Girl

Summary: Even with supportive families, society does not view girls who were designated male at birth very kindly. Miyu Shinohara was one of those girls who learned this the hard way. (A series of drabbles written for a tumblr roleplaying blog. AU ignoring Musume's canon. The drabbles on this blog are not necessarily written in order. Multiple trigger warnings related to transphobia, bullying, and suicide will be present.)

Author's note: Still waiting for to accept my character request for Miyu... guess until then, Satoshi and Seiko will be the only tagged characters.

Again, these don't come in any particular order. I write for tumblr first and foremost, and it's a roleplaying blog where I interact with others. As such, these drabbles are determined not by order, but how I feel about writing things.

Will I eventually write things related to the rest of the Kisaragi Nine and Heavenly Host? Most likely yes. A miyutoshi drabble or two or twenty? Probably as well~ But yes. I might be all over the place timeline wise with Miyu in this collection. Thank you all for your understanding~

It's just that this isn't a real story: it's a collection of drabbles. Hell, some of these drabbles might even outright contract another: I have AUs for my Miyu, sooo...

Anyways, here was my longer oneshot, I hope you enjoy~

Trigger warnings for: transmisogyny, bullying, misgendering, ableism, emetophobia, suicide baiting.


Drabble #2: Flowers

Drabble summary: When a student dies, it's customary to put flowers on their desk to honor their memory. To do the same when they were alive…


Miyu, you're going to be late."

Miyu Shinohara sighed, forcing herself out of her bed.

Another day in school.

Another day of being harassed. Being made fun of. Confronting her tormentors head-on.

Well, 'confront' might not have been the right word. "Take it" fitted things better, she thought.

"…"

Her mother sighed as she saw her, hugging her. "… Just a little longer, OK? Just… another month and we'll be able to move away and leave this awful city behind us, OK?" her mother, Kaiya assured.

"Yeah."

The girl who publicly went by Shisui Shinohara wasn't a very talkative girl, honestly. The past few months had taken a very hard toll on her, ever since thatday.

"No way! It's true!?

"R-Ren, it was you!?" she asked her now former best friend. "Y-you told everyone!?"

"I just- I didn't think it was actually true! This crossdressing thing- you really are a faggot or something?"

"I- It's not- it's more complicated than that-"

"Hey! Did ya hear that! Shinohara admitted it!"

"Stop- please- just listen to me-"

"Oi! Guys! You're not gonna believe this!"

Rumors travel quickly in highschool.

Gone were the dresses she wore in the privacy of her own home, burned in a bonfire. And gone was her long hair she loved to wear in ponytails in the privacy of her own house as well, replaced with a very masculine short haircut.

Gone were her old friends, gone were spending her afternoons attending sports clubs, gone were the days of spending the weekends with her friends: but at least she could notice just how dark the bags under her eyes were.

One thing was consistent in her life, at least.

"Miyu, please, stay safe-"

"Yeah."

She didn't really eat breakfast anymore, either.

She took the scenic route: the pathway none of the students really enjoyed taking, a little stroll through some woods. Before, she hated being alone: this little 'hike' was always the favorite part of the day, though.

"… Hey."

She smiled as she saw a little squirrel scamper around. "Heya, little guy~" she cooed, a small grin forming as she saw it run away. "Bet you don't gotta deal with gender stuff, huh, little guy?"

It took a few moments for her to realize she was feeling jealous over a squirrel of all things. Oh God, I'm pathetic.

It's not like she really cared if she was late to school or not. She was gonna move soon, so what did it matter? The sooner she was out of this place, the better. In fact, she started debating playing hooky altogether and spending all day in the woods. It might have upset her mother a bit, but she'd understand in the end.

… But she said to her mom she'd go to school, right? Well, she said she'd stay safe, but…

She sighed, looking up at the sun. Give me a sign, God?

There was nothing, of course.

She reached into one of her pockets, pulling out a 5 yen coin. "Shinjitai I go, rice I don't…"

It landed on the Shinjitai. "… Thanks a lot," she said to the sky, sighing again as she walked off to the school's direction.

"Hey, isn't that-"

"Shinohara-san? It's been a while since I've seen him-"

"Yeah, that's definitely him-"

"I heard he dresses like-"

Miyu was fairly good at ignoring the crowd at school. She just had to tune them out all day and go home, and that'd be all.

"Oi, Shisui!"

… Those guys were a bit different, though.

Miyu showed no visible reaction to the people she once called her best friends calling for her. Especially the one in particular who was once her best friend.

"… Ren."

"Come on, it's been a while. Don't you wanna say anything more, buddy?" the boy was clearly amused, but Miyu walked onwards to her homeroom. "Oh, hey, Shisui-kun. We left a gift on your desk. Tell us what you think, alright?"

A gift? Miyu's curiosity piked for a second, but she still paid them no mind, wordlessly walking on. "Can't hear us? Sure that fag isn't a retard too?" she heard one of them say, not bothering to listen to the rest.

"Make sure you open it! It'll be no fun if you don't!

At least in her homeroom people weren't that mean. There were a few boys that had become her tormentors as well, but it wasn't as bad as everywhere else.

Sure enough, there was something at her desk. The entire class was looking at her now: nobody else seemed to be in it, and their teacher wasn't here yet…

"…"

She had a bad feeling, but even then, she decided to approach her desk. After all, what was the worst it could be? A prank? Her reputation was beyond saving, so whatever it was, maybe she could actually take it-

There were audible gasps throughout the room.

"Oh my God-"

"No fucking way-"

"Holy shit-"

Miyu's eyes were as wide as saucers once she had approached her desk.. And for the first time that day, her face was showing actual emotion.

Horror.

She took a step back, her eyes widening. The reactions around the classroom at the true nature of the prank were disturbingly mixed: while most shared a horrified look, there were a few chuckles, even grins.

"… W.. who… did this…?"

She didn't know why she asked when she knew the answer. Her heart was pounding and she felt bile rising in her throat.

A vase of flowers. On her desk.

They were wishing she was dead.

They were telling her to kill herself.

A shaking hand found it's way to her mouth, covering it as she backed herself into the wall.

"A… are you OK?" someone finally had the gall to ask, far too late to do anything. Her head was on fire, her breathing fastening.

She emptied her stomach on the floor and over herself, the rest of her class practically screaming in response: far more emotion than in response to the girl being told people wished she was dead. Over her hand and all over her outfit.

The teacher came in, angrily demanding what happened once he realized the nature of what had just happened. He tried to ask her something gently, but once more, the 'help' had come too late.

Ignoring him, she sprinted out of the classroom.

She passed by her old friends who said something, but ignored them. She even pushed people out of her way. The tears were falling by this point. The bullying like always was verbal and nonverbal. Not a single hand had been laid on her, but.

This was different.

The sheer maliciousness in this was so much different than anything else that had transpired in the past four months. Whenever she tried to think, it became a mess of words mixed together with no meaning.

Theydidittheyrealyldidwhywhywhywhyaretheydoingwhatthefuckfuckshitwhatisthiswhatshappeningidontknowwhatshappeningimscaredimscaredhelpmegodpleasesomeonepleasekillmekillmewannalivenonomamahelpmesomeoneanyoneimgonandiearetheygonnamurdermejesuschristpleasekillmeshouldikillmyselfmaybeishoulddiediediediediehangflowerssuicideflowerssuicideflowersvaseonthedeskgodgodgodwhatshappeningohmygodwhyisthishappeningtome-

When she got to her house at last, her keys left behind, she pounded on the door with one hand and slammed her fist on the doorbell with the other. She actually broke the doorbell after a few moments, tears flowing as she kept trying to get her mother's attention.

"Jesus Christ, I'm coming!" Kaiya was fairly religious and not one to use the Lord's name like that, but it was clear she didn't appreciate this commotion. She could probably tell the doorbell broke once it stopped so suddenly. "Whoever you are, you better- M-Miyu?"

Her eyes widened at the sight of her daughter, vomit smeared over her as she cried running up to her mother to pull her into a bear-hug. And finally she made noise, loud sobbing erupting from her throat, followed by screaming into her mother's shoulder.

"Shisu- Miyu… w-what happened?" Kaiya asked, eyes widening in horror as she returned the hug.

"Flowers… f-flowers…" she was almost hyperventelating, only slightly calmed by her mother gently patting her on the back.

"Shh... Flowers? Miyu, I don't under-"

"Flowers. O-On my desk. A vase. F-flowers…" and she screamed again, completely unconscionable.

It took a few more moments for Kaiya to put two and two together to realize in horror what had happened.

"I… It's OK… l-let's go to your room, OK? L-Let's get you some clean clothes Miyu…"

"Not. Going. Back. Nevereververevereverevereverevereverevereverever…"

"I-It's OK. You're not going back there. I promise. Y-you don't have to go back," her mother consoled, the tears starting to fall on her end as well. "Let's just… get you clean clothes. A-a hot shower too, OK?"

Miyu just nodded, not waiting for her as she made her way to the bathroom, leaving her dirty clothes in the hallway for her mother to clean. Before she cleaned Miyu's mess or even tried to wipe off the filth on her summerdress, she quickly dialed a number.

"Toshiba Sapporo, this is Shinohara speak-"

"You need to come home as soon as possible. You need to leave early Eiji."

"Kaiya? What happened?"

Kaiya didn't respond.

"Kaiya!? You never call when I'm at work when i'm not on lunch unless something bad happened. What the hell happened!?"

Miyu's mother didn't have an answer.