Chapter 2: Virgin?
Tseng stared wide-mouthed at the person the girl was looking at. Said man was staring as well. The others in the room stopped whatever they were doing to stare at them as well.
Zak soon began bouncing Kiwasaki on his knee as he soon began to burst out laughing. Though he normally wouldn't do that to his friend, the circumstances just had him in a good mood. He thought Tseng being a mother was bad. That person being a father was even worse.
Reno shook her hand more as he saw her "daddy" choice. He was glad that it wasn't him chosen to watch after a brat like that. He could already see the headaches that were beginning to grow on Tseng as he turned slightly to look at him. Yeah that scowl he was giving was surely going to become a pain in the butt.
Cid, still being intoxicated, only looked at the situation like it was a movie scene. He couldn't really comprehend why everything had stopped. Maybe it had something to do with that little girl sitting on Zak's lap. Who knows? It was just something he didn't want to figure out.
Rude choked suddenly on his cranberry juice. He looked at his boss from the top of his glasses. He made a chuckle only to stop himself from completely laughing. That little girl surely was going to be interesting to watch grow. He could only imagine how screwed up it all was going to be.
Cloud was completely awoken by the dead silence. He nudged Zak to explain what happened. All his best friend did was point to Tseng and the man in question. He looked between the two, finally understanding what was happening, and began to laugh uncontrollably. If only he had foreseen that in tonight's plan of events.
Vincent placed his hand over his eyes and shook his head. How could one even possibly think of that man as a father? He had heard worse. Hojo was a father. There was a keyword in the sentence. That word happens to be was.
"I actually feel sorry for Tseng." They all thought simultaneously.
Kiwasaki giggled on her place on Zak's knee. Being bounced was something she wasn't used to, so she found it fun. As she looked back at her father, she could only think of how pretty he was.
Sephiroth looked between Tseng and Kiwasaki. He was her father…no he was her daddy. Could it possibly get any worse? With blackmail from Zak and a supposed family, he really didn't think so.
"No there is nothing worse than this moment, right here and now. I could be sitting at home in the dark. But no Zak just had to find that blasted picture from that party all those years ago. He told me he burned it! Now I'm stuck with some little girl from a child and Tseng as my…my…my wife. He's my freakin wife!" Sephiroth basically screamed in his head.
Tseng, still in complete shock and scowling, grabbed the giggling Kiwasaki from Zak. He placed her on his left knee. His face showed enragement. He was pissed all right. If there was ever one thing to be pissed off about, it was this. Sephiroth was supposed to be his significant other in raising a child. How, pray tell, does one handle that?
He looked at the child in question a little harder. She was probably older than the way she acted. She was probably out to make him so miserable that he would try to put himself out of misery. He wasn't going to let her do that. He was the Turk Commander. The self-proclaimed Best Turk in the whole freaking world. Some child with half a brain couldn't make him do something completely stupid like that.
"Mommy no wike Daddy?" Kiwasaki asked.
"It's not that I hate Sephiroth, it's more like I…wait," Tseng tilted his head a bit to the side. "What are you talking about?"
"You wook wike you no wike daddy. So I wasked if you wike daddy," she gave a small pout.
"Uh…Cloud, translate," the dark haired turned to look at the blond.
"She said that you look like you didn't like Sephiroth so she asked if you liked him," Cloud said, trying to hide his laughter.
"No offense, Kawasaki…" Sephiroth started.
"It's Kiwasaki, General," Cloud intervened.
"Anyway, I am not your father. There is nothing that makes me even a candidate to be him. For one I do not know your mother. Two, Tseng couldn't be your mother. Even if he was, it would be impossible for you to be here. Three I haven't thought of three yet," Sephiroth stared the girl in her eyes.
"Three…you're a virgin still, yo!" Reno smiled.
Sephiroth found a useless looking vase on a table beside him. He took the golden opportunity to throw it at him. Though it missed, it served its purpose. Well at least he thought it did.
"The Great 1st Class Soldier General Sephiroth is a virgin?" Cid, Rude, and Zak said.
"NO!" Sephiroth defended a bit too quickly.
"I think someone's lying," Zak smirked.
"Shut up!" if Jenova heard how indignant that sounded he would have been embarrassed for life.
"Mommy what 'surgeon'?" Kiwasaki asked.
"Surgeon is a guy who performs surgery," Tseng answered obviously immune to being called mommy.
"Oh. So why daddy red and welling?" the answer from before just made her tilt her head.
Tseng's face went red from embarrassment. Never in his life had he had to tell someone what a virgin was. Nor did he have to tell a child about things that were well beyond their years. Someone should have told him that his life was going to be screwed up when he became an adult.
He looked over at Sephiroth. There was no way he was going to get that guy to explain to her about a virgin. He shook his head.
"I'll tell you when you're older," He smiled.
Kiwasaki did nothing but nod her head. She continued to allow Zak to bounce her on his knee. It was pretty comforting to her. She didn't remember anyone doing that before now, so she was happy.
Sephiroth, in the meanwhile, stared at Reno, Zak, and Cid. The glare on his face was not as intimidating as he would have liked it. His face was red from his complete utter embarrassment.
"I never would have guessed that from you, Sephiroth. You have a million fan girls and yet you're still in such a novice state," Vincent said.
The anger from the former general boiled higher. He was seeing red from anger and embarrassment. He couldn't take it any longer. He wanted them to shut up.
Cloud heard the song suddenly pop on. "One Winged Angel" was going through the room. He knew someone was in trouble. He quickly grabbed Kiwasaki from Zak out of fear. It wasn't fear of his own life; it was the fear of Zak's life along with several others in the room.
Tseng grabbed his gun and hid behind a chair. He knew all too well what Sephiroth was like when he was pissed off. It wasn't like the guy was all that mentally stable anyway, but it was just worse now. If he even attempted to harm Kiwasaki or himself, he would just shoot him. He had enough tranquilizers to take out Reno on a sugar high.
"Yo, big guy, I didn't mean it," Reno pleaded.
"…" was all that was heard from Sephiroth.
"What's going on, Cloud? What's with the music?" Zak asked his best friend.
"Seph is pissed. You, Cid, Reno, and Vincent are going to get it. And the song is his way of saying it," Cloud ran into the kitchen followed by Rude.
Zak felt his heart come to his throat. He looked at Reno, who was pleading to Sephiroth to spare his life. Then he looked at Cid who was still cracking jokes about the self-proclaimed One Winged Angel. Then his eyes shifted to Vincent who was calmly looking at Sephiroth as if nothing was going to happen.
Tseng saw that nothing was going to happen to himself so he followed Cloud and Rude to the kitchen. He didn't want the company to begin with, so it was their fight. He was laughing on the inside about the whole situation. On the outside he looked as stern as always as he sat down.
"Mommy?" Kiwasaki tilted her head.
"Yes, Kiwasaki," Tseng tried not to laugh.
"I no get why daddy mad," her look of confusion was mixed with a bit of anger.
"You will when you're older," Tseng reassured her again.
Kiwasaki said nothing else. She jumped down and went over to the cookie jar. Cloud stopped her before she got a cookie in her hands. She pouted but decided not to throw a tantrum. She sat in one of the chairs, humming to herself.
"I see you've gotten used to being called 'mommy', Tseng," Cloud smirked.
"No. I just ignore it. I imagine her saying Tseng or Commander. More of the latter than the former," Tseng answered.
Rude sipped some more of his cranberry juice while listening to the conversation. He didn't feel like getting into it. The girl was nothing special. She was just some orphan that got stuck with Tseng. The only thing special about her was the fact that Tseng hadn't thrown her out yet.
"So are you and Sephiroth going to stay together to raise her?" Cloud asked.
That question caused Rude to spit out his juice. Tseng gave Cloud a glare that could rival only Sephiroth's. That made the blonde wince just a little. The only one not affected by the words was that dunce little girl humming to herself.
"Sorry. I will not mention that again," Cloud had said, quietly.
With that last sentence Sephiroth walked in. He held a face of self-satisfaction. Vincent followed with a face that was very similar. The two looked at the inhabitants of the room. There was something in the air that said "fishy."
Sephiroth walked over to his "daughter." He looked her up and down. She was being almost normal. How could he take care of her? He never had the experience to be a normal child. So he might just screw her up instead of making her happy.
"Hi daddy," Kiwasaki waved.
"Hello," Sephiroth sneered.
"Don't be mean, Sephiroth. She's your daughter now. Just as Tseng is your wife or whatever," Vincent's smirk got wider.
Sephiroth turned back to Vincent. If only he had brought his Masamune. He would make sure he never dared to smirk at him again. He was Sephiroth, the Greatest and Oldest son of Jenova.
"Stupid Valentine. He thinks this is a joke. I can't be stuck with Sephiroth. Do they realize my reputation? I don't think so." Tseng sighed.
Kiwasaki grabbed her father's hand. She giggled lightly. She really loved her daddy even if she just met him. She walked—more like dragged—him over to Tseng. She had it in her head of the perfect family. She had her mother and her father with her. So now she was the luckiest child ever.
"Mommy and Daddy," She smiled.
"I'm not your fa…" Sephiroth started to speak.
"Just shut it. We're stuck like this until I'm able to throw off to the nearest old couple," Tseng said through his gritted teeth.
Cloud took a picture of the happy family. He was lucky that his cell phone had a silent shutter. He was going to use that as blackmail one day. He was going to have so much fun talking about them.
He and Rude said their farewells. Vincent waved then followed after them. In the living room, Reno, Cid, and Zak were on the couch in a strange position. Cloud took a picture of that as well as he went to grab Zak. Rude picked up Reno and walked out the door. Vincent just left holding back so much laughter. Cid left behind Zak and Cloud who were already arguing about the whole situation.
Back in the kitchen, Sephiroth and Tseng were trying to find a way to leave her. She had their hands in a tight grip. There was something very wrong with her. Super strength along with being annoying, she had to be one of Hojo's last projects.
"Kiwasaki, it's your bedtime. Let me go!" Tseng yelled.
Kiwasaki began to cry. That yell wasn't like before. He had funny faces with the last one. This one was out of pure anger. She hated yelling. She hated it more than anything else in the world.
"I'm going to bed. Take her to your apartment, Sephiroth," Tseng rubbed his temples.
"I can't," Sephiroth stated.
"And why not?" Tseng stared at him.
"Zak was my ride here," Sephiroth shrugged his shoulders.
"Take a cab!" Tseng's temper was starting to get a bit out of control.
"Besides the small fact that my apartment building is getting sprayed down with poison, apparently we had an infestation of roaches. I was supposed to stay with Valentine, but I have no idea where he stays at. Zak is already with Strife so I have nowhere to go," Sephiroth said in a matter-of-fact way
"Parents? A brother? A sister? Grandparents?" pleading, begging, Tseng was trying something at that moment.
"My brothers are dead. I have no other family living. Mother is dead and you know that one," the annoyed look on Sephiroth's face made Tseng question what else to do.
Tseng sighed in defeat. He couldn't believe that he was stuck with them for the night. That was right. Just for the night. He wouldn't have to get stuck with them again after that night. He would just have to bear it.
"The couch. You two can stay there," there was a plan.
"No extra bedrooms?" Sephiroth asked.
"Not for you and her. They're for true guests."
"But mommy," came the small whine from the little girl.
After five minutes of arguing, Sephiroth and Kiwasaki finally had a room. The two had to share a twin sized bed. Sephiroth pulled back the navy blue comforter only to have Kiwasaki jump in. She snuggled down into the bed staring at her father.
"Yeah. I guess you don't have any pajamas?" He asked.
"Nope," she could only grin at her "father."
"Me neither."
He soon got into the bed. He smiled as he felt her cuddle against her. There really wasn't anything wrong with, besides her gender confusion. She was already in dreamland. He, however, was up trying to figure a way out of that mess.
In the other room, Tseng put on his navy blue pajama pants. He climbed into his bed trying not to think about his new found predicament. He was going to hate his life. He needed to find someone to adopt her and quickly. It was bad enough that he had Sephiroth in his house, but now everyone was going to think they were together.
As he closed his eyes he couldn't think of anything besides what would happen tomorrow. He would have to hear everything from Reno. He was glad Rude was the quiet one for once. Soon he was off into his own deep sleep. Tomorrow would be a better day or the worse thing he could ever think of.
