"Trisha, I'm not Adam."

"But… but you said…"

"I know what I said." The handsome man said. "But I lied. I am not Adam. I am actually Steven."

"Steven? …But, how could you?" The beautiful girl had tears in her eyes.

"I did, Trisha." Steven said. "I'm so sorry. I have betrayed you."

"I have something to tell you too, Steven. …I'm not Trisha. I'm actually Annalise."

"Annalise? How could you? I hate you!"

"Oh, but I love you Steven. So much more than Adam."

"I love you!"

"I hate you!"

They kissed.

Perry smiled and stuffed some more chips in his mouth. He was glad Annalise and Steven finally got together. Even though Annalise was really Jenna pretending to be Trisha in disguise and Steven was broke because Adam tricked him into thinking Trisha was actually Jenna.

The phone rang.

"Will someone answer that?" Perry shouted.

"You're closer to the phone!" Candace called from upstairs.

"Can you GET someone to answer that?"

"Perry, we're the only ones here and you're right next to the phone!"

Perry growled and picked up the phone. "What?" He asked irritably.

A duck with a very strange accent began quacking. "Is this Perry the platypus?"

"No, this is dog. Yes. Who is this?"

"This is Duckzine Magazine. We thank you for purchasing a Duck-Tastic Dream Pack. It will arrive in the mail along with your weekly magazine, which will be charged to your credit card at sixty-seven dollars a week."

"What the heck? I didn't order anything."

"You didn't? Well, then, would you like to add a free rubber duck to your package as compensation for this incident for an extra three dollars? Say 'DUCK' if you do, and 'LUCK' if you want to cancel all subscription and receive your money back."

"Luck." Perry said.

"Duck? Okay then. An extra three dollars will be deducted and you will receive your free rubber ducky tomorrow."

"LUCK! LUCK!" Perry shouted.

"Duck? Duck? All right, two more rubber duckies will be added to your package."

"No, stop it! I don't want anything. I want to cancel everything." Perry stood up and tightened his robe. "How do I do that?"

"If you would like to cancel all orders and receive all your money back, say 'Onion Rings'."

"Onion rings."

"I'm sorry, sir, are you there?"

"Onion rings!"

"Sir, the connection is a bit fuzzy. Please try moving to a different area or opening a window."

Perry opened the window. "Can you hear me now?"

"Sir? Your voice is very faint."

"Onion rings."

"I'm sorry?"

"ONION RINGS!" Perry shouted, causing the neighborhood owl to blink at him from where he sat on the mailbox.

The duck began to laugh. Perry frowned. "Who is this?"

"Darren!" The duck snickered, in his normal quack. "Man, Per, you must really hate onion rings! You sounded so angry!"

Perry's face flushed. He slammed the window shut. "What the HECK, Darren!"

"Oh, don't be mad, Perry." Darren said, still laughing. "I promise none of us will tell anyone what happened."

"None of US?"

"My friends and I got bored so we started making prank calls, but man, your reaction was the best! Ha ha!"

"I HATE YOU!" Perry yelled, slamming the phone down.

"Who was that?" Candace asked, poking her head into the room. "And why did you keep shouting 'Onion Rings'?"

"I'm going to bed." Perry snapped, turning off the television. "Tell the boys not to wake me up when they get home."


Perry stormed into the agency and sat down at the table in the main room. He opened up a novel and began to disappear into it.

Devon sat down next to him. He looked shy.

"Um, Perry, can I ask you a question?"
"No. Take that last one back."

Devon frowned.

Perry sighed. "What?"

"How did you ask your girlfriend to be your girlfriend?"
"The first time or the second time?"

"Both times."

"The first time we started dating… she just kissed me when I was trying to arrest her. The second time, I think… I think I just kissed her. Can I get back to reading now?"

"Well, not everyone's like you. How does a normal person ask a girl out?"

Perry put down his book. "Dev, are you…?"

"No, I'm asking for a friend." Devon said, blushing.

"Obviously. What does your 'friend's' potential girlfriend like? Flowers? Chocolate?"

"She likes slicing things. Should I- I mean he- get her a knife?"

"Not very romantic." Perry said. "Make her a card or something. Girls like that kind of stuff."

"Okay. I'll tell my friend to do that." Devon got up and Darren sat down in his place.

Perry scooted away from him.

"Oh, come on, Perry, are you still sore about last night?" Darren asked.

Perry ignored him.

"Come on. I said I was sorry."

"No, you didn't."

"Well, I meant to. But it was funny, wasn't it? Even you have to admit that."

"I'm not laughing."
"You joke around all the time."

"Not at other people's expense."

"What about the part with the rubber ducky? That was funny, wasn't it?"

"About as funny as the time I got hit by a car."

"Aw, lighten up."

"Go away." Perry said. He started reading his book again.

Darren got up and joined a group of his friends. Perry watched them out of the corner of his eye.

He noticed a fennec fox standing near his other side.

"I don't want to talk to you." Perry mumbled.

"He's betrayed your trust." Lowe said. "And he'll have to work hard to get it back."

"I don't want to be analyzed right now." Perry snarled.

"I'm not analyzing you." Lowe said calmly. "I'm just trying to help you understand why you're upset."

"And the difference is...? I'm sorry, did I come to you asking for help?"

Lowe gave a nod and left. Perry wished he could take back everything he said.

Darren was behaving a lot like the jerk he used to be back when he and Perry hated each other. And Perry didn't like it.


Perry hung over the bed, watching Phineas as he sorted out the baby pictures they had been looking at two days before.

"They were all out of order." Phineas said. "See, there's baby me, just born, and there's a picture of me when I was six before it."

"Benjamin Button's baby album." Perry said. "Aww, you were such a cute baby."

"I was." Phineas said proudly. "Oh, here's that daycare photo I was telling you and Ferb about. With the chocolate and the black eye."

"I'm sorry I asked about your black eye." Perry said. "I should have known."

"How could you have known it was an embarrassing subject?"

"Embarrassing?" Perry asked.

"Yeah, I was riding one of those rocking horses so fast that I flew off and hit my head on a chair."

Perry snickered.

"See, it's embarrassing. What did you mean you should have known- oh." Phineas shook his head. "No, this picture was taken when I was like four."

"Oh."

"My first two years were okay though. You don't have to feel sorry for me." Phineas said. "I mean, if Mr. O'Riley hadn't been so horrible, I never would have gotten Ferb. Or you. Sometimes bad things have to happen for good things to happen."

"I guess." Perry said. "But no kid should have to go through that."

"I honestly don't even remember." Phineas said. "I only remember when he yelled at me because he couldn't find that book. And a couple of other times. I did pretty good staying out of his way when he was angry. But it was only like two years. And everything is so fun and happy now. Aw, look, here's a picture of baby you when you were sleeping in your pet bed."

"Darren prank-called me last night."

"Aw, I'm sorry, Perry. Is that why you were so grumpy?"

"Yeah."

"Buford prank-calls us a lot, but Ferb's really good at handling it." Phineas said.

"What does he do?"

"Well, Buford says something like 'Is your refrigerator running'? And Ferb does this American accent and says 'That's the winning phrase! You win a three-hundred dollar dishwasher that will be charged to your account immediately'! And then Buford freaks out and Ferb laughs."

"Ferb does American accents?"

"Yeah, he's really good at doing impressions. He says American accents are easy, all you have to do is say 'budder' instead of 'buttah' when you're saying butter."

"I never thought of it like that, saying d's instead of t's in some words."

"Yeah. When I was little I used to think Ferb was the only person on earth who had an accent and then one day he told me I had an accent and I was like, 'No, you do.' Do different animals have accents?"

"Yeah. I have trouble deciphering the chatter patterns of platypuses native to Australia because they chatter differently than the ones born here. Anyway. I feel really crummy. I wish Darren had at least apologized."

"He will." Phineas said.

"Phineas!" Ferb ran into the room. "I downloaded a new game called Old Stem! It's so good! You can customize your house and your clothes and your shoes. I sold my shoes so now my character just runs around in socks in mud and sand and stuff."

"Why did you sell your shoes?" Phineas asked.

"They were weird-looking."

"I'm sorting out baby pictures." Phineas said.

"Don't show Perry the one of me in the bathtub."

"But it's so funny!"

"If you show him the bathtub one, I'm showing him the one of you in our stroller."

"Fine." Phineas said.

"I wanna see them both." Perry said.

"I found my first pacifier in the baby box." Phineas said. "And my first blanket. And my first bib."

"I found my first chocolate milk bottle." Ferb said, holding up a baby bottle.

"Is this a lock of my fur?" Perry asked, picking up a piece of teal fluff.

"That was from when you were in your nest-building phase and you made a giant teal nest in our closet out of your fur."

"I wanted a place for my babies to sleep." Perry said defensively. "It was an instinct."

"You wanted your babies to sleep in the closet?" Phineas asked.

"I slept in the closet once." Ferb said.

"I remember." Phineas said. "You went in there to get your pajamas and you were so tired you fell asleep before you came out."

"You fell asleep in the bathtub once." Ferb retorted.

"You fell asleep in the dining chair."

"You fell asleep in the hallway."

"You fell asleep on the ceiling fan."

"The more you know…" Perry muttered.