B is for Brother

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Christian

I don't do late, and if not for the fact that I'm waiting on family, I would have left ten minutes ago. I understand my brother and his fiancée being late, but like me, Anastasia is quite punctual.

What could be holding her up?

I find my wife's beautiful visage and press call.

"Yes, my darling," she says.

"Where are you? I'm at Mile High, sitting all by myself. There's something terribly wrong with this picture."

"I'm not coming. And neither is Elliot."

"For fuck's sake. I'm dining alone?"

Why didn't she call me earlier to let me know? I could be in my office getting things done.

"No, not alone. You're having lunch with Kate."

"Not gonna do that. Can't do that. It breaks my prenup rule about being alone in the presence of a female who isn't family."

"Kate is family. We're sisters in every way except genetics, so that makes her your sister-in-law. And she'll be that twice over when she marries Elliot in May."

"Why do I get stuck with her?" I sound like a whiny brat, but I don't care.

"Because Elliot and I are sick of all the tension between the two of you. The stress is getting to me, and you know stress isn't good for the baby."

Shit. She's pulled the trump card. All she has to do is mention the baby, and I'm putty in her hands.

"What do you want me to do?" I ask, resigned.

"I need you to make peace with Kate before the baby comes. I'm tired of the discord. So fix whatever this thing is between the two of you. Don't come home tonight without a truce between you and Kate."

"Well, fuck. I don't know if I can do this."

"Pshaw, Mr. Grey. You're the ultimate wheeler-dealer. Consider it just another merger."

I feel the onset of a headache and a flare-up of my TMJ.

"You don't know what you're asking." I pout, but it doesn't work over the phone. "Any chance you could FaceTime me. I need to see you."

"I know what you're up to, and it won't work. You're doing this for the baby and me." Damn. She can't stop throwing that card.

"You really won't let me come home tonight unless I meet with Katherine?" I hope she can hear my despair through the line.

"Darling, I have a locksmith on speed dial. Take care of this, because you definitely want to come home." Ana lowers her voice. "I just read an article on prostate milking techniques and I need my practice partner."

"Understood, Mrs. Grey. I'll take care of this within the hour."

"I love you, Mr. Grey."

"And I you, baby."

The clatter of Katherine's heels announces her arrival. She greets me with a babble of apologies, going on endlessly about her very demanding boss. I rise, greeting her with a kiss to the cheek.

"Where is everyone? I was sure I'd be the last to arrive."

"It's just the two of us. Sit down and I'll explain."

I pull out her chair. Instead of sitting in the seat I've offered, she places her tote in the chair. She's trying to force me to pull out the other chair, the one nearer to my own. It's just like her to demand the closest proximity.

It won't work, Miss Kavanagh. I'm Christian Grey.

I pull the bag off the seat and gesture for her to take the seat I have offered. For once, she's compliant.

She purses her lips and rolls her eyes.

"Goodness, Christian. Why don't you ever want to sit near me?" She takes a challenging tone. "I've been assured by your brother-I practice excellent personal hygiene."

TMI.

I'm learning it's always best to be upfront with family. She needs to understand it's nothing personal.

"I know Elliot and Mia and Ana have explained it to you," I say. "I've come a long way, but I still like boundaries…space. Unless it's Anastasia, of course."

"Ana is the exception to every rule for you, and I appreciate that." Kavanagh gives me a toothy grin.

I'm thankful for the waiter's speed in bringing water and taking our orders. Katherine and I are each quite familiar with the menu, so that speeds things along, another small thing for which I am grateful.

"Well, Grey, what's this about? And where are Elliot and Ana?"

"They arranged this. They think the two of us should spend more time together, become more comfortable with each other."

"El did say he'd like us to become closer," she says. "I think I'd like that, too."

"Are you uncomfortable with me?" I ask, unsure of what I'm about to hear. I rarely ask questions to which I do not already know the answer, but I'm eager for a resolution to this.

"No…not uncomfortable. But I'd like for us to become brother and sister, true friends the way Ana and Mia are with Elliot and Ethan. You've opened up a bit in the past few weeks, and we've shared a few jokes, mostly at Elliot's expense. But we've never had a meaningful conversation."

"Really? Because I've always thought there was plenty of meaning to our discussions," I say. "We've always been polite to one another."

In my mind I've done everything but open up a vein for Katherine. What more could she want?

"My mom and my uncle barely tolerate each other, and it always meant Ethan and I hardly ever saw our cousins. I don't want that for all of us. I want a close extended family."

Dana Kavanagh is right to steer clear of her brother-in-law. He's an alcoholic ne'er-do-well jackass. I've heard all about how he tried to ride his brother's business coattails, but Eamon put a stop to those machinations.

"I feel a request coming on, Katherine. What do you want from me?" Let's get to the point, so I can get back into my home this evening. She must've sensed my impatience because she rolls her eyes in annoyance.

"You're so frustrating," she huffs. "I only want a chance to get to know you. You're important to the people I care about, and by extension, that makes you important to me. Through Elliot and Ana, and also through your son or daughter, you and I are linked, hopefully for a lifetime. It's to both our benefits that we become friends, teammates. This is important to me, and also to Elliot and Ana."

"Have you discussed this with them?" I don't like the idea of Katherine talking about me with my brother or my wife.

"Yes."

What the fuck. I understand Elliot running his mouth, but Anastasia?

"Well?" I prod her, needing to know what has transpired.

"I asked each of them in separate conversations if they knew of anything I've done to make you dislike me. They don't think I've done anything wrong, but they both said I should ask you about it. I suppose that's why we're here. I need to know what I've done to offend you."

Jesus. She's ballsy and aggressive sometimes, but has Kavanagh offended me?

"Nothing really," I answer with honesty.

"When we speak, I always sense an underlying hostility from you. Where does that come from?" There's hurt in her voice, and she casts her eyes away as she speaks.

Shit. I really have been an asshole.

"I apologize. Any antipathy you feel from me is misplaced."

"I accept your apology, but what can I do to make things better? I feel as if I must have somehow hurt you."

Well, shit. She's so fucking sincere. Katherine Kavanagh is the last person I want to spill my guts to, but I owe her some kind of explanation.

"The truth is I don't share very well. You've known Anastasia much longer than I have, and sometimes I still feel I don't deserve her. She holds you in such high esteem, and I suppose I feel threatened by the relationship you two share. Flynn and I have discussed this. It's silly, I suppose."

"That really is silly. Each of us has a role to play in each other's lives. We can't be everything to our partners."

"But I want Anastasia's world to begin and end with me."

Shit. I sound weak and needy.

"It does. You're the center of her universe. Ana worships the ground you walk on. But she still needs other people in her life. This is why I don't get upset when Elliot gets together with his buddies for guys' night out. Some of his friends are Neanderthals, but it's not for me to stand in the way of his friendships. Those knuckleheads give him something I can't. Just a couple of minutes ago, you told me you like your space. All of us need time and space away from our partners. If you don't give Ana space, she can't step back and see the full spectrum of your magnificence."

Maybe I'm afraid for Ana to stand back and appraise me. She loves me, but what if she changes her mind? She's used the word magnificent to describe my dick, but could she ever think me-all of me-magnificent?

"Do you see Elliot as magnificent?" A small, derisive snort escapes my lips.

"Oh, God, yes. He's the best." Katherine goes all dreamy-eyed and crosses her arms, giving herself a hug.

"When do you see him that way?"

I suppress a laugh at the thought of Elliot the Magnificent. I imagine him in a garish super-hero costume, complete with cape.

"When we walk into a room full of people, everyone is drawn to him. I'm so proud of his friendly, carefree spirit. When I hear him on the phone discussing one of his projects or when I drive by one of his buildings…I'm in awe of his competence. I know it's the same way Ana feels about you."

"Ana is in awe of me? People aren't drawn to me the way they are to Elliot."

"They are…you just don't see it. Yours is a different brand of charisma. You have a brooding, mysterious aura, and people are enthralled by how much you've accomplished at such a young age. You're tall, regal, handsome. They're standoffish because they're intimidated. Ana felt that way when she first met you. She was absolutely certain you found her lacking in every possible way."

"No…that can't be. Anastasia captivated me from the start. She's perfect. She's the magnificent one. She takes command of the kitchen, flipping together a meal like it's nothing. I feel cherished when she cooks for me, and proud when we entertain guests. She's so feminine when she delivers her TV commentary, saying what she needs to without being strident. She's patient and kind. She's also very…generous and giving with her love."

"Ooh, that last part was a reference to sex, wasn't it? My girl's a freak in the bedroom, isn't she?" Kate leans forward, eyes wide.

"Jesus, Katherine, I'm not going to discuss that."

"We don't have to discuss it. Your reaction tells me everything I need to know."

"Just in case I haven't told you, you're a perfect match for my asshat brother." They are both relentlessly intrusive.

"Elliot and I are the perfect balance of yin and yang, aren't we?"

"Yeah, something like that."

"But seriously, Grey, you need to make sure to give Ana enough space, so she can fully appreciate you. Women who don't feel like they have a life of their own are always the ones who cheat."

I lose control of my butter knife, and it rattles as it hits the plate.

What the hell is Katherine telling me? If she's trying to upset me, it's working.

"You think Anastasia would cheat?"

I clutch the sides of the table to steady myself.

"No, never. Ana would never cheat. But she might think about it, and you want to head that shit off at the pass."

The mere suggestion that Ana might one day entertain another man in her thoughts has me reeling.

"You're damn right. I don't ever want her thoughts straying in the wrong direction."

My stomach churns and my chest tightens. I blow out a series of short breaths in an attempt to gain control.

"Are you okay? Do I need to get Taylor?" Katherine looks frightened. "Jeez, you look like you're about to have an aneurysm."

"Are you trying to give me one? Because all this talk about Anastasia cheating has me feeling pretty damned close to some kind of coronary event."

"I'm just saying you need to give Ana some space. You've probably heard the rumors about my mother cheating on my father."

Jesus. I can't believe she brought this up.

I like Dana Kavanagh. She's a good woman, but damn, I don't understand why Eamon didn't throw her to the curb.

"Yes," I acknowledge. "I heard she once had a fling with Geoffrey Abramsen. I suppose Elliot knows."

"Of course. Elliot and I have told each other everything. We're working really hard to make our relationship as bulletproof as possible."

"A bulletproof relationship? I want one of those," I say.

"Listen and learn. I bring up Mom as an example of a woman who made a terrible choice. Ethan was five and I was two. Dad worked ridiculous hours. Mom stayed at home. As Dad's world became larger, Mom's became smaller. She began to feel insignificant. She said she didn't even recognize herself after a while. In swoops Abramsen, single, dashing, accomplished, lavishing her with attention. And while Ethan was in kindergarten and I spent mornings at the Montessori preschool, Mom began hooking up with him. It was very selfish of her, but I've come to understand it."

A long, mournful sigh escapes Katherine.

"How is infidelity understandable?" I say. "I like your mother. I'll go so far as to say I'm fond of her, but she should have kept her knees closed. I can't believe your parents are still together."

Katherine presses two fingers to her temple, as if to stave off a headache.

"Dad filed for divorce, but there were custody issues, so they ended up in mediation. The mediator was so good, she got my parents to agree to marital counseling. Over time, Dad came to understand it wasn't about sex for Mom, it was about feeling important and respected in the marriage. She was looking for attention and affirmation. I'm not excusing or condoning her actions. Dad completely took Mom for granted, but as you say, she shouldn't have cheated."

"You're upsetting me, Katherine, and I don't understand why you're telling me all this." I'm afraid of what she's going to tell me.

"I know Ana very well. She's not as capricious as my mother, and I can't imagine her ever cheating on you. You're masterful at lavishing Ana with attention and affection. But if you want her to truly be happy, step back and give her room to create her own identity, even if it's just a hobby she can pursue separate from you."

"That's all I need to do for Anastasia to be happy?"

"Yes. You don't need to buy her anything-though I do have some gift ideas." Katherine winks cheekily. "Men cheat for hot sex, but women generally cheat to affirm their identity. Just keep up all that good loving, don't smother her, and you're good to go."

It all makes sense, and I've found a new respect for Katherine.

"How did you get so smart?"

"Therapy and Ana." Katherine giggles. She can't produce a melody as sweet as Ana's, but I don't hate it.

"I can relate to that." Flynn has helped, but it's Ana who provided the impetus for change.

"See how much we have in common. Back when I lost my baby…and I was in all that trouble…Mom, Dad, Ethan, and I went through family counseling. I've only seen my parents at their best, loving and respectful of one another. But during counseling, I discovered my parents had almost divorced, and the truth of it was good for all of us. It was a cleansing."

"Is that when Ethan became interested in counseling?"

"Yes," Katherine smiles. "He'll make a wonderful therapist."

We resume our silence, and finish our meal. My mind reels at the conversation we just had. I resolve to think of ways Ana can find her passion, her own identity. I certainly don't want some other fucker taking up real estate in her head, or even worse, her bed.

"Christian?" Katherine puts down her fork.

"Yes?" What does she want now?

"I have a confession." Katherine twists her napkin, and tosses it on the table. "Sometimes I'm a tad jealous of you. I'm not Ana's bestie anymore. You're Ana's best friend now."

Katherine's candid confession catches me off guard. This has been an extraordinary conversation.

"Anastasia adores you. You're sisters."

"I know. It's silly." Katherine waves her hand in dismissal of her thoughts.

The moment is awkward, and I feel the need to say something.

"Thank you for the conversation." It's lame, but I don't know what else to say.

"Can we try?" Katherine raises her eyebrows and licks her lip with cautious hope. "Will you be my brother?"

I'd be a complete asshole to answer in any way but the affirmative.

"Sure. And I apologize if I've ever made you feel excluded. I'm working on things, but I still make mistakes."

"Don't be sorry. Be my friend. My brother. And call me Kate."

I resolve to make efforts toward friendship, but no matter what I call her, she'll always be Katherine to me.

"I'll do my best..Kate."

We shake on it, and Katherine relaxes against her chair.

Life is good.

I still have a home.

And there's a reward waiting for me when I get there.