CHAPTER 2
-In the scene where Integrals is pinned down for Incognito's ceremony-
Integral: What are you doing
Incognito: Random chanting
Integral: Are you trying to summon a demon from hell?
Incognito: Hangs over Integral I'm going to violate your being in every
possible way.
Integral: Looks down at a certain missing portion of Incognito's anatomy
Um...how exactly?
Alucard: Walks into Integrals office stuck full of Anderson's swords with a
porcupine nuzzling his leg
Integral: 0.0
Alucard: Not one word
Integral: Falls over laughing
Alucard: -- I hate you
Integral: Yawns and climbs into bed Finally I haven't been able to get a
full days() sleep in weeks. Turns off the light
Alucard: Drifts in a few minutes later with a can of shaving cream and a
feather
Integral: ZZZZZZZ
Alucard: Leans over her
Integral: Points her gun at Alcuard You have BETTER have a good reason for
waking me up.
() It could be presumed that someone who hunts vampires all night as their
line of work would be nocturnal themselves.
Alucard: Shoots off Andersons arms
Anderson: Comes running at him with the blade in his mouth
Alucard: Shoots the blade away just before he get's stabbed
Anderson: Why you!
Alucard: What you going to do? Bite me to death?
Anderson:.... Bites Alucards neck
Alucard:Dies of irony poisoning
Celes: Master you know how your always saying humans are inferior to
vampires?
Alucard: Of course.
Celes: Well isn't it true that vampire systems can only handle blood?
Alcuard: Well yeah, but it's all we ever need so it doesn't matter.
Celes: Grabs him by the collar All we need? Ever heard of a thing called
chocolate?
Integral: Knocks over her salt shaker as she eats and spills some salt
Oops. Sigh I hate being superstitious but...
Alucard: Walks by behind her
Integral: Picks up some of the saltSalt, salt as you fly. Hit the devil in
the eye. Throws the salt behind her
Alucard: Get's hit by the salt in the face Are you trying to imply
something master?
Celes: Picks up a fork to toy with her uneatable steak and kidney pie
-Large explosion-
Celes: Charred -- Ok who gave me the silver utensils
Integral: Alucard there's something I need to ask you.
Alucard: Yes master?
Integral: It has to do with your vampiric...biology
Alucard: Grinning Oh I see.
Integral: Well...the thing is it's kind of embarrassing but...
Alucard: Don't worry Master just ask.
Integral: Well...if your sure. Draws closer to Alucard
Alucard: Oh believe me I am. Grins
Integral: . Do vampires go to the bathroom?
Alucard: Facefoults
Alucard: Knocks on the front door to the Millennium groups base
Doc: Answers the door Yes? Oh hello Alucard. Can I help you?
Alucard: Can Rip come out and fight to the death or something?
Doc: Sorry Alucard she's sleeping right now.
Alucard: Again? Every time I come over here she's sleeping!
Doc: Shrugs Where do you think the legend came from?
Doctor: (Not Doc just some hospital person) Alright Integral I'm going to
take your blood pressure now.
Integral: Alright Holds out arms and has the cuff put on
Doctor: Starts to pump and watches the silver thermometer on the wall Hmm
120/80...150/90...200/100...400/200 Wall instrument blows up
Integral: Sorry about that, always happens every time
Doctor: Don't worry I'm prepared.
Integral: Oh?
Doctor: Presses button on intercom Hello front desk.
Secretary: Yes? May I help you?
Doctor: Could you bring me my...err instrument from the car...the one that
looks like a tire pressure gauge.
Secretary: Integral again?
Doctor: Yeah
Integral: --
-In the last scene of the Hellsing anime-
Alucard: Crushes the glass So, have you thought about my offer?
Integral: Smiles and takes a taste of the blood
Alucard: So, how do you feel?
Integral: Refreshed. By the way are you away that you bleed tomato juice?
Alucard:...Ok, let's try that again.
Random vampire: FIRE!
Ghoul army: Shoots Alucard till he's a puddle on the ground
Random Vampire: Good. Now some of you idiots go clean up that mess.
Ghouls: Start to mop up the Alucard puddle with a bucket and mop
Alucard: Oh, ouch come on, no, not bleach!
-Later-
Alucard: Walks into the Hellsing manor with white splotches all over his
coat -- Nobody ask!
Celes: Integral can I ask you something
Integral: Alright
Celes: Are you a natural blonde?
Integral: -- Shoots her
Alucard: Comes up behind her Well are you?
Integral: Shoots him
Walter: Comes in a side door I've actually been wondering that myself.
Integral: Let me get this straight all of you can either survive or dodge
bullets right?
Alucard: Yeah pretty much, why?
Integral: Pulls out a spare gun I just don't want to have to feel guilty
later.
Alucard: Before we fight I need to ask you something.
Anderson: What?
Alucard: Will you say "Their after me lucky charms"? Pleeeeeaaaaase!
Anderson: No!
Anderson: Walks into Maxwells office Hey boss what's up.
Maxwell: Oh nothing much, I just got a new yaoi tape.
Anderson: You..watch that?
Maxwell: Yeah.
Anderson: Walks out
Maxwell: 0.0 Was it something I said?
-Later in Integrals office-
Integral: What are you doing here Paladin Anderson?
Anderson: Um...I was just wondering if you were hiring?
(Ok, Ok I KNOW that the head of a catholic organization would not watch yaoi but it was the only thing I could think of that might make Anderson switch jobs)
Integral: Alucard get in here NOW
Alucard: Pops up out of nowhere Yes?
Integral: Shoots him
Alcuard: What was THAT for?
Integral: You know what it was for, don't try it again.
Alucard: Fine, but I think your over reacting.
Integral: That is your opinion, now leave.
Alucard: Tch Disapears
Walter: What did he do anyway?
Integral: Oh I have now idea, but Alucards always up to something. So I just
do that when I need to relieve some stress.
Alucard: Before we fight I need to ask you something
Anderson: What?
Alucard: You carry around swords, stick them into innocent people just
because they happen to work for a rival agency. You curse regularly and have
necromantic messages written on your gloves and they STILL made you a
priest?
Alucard: Shoots Anderson point blank range in the head
Anderson: Falls over
Alucard: HAHAHAH ......0.0 Huh?
Anderson: Get's up and a 1 appears over his head
Alucard: -- Ok who's been playing Final Fantasy?
Alucards Mother from 600 years ago: ALUCARD! Get out of bed right now!
Chibi Alucard: -- I can't wait till I outgrow that.
-600 years later-
Integral: ALUCARD!
Alucard: -- I can't wait till I outgrow that.
-In the scene where Celes dreams about Paul drinking someone's blood-
Paul: Bites the girl he has in his arms and a river of blood swamps the
floor towards Celes
Celes: Hey could you hold on a sec Runs off
Paul: What the?
Celes: Comes back wearing a bathing suit and water wings Ok continue.
-When Walter comes back to find Integral has released Alucard-
Chibi Integral: Is standing behind Alucard Err Walter, you remember that
one room with the scary design on it that you told me to never go into...I
sort of had to go into it
Walter: It's alright Miss Integral, well Alucard you looking good all things
considered.
Alucard: Yeah, and your looking...err...not as wrinkled as I thought you
would look like.
Walter: -- Slices him up with wire
Chibi Integral: 0.0 Oooh I didn't know you could do that Walter.
