Chapter 2

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"Mmmgh… Lee… so… love..." another breath… and the pain… the flight deck, Liara all fading away and she was back in this place, this dark place filled with pain and fear.

'Think dammit… think… what's the last thing…' and again a vision of Liara came into her mind this time this time they were about to kiss and the image again faded pushed away with the pain of the next breath she had to take.

'Saren… chasing Saren… fought him… Citadel… Sovereign crashing down… is that it… buried on the Citadel… great… even when I kill one I end up half dead...' she thought but another voice whispered in a colder voice 'only half dead I think that's reaching.'

Then another image came floating into her mind. Green eyes right in front of her saying something about pain.

"Feel into the pain, don't try to block or avoid it," that's right a familiar male voice said, "concentrate on it and then you can take control, try now Lidie."

Her father's voice, and then his face came into focus. Shepard had been on the ship's climbing wall in the recreation bay. Pushing too hard and ignoring her father's suggestions to take it slower.

She'd banged herself hard when she hit the floor and was close to tears, but she fought them back. Even at seven she wanted to be tough.

Shepard felt herself drifting away again and she tried to be brave and kept looking into the eyes of her father, her brave, thoughtful loving father.


Shepard looked up into the face of her father, his green eyes a mirror of her own, and was reassured and comforted despite the piercing pain in her shoulder.

"That's it Liddie, feel into the pain and now turn down the volume, like we practised… though you know the real trick is not to get hurt in the first place," he smiled and helped her up continuing "I think that's probably enough for today your mother will have my guts if we're late to the mess deck for dinner."

Her father was a marine, a lieutenant commander, though he started off heading for an academic life as a history scholar.

That's how she got one of her Christian names, Lydia, for some Greek or Minoan state which was the home of the double headed axe, Labrys. That was actually what he first suggested but her but her mother had put the brakes on it feeling that it was a bit too much history to lumber a child with.

From him Shepard learned her love of history, books, reading and also of weapons. She was stripping down and putting back together rifles, pistol and shotguns by the time she was six.

She would ask endless questions and sit in on training session about all things technical and combat related, even though she didn't always understand everything she tried hard to.

Her father would always share a blow by blow account of his missions, he didn't glorify it, told her the hard stuff as well as the exciting adrenaline rush moments.

He sometimes lost marines on missions and those were the times she saw how much responsibility came with command.

Shepard's mother was a navy officer and from her she learned a love of ships and space itself. The dark art of mass effect fields, quantum mechanics, FTL drives, navigation… all things space vehicle related.

One of her earliest memories was sitting on her mother's lap in the co-pilot seat of a frigate and having a front seat view of a mass relay jump.

From both of them she learned her iron sense of duty and honour, that you protect the weak, that to remain true to yourself and your moral compass was the only way to know right from wrong and the only way to make decisions when to do what was right would not be easy, that life was complicated and messy and the greatest gift the universe could give.

She wasn't unique in this 'educational' experience. It wasn't unusual for alliance 'spacer' kids to spend most of their time on board ship with their parents, the alliance would ensure that parents were posted together and on larger ships that had facilities for babies and children.

Shepard did have to spend some time at alliance boarding schools when either she reached a critical point in her education or her parent's ship was assigned to a mission unsuited to having children on board.

But for the most part she grew up on board her mother's ship's in the company of her father's marines and there was never any doubt what she would do when she was old enough.

The darkest day of her life came when she was fifteen years old. The ship had answered the distress call from Mindoir and her father was leading one of the teams of marines fighting on the ground.

He was killed in action and the effect on Shepard was brutal, she found it hard ever to say anything other than 'fucking Batarian's' if they ever came up in conversation after that day.

Later she would work with and be civil to Batarian's when the situation required it or duty commanded it, but there was no love lost between Human and Batarian on the whole and she was fine with that state of affairs.

The memories flashing in and out of view were of her time growing up on board those beautiful ships with her brilliant, loving and honourable parents. Of shore leave and trips to ruins or development labs; playing arguing learning laughing.

One memory stayed in her mind for longer and was tinged with sadness.

Shepard could hear the music through the open windows. The Alliance navy still used a marching band, such an old, old tradition.

But tradition was one of the things she really valued in the Service, that feeling of history, continuity; it reinforced the feeling of being part of something much bigger than her.

Looking in the mirror she did a final check of her dress blues. Completing her preparations she put on her dress cap and pulled its black peak down over her eyebrows so she could only just see straight ahead. She looked into her face, into her eyes, her father's eyes and missed him deeply. He would have been so proud of her.

There had always been friendly rivalry between her parents about which arm of the service she would enter when she was eighteen, but in honesty no one had any doubt that she would join the marines.

And here she was at her passing out parade; her mother, now the executive officer on the newest dreadnought the alliance had, sitting proudly in the stands waiting for her daughter to march past at the head of a troop of marines who were also moving from recruit to fully-fledged member of the Marine Corps.

It seemed to be over to soon, she wanted to relish the moment, to overlay it onto her father's recollection of his passing out parade. After the ceremony she was able to meet again some of her father's old squad and his commanding officer who had attended as a mark of the respect he had for her father.

She walked much taller than her five foot ten not only because of her own achievement but because she knew she was standing here thanks to both her parents and what they had given her; those character lessons that would steel her enough to face what was in her path and survive experiences that would have broken most people.


Elysium, Skyllian Verge, 2176

"Well I may be on shore leave but it doesn't mean I can't do things I enjoy just because they are sort of work related now does it" she smiled at the young woman standing next to her "I mean would it be so bad if we just took an hour or two to check out the weapons mods this market has to offer. I'll make it up to you later, promise," she reached out and pulled the woman close and kissed her gently but firmly.

"Aw Shep when you put it like that how can I refuse," Anna was a little shorter than Shepard and was a local Elysium girl with black hair and blue eyes and a truly devilish smile.

But before they got much further air raid sirens started to wail out and loud speakers that Shepard hadn't even noticed before began to repeat two messages:

"All civilians to fortified shelters immediately. All military personnel report to the garrison office at the main gate"

Shepard looked at Anna and could see the fear in her eyes, they had heard the news of mercenary and Batarian raids on human colonies but this was Earth's "capital" in the Traverse and the population here had never contemplated any kind of attack.

"Hey it's ok, it may even just be a drill, but I need you to go to the shelter and stay there till I come find you, promise me?"

"Ok but I should go home and check to make sure the rest of the family is ok," Anna's response was exactly the reply Shepard didn't want to hear, if this was for real then wandering around looking for relatives was not the safe thing to do, and she cared for this woman.

"No Anna promise me you go straight to the shelter and wait for them, you could end up missing each other if you try to find them, and take this, just in case," Shepard handed Anna her hand cannon.

She pulled Anna to her and gave her a long kiss and a held her firmly in her arms.

"Now go and I'll see you on the other side." Shepard watched for a few moments as Anna hurried away in the direction of the nearest shelter.

Shepard turned to head toward the garrison office calculating on the way how many troops were likely to be stationed here, how many may be on shore leave like herself and what kind of notice they had received about the incoming attack.

The news was bad. They had less than thirty minutes, the incoming force looked like it could be overwhelming given the size and number of ships entering orbit, the focus of the attack would be Elysium itself and from the signatures of the ships they were Batarian.

The "garrison" was little more than local MP/Security levels and by far the largest number of troops where those who were on shore leave.

They had enough time to grab armour, thankfully there was enough to go around, and the armoury was well stocked. The ranking officer was a Captain but he had no combat experience and she was told to take command even though she was only a first lieutenant.

The settlement itself was fairly well fortified but there were to many entry points to be able to defend it completely. She asked that a message be sent to all the shelters that doors were locked on her command

Shepard would leave it as long as possible but they had no way of protecting all the safety shelters with troops they just had to hold till reinforcements came and stop the Batarian's getting heavy weapons or vehicles into the settlement.

The only way to do that was to hold the main gate offering the only road access. The rest of the settlement would have to be on lock down. And once the attackers got through the "holes" in the settlement defences by foot the defenders at the gates would be surrounded.

They were receiving telemetry from satellites which the Batarian's hadn't bothered taking down, a tactical mistake that may have stemmed from their arrogance.

They had to think they could walk in with the numbers they had against a lightly defended civilian settlement. With that information available and their own local beacons which would start tracking the activity once the Batarian's hit the ground they had a pretty good idea to within minutes of when they would be hit.

She stationed two small teams to man the two turrets on the walls either side of the gate with orders to spike the guns if they were in any danger of being taken by the enemy; and positioned both the grenade and rocket launchers with fire support on the walls as well.

Deploying the only other heavy turrets on top of two cargo containers they had hauled in and dumped for cover in the area behind the main gates. They would be more exposed up there but would have a devastating effect and provide a killing zone both to the front and rear of their position. That is until the ammo ran out.

The rest of the troops dug in and found cover as best they could back to back ready for the attack from inside the settlement when the Batarian's broke through; and the main attack force that would be heading for the gates.

Ammo, including grenades, were distributed evenly and by the time they had finished their preparations the intel officer warned that troops would be at the gate in under five minutes. She gave the order to lock the shelters. They had had slightly more time than first estimated, it had been forty one minutes since she kissed Anna goodbye. Shortly after that thought all hell broke loose.

Shepard tried to be everywhere supporting all the ground positions as they came under increased fire or attack. They had some luck early on, the Batarian's decided to lead with their heavy weapons and carefully placed rockets and turret fire took out the two lead vehicles in the first exchange of fire.

The mistake the enemy made then was for the next couple of vehicles to just go around the two that were disabled and they too were taken out thus blocking any further access to vehicles until the first line was clear. But that would be difficult and the vehicles were on fire and exploding, their magazines full of unused ordinance.

There was nothing more luck could do for them. They were completely outnumbered. Only the preparations they had made, their Alliance training and discipline and Shepard's active and ongoing leadership and tactical adjustments kept their heads above water. But they steadily lost troops, one after another, sometime two or three at a time, men and women were killed or severely wounded.

Time had no meaning, Shepard had no idea how long they had been fighting. The Batarian's had taken three or four breaks to try to regroup. Shepard used that time to move ammo around reposition remaining troops to fill gaps and rally confidence.

She told them there would be no surrender, she told them they were all that stood between these Batarian slavers and what they would do to the innocent men women and children they were protecting.

She told them there was no choice; they held on till help came, they were the last and only line of defence.

Shepard could feel the blood from a head wound sustained in hand to hand combat when a wave of Batarian's had overwhelmed their left flank and she and a couple of others had gone to reinforce and repel the attackers.

Her left arm hung useless at her side a bullet wound in her shoulder. And a slice of shrapnel from a grenade blast had lodged itself in her side. But anger, adrenaline, force of will kept her rallying her troops and killing the wave after wave of the enemy that seemed to be never-ending.

And then it stopped. All the noise of gunfire and shouting and screaming and explosions, just stopped. The silence was almost painful on her ears. She sank to her knees.

"Sit rep, sound out, status and ammo," she shouted but very few shouts came back. They had lost the turrets and troops on the wall…. when… a long time ago, she thought.

"Intel do you have Alliance contact yet," she shouted over to her comms station. They had sent out all the distress calls required and for as long as they were able to transmit they sent out situation updates including Batarian troop numbers and their losses.

"Lieutenant we have Alliance ships in fleet numbers in orbit," a very weak and faint voice came to her from what was left of their comms station further along the cargo container they were using for cover.

"Ok, stay sharp people, not safe till… reinforcements… need to just keep…" Shepard was losing the fight to stay conscious, but only finally let go when she heard and then saw alliance gunships overhead and she knew they would put boots on the ground in seconds.

She felt herself fading, heat, the smell of death on the air fading away to darkness.

'Medic…over here' she thought or possibly tried to shout.

Why hadn't they got to her yet, they were here reinforcements, 'they… no…not Elysium… not Elysium' she thought.

'Dammit Anna, why didn't you go to the shelter like I told you.' The image of Anna's body, shot through the chest and the head crashed into her mind.

She had been one of the few, significant few, who had not made it to the shelter before they were locked down. The brass had said if that order hadn't been given the Batarian's would have overrun the shelters and the civilian casualties would have been horrendous.

But she still had to live with the knowledge she locked out people from a place of safety because she couldn't find a way to protect them. She failed to protect Anna, did she protect Liara

'You have to get it together Shepard where the fuck are you,' but the pain in her body and in her head crowded out her attempts at focussed thought.

Images kept rattling through her mind jumping in time, her father, her mother and of course Liara.

'So do you want dad to help you into whatever passes for the afterlife or do you want mum to miraculously come find you the way she always could when you needed her before you got to big accept help even when it was offered…huh… which one Shepard…'

And there it was again the almost overwhelming need to let go, to stop fighting, to be done. She had done enough; seen enough, been through enough…she wanted to rest… she wanted it to stop.

'One last thing, just one last thing to do… if only I could remember what it is…' Her head hurt, everything hurt and she was getting pretty fucking fed up of it and not knowing where she was and now she was wondering why nobody had come looking for her.

And this fucking itch that she couldn't reach to scratch… what the hell was it she still had to do… for fucks sake give me peace… let me find peace…

'Find peace in the arms of the Goddess' she thought and then with a jolt she heard Liara whisper "Embrace eternity"… but she was alone so that had to be in her head.

'Here it comes again' she thought as she began drifting away from the next breath, falling up away from the pain… take me with you Liara, come and find me.