OwlCookies walks up on stage grinning like the Cheshire cat in Alice in Wonderland. "HEY! I CAN'T HELP GRINNING LIKE THAT WHEN MY CRUSH SMILES LIKE THAT! PLUS, THAT'S MY EVIL GRIN!" Owlie protests, huffing.
"Right…" Neiyo responds rolling her eyes.
Cautiously seeing that the program has begun, Jayfeather walks up on stage. "Alright. Let's get this over with," he sighs.
"Oh don't be that way!" Owlie smiles happily. "This is fun!"
"Ya ya," Jayfeather groans. "Ok the first question is from… the anonymous reviewer of Patchkit."
For Jayfeather: What do you think of all the JayXStick fanfictions?
Jayfeathers eyes grow wide in horror. "N… NO! I HATE THOSE FANFICTIONS! I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH STICKY! SHE'S JUST A STARCLAN STICK THAT RELATES TO THE PAST THAT'S REALLY COOL BECAUSE I GET TO MEET ROCK AND I GET TO KNOW STUFF! SHE'S NOT MY LOVER! AND PLUS, I'M A MEDICINE CAT!" Suddenly, his eyes grow wide in realization of what he just said. "NO! IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!" he exclaims in horror.
There are a few snickers rippled from the audience. The gray cats face turns a shade of bright red as he looks away in shame.
"So… You DO like the stick?" Owlie scoffs.
"No," he finally says calmly. "In other fanfictions I do, but in REALITY, I do not."
T.T OwlCookies groans. "You have boring answers."
Jayfeather shakes his head in annoyance. "I'm a boring cat."
"NO YOU'RE NOT! YOU'RE THE BESTEST KITTY OUT THERE!" Owlie protests.
"Right… Well the next question is from an anonymous reviewer with not name," Jayfeather continues.
Jayfeather, do you like someonee? Maybe a stick?
OwlCookies cracks up when she sees the expression on Jayfeathers face. A mixture of horror, despair, and more annoyance.
"As I simply stated earlier, I do NOT like some because I'm a medicine cat. And I, for StarClans sake, do NOT LIKE A STICK! You fanfiction writers can write all you want, but I do NOT like a stick. That's like a twoleg loving those profound dogs!"
Owlie scoffs again. "Geez! Cats these days! Using big vocabulary!"
"SHUT UP!" Jayfeather growls obviously annoyed. Calming down, he sighs again. "The next question is from yet another anonymous reviewer named… Shimmertail."
To Jayfeather: do you like Briarlight? To Ivypaw: Who do you like more, Hawkfrost or Bumblestripe (please, please, please let it be Hawkfrost) To Scourge: did you know Firestar was your half-brother? To Jayfeather: Are you still angry with Leafpool? To Berrynose: Are you really that obsessed with yourself? To Hollyleaf: Were you in love with Breezepelt and/or Sol?
At that first Jayfeather question, the emo and depressing cat who will rain on anyone, growls angrily. "I DON'T LIKE ANYONE BECAUSE I'M A MEDICINE CAT! FOR STARCLANS SAKE, WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE UNDERSTAND?" Giving up, he bawls in a corner with mixed emotions.
O_O Owlie taps the mic. "Erm… let's move onto the next question… Ivypaw! Come and answer it for us please!"
Ivypaw shrugs in the audience and proudly walks up on stage. "Hawkfrost versus Bumblestripe… Hrm… I don't really like Hawkfrost. Sorry. He's from the Dark Forest and not from my clan. So I'll have to say I I like Bumblestripe better."
Dovepaw sighs in relief but OwlCookies rolls her eyes. "YOUR CATS' ANSWERS ARE BORING!"
"WE'RE NOT ACTING LIKE WE DO IN FANFICTION!" Ivypaw responds growling. "Annoying twoleg," she hisses stalking off into the darkness of the room.
Neiyo shoots at glare at Scourge who is banging his head against the table. "Come on up here Scourge. No matter how bad you all don't want to answer these questions, you all signed a contrat."
"WHAT CONTRACT?" Jayfeather bawls in his corner that had surprisingly turned into a river.
Owlie grins and hold up a piece of paper. "This one!"
Illegal Tender. This contract proposes that OwlCookies gets to use the cast of Warriors for the rest of this fanfiction. All the cast of Warriors ever mentioned in the series must participate or Theiving Alchemist will make a fanfiction of their death because she's cool like that. Er… uhm… I don't exactly know what to put on a contract so…. Just listen to what Owlie says or she'll have my head.
X [INSERT THE SIGNATURE OF ALL THE WARRIOR CATS HERE]
"WE NEVER AGREED TO THAT!" Tigerstar growls from the audience.
The author sticks out her tongue. "Well that's your problem because I'm cool like that. Now Scourge, come up here and answer Shimmertails question!"
There is a groan but Scourge comes up anyways.
"No. I never knew that Firestar was my half-brother. We have never seen each other until that battle where I took one of his lives and he killed me. I don't believe he knew either," Scourge responds cooly.
Owlie sighs. "PLEASE SOMEONE! PUT SOME HUMOR IN YOUR ANSWERS!"
Scourge huffs and disappears back into the audience. His place is taken by Jayfeather who was forced to stop bawling and to talk into the microphone.
"I'm not necessarily mad at Leafpool. I feel awkward around her so I don't really want to talk to her or be near her. She broke the warrior code by having us and by being mates with that StarClan forsaken WindClan cat. Then she made Hollyleaf die. Nooooo of COURSE I'm still not mad at her!" Once he is done, Jayfeather continues to bawl in his river of a corner.
Neiyo glares at Berrynose who is flirting with Honeyfern and Poppyfrost and being conceited. "BERRYNOSE!" she hissed.
"W… What?" he asks as the crew of the show forcefully drags him onto the stage. "What was the question?"
Everyone who hates him facepalms(including Owlie and Neiyo) "The question was," Owlie starts extremely annoyed. "Are you really that obsessed with yourself?"
"PSSSHT! NO! OF COURSE NOT!" Berrynose says rolling his eyes. "I mean, of course I'm so much better at everything than all of you cats, but I have other obsessions besides myself!" he says with a sexy smirk, grin, and looking very flattering.
"….Like…?" Neiyo asks.
"Now now children. One question at a time! Berrynose is going back to my people!"
Neiyo and OwlCookies look at each other like, W-T-F?
Once Berrynose is long gone, Hollyleaf excitedly bounds up on stage. "Gosh! It's so nice! I feel so acknowledged being asked a question!" she smiles happily.
"Ew… It's you," Owlie groans. (yes. I don't like hollyleaf T.T)
Neiyo and Hollyleaf shoot a warning glance at her which apparently scared OwlCookies so much she ran away bawling in a different corner.
When Hollyleaf sees the question, she gasps. "Why would I ever love Breezepelt or Sol! The Warrior Code is my life! I would never break it! But knowing my birth broke it…" she trails off looking into space sadly. "Well, never mind that. I have never loved either of them."
"Awww! It's drama!" Owlie smiles happily. Neiyo hands a soggy wet piece of paper to her. Owlie frowns. "Why is it wet?" she whispers curiously to Neiyo.
"Jayfeather is still at it," she says pointing over to Jayfeather whose tears had formed an ocean.
Sighing, Owlie snaps her fingers. In an instant, the ocean of tears had disappeared and Jayfeather was now standing at the mic looking very trans-like. The audience looked at the magic in awe.
Blinking confused, Jayfeather read off the soggy piece of paper. "Ok, luckily this is still legible so… the next question is from… skyfoot21!"
I have a few questions, and here they are! 1: Has Jayfeather ever wanted to leave the clan? 2: Has Jayfeather ever gotten sick? 3: Has Jayfeather ever dealt with Blackcough?
"To make this short and sweet but no not funny, here it is. I haven't wanted to leave ThunderClan but I have wanted to leave the camp when I was a kit. Ahh… good times… Of course I've gotten sick! Every cat HAS to have gotten sick at one point in their lives! There were the occasional colds and mild coughs and fevers, but nothing to serious. Plus, being a medicine cat means I'm exposed to sickness so, yes I've gotten sick before. Blackcough? I don't believe we've had that in our clan before. Last I heard, Blackcough was just a myth," Jayfeather nods and looks at Neiyo for the next question.
Neiyo reaches into her pocket and pulls out a crumpled piece of paper. Owlie sees this and looks at it curiously.
"Why are all the papers such in bad condition?" she asks curiously.
Neiyo shrugs and hands the paper to Jayfeather. "I dunno. Cuz they've been in my pocket?"
"Right…" Owlie says slyly.
Clearing his throat, he reads from the paper. "This one is a very interesting question from… Splotchpelt!" he says.
Jayfeather, what's it like being blind? Can you read braille?
Jayfeathers eyes grow wide O.O "Well, when you're blind, it's all dark. Darker than the eclipse and the Dark Forest combined. Well, I assume the Dark Forest is dark. Is it? I'll have to ask Ivypaw… And about the Braille? In fanfiction terms, sure, I can read Braille. But in real terms, no. I cannot read. As of now, I am reading this paper in Braille."
OwlCookies squeals happily. "CAN YOU TEACH ME HOW TO READ BRAILLE?" :D
Jayfeather shakes his head. "Nope and I don't want to either."
"Poop," Owlie pouts. Jayfeather just smirks
With a poof, a non crumpled piece of paper appears in front of Jayfeather.
"DON'T TOUCH IT!" Owlie gasps. "IT'S NOT CRUMPLED! IT MAY BE DANGEROUS!"
Getting the anger mark, Jayfeather grabs the paper and crumples it from mid air. "Happy now?" he growls.
Contented, OwlCookies nods.
"Alright, this question if from an anonymous reviewer name… NO." When he says the name he starts laughing. "I'm sorry but please people! Think of better names!"
Hey,Jayfeather! get this over with...I AM YOUR BIGGEST FAN! My question:Are you happy beging an medicanie cat now?
"Aww! Another question for me! Thanks guys! Well then again… this IS Ask Jayfeather so I understand," Jayfeather smiles.
"Why do you remind me of this person from FullMetal Alchemist soooo much?" Owlie says rolling her eyes.
"Screw FullMetal Alchemist! This is Warriors!" Neiyo hisses. OwlCookies just shrugs.
"Yay! Another big fan! I'm sorry NO but I have many biggest fans so I'm not sure you'd want to say that. Take OwlCookies for example, she would go to Erin Hunters house and scream in their faces for a million hours strait if I were to die." Jayfeather just shrugs as all the fangirls sighs sadly. "Ok now for the real question… "
OwlCookies grins her Cheshire cat grin.
"Actually, I don't feel I have anything to say about that. At first I really wanted to be a warrior, but now that I've been a medicine cat for moons, I say that it has gotten better. I still do want to be a warrior, but I feel StarClan made me blind for a reason. It may have to do with the prophecy. So… really, I couldn't say," Jayfeather shrugs again.
Neiyo reaches into her pocket and takes out the last question. Owlie snatches the paper from her and huffs.
"I wanna read this one! Especially since it didn't show in the reviews but in my email instead :3" OwlCookies smiles evily while Neiyo just rolls her eyes. "Ok! So this question is from… Mothstar!"
K heres some Q's! To Jayfeather Do you love Willowshine? Is your sister isane? Are you a cookie? For Owlcookies Are you in love with Jayfeather? To Neiyo Will you continue this?
Jayfeather groans annoyed again and gets the anger mark. "I DON'T LOVE ANYONE I DON'T LOVE ANYONE! FOR STARCLANS SAKE I DON'T LOVE ANYONE! Well… besides my littermates. But no, I am not in love."
OwlCookies sneaks in another mic and speaks through it. "YOU LOVE YOUR STICK DON'T YOU!" she grins evilly.
"NO I DON'T," he growls annoyed. "And no! My sister is NOT insane!"
"YA SHE IS! IN MY FANFICTION, HOLLYLEAF IS INSANE!" Owlie exclaims laughing evilly.
Neiyo rolls her eyes. "That's because you don't like her."
"Ya well, there was this one good Hollyleaf fanfiction-" The crew had to drag her away…
"Am I… a cookie…" Jayfeather repeats O_o "No. I don't believe so."
OwlCookies escapes from the clutches of the crew to answer her question. "I'm not in love with Jayfeather. I'm just a fangirl! I like human boys to you know!" :O
Neiyo looks at her question. "I'm sorry Mothstar, but you have this all wrong. I'm not the author of this fanfiction. OwlCookies is Theiving Alchemist," she says pointing to Owlie who got shot by a tranquil gun. "So technically you should be asking her because I'm just her co-host. But if you were to ask her, she would obviously say, OF COURSE I'M GOING TO CONTINUE THIS! IT'S TOTALLY COOL AND FUN!" Neiyo nods.
After she was done, Jayfeather disappeared and OwlCookies passed out. The audience was in a havoc mess. Sighing, she grabbed the microphone and raised up the speaker volume. "THIS SEGEMENT OF ASK JAYFEATHER WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THEIVING ALCHEMIST'S TYPING FINGERS. SHE DOESN'T OWN ANYTHING BESIDES ME, HERSELF, THE CONTRACT, AND THIS FANFICTION. SO… GOODBYE."
Neiyo sighs and rolls her eyes realizing that she must be the most sanest person.
