(Chapter 2)
In Spencer Shay's apartment, Spencer is dancing naked around a motorcycle while some stupid amateur teenager California-rock music plays on the radio. Spencer grabs his flacid penis in his hand and shakes it triumphantly.
SPENCER: "Ah! YEAH! THAT'S my TOOL!"
Marissa Benson, Freddie Benson's mom, walks into the apartment. She gasps astonishedly when she sees Spencer's naked scrawny-ass body.
MRS. BENSON: "Oh God, I'm so sorry!" (covers her eyes with her hand)
Spencer covers his junk with a greasy rag.
SPENCER: "Oh, no. Mrs. Benson. I'm so sorry. I really should have locked that door."
Freddie's mom, though shielding her eyes, still couldn't help her wandering eye from sneaking a slow, careful look at Spencer's body. Spencer couldn't help but notice that she did. Spencer smiles calmly.
SPENCER: "It's okay, Mrs. Benson. We're both adults. ... Sort of. (laugh track) And you and I by now both know the human body is nothing to be ashamed about."
MRS. BENSON: "Well. [ahem]. It has been an awfully long time since I've last... seen a man."
SPENCER: "Well, then. You can see this man, if you want to."
Mrs. Benson stops covering her eyes, and cautiously walks towards naked Spencer. When she gets close enough, she places both her hands on Spencer's chest.
SPENCER: "OWWWWWWW!"
Mrs. Benson gasps and pulls away with a sudden shock
SPENCER: "Hahahaha! Just kidding! You're not that rusty, Mrs. Benson."
MRS. BENSON (smiling devilishly): "Oh, you devilish and charming tease, you."
SPENCER (grabbing Mrs. Benson by the upper arms, pulling her in close to his body): "I would bet you know a thing or two about...(bites his lip, looks Freddie's mom straight in her eyes) teasing."
Mrs. Benson feels Spencer's wazzer slowly poking into her belly with a slow, gradually increasing firmness.
MRS. BENSON: "Why, is that a throttle grip in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?"
SPENCER: "I'm not wearing any pants."
MRS. BENSON: "Oh right."
Spencer and Mrs. Benson kiss eachother passionately, rubbing their arms and hands all over eachother. Spencer gradually disrobes Freddie's mom. First her button-up sweater is peeled off, then her twelve dollar Marshall's top, then he undoes the belt of her mom jeans. The jeans fall towards her knees, exposing her pale thighs. Spencer grabs two full handfuls of full-butt-coverage Wow-Mart granny-panties, as Mrs. Benson kisses Spencer even harder, as she's groaning with delight.
(laugh track)
Naked Spencer leads Freddie's bra and panties-clad mom up stairs, through the glass soundproof door, and into the set of the iCarly webshow.
Mrs. Benson's elbow accidentally bumps a table, and Freddie's camera/laptop rig discretely turns on, live broadcasting everything about to happen on set worldwide on the iCarly website.
MRS. BENSON: (speaking in an over-the-top sultry southern-U.S. accent) "Why, I'm just that innocent lady from apartment 8-D. Whatever does a strapping young buck like you see in a mature woman like me?"
SPENCER: "I see a gorgeous, flavor-starved milf who's just ordered herself the juicy T-Bone steak for dinner. Now, how's about we put some of that 8-D in that warm little humming V8 of yours?"
MRS. BENSON (excitedly): "You sick freak. Rip me apart, you monster!"
Cut to scenes of people watching live on their computer screens in shock. Mothers shielding their dog's eyes while their fathers still look on at their computer screens.
MRS. BENSON: "Spencer, I've always been too shy to try something. But, can you... oh what the devil is it called? Can you, I suppose... butter my buns?"
SPENCER (making a cringing face): "I think it's called the 'Rear Admiral' now."
MRS. BENSON: "Would you be so kind?"
SPENCER: "Okay... but I don't wanna hear my name becoming the 'butt' of any jokes, you hear me?"
Mrs. Benson laughs, guides Spencer's head downwards, and throws her head back with delight.
Cut to scenes of elderly grandfathers throwing up on their keyboards.
(laugh track)
