This chapter is dedicated to Kryalla Orchid and .Faith-o-saurus.: cybernetics enthusiasts both.
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Disclaimerage : Still haven't managed the purchase of Teen Titans, DC Comics, Warner Brothers or the Cartoon Network. One can own Time Warner stock (TMX) traded on the New York Stock Exchange (NYSE) .
And last we checked, reality stars deserve everything they have coming to them... uh, I mean any likeness to any pawn brokers, whether living or dead, is intentional.
We do own the plot, although we do argue as to whether or not the 'plot' is to be considered to be Intellectual Property (term used very, very loosely).
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ANOTHER MAN'S TREASURE
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CHAPTER 1
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SECURITY OFFICE, BELLE REVE PENITENTIARY
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"You know, you think you've seen it all," mused the Old Man. "We get all kinds here; monsters, aliens, mutants, even a demigod or two." He squinted at the image frozen on the bank of security monitors and shook his head. "This is a new one for me."
The Titans were gathered in the main security office of Belle Reve with the Warden and several security personnel. In the corner, flanked by two large guards, Brother Blood sat sullenly, his hands shackled in front of him barely covering the enormous rip in his coverall between his legs. A third pudgy guard, sat at the conference table holding an ice pack to his head.
The Old Man opened a folder and started reading. "At 0820 hours, during an interview in which we were discussing the terms of releasing Mr. Blood here to the general population, there was an audio disturbance…"
"'Copacabana'…" the guard holding the ice pack chimed in. Raven looked at the ground, phased through, reappearing behind her teammates.
"Thank you, Chumley. As I was saying, an audio disturbance emanated from the groinal region of the prisoner, following which the, ah, appendage in question… how do I put this delicately?" He paused for a moment. "'Burst forth,'" he drawled.
"It was more like 'erupted', like in that alien movie," said the guard at the table.
"What about 'exploded'?" asked one of the other guards.
"I like 'spewed' better." said his counterpart over Blood's head.
"Naw, 'spewed' means throwing up…"
"Don't volcanoes spew?"
"Nah, volcanoes erupt."
"That's what I said!" chimed in the guard at the table.
"If you ladies are quite done," interjected the Warden loudly, pinching the bridge of his nose and squeezing his eyes shut as if in pain. "Idiots," he muttered under his breath, and glared at the guards. "As I was saying, 'burst forth'," he continued definitively, "bonked Officer Chumley here on his head, and escaped from the interrogation chamber."
"I feel so used," Chumley groaned.
"Mr. Blood insists he had no idea that his little Elvis could leave the building, as it were. He says this capability must have been part of the original blueprints of Mr. Cylon..."
"Cyborg..." the Titans chorused.
"...Cyborg that he absconded with and denies any responsibility. So, how about it, son?" He eyed Cyborg over his reading glasses and pointed at the screen. "Is that your…" he coughed briefly, "… design?" He continued under his breath. "Another thing I'd never thought I'd say…"
Cyborg shifted his weight uncomfortably and looked around. "I, uh…"
Starfire saw the chance to come to her teammate's rescue. "No, that is not Cyborg's design!"
The Warden looked surprised. Robin looked horrified. The guards looked interested. Cyborg looked for a place to hide.
"Excuse me?"
Raven groaned and tried to catch Starfire's eye. Don't say it, Star, she thought.
Starfire pointed at the monitor. "That is…"
Don't say it…
"That is much larger than Cyborg's!" Starfire concluded brightly.
Aaaaaand she said it...
In a move that could almost be choreographed, the other four Titans clapped their palms to their respective foreheads.
There was a pause. "Well," the Old Man said after a moment. "Thank you for that, miss."
"Superior in every way," said Blood loftily from his corner.
"Shut up, you!" snapped Cyborg.
"Well, Blood's always had an inflated opinion of himself," Raven muttered. "Wait a minute!' She stared closely at the still frame on the monitor. She pointed. "What is that? Is that a beard?" She turned to Blood. "You put a beard on this thing?"
"Neural interface," Blood grumbled, losing most of his bluster.
"Looks more like a goatee…" added one of the guards helpfully.
"Shut up, Hoss." The Warden picked up a folder and scowled at the Titans. "Well. While it sounds like you kids have quite the quilting bee going on in your clubhouse, don't you think it would have been helpful to have in Mr. Blood's file here a little notation along the lines of, 'Subject has self-propelled mechanical talleywacker which may occasionally wander off?'" He made a big show of looking in the file. "Nope, nothing here. Kinda think we would have noticed that if it was properly documented." He snapped the folder shut.
"Sorry, sir," said Robin tightly.
"Because if we know things like this, then we can program the defense systems appropriately. Instead, the interrogation room computers crashed." He pointed to a computer monitor where a bright blue screen of death flashed, 'WTF?'
"You want to try to get tech support for this? Little hint: it's not on the phone menu."
"Sorry, sir. It's just that we had no idea that Brother Blood's copying of Cyborg's systems would be so… comprehensive."
"I mean, dude…" Beast Boy looked even greener than usual. Everyone turned to look at Brother Blood, who slumped in his chair and said nothing.
"Hmmph. So, where were we?" The Warden started up the playback again on the security footage. Something shot down the corridor from camera to camera, followed by a half-dozen security guards in hot pursuit. "So our little friend made its way to the main Commissary…"
"And then it escaped?" interrupted Beast Boy.
"No. And then it started the riot."
The monitor cut to a view of the prison cafeteria, where the Titans were witness to some of the toughest criminals in the world suddenly screaming like little old ladies and diving out of the way as the appendage in question rocketed across the room. All save one particularly corpulent prisoner who looked at the oncoming unit in abject horror before throwing his tray up in the air and covering his face with his hands.
"Hold on a second," Cyborg exclaimed, stopping the playback. "Is that Control Freak?"
"Control Freak?" The Warden flipped through his report. "Prisoner 897652, alias Control Freak. Poor fellow. Just released from the psychiatric ward yesterday. Readmitted today. Catatonic."
The Titans looked at each other and didn't say anything.
The Old Man continued. "And then it attacked the front security station, whereby it disabled the defenses and then escaped from the facility."
"What?" exclaimed Robin. "How did it disable the defenses?"
"Oh, the mind-controlled guards turned them off." As one, the Titans turned to the Warden and looked at him with wide eyes. The Warden raised his eyebrows. "Apparently the appendage now exhibits all of Brother Blood's psychic powers. Including mind control." He blinked. "Didn't I mention that?"
"No, you did not mention that," Robin said through his teeth.
"So, you're telling us that there's a super-powered mechanical penis capable of mind control running around out there?" asked Raven. "With a beard?"
"Pretty much," said the Warden. "It flies, too," he added helpfully.
"Oh, this just gets better and better…." Raven muttered darkly.
"Yeah, that's what I said when I notified the League, " said the Warden.
Robin paled and removed his hand from his face. "You called the JLA?" he choked.
"Yeah, that's what we do here after a prison break, son. Talked to the Martian." He thought for a moment. "I think it was the Martian; anyway, one of them green fellows. Explained the situation to him." He shrugged. "When he couldn't stop laughing, I put the call in to you folks."
The Old Man produced a computer printout and tossed it on the table. "Well, we'll leave you to it. These are eyewitness reports across three states, claiming everything from a UFO from a really friendly alien species to some sort of publicity stunt for the latest Simon Cowell TV show. Blood, you got anything to add?"
"I…"Brother Blood tried to draw himself some semblance of his usual haughty dignity, then gave up and slumped, defeated. "I got nuthin'."
"Literally," snickered Beast Boy. The others glared at him. "What'd I say?"
Starfire suddenly felt sorry for their arch-foe. "Don't worry, Brother Blood," she said soothingly. "I am sure your kenorfdenstocker will come back."
"Yeah, maybe we can put out a saucer of milk or something," said the largest guard. This was too much for the other guards, who finally erupted with suppressed laughter.
"All right, you idiots. Rick, Hoss, would you return Mr. Blood to his cell before any other body parts decide to go walkabout?"
Still snickering, the guards grabbed Blood under each arm and escorted him out the door. From the corridor came a bunch of cheers and catcalls: "Hey, it's Brother Pud!" followed by raucous laughter. The Warden sighed heavily and turned a tired gaze to the Titans.
"Good luck. I am officially turning this over to you. You can use this office while you're here. In the meantime, I'm going to have to fill out quite a bit of paperwork. Somehow I don't think there's a checkbox for this."
He shuffled towards the door. "And then I'm going to discover if there's enough Scotch on this planet to scrub this day from my brain cells. If you need anything, please ask someone else. Come along, Chumley. Good day."
He closed the door behind him. The Titans stood in the security office, alone. They looked at each other.
"Now what?" asked Beast Boy.
"Could this get any worse?" groaned Robin. Suddenly, something buzzed insistently on his utility belt. Robin gulped and unhooked the device.
"Isn't that…" said Beast Boy.
"…the Batphone?" finished Cyborg.
"It's official," shrugged Raven. "It's worse."
TtTtTtTtTt
TO BE CONTINUED…
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Thank you for reading.
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Thank you Gamine for the read through!
