UNDYING PIE 2
My other fics are on hold. I want to at least get this story off the ground a little more. And if you've got a problem with that, Mister, take it up with my Q4DAEHP Writer's Block Demon!
Insert DISCLAIMER here.
Translation of Chapter title... Yasashi Gentle/Kind. No More Mr. Nice Cloud, essentially!
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CHAPTER TWO - NO MORE YASASHI CLOUDO-SAMA!
Well, from his magical spirit Jenova whatever-ness, Cloud had built himself a big mansion out of the rubble of the Shinra HQ. It was... A big EVIL mansion. Imagine Ultimecia's Castle... BUT GONE CLOUDO! And, if you don't know how it would go Cloudo... Try going EMO instead.
Also, he had resurrected the Sephiroth FC, and merged them together to create his Ultimate Weapon...
... ... (drum roll)
... ... ... (no, actually, no drum roll. Just tense music)
...THE ULTIMATE FAN GIRL! EEEEEEEEEKK!
"Okay, UltraFan." Cloud said, since that's what he decided to call her. "I need you to carry out the following orders."
"Yes, Master." UltraFan agreed.
"One - Go to FanFiction dot Net and DESTROY ALL THE AERISEPH FICS! EVERY SINGLE ONE!"
"Yes, Master."
Cloud began pacing around in front of her.
"Two - Bring me EVERY Cleris or Clerith fic!"
"Yes, Master."
"Three... ...Uhh..."
He paused.
"Ummm... Ah-HA! Three - Terrorise Midgar as you please."
"Yes, Master."
"...Y'know, I'm not too big on the whole 'Master' thing... Try 'Cloud-Sama'."
"Yes, Cloud-Sama."
"Perfect!"
"Cloud-Sama, I'll go at once!"
Then, UltraFan ran off to fulfil her duties.
"Now, whilst I wait for UltraFan to return, I'll find somewhere to put that ridiculously large Aeris painting that I painted to express my deepest love for her!" Cloud said, and then realised... SHE DIDN'T LOVE HIM! GASP! NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
So, as a guitar bellowed in the background he decided to break into a heart-breaking (hahaha, gettit?) song, leaning on the ridiculously large Aeris painting that was just propped up against a wall.
"CRAWLING IN MY SKIN! THESE WOUNDS, THEY WILL NOT HEAL! FEAR IS HOW I--"
Then, there was a knock at his door. Cloud stopped singing, and stood up, and went to the door.
He opened it, and standing there were Vincent and Barret.
"Oh. It's you. Vincento and Barreto." He said. "What are you doing here?"
"We were lookin' for you and in the figured you were here." Barret said. "And you are."
"...Cloud, you have made me afraid of the moon. You are an idiot." Vincent said. "Now, reverse the effects before I keeeeeel you."
"Hmm... Lemme think about it..." Cloud said. "...NO!"
Then, he slammed the door shut.
"...Well, whadda we do now?" Barret asked, after they lost that argument pretty easily. Oh, shame, shame!
"I do not know." Vincent replied.
"Hmmph..." Barret mumbled, and then sat down on the doorstep... For about five seconds before he thought of what to do. "HEY, I KNOW! VINCENT! WE CAN TRY TO GET INSID--"
But, Vincent was already through an open window, and signalling to Barret to get inside. So, they both went to infiltrate Cloud's Mansion! YAY!
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Meanwhile, Tifa and Cait Sith were having a grand old time looking for Cloud in Sector 6. Yes, I know, Barret and Vincent have already found him, but aren't you interested in what the others are doing, hmm?
"Hello? Hello? Excuse me? Hello?" Tifa said, trying to talk to random people in the Wall Market, but they were all ignoring her. "Argh... No one's talking to me!"
"Ah, Tifa...?" Cait Sith said, sitting comfortably on her shoulder since Mog wasn't with him. "All these people are stone."
"STONE?" She exclaimed.
Sure enough, they were all statues.
"More precisely, these people are all stone statues... Of... Aeris."
Sure enough, they were all statues of Aeris.
"By the great chopsticks of Wutai - You're RIGHT Cait Sith!" Tifa said. "These are all Aeris statues! I wonder what's going on?"
"Hello." A random guy said, appearing from one of the many shops there. "May I help you?"
"Oh, yes." Tifa said. "We're looking for someone named Cloud. He has blonde hair that looks like a chocobo. Have you seen him?"
"Actually, yes." The random guy said. "He came here a while ago to place an order. You see, I'm Joe Statue, a statue maker."
And so, we'll call the random guy... Joe Statue!
"Cloud asked me to make fifteen different statues of this 'Aeris' person." Joe Statue continued. "I did the best I could without a model, but..."
They looked around. All of the Aeris statues were... Kind of... Abominations of Aeris statues!
"Now you mention it, all these Aeris statues don't look much like Aeris at all!" Tifa said with her hands on her hips.
"Well, I don't know what to do!" Joe Statue said sadly. "I can't make accurate statues of her based on Cloud's description of her!"
"Hmm..." Cait Sith mumbled. "...AH-HA! I'VE GOT IT!"
"Got what?" Tifa and Joe Statue asked.
"Why don't you just not do the statues for Cloud?" Cait Sith suggested.
"I can't turn down a customer! It'll be bad for my business!" Joe Statue said, and then resumed carving an Aeris statue inside his shop.
Tifa and Cait Sith exchanged glances.
"Okay..." Tifa said slowly. "Let's just go inside and ask where Cloud is."
So, they went in, and did exactly that.
"Hmm... I'm not sure." Joe Statue said. "He can't be far. Keep looking."
"Okay." They said, and then left to go search Sector 8, since they hadn't looked their yet.
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Meanwhile, Aeris, Sephiroth and Red XIII were looking around... Also for Cloud... Ahem.
"Hey, you're a dog, right?" Sephiroth asked, looking very suspicious about Red XIII. "Can't you catch Cloud's scent and follow it?"
"No. Because I'm not a dog." Red XIII said. He's a... ...Well... I'm not sure what he is!
"What are you then?" Sephiroth asked... Again.
"A resident of Cosmo Canyon." Red XIII replied.
"You mean a DOG from Cosmo Canyon!" Sephiroth argued.
Red XIII was about to reply when Aeris interrupted.
"Quit it, guys. We have to find Cloud!" She said.
"Okay... If I was Cloud, where would I be?" Sephiroth asked himself, and then realised... HE DIDN'T KNOW WHERE CLOUD WOULD BE IF HE WAS CLOUD! ARGH! How... FRUSTRATING! HOW INCREDIBLY FRUSTRATING?
"Hey!" Cid yelled, running along with Yuffie towards them.
"IMPORTANT!" Yuffie screamed, jumping into the group. "We got a call from Barret. He says he and Vincent found Cloud on the top plate where the Shinra HQ was before it collapsed last night! We gotta get up there! Right away!"
So, they all went off in the direction of wherever it was that got people up onto the Top Plate in FFVII. What was it? I dunno... I think it was the train, but I'm not ENTIRELY sure because Cloud and Tifa went up those steps when Sector 7 was about to collapse, so... ... ... OH WELL!
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Anyway, whilst all this was going on, UltraFan was at Fanfiction dot Net! YAY FOR The woman on the front desk said. "How may I help you?"
"I am the one they call UltraFan." UltraFan said, sounding remarkably like Sonny. "I am unique."
"Oh, another fan girl, huh..." The woman mumbled. "If you want to upload a story, the Document Manager's room is through there on the left. Put your email address and password into the gizmo at the side of the door to gain access."
So, UltraFan popped in her email and password, and walked into the Member's access of Fanfiction dot Net. Then, she went to the Document Manager's office.
"Oh, another fan girl..." The Document Manager, who we'll call Mr Document, said in a very dull tone. "Okay, go ahead, upload your cheesy drama story."
"I want to withdraw stories." UltraFan said.
"Huh? You can't do that." Mr Document said. "You can only--"
Just as soon as he argued, UltraFan threw a very sharp looking dagger at him, which hit him right between the eyes. He died. Poor guy. He only appeared for a few lines! Then, UltraFan just walked out, as that error screen that tends to annoy me... ALOT... Appeared. Error
An
error has occurred while processing your request. If the
problem persists, please alert site admin via
http/support. errors are logged
for administrative and security purposes.
Oh, how... ANNOYING for anyone trying to upload a document at that time!
At least it stopped the Yuffitines from being uploaded... Hwehehehehehe!
So, UltraFan went into the Browse Sections room, then into the Game section, and into Final Fantasy VII.
In there, there was a lot of different people. Many were fan girls, like her. Or, they were just crazy people, like me. Otherwise, they were nice normal people who were just reading up on the latest and greatest FFVII fics.
Or, they could have been Yaoi fans... But I'm sure I've already categorised them into fan girls. Unless... ... Nah...
UltraFan went to a cabinet, and opened a draw labled 'CLERIS/TH': ROMANCE/GENERAL. She emptied it into a big bag when no one was looking. Next, she went to another draw in the same cabinet, labled 'CLERIS/TH': ROMANCE/ANGST. She emptied that into the bag when no one was looking, too! And so on with all the Cleris/th fics, until EVERY SINGLE ONE IN EVERY CATEGORY was in the bag. And no one noticed. Except for the camera crew.
Yup, they were watching on CCTV! Wow! GRIPPING!
So, the special FF dot Net SWAT forces piled into the FFVII room, and aimed their guns at UltraFan.
"Please drop the bag and no one gets hurt!" One of the SWAT dudes said.
"...No one gets hurt... Except for YOU!" UltraFan yelled, and then aimed a SMOKE BOMB at the group! EGADS!
Whilst they were recovering, she quickly searched for the AERISEPH category. However, the smoke was clearing too fast. In a final attempt, she jumped out of the window, aimed Ultima at the FFVII room, and BLEW IT UP, along with ALL the FFVII fics! GASP! NOOOOOOO!
She landed outside, the bag of Cleris fics swung over her shoulder.
"Hehehe... Too easy!" UltraFan laughed, before heading back for Cloud's mansion.
So, UltraFan has destroyed all the FFVII fics apart from Cleris/ths? Wuh-oh... I smell trouble!
BASS IT!
QUESTIONS! QUESTIONS! QUESTIONS! Okay, I'm getting bored of asking now!
Leave a question, damn you!
TTFN!
