It was a rare rest day for the two of them and they wandered through the market together. As usual, they gossiped about castle news as they looked at the various goods on offer. Around them, the market swelled with merchants and villagers, voices loud in the air as the two parties bargained but all Gwen had eyes and ears for was Merlin.
"This is pretty," exclaimed Merlin as he picked up a hair clip. "It'll look lovely in your hair."
She blushed as she was wont to do whenever Merlin said something nice about her. Everything about Merlin flustered her and she didn't know what to do about it. Should she make a move? Suggest dinner together? Even such innocent thoughts made her heart race. At times, it would seem like he was interested in her too, especially when he called her pretty or complimented her but he never seemed to do anything more.
Merlin passed the butterfly-shaped hair clip to her. "Here. Put it on."
When their hands brushed, Gwen felt her cheeks heat up and she ducked her head.
Arthur lingered at Gwen's bedroom door, despite part of him desperate to hold Gwen to feel her in his arms, giving Gaius the chance to check on her. He couldn't take his eyes off her - she was still pale and there was a tiredness in her eyes but she was awake, sitting up and the world was just that much better. There were no words to describe the mixture of relief and elation that coursed through him as he watched her smile at Gaius.
Gaius walked to him and assured him that Gwen seemed none the worse for wear. "She's slightly confused, right now but after three days of sleeping, it's not unexpected. Be gentle."
Grinning, Arthur entered the room, his heart soaring.
"Hey," he whispered as he approached the bed and took her hand in his.
She immediately pulled her hand away, surprising him. "My lord."
Something felt wrong but Arthur thought it might have been a combination of confusion and exhaustion. It didn't matter. She was alive and well and if she seemed slightly unsure, Arthur was certain it would clear up soon. Remembering Gaius's words and not wanting to upset her, he sat down on the chair beside the bed and kept his hands by the side of the bed.
The warm summer days had made her hair damp and it stuck to her forehead. Her eyes were smudged with dark rings despite all that sleeping and she looked so small and fragile in the large bed. His hands itched to touch her, to push the hair from her face, to feel her warm skin under his.
"You haven't called me by that title in a long time," he teased.
He expected her to smile at his words, to tease him back. Instead her eyes widened and she apologised, appearing to shrink further back into the bed.
Arthur changed the subject. "Are you hungry? I'll get Merlin to bring some food in. I'm pretty sure he's outside, just dying to see you anyway."
"Merlin is outside? I thought I saw him earlier but then he was gone." She perked up and he was ashamed of the slight pang of jealousy he felt.
"Of course he's outside. He's smart enough to know that I wanted to see you alone first." He smiled at her. "I'm so glad you're awake." No longer able to resist touching her, he gently brushed her hair from her face. Under his touch he felt her tense and quickly withdrew his hand. "I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?"
"No. It's fine."
But despite her words, it wasn't fine. There was a strange tension in the air and Arthur didn't like it at all. Did Guinevere think him responsible for her current state? Was that the reason for her distance? Was she reconsidering their relationship? He had lost her once before. He didn't think he could bear to lose her again.
"Arthur!" Merlin opened the door. Damn Merlin and his bad timing. "Your council is waiting!"
"You should go," said Guinevere and Arthur had the impression she was trying to get rid of him. "I would like to rest as well."
He dragged his hand through his hair as he stood. Guinevere was probably still worrying about matters of the kingdom and he knew his refusal to attend the meeting would only disappoint and worry her. And how could he deny her rest? As reluctant as he was to leave her side, he did.
"Merlin will keep you company. I'll be back as soon as I can." He leaned over, wanted to kiss her but she shifted away from him and he was pretty sure he saw panic in her eyes. Something was very wrong. Guinevere, while not a huge fan of displays of affection in public, would never shrink away from him like that, especially not when the only public here was Merlin, Merlin whom they had kissed in front of many, many times.
"Merlin! Get in here."
Eagerly, Merlin scampered in and for the first time since he entered, Arthur noticed a bright genuine smile on Gwen's face, a smile she didn't have for him.
Something was very wrong and he was too afraid to find out what.
Maybe this was a dream. No. A nightmare disguised as a dream. Because that was the only reason Merlin would be saying the things he said. All those words coming out of his mouth - they couldn't be true. Or maybe this was Merlin's idea of a joke. It wasn't funny in the least which meant it might be a Merlin joke.
"Arthur? Are you listening?" Merlin was frowning and peering at Arthur as if he had been the one who had been unconscious for the past 3 days.
Anyway, Arthur wasn't listening. If he didn't listen then perhaps it wouldn't be true.
"Arthur!" Merlin waved his hands in front of Arthur's face.
Arthur focused on Merlin. "I need to be alone."
"Yeah. I'm going to look in on Gwen again. I'm sorry." He felt Merlin squeeze his shoulder before leaving.
This was his punishment. He should have known that everything had been too easy, too neat. What he had done was unforgivable and he deserved everything that was coming to him. He deserved this.
Slowly, he made his way to Guinevere's room and stood at the door. She was propped up on her pillows, her hand in Merlin's and talking to him. At least she was still alive, he told himself. At least she was still alive. Holding on to that thought, he dragged himself away from the room and went back to his. Tears that he had been holding back burned his eyes and he stared out of his window. The council had been difficult, questioning his every decision and opposing his decision to marry Gwen. She was a commoner. She had no idea how to be a Queen. All the usual arguments were trotted out and he had been prepared. But now, it was all for nothing. Gwen no longer remembered the last 5 years of her life. She no longer remembered them. She no longer loved him.
At least she was alive.
When Merlin stumbled into his room some time later, Arthur was attempting to bury his feelings in the mountain of paperwork he had been avoiding for a while. As tedious as they were, at least they occupied his mind.
"Arthur."
Arthur looked up. "How is she?"
"She's fine physically."
"Good. Make sure she has all she needs and wants." He went back to staring at the petition in his hands, willing himself to concentrate.
"She's confused and nervous. She wants to go home."
Arthur dropped the petition. The castle was supposed to be her home. "Get someone to check that her home is fine and clean it up. Once Gaius says she's well enough, she can go home."
"That's it?" Merlin walked to the table. "That's all you have to say?"
Of course it wasn't. "I trust you'll keep an eye on her. Help her learn all she's forgotten."
"Arthur."
"Don't." He got out of his chair and stalked to the window. Why did the whole of Camelot look the same as it did before Guinevere woke? How is it his whole life seemed to have been upended yet nothing else in the world seemed to have been affected?
"You should go see her."
Arthur turned from the window and started to pace. "I will. I just can't now. She needs you. You were her friend 5 years ago and she appears to trust you."
He heard Merlin sigh and then grudgingly agree.
"Does she know about Morgana?"
"No," admitted Merlin. "I'm sure she'll notice soon enough. Gaius says not to overwhelm her."
Arthur rubbed his face. "I've got to finish these paperwork by today. Take good care of her."
"You know, I will." Merlin leaned against the table, concern etched on his face. "Arthur -"
"Don't say anything about me or our upcoming marriage. I don't want to pressure her. She's alive and well and for now, that's all that matters."
"Fine." Disapproval radiated from Merlin's tone but Arthur couldn't care less. He heard the door shut, then slumped back into his chair, picking up the petition again. The words swam in front of him and his head hurt.
At least she was alive.
