Chapter 1

Warnings: Head-canon: Kaito has anxiety issues and experiences attacks when he's too stressed. Some spelling/grammar mistakes

Thanks for being patient, my writer's block has been very bad.

Enjoy some angst.

Kaito was depressed. The whole class could see it.

It wasn't hard to notice. When you have a guy that usually dyes everyone's hair pink and purple sitting at his desk with no expression, something was wrong.

No one had the courage to approach the teen either.

"Are you alright, Kuroba-kun?" A girl walked up to him at the beginning of class shyly.

"I'm fine." His reply was curt and cold.

"A-are you su-" She was cut off by a sharp stare that made her flinch and hurry away.

"Kaito! What the hell is wrong with you? You didn't have to scare Miyami-chan away like that, she was only concerned." Aoko scowled after study hall began and students began to wander from desk to desk, chattering about the latest gossip.

Kaito only shrugged and continued scribbling at the same spot in the notebook, slowly wearing a hole in the page.

"I agree with Aoko-kun. That was most disrespectful to the young lady." Hakuba smirked as he took a seat at the vacant desk in front of the two.

"Shut up, Hakuba." The magician's voice did not sound teasing. That disconcerted the detective slightly.

"My abilities tell me that you are distraught. Girl problems?" Akako smiled from where she sat behind them.

"Ehh?! Kaito? Girl problems? No way! No one would date a perverted idiot like him." Aoko waved her hand around dismissively, a small blush on her cheeks.

"We are all friends and acquaintances. I'm sure you can tell us. We won't laugh, even if it's embarrassing." Akako poked him in the back with a laugh and froze when she heard the pencil in his hand snap. His aura is becoming unstable…

"But honestly, if you're going to sulk around like a twit and not tell us, we'll be forced to deduce what happened." Hakuba said seriously, eying the thief for a reaction as he purposely provoked him. He did not like the tension in the air at all.

"That's right! Don't be such a baby, Kaito. You probably just messed up a trick and ripped your pants in public or something like that, rig-"

They all jumped when Kaito abruptly stood up, his palms slamming down on his desk.

The loud impact made the room immediately grow silent.

"You want to know what's wrong?" He began in a quiet voice, his bangs creating a shadow over his lilac eyes. He looked up with a glare, his eyes gleaming with a coat of unshed tears.

"My mom's getting remarried next week! To a guy I've never seen in my life until yesterday!" He pushed away from his desk and left the room in silence, slamming the door shut.

The class stayed quiet, looking at each other uncertainly. They had never seen Kaito lose it before. They had rarely ever seen him without a smile on his face.

"Oh…" Hakuba looked up at Aoko who was freely crying.

"A-Aoko-kun..." He mumbled as Akako got out of her seat to put a hand on the other girl's shoulder.

"I-I didn't know…Chikage-san…remarrying? Oh no…." She sniffed, looking down in shame.

She didn't mean to tease Kaito like that. He has been her childhood friend for years. She had seen him laugh when he completed a trick successfully. She had seen him embarrassed when she had forced him to play house with her and call her his wife. She had seen him smile proudly at his father's magic shows. She had seen his shocked face at the hospital the night of Toichi's accident, responding to nothing, not even her voice. She had seen stoic and resilient at Toichi's funeral, refusing to cry. She had seen him cry, for hours and hours a week after Toichi's funeral when he could no longer keep up the poker face. She had seen him panicked and afraid, struggling to breathe properly when the memories of Toichi were too close to home and he couldn't bear to remember.

She has been through thick and thin with Kaito. She knew that Toichi meant a whole damn lot to Kaito.

This was destroying him.

"He just needs some time to think it through, Nakamori-san. It will be fine." Akako squeezed her shoulder with a grim expression. She never cared to look into the thief's history in depth because it didn't concern her. However, she did know that his late father was a definitive part of his life even after almost a decade. This change was affected his state of mind so much, his soul was becoming tainted.

"That's right, Kuroba-kun is a strong person. I'm sure he'll…come to accept it." Hakuba nodded in agreement and glanced at the door with a frown. It was strange seeing the thief so uncollected. The detective had gotten so used to the fearless smirks and taunts of the unbreakable phantom. Just then, Kaito had looked so exposed and raw with emotion.

"Y-you're…right." Aoko sniffed again, wiping her eyes.

"I-I'll go look for him." She announced and gave the two a small smile before rushing out of the classroom as well.

Hakuba watched her go before settling down in his chair with a sigh.

"Don't worry, I'm sure it won't affect his job…But even if it did, it would only be good news for you, right?" He looked up to see Akako staring down at him with that knowing gaze.

"W-what?" He stuttered out, feeling heat rise to his face as he stared into her attractive, red eyes.

"Nothing, nothing." She laughed before calming down to stare at the door as well.

"He'll be okay." She said forcibly, as if reassuring herself.

Hakuba looked at the ripped page in Kaito's notebook, pencil snapped into two at its side.

"I sure hope so."


"Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it! DAMN IT!" He cursed as he pounded his fist against the concrete wall repeatedly. It hurt like hell but he didn't care.

With a yell, he collapsed to the ground on all four, panting loudly.

He hated it.

He hated how he lost control back in the classroom.

He hated letting his mask crack.

He hated how emotions seeped through these cracks and exposed him.

He hated disappointing his father.

He got off the floor and leaned against the wall, staring at the clouds.

He knew he was overreacting. He was being selfish, he got that. His mother was moving on. There was no reason that she shouldn't. She has been through a lot as well. She deserved to find happiness if she wishes too. And she has found that happiness. Kaito was in no position to complain. He wanted his mother to be happy, he really did. It always pained him to see her cry.

But he couldn't accept it.

He couldn't accept a new father.

He's going to replace him. He thought in despair as he sank to the ground again. He's going to marry mom and just replace him. We won't be able to put out pictures of dad anymore. We won't be able to talk about dad anymore without things becoming awkward. He's going to replace him.

He thought about Kaitou Kid.

Kaitou Kid would disappear too.

He blinked as he felt the tears well up again.

There was no Kaitou Kid without Kuroba Toichi. Kuroba Kaito was just a replacement.

Kaito was just some idiot running after a ghost's footsteps.

His mother would never tell Kapone about her old job as Phantom Lady. She would never tell him about Kaitou Kid either.

Kapone will never know.

Kapone will never accept the Kaitou Kid secret.

Kapone would never accept his dad.

Why am I still clinging to this. He thought with a choked sob as he glared down at the ground. He's tired. He's been looking for this blasted gem for almost two years. So many heists, so many potential gems.

So many failures.

She's going to forget dad. She's going to be happy now. Don't cry…don't…fucking…cry...He swore at himself as sobs racked his frame.

"S-shit!" He rubbed at his eyes furiously, shuddering. He needed to calm down. He knew the consequences if he didn't.

"Don't cry…she's my mom. I-I should be happy for her…don't cry..Don't cry..She's m-my mom…stop crying. B-be happy." He attempted to grin through his tears as his heart pounded furiously. He failed miserably.

His breaths became more labored and fast as his thoughts began to wander to the darker parts of his mind. He clenched his eyes shut as he remembered the night his dad died. He remembered all the noise, all the explosions, all the terrified screams. He remembered his dad's smile, his dad's tricks. He watched as everything got burned up into flames, turning into ashes.

"Kaito!" He took a sharp intake of air as he snapped back to reality.

"A-Aoko…" He sniffed and stared wide eyed at the girl that was kneeling in front of him with a handkerchief in hand.

"You were panicking again." She whispered, wiping the trails of tears from his cheeks. She surveyed him with concern. His eyes were puffy and red and his body was shaking.

She held the hand that was bruised and bleeding, his skin was cold.

"Has it been happening a lot lately?" She asked as she wrapped his hand with the handkerchief.

He blinked and shook his head. The last time he had frequent attacks was when he was nine or ten. After going to several therapists over the course of the years, he stopped having them. All of his dark thoughts locked away in a corner, out of mind. It was only after he found his dad's hidden room and Kaitou Kid did these thoughts resurface. He worked especially hard to solidify his masks and keep his thoughts at bay.

"N-no….it's just recently…I'm sorry…It's just…been so stressful lately." He let out a shuddered breath as Aoko nodded in understanding.

She patted his injured hand when she finished bandaging it. She held his hand tightly as she stared up into his eyes.

"It'll be okay. It'll take time but-"

"I DON'T HAVE TIME!" He wrenched his hand away from hers as he yelled. She barely flinched and held her ground, staring at him calmly. He blinked and settled back down with a muttered apology.

"She's getting married next week. I don't have time…" He repeated, running his uninjured hand through his hair.

"Ah…" He heard her whisper softly and he sighed, wrapping his arms around her waist, burying his face in her stomach. For once, she didn't push him away.

"I'm scared, Aoko." He whispered, hugging her tightly.

"I know." She whispered back, running her hands through his spiky hair gently.

"I-I don't know if I want go to the wedding. I'm going to go insane, Aoko. I can't keep these memories away." He felt tears reappear and cursed as they leaked from his eyes.

So weak, so selfish.

"….You're going to have to talk to her, okay? She needs to know how you feel."

"But she's finally found happi-"

"I'm not asking you to stop her from getting remarried. Chikage-san deserves to find her happiness too…I'm just asking you to talk to her…So that she knows how you feel too."

He didn't reply immediately and Aoko was tense with apprehension as she waited.

"….Alright…I-I'll do that." He agreed softly after a while.

She let out a sigh of relief as she smiled sadly and continued running her fingers through his hair. They stayed silent for a few moments as Kaito took comfort in her presence.

"Kaito?" Her hands stopped.

"…Hmm?"

"Do you want me to come to the wedding with you?"

She felt him tense and resumed playing with his hair.

"…Yes…please…" She heard his voice crack as warm tears soaked into her uniform again. She hugged him gently and smiled.

"Okay."

Welp that was a bit dark. I'm sorry, Kaito's not usually like this, is he? Ahahaha OTL I hope you guys are fine with his OOCness, I suppose it's necessary for these kinds of stories. But don't worry, you'll be seeing some fake fluff in a chapter or so before shit hits the fan.

I would appreciate some reviews. They might help me get back into the groove and start writing a lot again. Now excuse me while I try and remember how to do modern physics because god damn it, I'm so lost. Yay failing!