HOW WELL THE NIGHT HAD STARTED-

Stanley Pines woke from his sleep, the weight of the naked young lady on his left side only a mild discomfort. She snored lightly & only moan-whined a little when the burly man brought his left arm around her bare shoulders and pulled her in close, placing a kiss on her forehead. He matched her smile when it spread across her face, closed eyes still dreaming and petite hands coming to rest on his gray-haired chest. In her comatose state she breathed in his manly, comfortable and now very familiar scent. Earlier in the week Kellie had mentioned that Stanford didn't smell like most older men that she knew. He didn't miss a beat when he retorted with a deadpan delivery.

"Huh! How many old guys 'ya been smellin' lately? That a new thing with young people, nowadays? Geez! Gotta admit, I'm WAY behind on the latest trends!"

It was this level of humor that made Kellie laugh into her pale-ale and sent her 'daddy-issue' hormones into overdrive. She made him an offer he couldn't refuse that night...and was in near shock when he did so!

"You're cute, toots, but I got rules. NEVER on the first date! Call me old-fashioned...I mean, what the heck, call me old! There just ain't no fun if we don't do the required flirting, y'know? If yer serious about gettin' some of the old 'Stan-ster' here, meet me again tomorrow night, same barstool, okay kid?"

With that he knocked back his dark brown whiskey and, one wink & a smile in her direction later, ambled out the door of the Rusty Orca, hands in pockets and his broad, v-shaped back a vivid image as the door closed behind him. It was the only thing she wanted to think of for the rest of the night.

Three grueling hours went by as the twenty-three year old woman effectively shut down nine would-be suitors who were each somewhat older than herself, but much younger than the strapping, mature man that, sight unseen, had her complete and undivided attention. Kellie left the pub that night with the female equivalent of blue-balls as she and her gaggle of inebriated friends made the long walk back to their sorority house, slightly drunk, lightly dazed and wondering what kind of spell the old guy had on her that was making her so crazy for him at the moment? Sure he smelled nice, and she had to admit that the statement sounded a little nutso when she repeated it in her head, but she couldn't help wanting to talk with him again and, maybe, go three steps further than just 'chatting' the night away in the town's most accessible dive bar.

He was there that Friday night, sitting on a stool and nursing a beer the name of which she'd never heard of before.

"Pabst? What kinda beer izzat?"

"Cheap, cold & gets yuh drunk faster than you can finish the bottle it comes in. Good ta see ya again, Tiny!"

She blushed unseen at the nickname and his gruff voice was music to her ears. Standing at five-foot nine inches tall, Kellie was taller than most of her girlfriends. She took comfort in the fact that the older man towered over her by a good six inches and was built like a late model tank, making her look all the more petite & feminine. The young lady was equally amazed when a mirror image appeared next to him, slightly thinner but just as handsome in a nerdy sort of way.

"Stanley."

"Where ya been, Stanford? I thought you were gonna dock in yesterday night? I wuz worried something'd happened to ya!"

"Yes, I see you're just overcome with emotion and woe!"

"Hey, cram a sock in it, Poindexter! Can't ya see we've got a lady present? Introduce yourself, for cryin' out loud!"

"Oh, my goodness! Where are my manners? Hello! Stanford Filbrick Pines, Ph. D, at your service!"

Kellie smiled at his formal nature, which seemed to be the exact opposite of Stanley's brusque demeanor, and accepted his handshake with a smile.

"Wow! Identical twins! I don't get to meet many here on campus. A pleasure to meet you, Mr. Pines!"

"So formal! Please, call me Ford."

Kellie nodded. Stanley grabbed an empty barstool and put it between the two men, patting the red leather seat and inviting the young woman to sit between them. Smoothing her short skirt down after doing so, she was going to ask the men what the more muscular brother meant by 'docking' when two of her sorority friends made there presence known to the trio...and were momentarily brought to a halt at the sight of the older, identical twins.

"Wow!" Crystal and Beth said in unison.

"I know, right?!" Kellie beamed as she spun around in her chair, indicating each brother with her left & right hand.

Well into the night the group talked, flirted, laughed, flirted, ate, drank and flirted some more. Jealous stares from some of the younger, single men in attendance were blissfully ignored that night as the male duo, both old enough to be SOMEONE'S grandfather(!), shamelessly laughed and cavorted with three attractive college girls. By the time midnight rolled around, no one in the group was feeling any pain.

"Well, Stanley, I think it may be time for us to call it a night. We've still got that 'issue' to deal with back on the boat."

"What, are you kiddin' me? You'd leave these delicate, young flowers to these yokels? Ford, I'm ashamed of you right now!"

"Oh! Well...I, that is..."

"Ahaahahahaha! I'm just jokin' with ya' Poindexter! Lookattim' girls! Ain't he cute when he gets all flustered?"

"Oh, he is WAY more than cute! Somewhere along the lines of scholarly, only sexier!"

Beth giggled as she eyed the Scientist up and down, the red pump on her left foot dangling precariously off her pedicured toes.

"Seconded!" Crystal looked on with equally rapt attention, as if she were a panther looking at a piece of meat. Both men sobered quickly at their meaning and Stanley leaned over to Kellie, whispering into her ear as Ford pulled out a clean handkerchief to dab on his forehead.

"Hey, toots! Wattsamatter 'wit 'yer friends? They really THAT drunk or just super hard up fer' a date?"

Kellie laughed and replied, "No, silly! They're COLLEGE GIRLS! They really go for the older, educated, professor types and your brother fits that look to a T! If I know Crystal and Beth, I dare say he'll get lucky tonight!"

"Well, I guess it'll be about time he gets back into the pool! He's been dry a long time, y'know?"

"And, uh, don't forget, Stanley...you promised ME a swim or two as well? I'm REALLY looking forward to doing some 'back-stroking' tonight! And...maybe riding your pet baloney-pony?"

The young woman's suggestive & demure statement wasn't lost on Stan as he stared at Kellie, her tongue wrapping around her straw and drawing it into her mouth.

"Huh! Daddy issues, eh? ALL RIGHT, people! We're officially moving this party to the townhouse!" Stan then did something totally out of character (for most people who actually knew him) and peeled off a hundred dollar bill, handing it to the waitress and barking for her to keep the change. As if leading the charge, Stanley Pines grasped Kellie Marcolli's hand and led her to the building exit. Crystal Marie Lopez & Beth Rundunzski gave each other a sly smile as each silently took a hand of the slimmer Pines twin, towing a dazed, confused Stanford Pines out of the pub and into the waiting taxi where Stanley was patiently holding open both passenger side doors.

BACK AT THE RANCH-

Ford spoke for the first time after leaving the pub, finally snapping out of his haze and needing to gain some sort of normality after the impromptu make-out session between a drunken Crystal, Beth & himself during the trek home. Stanley and Kellie were content in the front seat, holding hands and looking at the rain strike the windshield as the driver navigated the dark, slick city streets. A short cab ride later that seemed to take years longer than the twenty minute trip it actually was, the group stood before the rented home of Stanley & Stanford. The girls did a double-take at the large, well maintained home. They gasped at the huge open and tastefully furnished living room and marveled at the scent of vanilla in the air.

"Certain smells relax you more than others. Why, in a study done last year-"

"'Scuse me, ladies! Me and my 'bro' need to have a word. Bathroom is down the hall & to the left! Kitchen is to the right of where we came in. Help y'self to the peanut-butter or somethin.' Back in a 'jiff!"

Off in a more secluded part of the house, Stanley releases his vice-like grip on his six-fingered brother and gives him a hard stare.

"Stanley! That was VERY rude! Our guests-"

"REALLY wanna have SEX with us! You wanna screw that up, genius-boy!? Or do you WANT to go back to wankin' it to that weather beaten copy of 'Young Juggs' magazine that got sucked into the portal with you thirty years ago?"

"Shhh, shhh, shush! Stanley! I told you that in confidence!"

"YeahrightsureConfidence. Anyway, I don't know about you, but I haven't gotten laid in a dogs age. I don't WANNA know who or WHAT you been gettin' yer rocks off to while you were stuck in the weirdo-verse! Here and now, you've got two, count 'em, TWO beautiful girls fresh out of their teen years who want to show you the time of your life and all you can talk about is 'science-this' & 'studies-that!' It ain't foreplay...it's BORING!"

Ford seemed to be stumped by this revelation and put his thumb and index finger to his chin. "Hmmm. I must admit, as far as flirting with the opposite sex is concerned, my timing may be a little 'off' as it were."

"You were doin' such a swell job back at the bar! I almost didn't recognize ya!

"Oh, Stanley! I'm just a little nervous and significantly less inebriated since we've gotten some fresh air traveling on our way home! But, you're right. Maybe I could tone it down a bit with the psychology explanations?"

"Or...you could HEAT THINGS UP with a Biology lesson!"

"Biology lesson? I don't see how that would be of any use at this-Hey!"

At that very moment, Stanley grabbed Ford's grey raincoat and shuffled it off his frame in one hard yank, leaving him in his collared shirt and sweater. His confused eyes looked into brother's knowing visage, the deviant smile clearly etched on Stan's face. It was then that the lanky sibling understood the meaning behind his brother's words.

"Ah, eureka! I think I understand what you're saying now!"

"If that's true, then follow my lead and let me do the talkin' when we get back inna livin' room!"

"Okay, Stanley. Lead the way!"

In the living room, the girls had helped themselves to the bar. Crystal was laying sideways on the large couch while sipping an Old Fashioned Bourbon on the rocks. At her bare, stockinged feet was Kellie drinking a Corona with a lime wedge while Beth simply nursed a bottled water while also drinking in the decor. The two men entered their view and Crystal was the first to speak up.

"Guys? Is everything all right?"

Stan salivated at the sight of the three women relaxing within reach and turned with a smile at his brother. "Everything's fine! It's fine, right Ford?"

"Oh! Uh, surely! Everything is peachy-keen!"

Crystal smiled at the reference, noting the newfound nervousness of her current paramour. She found it endearing that, even with his advanced years and experience, this full grown man could still have the appeal & newness of a little boy. It was a thought that locked her sights on her older target of interest. Even though she was decades younger than he was, she could smell something 'clean' about him, as if he were 'unpackaged.' The curvy Latina graduate student wanted to be the first one to sully this image by 'opening' him up! For only a split second she wondered if he might be a virgin.

Beth & Kellie each smiled for different reasons. Each was going through a dry spell, Kellie's more emotional than physical, and here stood before the trio of women two tall, willing & very masculine ends to that drought. Beth's mind raced at what possible outcomes would occur within the next few minutes and wanted nothing more than to satisfy a sexual hunger which had been growing inside her over a hectic school year that had been loaded down with course work, unexpected requirements & insurmountably high expectations from her stuffy, prim and haughty professors. While both twins were cute, especially for older guys, Beth seemed to take the greater interest in Ford. She wouldn't have turned down a night in bed with the gruff Stan for anything in the world, as he appeared to be solid and well put together. She DID notice, however, that Kellie was very much into what seemed to be the 'fighter' of the two & didn't want to side-track whatever progress was going on there with her sorority sister. Ford, however, was totally what she needed that night. He looked like a majority of her proffessors, talked like them, even spouted his knowledge like his own personal banner as her instructors would often do, sometimes unintentionally. When he and Beth spoke at the pub earlier that evening, she noted with an inward glee that he wanted to hear her thoughts, didn't 'pooh-pooh' her opinions and actually supported a theory of her's by reinforcing it with a mention of one of his own science practices, both unique in scale and publicly documented to the scientific community (a fact for which she would later give him credit during the school year, garnering her an 'A+' grade from a particularly callous, uncharitable teacher...to whom she would promptly & giddily hug without restraint, resulting in his cane skittering several feet across the floor and her dashing away, happy tears of joy running hotly down her cheeks; she'd never see the smile on the face of her 'no-nonsense' professor who was not only appreciative of the improper manner of 'Thanks' given, but by the knowledge that at least one of his students truly understood the material he taught). Beth gifted Ford a soft, admiring gaze. She honestly had no more thoughts at that time other than how he looked with no clothes on and what he would be like in bed.

"Right! Peachy! Well, I don't know about you girls, but I'm exhausted! Long day of doin'...y'know...stuff!" With that, Stanley removed his sweater and flung it over one of his broad shoulders, the sleeveless tank-top undershirt seemingly painted on his hard-etched frame. Each woman looked on in rapt attention and Crystal herself let out a slow wolf whistle, signaling her approval at the sight before her.

"Dios Mio! They sure don't make 'em like you, anymore. Tan fuerte y espléndido!"

Stan didn't miss a beat when he replied, "Espera a ver lo que hay debajo, cariño!" (Translation: Wait until you see what's underneath, sweetheart!)

Crystal laughed into the couch cushions like a little girl who had gotten caught after trying to run away from her sides being tickled. She rolled around on the pillows, both in shock and surprise at Stanley's firm grasp of her language and even more so at his forward comment. Beth and Kellie smiled more out of nervousness from not understanding what was said by the two, but still very much focused on the impromptu strip show. Stanley smiled and reached out his hand to Kellie, indicating that she should follow him. Before she could reach out, Crystal again intervened.

"Waitaminute! Nope! No way you're leaving here without finishing what you started!" She sat up, clapped her hands once and did a comical little shimmy. "Wooohoooo! Finish showin' us the goods!"

Kellie looked at her drunken friend Crystal, an unusually quiet but visibly excited Beth and then at the Pines boys before smiling and shrugging her shoulders with a 'what're-ya-gonna-do' sign of resignation. Stan smiled again while Ford looked more nervous with each passing moment. A light elbow to the ribs jolted him out of his stupor.

"Hey, Professor! You heard the lady...on with the show! Stop with the 'long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs' bit and let 'em see whatcha got!"

"Oh! Yes...of course!"

With less flair, Ford removed his sweater and shirt. Then, with three sets of lungs holding their collective breath, he took of his white t-shirt. Kellie, Crystal and Beth would recount the look of amazement they had shown that night many times over the years that they'd know each other. Ford, while not as 'buff' as Stan, had a leaner, more chiseled look. Whatever fat the mature man had it couldn't be found and not an ounce of him flabby. Four noticeable claw marks that decorated his right shoulder & pectoral muscle had long since healed over and three more smaller scars on his left side painted the picture of some kind of past animal attack. Other than that, Ford had the body of a man one-forth his age, something that was not lost on the leering eyes of the girl trio. Beth tried to speak, but could only utter out intelligible gibberish as her mouth watered hungrily at the sight.

"Buh-buh-buh!"

"Yeah' what SHE said! Ford! Baby, y-you look..."

"Absolutely DELICIOUS!" sang Crystal.

Ford blushed and smiled at the same time. Stan's brow furrowed a bit as he leaned toward his 'twin' brother. "Hey, Poindexter! You're makin' me look bad! Where'd you get the muscles? You been takin' 'roids in crazy-world or somethin'?"

"What? No, Stanley! Where I landed, well...there wasn't very much to eat. I spent a lot of time foraging for food and the rest of the time running or fighting so that I wouldn't become food myself!"

"Were you in Africa? Or maybe the Amazon?"

The question that Beth asked seemed to startle the two men back to the present. It was a big adjustment knowing that not everyone had gone through the same harrowing experience at Gravity Falls or even knew that most of the weird & frightening things they'd encountered even existed!

"Both!" the two men blurted out in unison.

"Oh, my goodness!" Crystal cried out in mock frustration. Looking at her sorority sister companions, an evil glint shined in her eyes. "Girls! It seems clear to me that our 'boys' are stalling, so let's get down to business. Guys? Lose the pants!"

"Whaaat?"

"Huh! I must not have been making myself clear. Ladies! Do you think our handsome men need just a bit of motivation to grease the wheels of progress a little?"

"Woohoo! Progress!" the two ladies cheered as Crystal stood up, undid her belt & shucked off the lower half of her pant-suit, revealing a slightly hairy but very naked pussy for all in attendance to view. She then plopped her ample, callipygian bottom back down onto the couch and lay back, bringing her knees to her chest and spreading them so that both her face and fanny could be seen clearly. Knee-high stockings covered her pointed, pedicured toes as the pinkish-red, glossy & whet entrance to her swollen vagina winked teasingly at the shirtless men. "So...what do you think, boys? Want to do naughty things with us?"

Ford was the first to find his voice.

"Stanley? I want to thank you for convincing these beautiful women to come to our home."

"I am soooooo hard, right now!" Stan blurted out to no one in particular.