A/N: Hello everyone!

PLEASE NOTE! Tags have been updated so please please please! Check them before carrying on. If they're likely to be a trigger I'd rather you didn't read it to be safe, or if you do it's all in the past as memories so keep that in mind! Tags added are: Past attempted suicide, Mentions of self harm, self hatred, mention of underage drug/alcohol use, loneliness.

Now that's out of the way, thought I'd just post this next part before bed as I'm bored and haven't got any new updates to read, so a few of you are undoubtedly in the same boat so here's something for you. Poor Fili really gets dragged through the wringer in this story. I'm a horrible person so I do apologize, hopefully things will get better.

Also the mention of dyslexia I make (you'll know it when you see it), may not be accurate. I don't know anyone whose dyslexic (although I swear I have verbal dyslexia as my words tend to come out in the wrong order which gets me a few odd looks -.-) however this is fiction and I know dyslexia is different for everyone, so for the sake of this story, Fili is well within his rights to use this as an excuse.

A special thanks to Silhouettes, ChiaraGiuny, KungFuSchildi, GemDragon22 and StarlessGalaxies who've commented or kudosed, you guys are awesome!

As much as it breaks my heart I do not own the writings or the characters of The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings, they are the wonderful and exclusive workings of J.R.R Tolkien


A lone figure walked down the darkened street with their head bowed, shoulders hunching slightly as a soft wind blew down the road. Fíli pulled his black hood further down to cover his face more before his hand snaked its way back into his jeans pocket. He didn't want to be fetching his brother at this time of the night; well in fact, he didn't really want to be doing it full stop.

Sure it was only 8:30pm, and if Kíli insisted on hanging out with his new group of friends then so be it, but the fact that his little brother who was only thirteen and in his first year of high school (compared to his own last) decided he had to hang out with his fifteen and sixteen year old team mates from his first elven rugby team meant that he also got access to alcohol and the occasional recreational drug, something which Fíli knew with certainty Thorin knew absolutely nothing about, and it now fell to him to get his brother out of there and sobered up before Thorin got home. Yay.

Of course Fíli had never been completely sure until tonight this was going on as Kíli had only gotten into the team two weeks ago; the coach had seen his talent when he was mucking around with some friends and had signed him up almost on the spot. Two weeks ago Kíli had gotten into the team, and two weeks ago was the last time Fíli had seen his brother who was out every night at training and had started taking the bus in the mornings with the rest of his mates rather than walking like he used to with his brother.

Fíli stopped underneath a street light and looked up at the stars with a sigh, a single golden lock slipping from behind his ear and across his face. Star gazing was something he and his mother used to do before she died, before Kíli had come along and when his biological father was out getting plastered. He missed watching them for hours on end, feeling like he could get lost in them forever.

He missed her.

A single tear escaped from a pale blue eye and he wiped it aware irritably, causing the black sleeve of his hoodie to slip further up his arm and reveal his freshly bandaged wrists. His nose flared in disgust at the sight and he hastily pulled his sleeves down before plunging his hands angrily inside his hoodie's pocket and turning his back to the stars to continue on to his destination.

Gone were the days that used to be so easy and full of love, five short years with his mother over-ruled the sparse time his father was there as the only time his hands went anywhere near him was to hit him. Those five years with his mother were the best five years of his life, and so were the years after Kíli arrived. At least until his mum and stepdad (Kíli's biological) died. The morning they died was the last time someone other than Kíli had hugged him. Now his days were spent avoiding Thorin where possible and picking stupid little brothers up from parties that they really shouldn't be at, and would probably still be at for a long while if said stupid brother's phone hadn't been grabbed by a friend and sent a video of Kíli drinking to him.

Fíli let out a huff; he was over it. Over Kíli and his new friends, over Thorin, over school, over the few friends he had, over everything and if he were honest; he just wanted out. It wasn't like he wanted to die as such; he'd tried that once only to have it backfire spectacularly on him when at fourteen he'd taken triple the amount of headache medication one would normally take before chasing them down with a bottle of vodka he'd obtained from a student at school and, lying in the shower tub, he'd turned the taps on and hoped it wouldn't be Kíli who found him. He had hoped that Thorin would tell his ten year old brother that'd he'd slipped in the shower or something kinder rather than the ugly truth.

Unfortunately what he hadn't known was that they had still been in the house when he'd climbed into the shower and Thorin had sent Kíli up to tell him they were going out for a while when he started convulsing in the tub.

One hysterical Kíli, someone's fingers down his throat and a hospital visit later where "I'm dyslexic doctor, how was I supposed to attempt to focus on reading a pill bottle with a splitting headache and know that what a student gave me was alcohol when I've never heard of or seen the word 'Vodka' before" he had been released into the care of an inconsolable little brother and a furious Uncle with a determination never to try something so foolish again where his brother might see him.

No he was over it as in he wanted to get out, away from an unloving Uncle where he could attempt to make his life better, where he could start over completely and if in the end nothing changed he could end things on his terms without his brother there to stop him.

But for now he had to collect Kíli from this party so Thorin wouldn't find out just what his 'perfect' nephew had been getting up to recently. Fíli knew there would be insults thrown at him the moment he arrived, after all he was wearing his black skinny jeans and black hoodie that people teased him for even though they concealed his face and body in order to hide how sickly he was looking these days, and between the insults and jeers he had to try and remove his brother from all his friends without making him look 'uncool', for Kíli surely wouldn't appreciate his reputation being ruined by his big brother.


Fíli came to a stop outside the house Kíli was currently inside, letting out a weary sigh before opening the gate and walking towards the front door. All the windows were shut and the curtains drawn yet the light and the muffled music is what assured him his brother was here, even though Bard, Kíli's best friend had assured him when asked that it was the right address.

Fíli stopped in front of the door and took a deep breath before knocking loudly, keeping his head bowed and noting with relief that the music was instantly turned down. The door opened and a blond jock's head peered through the gap before he threw the door wide open with a sneer.

"Well look who we have here boys." Legolas Greenleaf, the captain of the rugby team sneered with a feral smile playing on his lips. "The big brother of our newest recruit."

Fíli refused to look up. He knew what expression would be on the captain's face and those of his team mates who had gathered around the door.

"If you could fetch Kíli please?" Fíli asked a neutral tone, keeping his gazed fixed on the floor just ahead of him.

Legolas scoffed in amusement "and why would we fetch him? He's one of us now and there's nothing you can do about it you freak."

That did Fíli in.

His head snapped up and he drew himself up to his full height, thankful he wasn't shorter than the blond in front of him as he levelled them all with a look so fierce they actually took a step back in shock. Never before had they seen this side of the normally awkward blond who rarely spoke to anyone.

Fíli's lip curled as he snarled at the jocks in front of him. "I may not be able to do anything to you; however Thorin is a different matter. You're supplying liquor to a minor and if he finds out you can kiss your futures goodbye because I can tell you now, your photo's won't be with an All Blacks team five years down the line, they'll be your mug shots as you crawl around the streets looking for scraps like the brainless dogs you are. I have no interest in involving the police, however if my brother isn't in front of me in the next twenty seconds the video that was sent to me will be given to Thorin along with a list of the names of everyone here. "

Fíli watched with a smirk as several of the jocks disappeared to fetch his brother. He could take a lot from people but the one thing that pissed him off was being called a freak by anyone other than himself. He knew he was messed up but refused to allow anyone else to get away with calling him names to his face, particularly that.

Everyone in the house had gone silent as Legolas and Fíli glared at each other, not wanting to interrupt or draw attention to themselves in case Fíli decided to follow through with his threat. In no time at all Kíli appeared next to Legolas with a lopsided grin on his face as he looked dazedly at his brother.

"Fíli!" He said happily, only to have his smile falter when his brother looked away from Legolas and at him instead.

Fíli stepped to the side, a hard stare prominent on his face and with a guilty sigh Kíli stepped out of the house, taking his bag off of one of his friends as he went. He could see Fíli was angry with him and, not wanting to infuriate him anymore, he left quietly.

"See you guys tomorrow." He said quietly over his shoulder before walking down the path when Fíli pushed him away from the door.