Letters to Heaven
Co-written with Big Diesel
Warning: This story is a bit darker. You can choose whether to keep on reading or not.
Chapter 2: Tadashi's Sorrow
It was Tadashi's pride, shame, and arrogance when he closed the door behind his aunt. He stood there, staring at the world that gave him the options of being who he was today. The outside world can be a painful place when a person was considered orphaned. A chill picked up. He felt it on his neck as he tightened his scarf. He knew a storm was coming and that could have been placed as a double entendre in Tadashi's vocabulary. Words couldn't fathom the anger that spread into his veins like a poison, slowly killing him without remorse. Feeling every single fiber of suffering until his demise. He bit his lip hard. He wanted to feel pain. He wanted to feel something. Something to take off this misery. Something that he could display control. That day of his parents' demise was the first time in his young life that he didn't have control.
The very day he had placed blame on himself. The very day he felt he was responsible for his parents' death. He tried to cast away those thoughts; knowing that the day was approaching. And the thought of writing a letter infuriated him. What could he possibly say that can give the older brother solace? What could he possibly do to remedy himself? He was a wreck. A failing university student; a failing boyfriend; an alcoholic; and overall, a poor example for his aunt and his brother.
He opted to walk to the liquor store in search of his next fix. Since the older Hamada was unemployed, he was on a fixed income with his aunt. Since his recent firing at the robotic lab, he felt it was another proven point that hell was meant for him. His philosophy was "life was a bitch and it was my pimp." No longer did he try to change because he felt that the world was going to do it for him. Just like the day of his parents' accident.
An accident that he caused.
No one could have predicted the circumstances but God himself on that fateful day. He was ten years old at the time. It was the day of Tadashi's Science Fair at the SFIT. Tadashi was chosen by his school to represent them for the title of Grand Prize winner. It was a day that Tadashi was standing on pins and needles in hopes of earning the Grand Prize. The winner not only would receive a trophy, but also qualify for State in Sacramento and win a cash prize. For Tadashi, it wasn't about the money, but the recognition he could acquire for achieving such an award.
The day didn't come as easy. The day of the competition was also the same day that Hiro fell ill. Their mother grew concern, opting to stay home while he and his father would go to the competition. Tadashi was upset, wanting the entire family to be there. Despite her disagreements of attending, the older Hamada cried and begged until they had made a consensus decision. Hiro, who was very mature for his age wanted to see his brother win the competition. He didn't want his sickness to hinder Tadashi from stop them from attending. Their mother was worried, but they all decided that they were going to the competition.
The Hamada family cheered Tadashi on as he showcased his project to the judges. Although he felt it was child's play, but he developed sensors on canes for blind people that notified them when they were approaching a street corner. The project was met with plenty of praise. Later that day, the judging began. When the judges announced Tadashi winning the Grand Prize. He had jumped in excitement. Tadashi smiled, but grew concerned when he noticed that his family was missing. He questioned where could they be. For winning an award prize wasn't as important without his family being there. He scanned the audience in search of them, but they were nowhere to be seen. Tears escaped his eyes as he saw the cameras continued to flash upon him.
It was an important moment for the ten year old and they weren't there to see it.
As he returned to the family area, he saw that the family was there waiting on him. His mother apologized for not showing up. She explained that Hiro began getting chills and they both went to the restroom.
Tadashi didn't want to hear it. He dragged his trophy and walked toward the exit. Although he didn't say it to their face, but he felt that his actions caused their demise.
I wish you were dead.
Those five little words affect the older Hamada brother. Words that circled his mind over and over like a carousel. He kept whispering those words under his breath on their way home. Angered seeped into his mind as he wanted resolution for his parents missing his ceremony. He gripped on the trophy as his parents were heading home.
I hate you!
I hate you!
I wish you were dead!
I hate you!
I hate you!
Tadashi kept shaking his head, wanting to release the words from his troubled lips. It felt like a dam overflowing with water. He didn't look to his parents or to his brother, for it only perpetuated his anger. He continued rocking his head, gripping the trophy with the intent of breaking. He wanted something to prove a lesson.
I hate you!
I hate you!
I hate you!
He finally looked to his parents. His mother turned and displayed a concern look. Her face looked to Tadashi. His eyes widened. Before he thought she was going to say his name, she turned to Hiro. She wanted to know if Hiro was alright.
Tadashi blurted out some words, but it wasn't received. An eighteen-wheeler lost control of the vehicle and ran straight into the family car. The words were blockade by shouts, screams, and sounds of wreckage.
Then, with the exception of the car horn, silence.
Tadashi didn't remember much. He knew that someone had pulled he and Hiro from the wreckage. He remembered his brother screaming loudly for their parents. He remember seeing smoke coming from the vehicle. He remembered staring at the car as it began to burst into flames.
He quickly lost conscious after that.
I hate you!
I hate you!
I wish you were dead!
Tears escaped Tadashi's eyes as he walked across the street to head to the liquor store. At least the liquor could numb his pain. The liquor could make him forget that he was the cause. The liquor gave him an excuse to give up control.
For he didn't have any control of his life. Not with his aunt. Not his parents' accident. Not with Hiro. Overall, not with himself.
What does writing a letter prove? That I wanted my parents to die? My hate caused their death? Would they even forgive me for what I have caused? No matter how much I look at this, they wouldn't forgive me. I wouldn't forgive me if I was responsible for their death. It kills me inside for the trouble I have caused. And now, it is seen upon Hiro and Aunt Cass. I can't keep a job. GoGo isn't talking to me. The friends I used to have scared me away. Looking at the lesser God for I don't deserve forgiveness. I don't deserve forgiveness. I don't deserve nothing. I hate myself. I wish I were dead.
Author's Note: Dark? I know. I already put the warning after all. But, how are we going with this story? You'll need to find out. Don't forget to leave a review~
