A/N: Yes I know it's been a long time, yes I know I've been terrible. But if you remember, you like me really so please forgive me? I've had a crappy time recently and I've managed to try and get back into writing to help get away from it all a bit. Big shout out to my girl Jenna, hope you're recovering ok babe! Ok so enjoy.
For a whole week Buffy had sat and watched the comings and goings of the Hyperion with disdain as well as looking for Angel. She tried to ignore the heartache at Angel living in a place she didn't know, of the ease Cordelia moved around in it. She was almost ashamed of the fact she had snuck in to Angel's rooms, laid on his bed and perhaps peeked at a few of his things…
Cordelia acted the lady of the house, bossing the others round. Buffy watched as after each vision she sent them off, staying behind claiming headaches and heart ache over Angel, and then sneaking off to go shopping or a bubble bath or fawning over the youngest member of the group.
Buffy didn't personally know this one but had a funny feeling in her gut when she looked at him. He acted like he was hiding something, made the rest of the group nervous and grated on her a little because he was Darla's son. Oh yeah, that one had been a real kick in the gut. Angel had promised it was where he was struggling being without her and was at an all time low. She couldn't exactly get annoyed, she did the same with Riley. She was strangely drawn to him though and found herself watching him more than the others. The guilty look on his face bugged her and occasionally she felt like he was looking right at her, in her hiding spot.
She did notice the absence of Wes, it was clear the team was falling apart and not working together. She slowly adapted her routine to watching Wes and it seemed he was on the same track as her. She managed to pick up the location Angel was last meant to have been and resolutely ignored the fact that he was meant to be meeting Cordy and her victim act of getting 'stood up' by him. Instead she focused on the stubble-faced man coming her direction.
"Wes, looking good, the whole homeless look is really working for ya" Buffy pulled away from the wall and walked over to Wes, grabbing the other arm of the red headed woman he was dragging along with him.
"Get your hands off me Bitch!". Buffy stepped back slightly and raised her brow, she looked between the woman and Wes.
"Friend of yours?"
"Buffy. Erm, no not exactly, she's information, about…about. Look I don't know what you've heard.." Wes coughed nervously and took in the strong woman in front of him. He was struggling to hold on to Justine whereas Buffy was calmly holding her arm.
"So she has no manners and information about Angel's disappearance?" Buffy questioned.
Justine chose that moment to yank her arm away from Wes and then turned in shock to Buffy when she was unable to move. "What the f-…"
Justine's word was cut off as Buffy delivered a sharp punch to her jaw, knocking her out.
"She's got a dirty mouth". Buffy ignored the shocked look on Wes' face and heaved Justine's weight towards her to let Wes pass. "After you".
Wes walked into his apartment, in slight shock and wonder at the changes in the young blonde woman behind him.
"So. Talk Wes". Justine had been locked in the cupboard by Buffy whilst Wes had got them drinks. They had been sitting absorbing the changes in each other in silence for a few minutes until Buffy had finally had enough.
"I don't know how much you've heard Buffy but I've been away from Angel Investigations for a while now-"
"I know what you did Wes"
Wes shifted uncomfortably and cleared his throat. "Yes, well, It can't be undone. I do however, owe Angel and that lot wouldn't know where to find bacon in a butchers shop, so I started asking around, using some contacts and some common sense"
"I need to find him Wes, I can feel him hurting, calling. What have you found?" Buffy sat forward, alert and awaiting the break she had been waiting for.
With a sigh, Wes looked her in the eye. "On first glance he just up and disappeared, now you know Angel better than me but even I know he wouldn't do that. I also believe you would know if he was dust".
Buffy flinched at that possibility and the cold manner in Wes' tone, then looked up. "Me?" Buffy knew she would feel it the very second Angel no longer existed but she didn't think the others believed in their bond, least of all Angel's crew.
"Yes you Buffy. Always you. You're both foolish to presume otherwise. Anyway, moving on and skipping the details, Justine and Holtz set it up to look like Angel had killed Holtz and would send Conner on a revenge mission". Wes looked at the slayer's drawn features, she looked tired and worn out yet still had that bone deep strength and courage keeping her sitting tall and alert. He used to find it admirable before he became too cynical and jaded for it to effect him. He decided to block out the spark of recognition those qualities bought him, to block out the ache to once again be on the right path, helping people the right way as was his naïve dream where good beats evil and there were no grey areas.
"So as Conner is worse than your typical hormonally imbalanced misguided delinquent youth, you went and found the trashy skank now locked in your cupboard?"
"Precisely". Wes saw the gleam come into Buffy's eyes and felt somewhat akin to her as he noticed a slight darkness surrounding her, knowing that to do her job, she had no choice but to accept it was part of her. If Angel was too stupid to realise that Buffy couldn't have a life of sunshine and picnic's, he would damn well help Buffy convince him otherwise. "She's going to be out for a while Buffy, why don't you get some rest and when she's awake, we'll get the information".
Buffy nodded and got comfortable in the chair, taking one last check around the room, she closed her eyes.
She dreamed of darkness surrounding her, madness covering her mind and Angel calling for her, begging for help. Every time she tried to reach him he just slipped away and she was stood staring face to face with Connor. Her arms would be pinned to her sides and no matter how hard she struggled, she couldn't get free and couldn't see through the pitch black.
Buffy jerked awake as someone touched her arm, within a second her hand was clamped round the ex-watchers neck, holding him back. "Wes?" She released her grip and let out a breath. "Sorry"
"You were struggling in your sleep, I just wanted to check you were ok".
"Thanks, I'm just restless, I think I'll walk for a bit, call my cell if she wakes up before I get back" Buffy jotted her cell number down and headed out the door.
…
Buffy wrapped her arms around her middle and stared at the ocean. She knew that somewhere along here is where Angel had gone missing, she would have known without being told. Her feet bought her here every time she took a break from watching the others or finding information. She shook the hair out of her face and released a long breath. If she closed her eyes she could almost feel Angel near, reaching out to her.
It broke her heart that little bit more that he was still suffering and she hadn't saved him yet. Enough was enough.
"Alright kid, I'm sick of the games, show yourself and lets talk like adults shall we?" Buffy spoke without turning round. Waiting a minute and not getting a reply she huffed in annoyance. Spinning round she flew to the hiding place of her observer.
"Look Conner, I'm trying to be nice here but you've been making it really difficult. I know you've been following me and I thought I'd cut you some slack, you've been through a lot" Buffy had to pause mid speech to grab Conner's arm before he ran away, his startled blue eyes met her matching ones when he couldn't pull away.
"What are you?"
"Ouch, geez, couldn't have been a little more subtle with that? Aren't you human with a bit of extra mojo thrown in?" Buffy pulled him along to a bench. She knew the only reason he was moving without a fight was down to shock.
"Don't touch me you filthy demon"
"Filthy? Demon? Ok I haven't slept for a while, I know I'm not gonna win any beauty pageants but cut a gal some slack why don't you. As for demon? Are you kidding me? Do I look like I have horns or a tail?" Buffy arched her brow and crossed her arms waiting for an answer.
Conner gave her a quick look over, pausing slightly at her chest, nicely enhanced with her arms crossed, blushed bright red and stuttered out a "no".
"Now I'm Buffy and I've got a little story for you Conner. I need you to sit and listen to it. Is that OK? It's about your father"
"Holtz was my father and he is dead thanks to that bloodsucker" Conner's snappy retort was almost automatic.
"Look Conner, I know you're angry, I know you're confused and hate the world right now, I mean why should all this have happened to you? I don't blame you. I used to ask myself that question everyday" Buffy sighed and leant back, her tiredness showing on her for the first time.
Conner notices this and tested the grip she had on his wrist. Without even turning towards him Buffy smiled slightly and arched her brow. "You aren't going anywhere Conner. You can try and fight me but I'll win and you'll be embarrassed and we'll have to start from square one again so lets just skip it yes?"
"Stop using my name like you know me" Conner felt he had to throw one last shot out there before settling himself back. He found himself intrigued by the blond in front of him. No doubt she was beautiful, but he didn't see her like that per se, ignoring his slight perve from a few minutes before of course. For some reason he felt a connection to her, it made him calm, willing to listen and not to try and fight his way out. He wasn't sure if he liked it but he was so tried of everything he couldn't find the will to try and leave. "So what happened to you that was so bad?"
"I was called as a vampire slayer"
"A what?"
"Oh where's Giles when you need him" Buffy muttered. "Ok, incredibly long story short? One girl in each generation is chosen and has the strength, speed and skill to kill vampires. She fights till she dies and another one is called. I answered that call when I was 15, watched my first watcher die, got kicked out of school for setting fire to the gym to kill all the vampires, moved school to the sunny hell mouth, Enter years of fighting for my life and to save the world on an almost nightly battle. Oh and lets not forget, the dying part, that's the best bit. It was prophesised I would die by the hands of this ugly ass vampire, and I did, but I got over it and sent his evil ass back to hell!"
Conner stared and blinked. "Erm, OK yeh that's pretty bad I guess"
I don't know if it was all bad. I wouldn't have met Angel without it and that wasn't all bad" Buffy tightened her grip in warning at Conner's disbelieving snort. "Conner, I'm going to tell you this once and I want you to listen for once. I don't know you yet and I have no reason to lie to you. You might not agree with what I say at the moment, but remember it and think about it, OK?"
Conner regarded her for a minute and noted the seriousness on her face. He had a feeling that he wasn't going to like all of what he was about to hear but looking at the strong woman beside him, he was finally ready to hear it. He nodded, almost unnoticeably.
"Angelus was the worst kind of vampire you can imagine. He enjoyed his kills and had fun with his prey. He would torture people physically and emotionally and then move on like it was nothing"
"Not really fighting his corner here Buffy" Conner all but sneered.
"I said Angelus. Now some of this Angel should probably tell you himself but I'm kind of pressed for his company right now". Buffy noticed Conner's awkward shift and had to force herself to be patient. "Liam, which was Angelus before Darla sired him".
"You don't need to bring my mother into this"
"I'm not exactly, that was her only mention. Trust me, I don't want to being her into anything! Now, Liam was a spoilt brat who couldn't be bothered to work a days work in his life, drinking and whoring around. Now do any of these descriptions sound remotely like Angel? At all?"
"No" Was almost torn from Conner in his reluctance to answer.
"Exactly. When Angelus decided to feed on a gypsy girl, they wanted revenge and cursed his soul back to his body. Now This pure soul that wasn't even there! Was seeing all these terrible things that it's body had done when it was taken over by a demon. Because this soul is beautiful, it blamed itself. Do you get it Conner. Angel wasn't even there when these things happened, he had no control. But when he relived them in his mind, he shouldered the guilt and has been paying the price ever since. He fights and sacrifices everything to try and do good and make up for the evil he didn't even create"
"How do you see him like that. How do you have so much faith in him, he's a vampire"
"A vampire who denies his very nature to do the right thing. Denies the instinct to hunt and kill, to instead fight for people, to save people".
"But, you're the vampire slayer and you sound like you're in love with a vampire!"
"I am"
To say Conner was shocked would be an understatement.
"Let me tell you another story hmm?"
Buffy sat back and began telling Conner the entire history of her and Angel. Well not the entire history…some things were better left unsaid to a young boy! Whilst she was talking she was searching for signs of Angel in Conner's face. He had Angel's brooding forehead and strong features but there was a softness to him that didn't match up with Angel or Darla. Buffy pushed aside the flash of jealously at the thought of them procreating together. She once again concentrated on the story as her emotions got the better of her and tears slid down her cheeks. She went through their meeting, falling in love, glossed over her birthday, Angelus, Angel leaving and their contact. She left nothing out and her hand on his arm had turned from keeping him still to holding his hand for comfort.
"So you see Conner, I need to find him. I love him. I need to save him like he's saved me so many times".
"Wow. That's a lot to process. Buffy, you don't know what I've done"
" Conner I know you had a part in it, I'm not stupid but I also know a bit about what you were raised up to believe in. If you truly want to change and be the man I know you could be, the way Angel has spoken about you, then start now. Don't get sucked under any more. Not for me or Angel, but for you. Be better than all this anger Conner. Angel would never hold this against you. I know you had something to do with his disappearing and at first I wanted to hurt you but I understand. Now, you need to make a choice".
They sat in silence for nearly half an hour. Conner's mind was screaming at him from different sides, Holtz' voice on one side, Buffy's in another. In the end he mentally shouted them to both stop. It was time to listen to himself.
"I'm doing this for you Buffy. I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive him"
"Just let yourself Conner, he's such an easy man to love. You realise he would lay down his life for you in a second right? He would take every ounce of pain that you feel away from you and take it on himself if he could"
Conner screwed his eyes shut. He knew what he was being told. He just didn't understand it. "You don't know what I've done Buffy. Why? After everything".
"Because he doesn't feel like he deserves you or happiness or to feel loved. I know a lot of what you've done Conner, Angel told me and he doesn't blame you or think any less of you or love you any less. That's what Father's do. So why don't you tell me what you think you've done that's unforgivable?"
"I don't know if I can. You really love him and if I tell you, you'll get mad and turn against me like everyone else".
"Conner. I know you have something to do with Angel disappearing and I would gather that a woman named Justine had something to do with it".
Conner's head shot up and he narrowed his eyes at Buffy. "What did you say?"
"Look I'm gonna cut the crap OK, you are old enough to deal with this like an adult now. Let me tell you straight, again, I won't lie to you. Holtz set it up to look like Angel killed him. It wasn't, Angel just found him. I would gather it was another vampire or even Justine that did the dead. Think about it, it's the ultimate revenge for Holtz. To take Angel's son away from him, like Angelus did to Holtz. He didn't get the distinction either".
"NO! He wouldn't do that, he loved me!"
"Did he Conner? I've no doubt probably in his own way he grew to, but it didn't start like that Conner. He kidnapped you from a man that loved you beyond reason, that would have done everything in his power to make sure you were happy and didn't feel one second of pain. He took you to some hellish place where you had to fight for your life! Now stop being stupid, it doesn't suit you".
"Fine you want to know what we did? We sunk him! Right there in the ocean!"
"What? Conner, how?"
Conner exhaled and ran his hands through his hair. "We locked him in a steel box, sailed out and dropped him in the ocean. She told me to do it, she said it was revenge, it was deserved. Buffy I don't know what to think".
"I know. Look I'm trying to trust you, and I'm sure I'll get there. I'll help you with the others but for now, you need to sit down and be quiet. You don't know what you've done"
"Buffy, I'm sorry" Conner hung his head as Buffy turned away from him, he stole her glance her way as she pulled out a cell phone and started dialling.
"Wes? I need a boat"
A/N: Ok guys, here we go! Finally an update! I'd like to send you massive apologies for two things. Firstly because of the delay, secondly for the awfulness of this chapter lol. I've had so much go on in real life with travelling, family, work and getting my heart broken that writing has been on a back burner and my musie effed of and left me a long time ago lol. But, it's starting to come back so bare with me! I'll never leave a story unfinished, so please review and help me get back on track and THANK YOU so much for reading and sticking with me. For those of you that haven't read it, I've got a monster of a fic called 'Broken' that is already finished. Its 36 chapters tho so beware lol, it's quite a long read….but much better than this fic lol (promise!)
As usual, check out my fave authors and stories for some AWESOME stories xx
