This wasn't good- this wasn't anywhere CLOSE to good! There the watchdog was, trapped under a muscled shark-man at LEAST three times his own size. Trapped, both physically and mentally exposed to the dark hungry eyes that were taking in his every movement. Commander Peepers was one hundred percent royally fucked.

Oh, poor choice of words.

Still, the watchdog wasn't just any old soldier- he had years of military training under his belt. And his training taught him to never let the enemy know when you were actually afraid. It was a weakness- and one that could easily be exploited. So, instead, he gave a dead-pan expression- one he had mastered in every sense of the word- as he began pulling up his white briefs. Peepers was reaching for his pants when he was suddenly stopped by a hand placed over his.

The commander glared. The glare didn't seem to phase Awesome in the slightest. He merely grinned wider.

"Leaving so soon, little man?"

Oh, how Peepers was growing to detest being called that. His fingers clenched a fistful of cloth and he yanked his pants and hand out from under the Emperor's.

"What, you thought I was staying?"

Awesome reclined back against the bed, smirking, hands behind his head comfortably.

"Kinda have to, am I right?"

Oh, so that was how it was going to be? He'd moved on to threats now? Who did he think he was? Commander Peepers of the Hater Empire would not be intimidated!

Okay, maybe a little bit intimidated.

"Oh, so now I guess you're saying I don't have a choice, huh?" Peepers pulled up his pants, and rolled his eye. He'd have to wait to put his shirt back on after he cleaned off the- oh dear grod what had he just done. He could feel it already drying on his skin, and most of it wasn't even his own. He suddenly felt sick.

"I'm saying," Awesome began, coolly. "You. Don't have. A ride."

Those words were a cause for sudden alarm; had his fist fighters sabotaged his ship while he was... preoccupied? Then he remembered. He left his ship back at the bar. Peepers facepalmed and groaned.

"Unless you WANT me to pull this bad boy right up to Hatey's ship, and drop off his smashed Commander-"

"Oh, shut up." Peepers mumbled. Awesome chuckled. The watchdog checked his pocket- oh good, his communicator was still there. Maybe he could get one of the guys to come pick him up. And then threaten the guy's life should he ask questions or spilled to anyone about it.

"Where's the bathroom?"

The shark-man laid towards the side of the commander- giving Peepers the space he needed to get up. He stretched out on the bed, his twins flopping comfortable to the side- on display. (Not as if he had anything to hide, after all.) Awesome pointed towards his right- where a large white door was closed.

"Shower's in there if you need, bro. Use whatcha want."

Peepers mumbled out a thanks as he made his way there. Once inside he took a moment to appreciate just how colossal the bathroom was. The room was tiled in black- accented by the blue neon lights around the hot tub and large mirror. He looked for a light switch, to maybe give himself a bit more light so he could see the buttons on his standard issued communicator better. The commander sighed when the only knob he found only changed the color of the lights from blue to pink- even Awesome's bathroom designs were enough to frustrate him. FINE, no lights. He knew the numbers like the back of his hand- and only had to press one number on speed dial anyway. So working his way towards the toilet by the glass shower, Peepers sat down and made himself comfortable as he pressed a button on his devise, too out of it to pay much attention as he waited for one of his men to pick up on the other line.

"Come on, come on- just pick up already you worthless excuses for sold-"

"PEEPERS!"

"...ers?! S- LORD HATER?!"

Commander Peepers pulled back his communicator in horror, as he stared at the ID on the screen. Oh for grops sake- had he… had he, by instinct, press number one on the speed dial, calling his boss instead?! Oh no. Oh nonononono- THIS WAS THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF WHAT HE WANTED! He was trying to AVOID the guy- not call him up in the dead of night!

Oh, he was so royally fu-

Oh, for pete's SAKE, Peepers- the worst phrasings! No, he was in hot water now!

Hater, however, was completely ignorant towards the watchdog's trepidations as he continued to yell through the speakers. Peepers held the device out at arms' length; he squeezed his eye shut, and with every ounce of courage he could muster, his thumb clicked the end transmission button. When it buzzed to life second after, and Lord Hater's contact name popped up, he threw it against the floor, where it... would have shattered if Peepers was stronger. Instead, it clattered and skid across the floor, stopping under the sink.

Peepers sat huddled on the floor until the buzzing stopped. When the bathroom fell silent again, he got to his feet, and after a moment's consideration, stripped his pants and underwear back off and climbed into the shower.

It was a long, scalding hot shower. It was during that time he came to a definite conclusion; if Hater was still that angry... there was no way he could go back that night.

An hour later, Peepers trudged out of the bathroom, hoping Awesome would be sleeping- he should have known better. The commander took a deep breath, and did his best to smile up at the musclebound shark-man smirking at him from the bed.

"So, ha ha. That uh, invitation to crash here tonight, is that still open?"

Awesome's smirk slipped a fraction of a second, before returning to his usual smile- almost making the watchdog question whether he had really seen it at all. Peepers felt his body involuntarily flinch when the emperor began patting the side of his bed-inviting the commander to sit next to his still naked body.

"Sit, dude, I think we need to chat it up a little."

"... about what?"

Feigning ignorance didn't help the situation as Awesome replied in the most serious tone the commander had ever heard from the larger man.

"About the fact you got the hots for Hatey, for starters." The seriousness slipped away almost as instantly as it came as the shark-man continued in amusement. "Now get your cute lil' badunkadunk over here already- or do you want me to fetch yo ass, myself?"

Peepers- who was completely red in the face by this point- sighed as he did his best to avoid eye contact. Realizing that Awesome's words were most likely more than a threat, the commander bit the bullet as he worked past his nerves and made his way towards the bed. He slipped onto the mattress- the same location he was just a mere hour before- as he fiddled his thumbs in his lap. His back was towards the other man as he finally spoke up again.

"So, uh… where do you want me to start?"

"Lay it on me, Peeps, I wanna hear it all."

And so he told it all. How it all began with a sort of alliance, Hater nothing more than a large, powerful puppet with which Peepers hoped to fulfil his goal of taking over the universe, one galaxy at a time. Leading from Hater's shadow, the brains behind the dolt, feinting loyalty to achieve his dreams.

He told of how, as the years went on, he began to feel genuine compassion for the emotionally unstable dork of a man, and chalked it up to Hater being the closest thing he'd ever had to a friend. Frustration and panic when Hater would fail used to be about seeing nothing but his own failures, caring nothing about the emotional state of his puppet. It wasn't until Hater began turning to Peepers, confiding in him in his own little ways, that Peepers began to realize how much they had in common.

They were both disliked losers with only a business partner to talk to. It was flattering, to say the least, that Hater would choose him and him alone to calm his woes.

Acceptance of friendship eventually turned into a strange sort of hero worship. Peepers eventually bared witness to Hater's power, not only his magic, but the way the sound of his voice made others cower. Hater was everything Peepers ever wanted to be. Minus the occasional temper tantrums and mild self esteem issues, of course. The commander left that part out; Awesome didn't need to know about that.

"So, when exactly did you start having a boner for Bonehead?"

"I'm getting to that part! Do you want me to tell this story, or don't you?"

"Yikes, sorry little dude, floor's all yours."

"So ANY way... after, oh I don't know, a year of looking up to the guy? It... I mean, it started out with little things, y'know? Things like thinking to myself what kissing a guy like that must be like. I was horrified. But I chalked THAT up to being overworked, not getting enough sleep, but then when I DID sleep, oh... oh the dreams, they were awful..." Peepers was clutching his head now, reliving the stress all over again of coming to terms with his attraction.

He waited for the mocking laughter he knew would follow. When only silence greeted him, he continued.

"Soon, I was thinking about him in the shower... on my lunch break, even on missions sometimes. And it just seems to be getting worse..."

More silence. Great, Awesome had fallen asleep, hadn't he? Oh, well. Saved him the humiliation, anyway, and it did feel good to get it all off his chest. He actually jumped when Awesome finally spoke up.

"Alright. Next question; what do you plan to do about it?"

Commander Peepers turned now, to give Awesome an incredulous glare. Was he being serious?

"What do you mean, what am I going to do about it? I'm not gonna do anything about it! I'm not a moron! Lord Hater doesn't feel a garblin' thing for me, and even if he did, dating my boss would be highly unprofessional, and strictly against multiple codes and regulations!"

"Says who?"

"Says… says the watchdog handbook, that's what!"

Peepers failed to mention it was he that had written the thing to begin with. Rules were rules, and what was life without them? Awesome was silent, however, as he mulled over what had been told to him. The commander felt himself fidgeting as he waited. Was this where he made fun of him? And just what would the emperor DO with the information? Tell Lord Hater? Great, how about he get fired on TOP of being executed…. wait, that didn't make much sense. Peepers was about to contemplate these thoughts when he was jolted out of his hypotheticals by the sound of Awesome's voice.

"So, let's get this straight- heh, straight. So yeah, you totes just plan to go like you're an emotionless robot that feels nothing for Lord Dickhead, and just suppress everything until it sends you to yet another bar to have a pity party over how much your life sucks? Is that just your big game plan here? Because, bro, that's totally weak sauce."

Peepers glared as he threw the dirtiest look he could muster at the shark-man.

"Is that supposed to make me feel BETTER?"

"No, this is. That plan sucks and here is one better: I can't tell you how to handle your love life, dude- but I CAN tell you it ain't cool to put yourself in a crib that's just going to stress you out to the max. You need a safe zone. And I DON'T mean your room, because let's be real here- he can just barge in there whenevs, and that ain't a place to chill. You also can't be goin' around not taking care of your lil' man either, little man. That, like, just causes all sort of probs and just ain't healthy. Plus it's just SAD."

Emperor Awesome paused as he put his arms behind his head, getting more comfortable before carrying on.

"Lucky for YOU, babe, I can play genie and fix both of those in one go- use me and my crib to get away from the douchebag. Just totes ring me when you need a different scene, and we'll make it happen. Let the Emperor show you that lovin' you so obs need, before you end up busting an artery or somethin'. And if not that, at least share my bed in the other lame sense."

Peepers couldn't believe it. Awesome had the gall to insinuate he'd ever want to do this again- on his own accord. He gave the guy an angry, disgusted look.

"Like that's ever gonna happen." he kept it curt, and didn't bother cussing him out for the insinuation. He was too tired. Peepers curled up into a tight ball, facing away from the other man. "I'm not one of your floozies." he mumbled, shutting his eye and hoping sleep would find him quickly.

"Suit yourself, little man." The lights went off, as Peepers cringed from being called that again.

Early the next morning, Peepers was taken back to his ride, and despite being terrified to do so, he returned to Lord Hater's ship. It was an odd mix of relief and disappointment to learn that Hater hadn't even realized he had never returned home the night before.

In fact, it was as if Hater had forgotten about the whole argument all together. And Peepers let it stay forgotten. Things went back to normal- routine was the commander's friend, after all. Wake up bright and early, shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, have the daily morning gathering of the troops, training simulations, ship inspections, paperwork, wake up Lord Hater, get insulted, have his hard work thrown back in his face, get blamed for everything that could possibly go wrong in the universe, feel the overlord's electric wrath at least once…. And all before dinner and getting ready for bed. Day in and day out, this was the watchdog's life.

The only thing that broke routine was the little voice in the back of Peepers head. It was new, it was fresh, and it repeated the words of a certain aquatic dictator. It whispered of temptations- temptations he REFUSED to give in to! But one day became two… and two became three… And it was by the fourth day- after having a scolding hot bowl of chilli thrown in his face for being too much like stew ('And stew is just thicker soup, Peepers!')- the commander couldn't take it anymore. Going back to his room, and slamming the door, the watchdog pulled out his communicator. Not even allowing himself the time to think, lest he chicken out, Peepers angrily dialed in the tracking number of Emperor Awesome's ship.

"Meet me at the bar, " he said, not even waiting to hear who picked up, "and you're buying the drinks!"

All the commander heard was a deep chuckle as he cased communications, that telling him all he needed to know. Peepers sighed, plopping down on his bed, as he did his best to not regret the new path his life was heading down.

"Oh Commander Peepers, " the watchdog mumbled to himself in self loathing, " you're one hundred percent royally fucked."

He didn't even have the energy to laugh anymore.