Part 2
Dedicated To:
Danielle, for your amazing support
Jackie for taking on the beta
and Sidd, for blackmailing me through this story.I honestly couldn't have written this without you guys.
Summary: They say true love only comes around once and you have to hold out and be strong until then. I have been waiting. I have been searching. I am a man under the moon, walking the streets of earth until dawn. There's got to be someone for me. It's not too much to ask. Just someone to be with. Someone to love. Someone to give everything to. Someone.
Rating:PG-NC17
Word count: ~4,500
Authors Note:First of all, after everything that has happened to me, I can't believe I'm posting, and most of all, a new story.. A finished story... I've been working on this one since Easter, and I've re-written more times that I can count. But it's been there, always lingering in my mind, and a lot of weeks later, here's the result. Gotta tell ya, I'm scared what you people will think about this one, because this story it's different, and I'm despite going through this journey, I'm not sure if it's a good different or a bad... But I can tell you one thing it's not. It's not a Luke/Reid fan fiction. It has Luke's past in it, and Noah mystery past which we never really got to know.
This story will be slip up into 6-7 Parts, and I'll post 1 - 2 parts each day, because the goal is to have this story posted and finished (almost done!) before I leave for Paris, that's until Thursday.
* * *
I sighed loudly as I stared at the ceiling. How on earth the Snyders had managed to trick me into sleeping in Natalie's room was still a mystery to me. But here I was, in a room that looked very pink, and with fairies and elve's posters covering the walls.
As much as this place felt like home, this bed definately didn't. I had a habit of not sleeping at all, and the couch down stairs would have been fine. It felt like I was starting to settle in, by getting a room, and as much I wanted, I wouldn't get attached, not this time.
I don't know how long I laid there, twisting and turning, when I finally gave up the idea of getting to sleep and threw off the covers. I knew my idea was silly, but if it would help me sleep, I would gladly take it.
I slowly opened the door, which creaked in protest and headed down stairs as quiet as I could.
The floor protested under my feet as I walked to the kitchen. I flinched as the cupboard cracked as I opened it. I tried being as quiet as possible as I grabbed a glass, the cookie jar and a can of milk from the fridge, but this was an old house, even older than me, and it seemed to protest at every motion I made.
Slowly, I put everything on the table, and my stomach groaned. It recognized this little ritual, but that could have been that I had done this every night, for the last 13 years, every since that time in the kitchen. If a five year little old blond boy, who had nightmares he couldn't control, who wanted to escape the harsh world sometimes, who dream and believed that cookies and milk, could cure everything, that it held this amazing power over you, then so could I. And I had, for the last 13 years, believe in that power, because I had too, it was the only thing separating me from my family. They would never believe in cookies in milk, they would never seek that comfort, because that was not who the Mayer's were. They were cold blooded killers, who seeked to, well take over the world. Milk and cookies had never existed in their world. It had been haunting me that I belong to something like that, something so... evil, and even as a kid, I had tried finding something, just something that separated me from them, in a way that they could never understand and never would. Find a connection to someone that could break my ties to my family, because just like my mom, I never truly belonged to them.
Dipping, was my way and as I sat in that empty, dark kitchen, I felt happier than I had the last 13 years. The running was gone, and my body was starting to relax to the idea, that this would stop once and for all. This was my home, whether I liked it or not, it was. Wherever I slept in a bed, that not really belonged to me, it was because this was the place I always returned to, no matter what. Even if it was just to make sure the Snyder's where safe, or say hi, I always felt that strange feeling in my chest when I was here. Maybe the farm held an own power over me, but whatever it was, it made me never want to leave, and just the thought alone frightened me. Maybe that was because I never really had a home before, or maybe it was because here, people cared about it, and for some reason, it didn't matter that I couldn't get hurt, or that I didn't age, they still cared. They cared and they wanted me to belong to the family, a part I had never really played before. The rebel, that was me, who always went against everything, but this was different somehow, and I wanted to stay, I wanted to make a difference, a change, and perhaps, after 35 years of finding who I was, I would find him, I would find Noah Mayer. And after twenty years of searching, looking and longing, maybe, just maybe I would be able to find love, the happily ever after kind of love. Maybe this battle that would come was the start of a new beginning...
I sighed heavily at my own thoughts that my head kept spinning around, twisting and turning my thoughts until I was tangled in them myself. Feeling somehow better, I rose from my chair and went to the counter, placing my empty glass of milk and just as I was about to put away the cookies, the floorboard cracked and I froze where I stood.
"Hello?" I called out to the darkness, my voice shaking a bit.
Slowly and with steps so light, Luke stepped through the threshold, his hair ruffled and standing in every direction. "Hi" His voice was soft as he came closer. "I don't think we've officially met. I'm Luke Snyder" He reached out his hand.
"Noah Mayer" I said quickly, not shaking his hand since mine was a bit tied up at the moment, with a cookie jar in one hand and milk in the other. "I'm sorry about" I began, blushing as I nodded towards the things in my hands. It felt like I had been caught doing something I wasn't allowed to do.
"Actually" Luke began with a small smile. "I was heading down stairs to get some myself" He said, and sat down in one of the chairs.
I looked at him for a moment, puzzled and amazed at the same time before sitting down. I felt like little Luke was with us right now, hiding behind the door. "Milk and cookies, the cure for everything" He mumbled, and for a moment I thought he looked sad.
"Couldn't sleep?" I asked softly, desperately wanting to know what was going on in Luke's head, because there was already something about him, and maybe it had already existed since the moment I met him in the same kitchen, thirteen years ago, that drew me to him.
"Too much on my mind" He said quietly as he stared at the cookie in his hand.
"You okay?" I had to ask, as I looked at him. It looked like the world was hanging on his shoulders.
"It's been a long day"
"I know the feeling" I sighed.
"I'm sorry, but you look very familiar, have I seen you before?" Luke gazed at me and I swallowed hard.
"No" I whispered, focusing on the cookie in my hand. I reached for the milk, and apparently Luke had felt like doing the same. For a brief moment, our hands collide, touching and I sucked in a breath. Electricity was the only word for it. I quickly pulled away, but that feeling, that electricity was still lingering, just the tiniest tingle.
"I should be heading back to bed" I murmured and stood up, knowing I was probably confusing Luke even more, before heading to the stairs, the tingle still there. It was unlike anything I had ever felt, and a part of me wanted more, to explore more, but Luke Snyder, was off limits...
* * *
I kept telling myself that I needed to stop doing this as I headed to the pond. I had made a promise, but this was starting to step beyond that, and yet, as the sound reached my ears, I ran towards it. I knew that getting attached was a bad idea, an idea that shouldn't even exist in my head. But the low whisper of Holden's voice that had asked me to look after him always stopped my heart and encouraged it at the same time.
I sighed loud as I walked, trying to sort out my thoughts and feelings, which was easier said than done. I knew that he would probably be here tonight again, and as pathic as my heart was, I was hoping that this time, I would make a difference.
The wet morning grass touched my feet, and I was trying to convince myself that I was doing this for Holden and the rest of the family, that this was nothing more than that. This wasn't me trying to figure why my heart started beating faster in his presentence, or why his touches made my skin tingle. Or the fact that I couldn't stand there and watching him suffer. As I said, nothing to do with me.
I stopped a few feet away from him, silently waiting. Maybe this time was different, maybe he wasn't...but a quick glance at the bottle in his hand made my heart sink. Quietly I sat down behind him and watched in silence. This was already bad. I usually made sure to come after he had passed out, not while he was still awake, not like now.
Suddenly, without warning he snapped his head around and his eyes meet mine. For a moment he looked at me with a surprised look, but it was quickly replaced with fear, fear of being caught.
I stood there, frozen, and I wasn't sure what to do. This had never happened and I stood up and turned to leave.
"Noah" He suddenly called out, and rose to his feet, stumbeling as he ran after me. Within second, he was by my side, gripping a hold of my arm to steady himself. "Please, don't tell my dad"
The only think I could think of was the fact that his hand was on my arm, touching it. Until I turned to look at him.
"Don't worry, I won't" I whispered a part of me in shock as I stared at him. I knew he had been partying with Kevin, I knew he had been drinking and enjoying himself, but what I didn't understand was why his face was full of dried tears.
"What happened?" I asked, and I had to restrain myself to reach out and wipe them away. But my eyes found a new object. In his hands was a beer and my hands ached as I clenched my fists, to not rip it away from him.
"What do you mean?" Luke dropped his hand and turned away, laughing bitterly. "Why would anything have happened" His voice broke as he sat down in the wet, cold grass. "Who says I'm not happy?"
I raised an eyebrow as I sat down beside him, trying not to shiver from the raindrops that were starting to fall on us. Luke didn't seem to notice the change of weather. "So you're telling me you're fine?" I asked lightly.
He glared at me like I was some kind of idiot before turning away, mumbling, "Why wouldn't I be fine?"
I shook my head. "I don't know, you tell me..." I challenged, hoping he was going to pick up on it.
"I'm perfectly fine" Luke said as he stood up and held the beer in the air, like he was toasting with someone. "I'm fucking fantastic!" He yelled.
"Yeah, I can see that" I said, but I didn't believe it for a second. Someone who was fine didn't sneak and lie behind their families back, those who were fine didn't get them self drunk even though it could cost them their life.
"I am" He muttered back, before turning quiet.
The rain was pouring down, and I could feel it soaking my clothes. A chill ran through me and I glanced over to Luke, who was shaking too.
I watched him for a minute, before standing up. "Come on" I said, holding out my hand for him. "We're getting soaking wet out here"
"I'm fi-fine" Luke said, he's teeth chattering. "Not cold" He managed to get out.
I shook my head in confusion. "You're telling me you like being cold?" I asked, trying not to shiver myself. I couldn't help to wonder what maybe this was about pride, because how else do you explain someone who refuses to go inside? Or perhaps it was the shame.
"Yes" He growled back.
Stubborn was the only word I could think about as I looked at Luke Snyder, who was sitting down and shivering. "Fine" I muttered, sitting back down in the cold, wet grass. "If you're not going inside, then neither am I"
I can play this game too...
I don't know how long we sat there, or when I lost the feeling in my legs, but I wasn't giving in, and by the looks of things, neither was Luke. I caught him glancing at me before turning away, but just the thought made me smile, no matter the reason.
"This is ridiculous!" He examined. You're going to get pneumonia"
"Not likely" I snorted as I glanced at him.
If only you knew Luke...
We went quiet once again, and I watched Luke sit and shiver next to me. It was killing me. A part of me wanted nothing more than to pull him into my arms and warm him up, but that action would go under inappropriate.
"Still not cold?" I asked softly and only got a shake as a reply. "Luke, come on, you're being silly. Let's just get inside where it's not raining and get you warm. You're going to get ill if you stay out here any longer" I tried.
"And you're not going to?" He shot back as he started rubbing his hands up and down along his arms, to get the blood circulation and the heat going.
I sat there speechless for a moment. I couldn't get ill; it wasn't a part of being me. If I got cut or hurt, the wound would heal in a matter of seconds, and I had never had a cold or a shot in my entire life. "Can't we just go somewhere where it's not raining?" I tried, changing the subject. "I know you're freezing Luke"
"Fine" He muttered and stood up, leaving the half empty beer on the ground. I sighed with relief as I watched the action, but was careful not to make sure Luke heard or saw it. I didn't need to give him a reason to think I was judging him.
Silently we walked to the barn and opened the door, to sneak in. I knew Holden wouldn't be here for at least another two hours. It would hopefully give me enough time to make Luke talk about what was bothering him, and get him sobered up a bit.
I slowly climbed up the ladder to the hayloft, with Luke right behind me. The hayloft was pretty small, with hay bales lying around, and a blanked thrown into a corner. "Why are you doing this?" He asked as we reached the top.
I turned around to look at him, confused and a bit puzzled by the question. "What do you mean?"
"Why are you here? Why do you care about me when you barely know me? I'm a stranger to you, and I'm pretty sure I've been treating you like crap. And yet, here you are, all smiling and charming, and caring. Why do you care?"
"You know, not all guys are jerks" I said softly as I went to pick up the blanket.
"You didn't answer my question. Why?"
That stubbornness was back and I couldn't help but smile. "I guess that's who I am" I shrugged and handed Luke the blanked. "The smiling, charming and caring guy" That look, like I was some sort of alien was back in Luke's eyes as he sat down next to me, like there was something wrong with me. I tried not to sigh at the disappointed feeling that was rising in my chest, who was I fooling? Normal had never worked for me.
As I adjusted myself next to Luke, I felt his arm touch mine and quickly pulled away. "Sorry" He mumbled quietly and turned his head away.
"Its okay" I replieed back, and we fell into a silence once more. I wasn't sure if I should push Luke to talk to be, but the image of Luke crying, was still lingering in my mind. "So, mind telling me what happened tonight?" I asked softly.
Luke didn't reply at first, instead he sat quietly, looking down at his feet. "You really want to know?" He asked, and I could hear the hesitation in his voice.
I nodded" Yes, I really want to know."
"Promise you won't tell my dad?"
"Promise"
"Promise that no matter what you hear, you won't look at me different?" Luke looked up at me, his voice soft and quiet, and for a moment I thought he looked scared.
"I Promise"
I saw Luke taking a deep breath, like he was gathering strength. "I was with Kevin, a guy who used to be my best friend"
"Used to?"
"As in not anymore, or rather, as not from tonight. Whatever friendship we had, I blew it, threw away thirteen years of friendship for..." He went silent, the hesitation back.
"For what?" I pushed. "Luke, I'm not going to judge you for your actions, we all do bad and good things, god knows I've done a lot of bad things in my life, but I'm here, despite the fact that to you, I'm a total stranger, who you've talked to one time in your life, about cookies that can cure everything" I added.
"I'm gay" He breathed out. "And I have a crush on my best friend."
I know, I wanted to say.
"What happened tonight?" I asked softly instead, ignoring the green eyed monster who was raging inside of me. Luke wasn't mine, and he wouldn't be.
"He found out" Luke's voice was barley a whisper and I saw tears starting to form in his eyes. "I don't know how, or who told him, not even how anyone found out, but he did and know he hates me. He thinks I'm a sick, disgusting faggot and he told he that if I ever came near him again, he would make sure to teach me a lesson that I would never forget" His lips trembled as he finished the sentence, and my heart went out to him.
Without thinking, I pulled Luke closer to me, and wrapping my arms around him, trying to comfort him, in the best way I could.
"I'm scared Noah. I'm scared of what people will think of me, that they will hate me I'm scared that my parents will hate me." He whispered into my shirt.
I shook my head. "Your parents love you Luke, no matter what, and how can people hate a loving and caring guy like you?"
"Because" He began. "I'm a ..."
"Stop it" I growled. "You're an amazing guy, and if people can't see that it's their loss, not yours. And as for Kevin, give him some time; he was probably just caught by surprise."
Luke shook his head. "No, I know what I saw, I remember the words, he meant it and he hates me Noah" Luke whispered low.
"Then he's not worthy your friendship" I said low, feeling Luke tremble, and soon, he was sobbing in my arms.
I don't know how long we sat there, but I wasn't going to let Luke go without knowing he was okay. I looked down, and I felt myself fall. He had stopped crying, and was just resting against me, his head on my chest, breathing slightly. For a moment I thought he had fallen asleep when suddenly without warning he looked up right at me.
"Noah" He said, my name barely a whisper on his lips, and I fell a little deeper.
I stopped breathing as he leaned closer to me, and before I knew it, his lips were on mine. The world could have exploded and I wouldn't have noticed a thing. Luke pressed himself closer to me, his hands finding my hair, yanking me closer.
For a moment, I surrendered to the kiss. I forgot everything I knew about family, hiding, fathers getting revenges, secrets. I forgot who I really was, and the only thing that existed was this moment right here, this feeling that I had been chasing all my life. Luke's lips against mine, his tongue fighting for dominance and that incredible heat and the feeling of more.
Suddenly, all too quickly, reality and ration came back, and Luke pulled away. "I'm sorry" He whispered, rushing down the stairs and before I had time to react or reach out for him, he was gone.
* * *
The rope dug into my gloves as I threw the bale of hay up to the loft. I sighed as the memories of the night before came back, and the kiss was still lingering in my mind. I wished Luke hadn't run off, but most of all I wanted Luke to talk to me. Every time I had tried to approach him, he vanished or made up an excuse to avoid me.
"Hey Noah" Holden said, interrupting my thoughts. "Could you do me a favor and get the hay that's standing outside the barn?
"Sure, no problem" I forced a smile and headed out but stopped as soon as I had passed the threshold of the barn. Far in the distance, was my brother, heading directly to the farm. For a moment, I just stood there, not sure what to do. I wasn't ready to meet my father just yet, it was too soon.
"Noah where is that...hay" He stopped next to me. "Hey, what's wrong?" Somehow those words managed to shake me out of my trance, and my mind started working overtime again.
"Holden" I said, ignoring Holden's quest as I was trying to remain calm while keeping an eye on Riley. I didn't have time to spill my guts out to him. "I need you to take your family and go inside, and don't open the door I say it's safe to come out"
"No" Holden protested, crossing his arms."Not until you tell me what's going on"
"Holden" I clenched my fist. I wasn't going to yell, not to the man I respected more than anything."My brother is coming here, and for all I know my father is right behind him. I have no idea what they're doing here, and right now I don't have time to explain to you what the hell is going on, because frankly I don't know either. I'm trying really hard not to freak out and the only thing I care about right now, it to make sure that your family is safe and sound, away from my father"
"Noah" Holden said softly, and I could see the concern in his eyes. "You're not telling me the whole truth are you?"
Damn you Holden My mind screamed. Damn you for knowing me all too well...
"Holden" I was near breaking point know. He needed to get inside. "Please" I begged. "Just do as I say, this one time, just do it without questioning why. I couldn't live with myself if you or your family got hurt because of me and who I am.
"There isn't anything wrong with who you are Noah. When are you going to realize that?"
"Just, go inside, please?"
Finally, Holden nodded and I saw how he picked up Natalie and took Faith's hand, leading them inside, just as my brother stopped in front of me.
"Cute little family you got there"
I snapped my head around, narrowing my eyes at him. No sign of my father thank god "What are you doing here Riley?" I sighed and crossed my arms, annoyed because I realized I had just spent ten minutes yelling at Holden for nothing. This was already draining my energy and willpower.
Riley stood there, quiet for a moment and the change from a second ago puzzled me. I wasn't used to see my brother so shy, but then again, I wasn't used to seeing him at all. "Riley, what do you want?" My patience was starting to run out.
"I just wanted to warn you that he's coming Noah. He's gathered the whole family and we both know when he's going to strike, and it's not going to be pretty."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"I don't know" He shrugged, hands in his pockets. "Just wanted to warn you I guess"
"Now?" I asked. "For the love of god, you pick now to become kind and try to play the nice brother? I raised an eyebrow. "Why?"
"Because unlike every member of this family, you deserve to be happy Noah, you deserve to be human and that happy ending, because you're a good guy Noah. Not like dad, and you sure as hell don't deserve getting the whole family after you because you're different"
"This is...Different" I said. "I recall that you used to tease, more then anything, just because I wanted to change, and the fact that I've tried, with the whole family ready to kill me as soon as they can get the chance. What happened to make you think otherwise?" I asked, looking at the man that used to be my brother, such a long time ago. The brother that I used to whisper secrets to, at nightfall, the brother I told that despite that I was older, it was okay to be scared. The brother I confided in and trusted. "Riley, you hate me, so what changed?"
"I just..." Riley paused, trying to find the words. "I don't want you to get hurt Noah, because despite everything that has happened between us, fighting, competing who our father love most. I care about you Noh, you're still my brother and that will never change."
"Thanks for the heads up" I mumbled, not sure what to do with this new information that I was given. I had missed my brother, and here he was, twenty years to late, trying to mend a relationship that I wasn't sure could be fixed.
"That's it?" Riley questioned. "I'm putting my life on the line just to give you this warning, I'm pouring my heart out and all you can say is thank you?"
"What do you want me to say Riley?" I shrugged, trying to keep my emotions in check." You already know I knew this, and honestly, you're trying to mend a relationship, twenty years too late. You're saying you care about me, but what about that time when dad almost killed me? You just stood there, watching him killing me, without saying a word"
"But that's just it!" Riley exclaimed."It's going to be different this time, because I'm not going to be there Noah. I'm trying to stand up to him, but I'm not as strong as you are. I just can't abandon my family like you did, I'm not brave enough"
"You were the one who abandoned me, not me" I protested. "So don't try to blame all of this on me" I muttered.
"I'm trying Noah, isn't that good enough?"
I nodded slowly. "It's good that you're willing to change, but that's all I can say Riley. I'm sorry, but maybe, when this is over, we can try to be brothers again, but right now, I'm just not ready to do that."
"Just, be careful, okay?" Riley pleaded, and for the first time, in such a long time, I could see that he really cared about me, that he wanted me to be safe. I saw him hang is head for a moment, and I knew he was disappointed. I was always the one who saw the good in people and forgave them, but this time, I just wasn't ready to pull my shield down. "Riley!" I called out after him."Be careful!" I shouted and I saw a hint of a smile, something I hadn't seen in a long time. I watched my not so long lost brother disappeared between the trees, where he had come from. And I secretly wished him all the best, and that maybe after everything that had happened, he would find love too .
...TBC...
