. There were no emotional highs or lows, just normality for which he was eternally grateful.
'Get any more cards from Janvier?' Sam asked with a half amused and half concerned look on his face.
'Every year,' Callen nodded. 'It's on the mantel and not next to the photo of your family.'
'Hmm. Really don't see why you get so amused about cards from Janvier. But I'm glad it's not next to my family, G.'
'See, I am sensitive to your needs.'
'Yeah, when it suits you. So what about Anna?'
'What about Anna?'
'You invite her to Christmas dinner?'
'Yep.'
Sam smiled and shook his head.
'Last year it was booty calls with Joelle, this year you have your father and your - Anna - over for Christmas. Keep this up and you'll have your half sister and nephew next year. Not forgetting Arkady. The full monty G.'
Callen met Sam's smile with one of his own. It was true. Christmas had always been a fleeting moment of every year, a reflection of his own life; an event that wasn't permanent so why waste the effort. He thought about the conversations he'd had with Deeks earlier that day, and reflected on how he'd said that Christmas had been a constant amongst the chaos of his family life. Traditions had to start somewhere and he looked down at the tangled bunch of Christmas lights Deeks have given to him. Maybe this would be the start of his Christmas tradition.
