Bonjour, mes cheris! I love you all so much, I have decided to post this chapter a couple of days early! Wow, you guys are amazing! I would thank all of the reviewers personally, but there's too many to name! THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU is all I can say! Here we go!

Thanks!

P.S. DO NOT READ THIS WHILE DRINKING COFFEE! Mira Meliandra found out the hard way. Sorry, dear!


9. I am not allowed to predict company members' future. No matter how clairvoyant I think I am.

"Stop!" Kili screamed at the company. They all froze and stopped what they were doing to stare at him. "Something is coming to me!"

"Yes…?" Balin asked impatiently. Kili shushed him and screwed his eyes closed, concentrating on whatever he claimed to have seen.

"You!" He screeched, dramatically pointing his finger at Ori. His eyes opened dangerously as he strutted over to the poor trembling Ori.

"I see what will become of you!" Kili cried, flailing his arms around. It was quite unfortunate that Dwalin happened to be right next to him. Kili didn't notice.

"Sssh! I see you as a merman! I see you living in a lake! You have given up being a dwarf to morph into a fishy being!" Kili hollered. "Traitor!" Ori stared at Kili like he had grown another head. He could use another head. Hmmm…

"And you!" He rounded on Bifur. "I see you as a fugitive! You are being held for treason on account of killing Thorin! Yes, you killed Thorin! But no one cared!" Kili cackled madly, darting around the room shouting predictions at the top of his lungs.

"-And I… will become very rich, slay Smaug single-handedly, have twelve wives, and take over Middle Earth!" He finished proudly.


10. I will not convince the innocent children of Bree that dear old Bombur eats children for breakfast. No matter if they should be warned. It could happen.

"Listen up, kiddles." Fili called out to the children that had formed a circle around him and Kili. "We are going to let you in on a very secretive piece of information."

The children looked up at him with big eyes. A little hobbit girl with big brown eyes and chocolate curls nodded. "What is it?" She squeaked.

"This may come as a surprise to you," Kili started.

"But dear old Bombur-" Fili added.

"Happens to-"

"Eat-"

"Little-"

"Children."

The kids jumped up, fear in their eyes as they glanced at Bombur who was at the front of the bar, talking with Bofur and Nori. He caught the kids looking and grinned, waving.

The kids screamed. "It's the child-eating-monster!" The little girl screamed as the children fled the pub, screaming all the way.

"Mission accomplished," Fili said approvingly.


11. I cannot steal Bofur's flute and attempt to compose a song. The hearing of the company would be at stake.

Fili grinned maliciously. Perfect. Bofur really shouldn't leave his flute lying around like so. Someone could "accidentally" steal it. (Hint hint, Fili!)

Walking by the table, Fili made sure no one was looking as he swiftly grabbed the wooden flute.

An hour later, Fili hollered for the company to gather around him. They flocked around the blonde dwarf suspiciously.

"I…." Fili started dramatically, "have composed a song!"

The company groaned, they knew this wouldn't be pretty.

Fili cued Kili who immediately started to toot on Bofur's flute as best he could. Which wasn't much. The company winced as Kili began a jaunty little melody. A very squeaky, high pitched, horrid melody.

"Hmmmm….." Fili got his pitch ready and broke into song.

The company, of Thorin Oakenshield

Has just d-i-e-d

Except…

For Fili!

He couldn't do a thing about it

Not one thing…

So he watched them die…

"Wait a minute," Dwalin growled. "What?"

"Shhh!" Fili shushed him dramatically. "Second verse!"

Ori was eaten by a unicorn

Dwalin followed by death of crossing the rubicon

Bifur died from another ax

Bombur died from some angry orc packs

Dori died from poisoned tea

Gloin died by an angry bee

Oin died from smelling flowers

Thorin died from all his powers (And gave them to Fili)

Bofur died from inhaling a grape

Nori died by a flying crepe (Mmmm! Crepes…)

Balin died by getting old

Gandalf also died by getting old(er)

Kili died

Fili strived

"Wait a minute…" Kili frowned. "I die?"

"Sssh!" Fili cried. "Now it's the bridge!"

What was Fili to do?

He didn't have a clue

So he did what anyone would do…

He threw a huge party and drank ale!

"Ta daa!" Fili cried, brandishing his arms wide. "It's still a working process, though. I'm still working on the chorus. But I think it will go something like this-"

Fili didn't finish his sentence before Ori tackled him screaming: "A UNICORN?"


12. I cannot follow Thorin showering him with daisies. No matter how grumpy he is and needs to lighten up.

Thorin was surprised to feel a soft thunk on his head. He brushed his head off and watched as a daisy fell to the ground. A daisy?

Scowling, the king stomped on the flower and continued his walk to the trading post.

Thorin was surprised when two more flowers hit his head. He shook himself off and madly looked around, scowling and looking for whoever dared shower him with flowers.

He only saw the busy crowd at the marketplace. Nothing suspicious.

Shrugging and thinking he was just imagining things, Thorin continued his walk.

He stopped a final time and yelped in surprise as a SHOWER of daisies rained down on him. At least fifty little flowers with cheery yellow centers.

Thorin was NOT cheery.

Grimacing and spitting at the horrid flowers, Thorin began to madly sneeze.

Behind a lady's skirt, Kili snickered.


13. I am not allowed to change my name to "Filius Yertle" and "Kilius Tertle". No matter how plain "Fili" and "Kili" sound.

"Fili, Kili, give us a hand!" Dwalin growled as he carried the barrel of ale over to the table.

Fili and Kili looked around like they had not heard Dwalin. Fili scratched his ear. Kili yawned openly.

"Fili? Kili?" Thorin growled. "Give Dwalin a hand."

Fili coughed. Kili sneezed.

Thorin, growling, got up from the other end of the table and grasped his nephews on their shoulders and shook them. They looked up, pleasantly surprised.

"Hello uncle!" Fili beamed as Kili waved madly, even though his uncle was standing but a few feet away from him. "Did you need us for something? Why are you shaking us?"

Thorin rolled his eyes. "You wouldn't answer to me or Dwalin."

Fili's eyes widened. "But uncle! We didn't hear our names being called! We only heard a 'Fili' and a 'Kili' be called!"

Dwalin, who had let his barrel sit on the table as he listened to the conversation, cocked an eyebrow. "Oh? Are you not Fili or Kili?"

He and Thorin grinned at each other but stopped when Kili shook his head.

"Oh no! Who told you we were called Fili and Kili?"

Thorin snorted. "Your mother?"

Fili grinned maliciously. "Then she was wrong! I am Filius Yertle-"

"And I am Kilius Tertle!" Kili cried, throwing his hands up into the air.

Thorin rolled his eyes again.


14. I am not allowed to shout "Praise Mahal!" After everything I say. No matter if he should be recognized.

"Ah what a lovely day!" Fili grinned. "Praise Mahal!"

"Mmmmmmm! I just had a delicious breakfast!" Kili said, smacking his lips. "Praise Mahal!"

"I have a sword! Praise Mahal!"

"I stole Bofur's hat! Praise Mahal!"

"Oh, look! There's Ori! Praise Mahal!"

"I'm alive! Praise Mahal!"

"Balin's sleeping! Praise Mahal!"

"Oooh! Here comes Thorin! Praise Mahal!"

"He looks angry! Praise Mahal!"

"He's chasing us! Praise Mahal-"

Kili didn't have time to finish his sentence before Thorin chased them all over the pub, them screaming "Praise Mahal!" the whole time.


15. I am not allowed to "politely search a pot for my identity." No matter if I do it politely. (It's not very polite.)

"Aaauurghhhhhhh!" Kili screamed, but his cry was muffled… by the pot on his head.

"Hi Kili!" Fili grinned, walking up to his brother. He cocked his head. "Ummmm…nice pot?"

Kili smiled proudly from inside his pot. "Why thank you! I was just politely searching it!"

Fili raised his eyebrow. "Politely searching it?"

"Ummm…Yeah?"

"For what?"

"Er…My identity?"

"Your identity?"

"Yeah. I think I lost it, so I'm looking for it! I think I may have found it!"

"Kili…?"

"Hmmm?"

"Your head is stuck in the pot again, isn't it?"

(Sigh) "Yeah."

"Kili! That's the fourth time this week!"


16. I am not allowed to ride in a basket down the stairs. No matter how bored I am and how fun it seems.

"Ready?" Fili asked, sitting a ways back in the basket, balancing the weight out.

"You betcha!" Kili cried, grasping the edges of the basket and leaning forward.

"Go!" Fili screamed, pushing off the step with his hands as he and Kili went flying down the stairs in their basket.

"WAHOO! I'M FLYING!"

"UNCLE THORIN! WE'RE FLYING! Uh oh…"

"Uncle Thorin! Get out of the way! Out of the way!"

"Duck! Duck uncle Thor-"

Fili didn't have time before he, Kili, and the basket all crashed into Thorin, sending him flying and the basket skidding out the door, past the spluttering Thorin.

"Sorry, uncle!" Fili cried as he and Kili flew past him, cackling madly. After they flew out the door, the chaos on the streets had just begun.


17. Under no circumstances am I allowed to "Accidentally fall down the chimney." You know it wouldn't be an accident.

"Hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" The company of Thorin Oakenshield jumped and spun around the room, trying to find the source of the guffawing voice.

They turned to the fireplace just in time to see Thorin go flying as Kili flew into him. Thorin had been standing at the fireplace one minute, then the next, he had been headbutted in the stomach by his nephew.

"Hi uncle!" Kili called merrily as he sat atop the king's stomach.

"Kili…" Thorin growled as he struggled to sit up and stare at his nephew.

No sooner, a second voice flew down the chimney as Fili shot out of the fireplace into Dwalin as he cackled madly.

"Hi Dwalin!" Fili cried cheerily as he sat atop the warrior. "What's up?"


Taa daaa! Hope you all liked it! Oh, by the way, I was so happy when ThorinKiliandFili4ever sent me a PM Message! Feel free to do that any time you want! I love to hear from you, loveys!

Ta, Olive

P.S. Reviews+Favorites+Followers+Cupcakes=Happy Olive! Make 3/4s of that come true by reviewing, following, and favoriteing! (I know Favoriteing still isn't a word, but oh well!) If you want to make it all come true, I give you permission to send me a cupcake! (Or twenty!)

And THANK YOU to wramuney and ACreativeHobbit for considering sending me a puppy! (Or fourteen!)

Thanks!

Ta