If I could shape the world
In any way I wanted
And if I could craft myself a harem paradise
I'd let it all go, because you'd be unhappy
And if I wind up on a rice cracker-like bed
Resting on a pillow hard as a tombstone
in a musty den out in the sticks,
It's okay, as long as I know you've found happiness
No matter how cruel and merciless
the hell I'm thrust into is,
it'll be a thousand times better than seeing you sad!
If you're happy, then so am I; I don't mind!
There may be sadness, and some may hate me; but bring it!
If you're happy, if you're happy, it's alright!
So, hey, wipe off those tears
If you're happy, so am I; it's really okay!
Your being sad is such a waste of your rare beauty!
If you're happy, if you're happy, I really don't mind!
With my everything, I'll pray and pray for you
I love you, I love you
I won't even say, "Please don't forget me"
I love you, I love you
All I want is for you to be happy into tomorrow
I'll die for you
And I won't be afraid of anythin'
But if you're lonely, I'll come back
No… I'll come back a hundred times over!
If you're living, then I am too; I don't mind!
Your joy, your smile, come to me!
If you're living, if you're living,
If you're living, it's okay!
One more time let's go back to that house
If you're living, then I am too; I don't mind!
You don't need makeup or anything; you're beautiful!
If you're living, if you're living,
I really don't mind!
I'll fight again and again for you
I love you, I love you
I don't need money, pride, or anything of the sort
I love you, I love you
All I want is for you to laugh and live into tomorrow
If you're happy, then so am I; I don't mind!
There may be sadness, and some may hate me, but bring it!
If you're happy, if you're happy, it's alright!
So, hey, wipe off those tears
If you're happy, so am I; it's really okay!
Your being sad is such a waste of your rare beauty!
If you're happy, if you're happy, I really don't mind!
With my everything, I'll pray and pray for you
If you're happy… If-If you're happy
I really don't mind! It's okay!
A President? A CEO? Some big shot?
What are you even supposed to do with that?
Anyway, what do you do?
What do you say to who?
What are you supposed to do in this world?
Have conviction? Is that it?
You should be happy
To live with happiness, with laughter, with a smile;
That much is okay
That much—that much is okay
That's my… yeah, that's my happiness
I love you, I love you
"Don't forget me—please don't forget me!"
…Are words I really want to say
But, it doesn't really matter
If you forget me, I won't mind
Because tomorrow you'll smile
Always, always and forever,
You'll be living, and smiling
I love you, I love you
I won't even say, "Please don't forget me"
I love you, I love you
All I want is for you to be happy into tomorrow
For you to be happy, forever and ever
Goro put down the microphone on the nearby table.
"Stupid song." He muttered, sniffling and wiping his eye. "Hate that damn song…"
Then why'd ya sing it, idiot?
He cleared his throat, sniffling again. When he had walked into Utahime Karaoke Bar, he had told himself that he wasn't going to sing that song. Over. And. Over. And what had he done? Do the exact thing he told himself that he wasn't going to do. Goro walked over to the table in the middle where his snacks and drink were at and plopped down on the couch. His allotted time was running short. Sighing again, he took his glass of alcohol and slammed it back, placing it with the others that were empty on the table. Despite him trying to command his brain to forget it, it was forcing him to remember the places in his song where he had almost stopped and other places where he had almost broke down.
"Wonder what other songs they got? Think I got enough for one more." He continued to mutter to himself as he leaned over and grabbed the binder, flipping it open and scanning the names. "Ooh! They have… nothin' else I like."
The phone rang and Goro pressed himself off the couch and answered it.
"Sir, your—"
"Yeah, I know. I'll be down in a minute." He hung up the phone and grabbed the microphone and headed to the door.
"I said I like ta sing karaoke."
"Huh?! You?!"
"Ya, it ain't that surprisin' is it?"
"It is! We go sometime?"
"Geez, I'll take ya ta karaoke too sometime, just stop smilin' about it."
Grunting from aggravation, he opened the door to his room and slammed it shut, heading back to the front and then turned in the mic. Not even caring about the people at the front desk, he waved his hand dismissively when they wished him have a good day. Goro was sure that he wasn't going to have a good day for the rest of his life. Perhaps even in the afterlife he would have a shitty time. That sounded about right. Sounded exactly the kind of shit that'd be waiting for him. There was always the off chance that she would be waiting for him in the afterlife, a long, long time after he went. So, wouldn't it be that he was waiting for her? He didn't have that right though. If they did meet in the afterlife, it would be her with her family. But… that's okay. It really is. As long as he could see her smile again, then it would be okay. He could watch from afar and just be thankful that she had found some happiness. Somewhere. With someone.
Goro huffed a laugh and wiped at his cheek again before clearing his throat. It would be okay. Really. If he just kept telling himself that, that even if they never saw each other again, just knowing that she was happy and would obtain that sometime in her life with someone else. He could feel happy knowing she was okay; knowing that she was smiling. But… to know that she would be showing someone else that beautiful smile that reached her just as beautiful eyes, and that just as amazing laugh to another man… it hurt. If she was happy though… he could deal with that hurt. That man would be lucky, and he better not take her for granted. That smile. That laugh. Those eyes. Those lips. Those thighs. Her heart. The compassion. The happiness. All of it.
"Listen to me. You better keep… her happy. Understand…? If you don't… I'm going to come back… and haunt your ass. All the time. For good."
"Seems like I ain't gonna get any peace in the afterlife either. Hopefully ya understand that I did this ta make sure she is happy, Ethan. Yer watchin' her. I know ya are. Ya can tell." Goro muttered.
He turned away from Utahime Karaoke Bar, stopping on the road when he heard his stomach grumbling. Goro groaned in frustration and then furrowed his brows when he pat at his pants and sighed when he realized he left his cigarettes at home. That could be good in a way, he could grab some food and then head home. Just… spend the rest of the day there. Positive, he did end up getting a TV the day that she left. So, there was something that he could do there. Even if there wasn't, he'd find something to do. Mostly, if he was being truthful, he only ended up getting the TV so that he could turn it on and have some background noise. Only to himself would he admit that he pretended that the noise was… was her talking. It was a blessing and a curse. He'd leave it all the time when he was there, so when he woke up for just a few seconds he would think that she was there again. It made him feel less alone though. Sometimes. Only when he really focused on it.
"Kiryu-chan, didn't I tell ya not ta follow me? Told ya I wasn't in the mood." Goro said once he had gotten a fair distance from Utahime.
"I need to talk to you, Majima-san."
"Do yer ears need checkin', Kiryu-chan? Pretty sure I just said I ain't in the mood ta do any sorta talkin'." His voice was getting sharper, but still retaining the high singsong pitch as usual.
"I didn't ask for your permission, Majima-san."
"…"
"I've been trying to just accept it and just consider it as being you, but I can't."
"What are ya talkin' 'bout, Kiryu-chan?" Goro sighed, his voice hollow.
"You know that if she had seen you, then she would've stayed." His tone was accusatory.
"…I know." Goro muttered. "That's why I didn't let her see me."
"What? You mean you wanted her to leave?"
Goro shook his head and chuckled slightly.
"…Not in the slightest. But she had ta."
"What are you talking about?"
Goro finally turned around,
"Ya ever heard the sayin' 'if ya love somethin' let 'em go, Kiryu-chan?"
"…"
"She wouldn't've been happy here in Japan. Her family's all in America. It's cause of people like us that she lost a lot. Someone as bright as her needs ta be in the sun. She doesn't need ta be in the shadows like you and me. Ya know that. Her mom wouldn't approve anyway. Ya forget what that guy that was supposed ta be her dad was? He was like that all through her life. Ya think that her mom would end up givin' approval for her daughter ta be with someone that's in the shadows? That's the exact thing she wanted ta avoid when she kicked that guy out." Goro said and scoffed.
"… Her mom knows the yakuza is different."
"Does she? Even if she does, does it matter? We're still in the shadows, Kiryu-chan. When she was tortured, they wanted ta know about us. Bein' here would make her a target. Bein' with me would make her a target. Ya think I could deal with that if someone used her ta get ta me? I'd rather 'em just kill me instead than use her."
"So, you're telling me you did this for her? That it's all for her?"
"'course." Goro scoffed and raised his brows at his friend. "Ya know better than that."
"…"
"She'll be fine. Her bein' with me was just a passin' thing for her. Like I told her, danger can make ya feel somethin' than what ya feel."
This time it was Kiryu-chan's turn to huff out a bitter laugh. Goro raised his brows when Kiryu-chan furrowed his.
"You think that's how she felt? Just something passing in the moment?"
"I… I'm sure that's what it was." Goro scoffed and looked down at his shoes, sighing.
"And if it wasn't?"
Goro shook his head and looked back up at his friend.
"No woman wants a mad dog, Kiryu-chan."
"…"
"If this is all ya wanted—"
Goro's back landed against a wall and he blinked his eye, gripping onto his jaw and moving it around to make sure that it was still functioning properly. Many times, he had been on the receiving end of Kiryu-chan's punches, but he managed a look at his friend, he noticed that while their fights had been all in good fun before, not it was different. He stood up and huffed a laugh again.
"I ain't really in the mood ta—"
"Do you know how she acted when we thought you died? You know what she said?"
How the hell am I s'posed ta know that, Kiryu-chan?
"When that gunshot sounded, I had to cover her mouth because she screamed so loud. I had no idea someone could feel someone else's pain that deep, but she screamed. Wailed. Cried. Sobbed. So many tears came from someone so small I wasn't sure they were going to stop. Her heart was broken. Shattered even." Kiryu-chan cleared his throat and looked down, clearly remembering the moment. "When we got to the safehouse, she told me how much she hated me for not going back and getting you. She told me 'I would rather be slowed and take longer to be brought to safety than lose one of us for a quicker escape'. It was in English, but I managed to understand somehow."
"I'd rather be slowed down and have all of us than make a quick escape and lose one."
Goro's brows furrowed, recalling what Kiryu-chan had told her when she had said that she wanted to be left behind. Had she really said that? She wanted to put both herself and Kiryu-chan in danger just to bring him with?
No woman wants a mad dog.
"I told her it's what you wanted. You know what she said?"
"…"
"She said 'what about what I want? Why is everyone making decisions for me?'"
Was it possible that… she did want a mad dog? He had told her before that she was free to leave whenever she wanted and that he wouldn't stop her. But… she didn't leave. Goro had assumed that it was because of all the danger. That she was attracted to him for being a dangerous yakuza who had saved her. Did she… really love him? She had told him that she did.
"I love for here. To me, you are perfect."
Did she… really mean that? Was there a chance that this woman did want a mad dog? Not just any mad dog—not that there were very many—but want him? If she did, what did that mean?
"Figure out to fix this, Majima-san."
Goro had returned to his apartment with no issues. His mind kept wandering to various parts of his relationship with her. She had always been there for him whenever he needed her. There had been times when she reached him when no one else could. He knew how he felt about her, but he was still having a hard time believing that she would really love him. What had he done to deserve such a pure love that she could give? Nothing about him was pure, but she… did she still really and truly want him? It was no secret that she was beautiful enough to have more than one admirer—Kiryu-chan and Ethan—to name two other than himself, but… to choose him out of everyone? Why? There was nothing redeemable about him.
He kicked off his shoes and sighed, running a hand down his face. Kiryu-chan was probably just saying things like that to make him feel differently. Whatever he felt didn't matter. There was no way that he could do anything without her family's approval. It wasn't due to tradition or not. Most of the time he hated traditions anyway, but it mattered to him. Her family meant everything to her and if he couldn't make her happy in their eyes, then… he probably couldn't. With someone that had a kill count through the roof and someone who's nickname had the words 'mad dog' in it, if the situation were reversed, he wasn't sure he'd want his daughter with someone like that.
"Goro. Hey, it's Olivia. I uh… I haven't been hearing from you in many weeks. I just want to be making sure that everything is alright. I'll be go back to America tomorrow. My flight leaves at 17:30. I hope I see you before I leave. I love you."
He sighed and let the machine stop. When she called, he wanted so desperately to answer the phone, but he just let the message be recorded. Goro had no intention to stop her from going back to America. It's where her family was at, her home, it was far away from everything that had happened here. It was for the better, even if she hadn't noticed it. Yet, it was one of the only things he had left of her. So he kept the message. And listened to it. Just to hear her voice. There was no amount of time that could make him forget what it sounded like, but just hearing it was enough to make a small smile appear on his face, even if the message was the prelude to a goodbye. Goro grunted when his stomach growled.
I forget to get the fuckin' food.
"Majima-san. Back again, I see." Nakamura-san said.
"…"
"How's Harper-chan?"
I honestly have no fuckin' clue. But… she's smart. I'm sure she's fine. Naw, I know she is.
"Fine. Happy."
"That's good." Nakamura-san said and handed him a bag. "Have a good day."
"Yeah. Sure. You too."
He took the food to the same place he always did. The park. The same one. Goro sighed and sat down on the bench, unpacking the food; Absolutely Tasty! Takoyaki, sour cream fries, and oolong tea. He hated oolong tea. Wasn't too much of a fan of sour cream fries, but… she liked it. He sniffled, already feeling that familiar burning behind his eye again.
"Must be hungry…" He stabbed one of the takoyaki balls and stared at it. There were so many memories and feelings behind these stupid octopus balls that it was hard to eat them anymore. He looked it over and was about to pop it in his mouth when he heard a voice.
"Goro Majima."
He turned towards the voice and stopped immediately; Makoto Makimura was standing at the bench.
Oh, come on. I can't deal with this right now. Ya women are gonna give me a damn ulcer or somethin' else that might end up killin' me quicker than a gun.
"…" He cleared his throat and looked away. If he spoke, she'd know it was him for sure.
I already turned my head at my name. But… that don't mean that she knows it's me for sure. She couldn't have seen too much of my face, right? Well, she was blind, so she may not know it was me, but I ain't gonna take that chance. I'm already dealin' with enough as it is.
"Majima-san. There isn't a need to hide. I know it's you."
"…" Dammit…
"Can I sit? I need to talk to you for a moment."
Still looking away from her, he pulled the containers closer to him hearing her sit down next to him. There was silence between them for a while. The only sounds were the repairs that Sotenbori was going through.
"Takoyaki?" Makoto spoke. He could hear the smile in her voice. This looked weird. Makoto and him liked to eat takoyaki together and now here he was two years ago eating some takoyaki in a park.
…How the hell am I s'posed ta explain this? No. I don't need to explain myself. I'm a grown ass man that can eat some takoyaki in a park if I wanna. I ain't doin' nothin' wrong.
"Olivia's favorite."
…Wait. What?
Goro finally turned and looked fully at Makoto who was smiling brightly at him. She looked the same as she had two years ago except the frown that he was used to seeing was replaced with a smile and a calmed look in her eyes.
"…"
"That's Olivia's favorite order, isn't it?"
"I don't know anyone by that name." He muttered, stabbing at the takoyaki with the pick again. "How'd ya know it was me anyway?"
"Olivia told me. She's been coming to my parlor—the same one as before—once we reopened after the attack on Sotenbori. She said that you were tall, had a tattoo, an eyepatch, and a terrible fashion sense."
"Why's she always gotta pick on my outfit?" Goro muttered, pouting slightly.
"I wanted to see you again."
"…"
"To thank you. For everything that you did back then."
"Mm. Yer welcome."
Well… This is awkward.
A fair number of minutes passed between them and he wondered how rude it would be if he just got up and left. Makoto could eat the food there and drink the tea. But… he didn't know if she liked all of that.
"You know what one of Olivia's favorite things to talk about was?"
"No, I ain't got a clue."
"The red string of fate." Makoto smiled at him.
"The… what?"
"You don't know what the red string of fate is?" Makoto's shocked voice made him look down.
"I've heard somethin' 'bout it, but I ain't too sure what it is." He admitted.
"Olivia was right. You are oblivious." She sighed.
Well! That ain't very nice…
"The red string of fate is believed to connect to people together. The string may be long or short, sometimes it can get tangled, but… there's only one person at each end of the string. The person can't be replaced by any means. The person at each end of the string is supposed to be together. Forever."
"T-That right? Strange little fairy tale ya women like."
"Olivia loves the red string of fate. One of the favorite combinations of things to talk about was you and the red string?"
Goro sat up slightly.
"Haw…?"
"Mm. She can be a romantic at times. Cute for someone so young."
"…"
"When Olivia found out who I was, and knowing what happened two years ago, she felt awkward. But I told her the same thing I'm going to tell you. It was also one of the reasons that I wanted to find you. Our strings got tangled together, knotted in some places and were pulled together. But… when they untangled, more string was revealed, and they went different directions."
That's a really complicated explanation ya got there, Makoto.
"While our strings got tangled and pulled, I value our time together and cherish it. You even got my watch fixed for me. But we just pulled each other towards the opposite end. And we don't meet there. I'm not at the end of yours, and you're not at the end of mine. I'm happy. You pulled me to the end of my string. There's a man, you talked to him the last time I saw you. The man that used to be my doctor."
Oh yeah, I remember that.
"I know who's at the end of yours."
"Ya do? Care ta enlighten me?" Goro raised a brow.
"Olivia Harper." Makoto's words made him go rigid.
Her? You think that she's at the end of my 'red string'? I… I ain't really thought about that ever—well I didn't know what this 'red string' was anyway. But, ta think that she would be at the other end is—
"She thinks you're at the end of hers."
"That right?" Goro asked, his eyes remaining on his takoyaki.
She… thinks I'm at the end of hers?
"Mhm. She told me." Makoto smiled, looking at his face.
She… told you that?
"I can tell you that finding the person on the opposite end is rare, but the string can dig into each person's finger; hurting them."
"Figures."
"When one or the other, or both try to to pull away from each other, it tightens trying to keep them together and hurts them."
What're ya tryin' ta say? That we're at the opposite end and we're both hurtin'? Nah, I let her leave so that she could be happy. It ain't gonna hurt ta be happy. Ya've got me all confused.
"I can tell that you two are on each other's string; at the opposite end. Don't let that go." Makoto stood up and bowed to him. "Thank you so much for everything you've done for me, Majima-san. I'm happy."
Goro watched Makoto walk away and a small smile came to his face. It had hurt. Really hurt when he walked out of her life in order to keep her happy, but she was right. Over time the wound still stung but had healed. Had she been on the opposite side of his so called 'red string of fate', being that far apart would've been painful forever like Makoto had said. But she was smiling when she came to sit down. This time when she grew further in the distance, Goro didn't feel any pain, but he felt relief. To know that he had done something right and had made her happy was a relieving feeling. That meant that all the time that he had spent hurting was rewarded. She had found someone she really belonged with, and him…? Did she really want The Mad Dog of Shimano?
Goro leaned over and reached in his pocket and pulled out the good luck charm that he always carried with him almost since the instant he got it. It was battered, bent, and off color from everything it had been through, but… the front remained the same. It was a photo of her. To be exact, it was a photo of her smiling in his apartment. That first time she had been there, and he had been allowed to take a picture of her and keep it as a deal. He had made her smile and laugh and had to pull her hands down in order to snap the photo. Ever since he laid eyes on the photo; of her laugh and her smile, he knew things wouldn't be the same anymore. His reaction had shocked even him. He just had sat there and looked at it. Everything about the photo had been perfect, and before he knew it, he had placed the photo in his pocket where it remained through everything, only taken out when he wanted to look at it.
"So, you have a good luck charm?"
"It's not working."
"Ah, no. It is."
"You're sure?"
"100% positive. Don't worry about me, Kitten. My good luck charm keeps me here."
"But not safe?"
"It ain't supposed ta do that. Not it's job."
He could tell her that until the day that he died, but she still always thought it was her job to keep him—any of her friends safe. The good luck charm had kept him here. During his torture in Little Asia, even if he hadn't been able to take the photo out and look at it, when he closed his eyes, he could see it. That charm was what kept him going all that time. And just like he had thought, he'd gotten to see her again. She kept him here. Not safe. But as he said, that wasn't her job.
Goro took his finger and flicked the photo, a smile on his face.
"I knew ya'd end up bein' a pain in my ass…"
