girlpowerFTW: Okay people, this is where Sakura makes her first appearance! Yay! And just so you know, this story is told by the author's point of view, also known as me. But worry not, I'm not a fangirl of any of the guys so you can rest assured that this will be purely an Akatsuki x Sakura with a touch of Gaara x Sakura.
Hidan: Now that's fucking unfair you bitch! It's in the AkaSaku section damn it!
girlpoweFTW: … In case, just in case, you haven't noticed, there are only two options that I can choose of when it comes to the characters that will be involved. If there was a third then there wouldn't be a problem now would there? Now why don't we all just get on with the story? Somebody do the disclaimer or else I'm making not making Kura-chan end up with any one of you!
Hidan: Bitch doesn't own us! If she did, she wouldn't even bother making this fucking story!
Disaster I:
"Inside Hiruko and Meet my Babies"
My mind is like a man's shangri-la (no offense, fellow human species but of the different gender). A room where you can't even see the floor anymore. Then again, can you blame me? Anime. Characters. Here. Now.
I contemplated on using my handy little teargas on myself but decided not to pursue the thought just in case this isn't one of my wild daydreams. From what I've heard, they're pretty darn painful, and that the effects are long lasting. So I settled on stomping on my own foot and man did it hurt. So this was reality then. I suddenly feel very relieved that the original plan of using my own teargas on myself wasn't commenced. Not only will I suffer the painfulness of it all, I would look stupid too. I'm not sure how long I froze after my little outburst but I guess it was a few minutes since Konan was showing the slightest hint of impatience, and that's saying something.
I shook my head, trying to push down the urge to jump her(not in that sense), "I'm sorry, I'm just in shock is all. I mean, it's not everyday that I see anime characters come to life but still look like they do in the series. Thanks heavens for that," I applaud myself, I actually sound calmer that I really am.
From the corner of my eye, I saw a slight movement and when I turned to it, my blood went cold. Madara. Oh man, dead man walking(if you play Defense of the Ancients from Warcraft III: The Frozen throne, you'll know who I quoted there. Yeah, I play. So what?!) And not only him, the entire Akatsuki are here too. I see dead people (there it is again). Oooooh, Sakura is going to flip once she sees Sasori, alive and living with that bored expression glued to his face like a leech. And I'm not sure if the staff of my school will appreciate an all out battle to the death here in school grounds or anywhere near the vicinity at all. Not to mention, I'm not surprised that a lot of student have gathered here looking in awe at them. Most of these guys probably skipped class! No one can blame them though, like I said, it's not everyday you get to see the real characters right infront of your very eyes.
I couldn't resist asking one question though, "Aren't more that half of you guys supposed to be six feet underground or something?" the rudeness in my tone will probably get me killed but hey, if it all comes down to it I have the perfect weapon against these guys that will forever render them useless: my eraser(hey, if they really are anime characters, then they're just drawings right? Right?!)
"Yes, most of us are supposed to be dead, but how do you know about that?" came Kakuzu's gruff voice.
I shrugged, trying to ignore that my animal instincts that telling me to run for dear life, "I watch you people try and kill each other on a daily basis for the purpose of entertainment. And I'm not the only one, mind you."
There was a really awkward silence after that and I just couldn't help but say, "You know, they say that whenever there's an awkward silence like this, a gay baby is being born. Not that I have anything against homosexuals though, I actually like them."
"HOLY SHIT! Someone keep talking! I don't want another fucking Deidara around!"
"Shut up, un! I ain't gay!"
"Both of you, enough. You're both homosexuals!"
"Shut (the fuck) up fish breath (UN)!"
Ah yes, this happens more often than not in most of the fanfictions I've read where the Akatsuki are around. Actually, it happens all the time. Now I have a front view seat to the show and I'm not entirely sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing...most likely both... Another thought struck me. If all the Akatsuki are here, then that means...yup, Itachi's here alright. His fangirl I am not, I only favored him most because he's the older brother that I've always wanted to have. But there's just simply no way that a first born can ever have an older brother right? Sigh, I sound like a senile old woman don't I?
"What do you mean 'I watch you try and kill each other on a daily basis for the sake of entertainment'?" I heard Kakuzu ask.
"Actually, I said 'purpose', not 'sake'" –maybe if I try to ignore the glare that Kakuzu sent me, it will actually work..." –but that's not the point here. Anyways, the best way to explain all that statement of mine means is by showing you...and the reason behind why that's the way people look at you the way they do. Unnerving isn't it?"
Honestly, I wonder if the fall they went through caused some sort of damage in their way of thinking, cause if they did...well, things won't end pretty well for our world now would it? And this is so unfair because it's usually Sakura who goes through these kinda of situations. I'm never going to look at those fanfictions the same way again.
"Seeing as we are currently in a place where we're not supposed to be, we might as well find a temporary place to stat in. Kakuzu?" came Pein's ever so commanding voice.
The serving treasurer of the Akatsuki went and grudgingly checked the multiple pockets the head in his cloak. And when his eyebrows nearly became one fine line of hair as he started to check his other hidden pockets. I suddenly have a very good guess where this will all end up...
After a few more seconds of scanning every possible—and impossible—places for hiding hid beloved money, the masked dude finally looked up, "Something's not right. They're not where they're supposed to be."
Translation: "Crazy as it sounds I haven't even a single dime in my body."
On cue, their eyes all turned to the one person that they've been (barely) acquainted with. I knew it... "My brothers will actually be jumping to the next dimension out of sheer happiness when they even catch a glimpse of your cloaks. You guys are pretty well known across all countries in this world you know. Plus, as a fan myself, I would be more than happy to take you guys in." Come on, not everyone gets this opportunity! Tell me if you guys are gonna tell them no!
Suddenly remembering my situation, I did the thing I should have done the second I realized that these people were from my favourite anime. I took the prettiest empty notebook that I had in my bag, took a pink pen(since it was the only color I had other than the cliché black, blue and red that I have in my case) and went over to the nearest one of them that I could reach—which just so happened to be Konan, "Can I have your autograph please?"
And so, that, my friends, is how all hell broke lose. The people who had apparently forsaken their classes came rushing to any character who happened to be the closest within their reach, hands holding a pen and notebook, asking for autographs. The second Konan finished (although she looked unsure like she was asking herself what she was doing and why exactly was she doing what she's doing) signing my notebook, I gave my thanks and ran like I was a goose on a wild goose chase. Fans can be terrifying, especially when they have the power of numbers, you can't mess with people who probably aren't even thinking rationally. Believe me I've seen what it can do via television and it is not pretty I'll have you know. But that's one of the two little reasons I have for running away like a mad man, the other was that most of these people just happened to be twice, thrice and some even four time my size(the last one mostly applies to the weight category...) and could easily crush my little Sakura height self. I have no intentions of having being squashed by people as my cause of death you know. But the main reason is that I want to read my beloved fanfictions somewhere else. I went to the second floor of the South Building, where my first class will be and where the internet connection is really AWESOME. Now, onto my conquest of reading all M rated Gaara x Sakura that catches my interest. I shall stop at nothing until I've read all the way to the last of the list!
Since everyone is so busy outside, no one was nearby therefore no one would hear me cackle evilly like some mad scientist each and every time I happen to come across some good dark Gaara x Sakura fics, like what I have done with the Akatsuki x Sakura and the Sasori x Sakura fanfcs. I sure hope nobody would be able to hear and find me in my state of …instability...that would be just plain mortifying. Speaking of Sakura though, I'll have to make sure to find her once I gt the time. Wait...now that I think about it, something was obviously off with Gaara and Sasori when I saw them earlier. They were glaring holes in each other's skulls and looked like they were communticating through their eyes alone. The creepiest part of that little scene back then, was that Sasori looke like he was protecting "Hiruko"(which is surprisingly still in one piece, Sasori really knows how to fix things desn't he? There wasn't even a scratch in that thing!).
Shuddering from the creepiness of the thought, I tried to once again distract myself by reading some more fanfictions. They always did work wonders for me, why change something that worked?
An hour passed by and I'm not really surprised that not even the professor was around. I mean, if you go down there it's like a war zone, you can't even see the floor anymore! Heh, goes to show you, not everyone is what they appear to be.
Since classes probably won't even be continued with all these racket going on, might as well get myself some lunch then maybe go home after that. Getting me some take-outs (like I always do) and deciding to once again eat in the hallways(have you ever tried doing that? It's surprisingly fun!). Before I did go back to my usual spot, I turned to see what they have been up to. Apparently, seeing as they were all high above one of the trees around, it's either they probably can't use their jutsu pretty well here or they're just too lazy to do anything with any effort...most likely the latter. Once again, I was scared witless by the sight of Sasori smirking at Gaara as he laid his back on Hiruko and the other red head looked like he was out for blood. The others were no help at all, in fact, most of them looked like they were enjoying the scene! Oh the sheer creepiness of it all...
"Hey Sasori! Gaara looks like he's about to kill you any second now! It's almost as if you're hiding someone inside Hiruko or something!" I laughed, not even taking myself seriously. Heck, I'm not even sure if anyone even heard me above all this noise.
Everyone in the tree froze, and after them, the crowd below.
...Did I hit a mark? Just then, there was suddenly a knocking sound and Hiruko shook violently behind Sasori. Gaara's glare intensified ten fold.
"...Someone really is in there..."
From where I stand, could faintly hear Gaara say "You filthy scum...playing games...preserved army of corpses...Haruno-san out" to Sasori. Wait...did he just say 'Haruno-san' just now?
"Excuse me! Coming through! Oh for the love of—just get out of the way dude! What's wrong with you?!" and I was blindly pushing past anyone who happen to have the misfortune of being in my path. I show no mercy to anyone who stands in the way of my meeting with Kura-chan! P.S, just so you know, I'm no lesbian, I just happen to have higher respect for women. Why? Because women rock that's why. And don't you dare deny it!
Before I could even attempt to climb the tree they were all on, Hiruko fell right in front of me! I should probably thank Gaara for making my job easier for me but—"Oh man dude! Any second later and that thing could have squashed me like a bug!" and with the loud thud I heard when Hiruko landed on the ground, I'm guessing that that creepy mask of a shield it had on its back was just as fixed as the rest of the body. I took off the Akatsuki cloak that it wore and true enough, there, right on Hiruko's back, was the shield(that Sakura destroyed) in all of its creepy glory. Once again, I applaud Sasori's fixing skills. Sadly, I do not have the sufficient strength to destroy this thing so I did the most reasonable thing to do in these type of situations.
"What the fuck kid?! Where did you pull out that shit?!"
I looked at the said "shit", which just happened to be a pretty large jack hammer, then turned to Hidan, "I don't know, it was the first thing I could get my hands on. So this is what it feels like to randomly grab something..." I said, muttering the last sentence to myself and raised the random jack hammer, ready to strike and—
"Just what do you think you're doing, brat?"
Looking up from the person who said those words, I gave the puppet bot the sourest face I could muster—I must have looked like the epitome of ridiculousness because I heard Deidara snort and covered his mouth with the back of his hands in an effort to suppress the laugh that was threatening to come out—before I answered, "I'm trying to open this thing since I'm more than sure that you wouldn't even make the tiniest effort to be nice and open it for me."
…It opened...
"...Well, bull. You did that on purpose!"
He...snorted at me! I really have no luck when it comes to meeting guys...it happens all the time... Anyways, I took a little peek inside and—"OH MY GAS –are you alright in there?! Let me get you out!" I sound like a mom but right now, ?!
I snapped my head to the red-haired missing-nin, "The rational and feminist side of my brain is telling me to crush you genitals into something similar to either shish kebab or chopped liver," I put one hand on the side of my lips to shield it from view of others while my other hand closed the lid of the opening on Hiruko's back to avoid being heard by the now frantic woman inside, "but the diehard fan within me is humping of joy and squealing like a pig being slaughtered out of sheer happiness of due to the fanservice I have been given the pleasure of seeing," I whispered.
"The kid's bipolar beyond belief..." I heard Kisame say. Oh I will get you for that later sharky. Somehow...
Opening the lid once again, I carried (yes, carried. Carrying my mom is a habit of mine and believe me when I say that my mother in her currently late thirties age((she had me early...)) is waaaaaaaaay heavier than Sakura in her 16 year-old self) her out with a little difficulty, seeing as she's not exactly in a position that can easily be controlled. You know those bondage thingies you see on deviantart? The naughty ones? Yeah, that's how she looks like right now.
"I had a feeling that Sasori had a bondage fetish... I just never thought that it was actually true..." I didn't realize that I actually said that out loud until I heard Hidan and Deidara fall from their place up on the tree and laugh like mad men. I was a little disappointed to see Kisame laugh like there was no tomorrow but still manage to stay safe on the tree. Bummer... Guess I'll have to find another way to get revenge. I was surprised to see that Konan was too calm, but that was until I noticed that Pein was covering her ears and carrot top over there was twitching like he was electrocuted or something. Gaara's face was blank but the wildly swirling sand around us denies his calm demeanor. The other red head from Sunagakure...actually looked very proud of himself! The nerve! Itachi, Madara and Kakuzu looked like their faces were forever stuck in the "default" setting but the clenching and unclenching of Madara's fists tell me a different story altogether.
'Old men...' I swear, if I had the ability to sweat drop believe me, I would.
"Uwaaaaaaaaah! Sasori-senpai is a pervy boy! BAD!" Oh, I completely forgot about this one. Man, why can't he stay cute like that forever?!
"Tobi shut the fuck up or else I'll eat you alive...whole,"...and that one too. Talk about perfect camouflage in a tree.
I pinched my nose in frustration, a habit I grew up with after finding out from my aunt that pinching the bridge of your nose and turning it red is cancerous. I opened my bag and took out my handy dandy cutter—why I bring that to school, I'm sure you don't want to find out—and began cutting off the ropes, careful not to get carried away like the last time I got my hand on a cutter...
Flashback: (My 2nd year true high school experience)
I was working on my TLE project, a Christmas basket. Unfortunately, one of the wood was a bit too thick to fit in any of the holes so I did the natural thing to do: make it thinner. I distinctly recall our teacher repeating the same words over and over again, "Be careful when you use your cutters."
Funny thing is, I keep on replaying her words in my head when my cutter suddenly stopped its movements and I looked at it to see a huge chunk of wood stopping it. Frowning like heck, I exerted force. But it seems that I have forgotten the reason why most of the labor involving strength was passed on to me at some point during my quest to remove the chunk of wood, because not only did I cut off the chunk, it was divided in two...and it ended up cutting a rather wound on my pointy finger because of that.
End Flashback...
Man, I still remember how everyone(boys, girls and the teacher) freaked out when they saw my madly bleeding finger and there I was, laughing for all I was worth. If I remember correctly, I even opened the wound a little more and I saw something white thought I'm not really sure what exactly it was. Whatever it was, it made me laugh even more and one of my classmates looked like she was about to faint. That wound actually scared.
I heard some muffled screams and then I remembered Sakura, "My attention span is starting to get worse than it already is..."
Once I finally removed the mouth gauge—muttering "how kinky" as I did so—all hell broke lose for the second time that day.
Sakura snapped her head up to face Sasori, "What the bloody hell is wrong with you?! When we finally have a one-on-one rematch, I expect you to fight me, not tie me up like a pig, you creep!" then she turned to me and smiled, "Thanks."
"Hahahahaha, no problem! Girls help each other when in need!" came my reply but what I really wanted to say was "Oh you wouldn't be thanking me if you found out what I was thinking about before all of this craziness happened."
I took out the foods I just bought and looked at Kura-chan, "Would you like some lunch? I'm pretty sure you haven't eaten anything yet. You too Miss Konan!"
"Hey! That's fucking unfair! What about us?!"
I scowled at him, "Because I'm biased with my gender and I don't like your way of talking. I should make you drink a gallon of holy water!"
Ignoring whatever answer he threw at me, I grabbed Kura-chan's hand and dragged her away with me, Konan not far behind.
It was a tiring day(apparently, despite the mishap theses guys brought, classes resumed...) and for once, I wasn't tired because of school work. I turned into a walking dead due to extreme fatigue of trying to keep the school in one piece. I should have known never to leave Deidara unattended when there's a lab full of chemicals. Things end up in a disaster. The others I can count to behave, but... I massaged my temples once again as I headed to the bus stop, not really caring as long as Kura-chan and Konan follow me. These guys can sleep in the streets for all I care, it's not like they haven't done it before. No offense male population.
"So, where exactly do you live?" Kura-chan asked me.
"In a different city from here. Travel time is 2 hours at best, heaven knows how long at worse," was my answer, awe fudge I sound like a zombie! Oh man... I'm getting infected with the main college disease. I'm doomed.
"What the hell, yeah?! That's too long! Sasori-no-danna is cranky when he waits! And what the hell is a bus anyway, un?"
"That," and I pointed at a bus that just passed by.
"Fuck! We sit there for five minutes and Danna's gonna chew my ass for the whole trip, un! He's like a pregnant woman whose been denied of her cravings, yeah!"
And attack goes Hiruko's tail. Huh, can't say it wasn't expected. Nobody seemed surprised either. I raised my hands up in a surrendering manner, "Hey, hey. It's not like I wanted it to be that long. Unless you guys want to travel on foot that is."
The look they exchanged(except Sakura and Gaara) with each other told me everything I needed to know.
"Man, I could do this everyday! And it's faster too!" and I laughed as Sakura jumped from building to building, leading the way with me on her back. I always did love piggy-back rides, especially when I'm the one doing the carrying. But riding can be fun too as long as the one carrying you doesn't have weak bones and won't drop you when you least expect it. "Oh! There's my home right there!"
We landed on the backyard and—"HOLY SHIT!"
… I forgot about our 5 dogs and 1 puppy. Ear-shattering barks chorused as the dogs—and puppy—all went to out direction—or rather, charged at us with bared sharp teeth and claws.
"What the hell, un?! You could have warned us you had these demon pets, yeah!"
"Sorry, I forgot! Padfoot! Sky! Lucky! Pochi! Magi! Chisai! Back in your cages boys, girls!"
"Seriously, you need to fucking control those damned mutts."
I made a face at him, "They're trained to attack anyone they don't know who comes too close for comfort to our house. You can't really trust a lot of people nowadays," after they all went inside the house, I let my babies out of their cages, "There, there my babies, don't worry, they won't hurt any of you. But promise me this, when you see the guy who has silver hair and another guy that looks like a shark, bite them in the buttocks for me, will you?" they barked once in reply and I went inside the house.
"Grandma! Gramps! I'm home!"
No answer...that's weird, I would usually be interrogated the very second I come within sight. Yup, that's my family for you. I can still recall not being allowed to go to the mall unless I have family and girl friends with me. And I only did that for hmmmm, four times. And it's still going on right now... Yeah, my life is laughable, please don't rub it in my face.
"Heh, my family must have been sent to your world in your stead. But that's impossible. If they were, then my brothers would be leaping to high heavens due to extreme joy."
Somewhere...
"Big sister will be so happy once she gets here! Don't you think, big brother Jared?"
"Yup, she will! Then she'll be trying to learn some mad ninja moves and—hey! Julianne! Jenna! Get down from there!"
Back to me...
Oh, they'll be so happy if they were.
"Is this you and your family?"
I turned to Konan and Sakura, and turned to the numerous pictures on the wall. It was a picture of me and my family. There was my grandmother, gramps, my aunt, her husband, their daughter, my uncle, his wife, their two sons, my other aunts, my mom, my dad, my two younger brothers, my two younger sisters and then there's me. And this was just my mom's side of the family.
"Yeah, just my mom's side of the family though."
Hidan looked closely at the pictures, "There where the fuck are you, bitch?"
"That one."
They all looked at what I pointed out in the picture(yes, when I say everyone, I mean everyone) then turned to me, then back again.
"ARGH! I hate you guys! Except for Sakura and Konan though..." and I sulked in the dining table because the emo corner is so over-rated and used.
"Okay, where do we sleep now?"
…Man, I forgot about that!
girlpoweFTW: Well, that's that for now! Please review and leave comments and suggestions for me...do you guys wanna see the picture? O_O
Tobi: Oh, don't mind her please! Tobi thinks she thinks she's ugly so she hasn't recovered for it. Read and Review please! ...Can Tobi have a cookie now?
