Chapter 2: In Which Things Go From Weird To...Well, Weird-er

Why do I feel so damn uncomfortable?

Squinting against the early-morning glare, Meliodas began to stretch out his limbs to greet to the day, feeling aches run through his body in response. Surely I've not been tied up again? Unlikely. Hawk was absent, no doubt moving to third base with his sow, and Elizabeth had long since abandoned this particular nonsense, even when he'd done something stupid. Meliodas stretched out an arm experimentally (no ropes, thank goodness) then realisation hit him as the events of the previous day flooded back - he was sleeping on the floor; the children-who-were-not-really-children had taken over his bed.

This is the last time! Meliodas stood, determined to give his brothers and Merlin what for. The sight on the bed that greeted him however was not what he expected. Rather than two (admittedly small but still fully grown) adult demons, terrorisers of Britannia and former Commandments, lay two tiny actual-children, curled up against one another, chests rising and falling in sleep. Silver and black hair was mussed up, spread out over the pillows and the demons' small faces, but their snub noses were still visible, confirming their identities. What the actual fuck? Eyes raking over the bed, Meliodas bit hard on his tongue to stop himself from yelling. Perturbed as he was, he did not want to wake up Estarossa or Zeldris.

"Change then back, now!" Meliodas growled as Merlin sat up on the bed, golden eyes glinting with her amusement as a smile curved over her lips.

"I don't think so," Merlin giggled, her hands folded on her lap as she sat crossed legged next to Elizabeth. "You were treating them like children so now that's what you've got. I'm teaching you a lesson."

"Do it, or I'll get someone else to do it for you. You don't think you're the only one in Britannia who knows Absolute Cancel?" Meliodas glared at Merlin, hands on hips, his voice coming in a hushed whisper despite his annoyance.

"Oh really, who else can do it then?" Merlin asked innocently, staring back.

Damn: no one. Chandler had been annihilated during the Holy War, Vivian had perhaps mercifully perished before the real action had even started and Gilthunder, in his infinite wisdom, had outlawed the production of spell beads on taking charge of Liones. I told him it was a stupid idea.

"Zeldris can do it. It might take him a bit of time to learn the spell, but…"

"You don't think they have any magic do you?" Merlin asked in mock surprise. "I took care of that. Can't have children with power running around."

Head suddenly swimming, Meliodas's legs gave way and he sat down on the bed. The movement was enough to jostle the two sleeping demons (they looked about eight and five in human years) and they both started groaning and rubbing their eyes.

Estarossa was the first to react. "Cool!" he said as if awestruck, examining his hands, grinning excitedly at Merlin, who cackled with laughter in return. Zeldris looked around, first at Estarossa, then Meliodas (face as black as thunder) and burst into tears, fat salty droplets streaming down his face. The commotion was enough to rouse Elizabeth who, despite not being fully awake instinctively wrapped her arms around the sobbing child.

"It's alright," Elizabeth murmured softly, holding the little boy close to her as she quickly appraised the situation. Giving Merlin a careful look, causing the girl to look momentarily slightly (only slightly, damn her) ashamed of herself, Elizabeth hopped off the bed, ushering Estarossa and Zeldris along with her. "We'll all feel a lot better after breakfast. Come on, let's get you something to eat."

"I'm not having anything he cooks," Estarossa whined as he pointed at his eldest brother. "Last time I did that I was sick." The silver-haired boy shoved a finger down his throat and made gagging voices, much to Merlin and Zeldris's amusement, both of them dissolving into fits of giggles. Ungrateful shits.

"You don't have to. Ban and Elaine came back last night. Meliodas, will you go wake Ban up, please?" Elizabeth looked at him sweetly, and Meliodas felt his gratitude to her swell in his breast. He desperately needed a break from...whatever this was.

Walking slowly up the stairs of The Boar Hat, keen to prolong his absence from his dysfunctional family, Meliodas inevitably reached the door he was looking for far earlier than he would have liked and entered without knocking as usual.

"Hey Ban, you're back early! What…" Before he could continue, Meliodas felt a wind rush past him as Ban sped off the bed and tugged him unceremoniously by the shoulder out of the room, before shutting the door softly behind him.

"Be quiet would you? Elaine's just got to sleep and she's feeling pretty rough. That's why we came home," Ban explained in a whisper, his crimson eyes boring into his friend. "Now, you need something Cap'n?"

"Yeah breakfast, now. Just come and make pancakes. You'll see why when you get there." Please don't ask questions, my sanity can't take it. Ban looked at his friend closely, noting the set of his jaw before nodding slowly, his shoulders relaxing as he led the way down to the kitchen, Meliodas following behind.

The sight that met their eyes in arriving in the bar was enough to send Meliodas's head into a spin. Tables and stools had been pulled over and dragged to the centre of the room. A very small Estarossa stood on top of the huge pile of furniture, holding an imaginary sword up in the air.

"This is my land! Intruders will be elimi… elimi… done away with. Enter at your own risk!" the boy yelled, one hand on his hip and his mouth in a pout as his charcoal eyes glowered at Ban and Meliodas. Ban took one look at the demon in miniature and the makeshift fort before bursting into laughter, striding to Estarossa with his long legs and poking the kid hard in the stomach with a long, bony finger. He wiggled it slightly and before Meliodas knew what was happening Estarossa was laughing and squirming as Ban tickled him, the pile of tables and stools threatening to topple to the cobbled stone floor below with the disturbance.

"Hey, no fair he's attacking the General. Merlin, sic 'im," Zeldris commanded as he crawled out of the mess of furniture, standing in front of Ban, arms folded across his chest as he glared. Merlin too extricated herself from the mass of wood and, a grin of wicked delight on her face, started to mutter some words under her breath.

"Now, there's no need for that," Elizabeth said gently as she placed a hand on Merlin's shoulder. The girl looked up, a calculating look flashing across her features before she acquiesced, taking hold of Elizabeth's hand and kicking one leg back and forth, the picture of innocent girlhood. Who does she think she's fooling? "Ban, I think some food would be useful. Would you mind making something quick? And not too much sugar," Elizabeth added sotto voce into Ban's ear as he headed towards the kitchen. "They're hyper enough as it is." Ban grinned in reply, before whispering something into Elizabeth's ear. With a quick look of understanding, the goddess set off up the stairs, her silver hair swaying as she moved. Where is she off to? Don't leave me in my own again with them, please!

Soon the sound of clanking bowls and the crackling of frying filled the bar and Meliodas, unsure of what else to do, set about returning the interior to its usual state, or as close as they could manage. I was gone for ten minutes. How could they possibly have done all of this? The worn rag hung on its usual hook and Meliodas started wiping down the tables, the habit of the action soothing his jagged nerves as the three laughing children ran around him, squealing. It was like Hawk was home, only even noisier.

"Alright, breakfast," called Ban as he plonked three plates down on the bar. The children instantly stopped their game (at last some peace) and hopped up onto adjacent stools, Merlin immediately cramming large mouthfuls of the meal into her face.

"What. Is. This?" Estarossa asked pointedly, poking the food on the plate with his fork.

"Blueberry pancakes with honey. Eat up," Ban replied, leaning an elbow on the bar and grinning broadly. Meliodas stopped tidying the area and stepped over to join his friend. He had to see this. Demon children were not often given much besides dragon meat in the early years and he was intrigued to see how his brothers would react.

Experimentally, Zeldris picked up a blueberry, scrunching up his face in disgust before licking it. Evidently reassured that it was not poisonous, he popped it in his mouth, his whole face morphing into an enormous smile as he did so. He started to eat the pancakes in earnest, even catching up with Merlin before she had finished. Estarossa, still unconvinced, pushed his plate to one side, his expression sullen.

"The policy on food here is simple: take it or leave it," Meliodas said with a grin as Estarossa made groaning noises. "There's nothing else until lunchtime." Defeated, Estarossa shoved a mouthful of pancake into his mouth, trying and failing to hide his obvious enjoyment. Very soon, the plates were cleared and the three actual-children looked up at Meliodas expectantly.

"Um… why don't you three go and play outside for a bit? You've got no powers right, you need to train," Meliodas suggested, albeit a bit weakly. Just get out of my bar, right now. "We'll call you when it's time to come in." Expecting resistance, Meliodas was relieved and suspicious when the three small balls of mischief rushed out of the bar, laughing their heads off. Looking out of the diamond-patterned windows, Meliodas saw the children running round the flower-dusted field outside of The Boar Hat engaged in what appeared to be some type of chase.

"So, Cap'n, wanna share what the fuck is going on here~" Ban asked with mock indignation, his canines glinting in the morning light.

"It's Merlin, she… she's…" Meliodas ground to a halt as darkness began to bleed over his forehead, his eyes glowing black with his anger. "This is all her fault!"

"Yeah, I figured. So what are we going to do, or are you going to babysit them until they grow up? How long will that take by the way?" Ban's languid leer took on an evil edge as he watch his friend crumble, the darkness blending to skin as Meliodas hid his face in his hands.

"Centuries," he whispered. "It takes about two hundred and fifty years for demons to reach maturity. I'd say Estarossa's about forty-five now, Zeldris isn't even twenty."

"Fuck! How does your race cope? I thought sixteen years was bad enough," Ban cackled.

"That's only the high-ranking demons. The foot soldiers are born ready for battle so there's no difficulty there. High-ranking demons are sent away until they're old enough to be useful. You come back when you're about one hundred and fifty years old and start proper training. It's pretty intensive, so there's no time for mischief. There are targets to meet."

Returning to the task of setting the bar back to order as Ban returned to the kitchen, quite some time passed before Meliodas stared out of the window, suddenly concerned by the lack of noise. He scoured the landscape; Merlin was sitting on the branch of a tree swinging her legs back and forth (again with the "innocence" thing; didn't she realize that absolutely no one was falling for it?), but there was no sign of the two boys. Where the fuck are they? Heart sinking, Meliodas rushed out of the door to stand in front of the little girl.

"You won't find them here," Merlin said lightly as she deliberately shredded a leaf with her tiny fingers. "They went on a hunt, I don't know where. It's all very boring, that rubbish."

"But… how? They're just kids. What are they hoping to catch?" Meliodas gripped onto the trunk of the tree to prevent his knees from giving way. This is a nightmare. I'll wake up soon. Merlin shrugged, before returning to the leaf, carefully peeling back the dark green material from the delicate veins of the plant.

Stretching out his powers, Meliodas searched the land for any sign of his brothers. This was not easy. Their post-transformation signature was incredibly weak and he closed his eyes to try and pick up the smallest trace of their power. At last he caught something, the slightest impression of demonic energy coming from the nearby fields. Wasting no time, Meliodas ran towards it, the branches of the trees bending backwards with the force of his movement. His green eyes scanned the landscape, but though he must be in the right area he could see nothing. This was a fool's errand.

Then all at once a fierce roar filled the air, the unmistakable howl of an angry dusk bison. Not too dangerous a foe in normal circumstances but more than enough to destroy two idiot children. Quick as a flash, Meliodas sped towards the animal, hoping he was not too late to prevent a disaster. The sight that met his eyes when he reached it was more than enough to make his head swim with concern.

"Is that all you got?" Zeldris yelled as he stood directly in front of the charging orange hulk, his red suit goading the animal to new heights of rage. "Come and get me you oaf!" The beast bellowed in fury, cantering towards the small boy, blowing hot breath from its nose as the ground shuddered under its hooves. Not good. Definitely not good at all.

Zeldris stood stock still as the mass of anger approached, his expression one of delighted glee. Meliodas was on the point of plucking the boy out of harm's way when, without warning, a flash of blue and silver fell from a nearby tree right onto the back of the charging beast. With a shout of triumph, Estarossa grabbed the dusk bison by the horns, pulling its head backwards up towards the sky, digging his knees sharply into the animal's flank. The beast bucked violently, trying to shake off the intruder, but Estarossa held his ground. Undeterred, the beast continued on its path towards Zeldris, head held down as far as it could as if prepared to charge.

Before Meliodas could process what was happening, Zeldris picked up a sturdy stick from the ground, the end of it sharpened to a vicious point. In one fluid movement, Zeldris thrust the makeshift spear into the animal's throat, pushing it in as far as it would go. The beast spluttered in pain, before falling to the ground, Estarossa jumping off its back as it thudded into the dirt. Zeldris approached their prey and yanked his spear out of its neck, checking that it was completely dead as he did so. With a grin, the two boys gave each other a high five as they surveyed their kill.

"That was easy," Estarossa said as he brushed off his coat (the brat was actually worried about his goddamn coat and not the fact that he could have died right fucking there). "Don't know what the fuss is all about with these things."

"The fuss is that you could have been killed!" Meliodas yelled as his voice finally returned to him and he ran towards his two brothers, who looked up at him in surprise as he approached. "Do you have any idea how dangerous those things can be?"

"Not much," Zeldris said, his chest puffed up with pride. "That was nothing. We could take ten of those, no twenty."

"What were you thinking? You have no powers, no weapons… and why? Whatever possessed you?" Meliodas ground his teeth together as he struggled to control his anger, suppressing the urge to swipe the satisfied expression off Zeldris's face.

"We wanted something decent for lunch, that's all," Estarossa grumbled as he hopped off the carcass. "And we had a weapon. It took a while to make that," he added sulkily gesturing at the stick Zeldris was still holding. "We're not stupid."

"Attacking a dusk bison, on your own, with nothing but a pointy stick? Stupid is exactly what you are. And this is your fault Estarossa. You're the elder one, it's your job to look out for Zeldris, not to lead him into obvious danger."

"Well, excuse me," Estarossa said, fuming, "Forgive me for following your example. You took me on an hunt when I was barely born, remember? And I nearly got killed."

"That was different," Meliodas growled, but he found he could not maintain eye contact. It had been a risky enterprise, probably riskier than dealing with the dusk bison. "I was an adult, more than capable of protecting you. How would you have saved Zeldris exactly if that beast hadn't succumbed?"

"Can we just go home," Zeldris whined, interrupting the argument. "I'm tired." As if to prove the point, the young boy yawned widely before promptly sitting down on the ground, pouting up at his eldest brother. Angry as he was, Meliodas could not help himself smile as he looked at the pale petulant face which stared back up at him.

"Fine, get on my shoulders. I'll carry you back," Meliodas said and Zeldris hopped on, laughing with delight as he grabbed handfuls of messy golden hair to steady himself. With a grunt, Meliodas picked up the enormous dusk bison and started the journey back towards The Boar Hat, Estarossa following at his side.

"How come he gets a ride? This is favouritism," Estarossa complained as they trudged. Although he had not noticed it in his rush to find the pair, Meliodas realised they were some distance from the bar. It would take a while to get there at this pace. Ignoring his brother, who he decided did have a point, Meliodas continued in silence towards his home, fighting the urge not to deposit Zeldris on the ground as the young boy slipped two small hands over his eyes.

Merlin had to change these two back soon, or he would not be responsible for his actions. The question was how to persuade her.