Two days ago

She was awake in an instant. first she drifted through limbo, floating away in peaceful sleep.

And now she was gasping against cold asphalt, her hair tangled and her eyes wide.

What…the fuck.

"Naharra," a voice whispered, the Archangel Gabriel looking down at her with a cocked head.

"Don't…call me that," she wheezed, struggling to get up on her feet. "Don't ever…call me that."

"You are needed."

"Right, like you winged asshats need me. Cas surely didn't need me, you know, when he let me roll over and die. Which was not sexy," she turned away from him. "Thanks for the revival though."

"Look, bitch," Gabriel's tone shifted from soft to the egotistical rage he was famous for. "My little brother is gonna kill himself tomorrow. And I'm not allowed to interfere. Now he had a special…eh, thing for you. And you are the only one who can stop him."

"Just let him rot," she muttered with a tinge of anger. "Castiel is an angel-"

"Not anymore, sugarlips," Gabriel replied. "Summer O' 2013, everyone burned. No angels."

"But you-"

"God came back, but he's ambivalent towards Cas, see?" He paced around her for a bit before continuing. "Castiel is…compromised."

"He's human."

"Bingo."

"And you want me to-"

"To keep him from killing himself," he shifted slightly. "Believe it or not, some of us still care about family. Don't let him do this," Gabriel begged. "I need time before I can do what I need to. If he dies his soul is compromised.

"Meg, please."

Why did she ever agree to that?

Castiel was distant, and for some reason he seemed pissed at her for saving his life. Again.

I just love the gratitude labeled out there for me.

"You were dead," he repeated again. "You were dead. Sam and Dean saw you die."

"Yeah, well, didn't take."

He had moved them over to his old couch when he finally decided to wake up. He didn't look that different, he was still in the same vessel, but his eyes were heavier, full of pain and heartache that started to weigh on Meg as well.

"How long?"

"Since I came back?"

He nodded.

"A month," she lied. "I got your place from that skinny asshole with the boat. You and the hunters must of…had a falling out."

"I left when the angels came back," he replied. "They didn't need me anymore."

Awkward silence hung between them. Meg fidgeted with her hands while Castiel leaned back on the small sofa, shutting his eyes.

"You know, killing yourself isn't the best way out of things, Clarence."

"It is preferred."

She swallowed, taking a shot. "You still going to be sweet on me?"

"I was always sweet on you."

"Good boy."

Silence made Meg uncomfortable. She opened her mouth to say something, only to have Castiel beat her.

"I assume you want to stay, since you can't…necessarily go anywhere."

She blinked. "You noticed?"

He stood up, heading over to the rotted closet door beside the bedroom. "Just because I'm human doesn't mean I'm stupid. I could sense it."

He fought the closet door open and grabbed a tattered comfort blanket, unfolding it as he threw it on the couch.

"Really, I have to sleep here?" She muttered when he started to turn for the bedroom.

"I prefer to be alone."

"Well, you gonna thank me?"

"Thank you, Meg, for continuing a life that should have ended."

She scoffed. "You're really playing that card Castiel? I came back for you!"

"I didn't ask you to!" Castiel's voice was rasped as he yelled at her, for the first time since they'd know each other. Rage was evident in his blue eyes, and the force and brutality of his words stung like poison. "I destroyed my home. I murdered my own family, and I don't even get the luxury of death. And after everything I'm doomed to living with my guilt for how ever long this body lasts.

"You don't get it, Meg. I don't want to be saved."

Every tinge of sympathy she had for him vanished. "How dare you say that," she hissed. "You're a fucking dumbass, Castiel. There are people who still care about you. Who still love you. I still…"

"You still what, demon?"

"Oh, you son of a bitch. Kill yourself then. Let everything you have tried to fix and anything that had tried to care about you wither away because you're too fucking afraid to…afraid to have a damn life! I've been human before, Castiel. I've been a demon. I fucking understand. You're just to dumb to see it!"

She watched as anger fell from Castiel's face, the ex-angel blinking away from her.

"You loved me."

"I didn't love you I… moderately cared."

"Is that what Sam meant…by unicorn?"

She hated how his voice changed from anger to amusement; he was fucking enjoying this.

"I told him not to tell you."

"But he did. I didn't understand," he was looking her with the most pathetic face, and she found herself walking closer to him.

"Is that why you came back? Why you saved me?"

"You still have a fan club, Clarence. Call me the representor of that club."

He was looking down it her with new eyes, curiosity glinting as he kissed her, making her grunt in surprise that he had actually made the move before her. When he broke it off, he found himself staring at her.

She retaliated by grabbing his face, returning his kiss and then some, the both of them so into it that Castiel grabbed her and carried her into his small bedroom.

He found himself unable to sleep, even with Meg curled up against him, sleeping softly. How the whole thing happened; how sex seemed to follow them, Castiel was unsure. But the way it seemed to come naturally to them was amazing in his own right.

He had other women before. Even a male out of curiosity. But the way Meg made him feel was something special. It was something that grounded him, that made him comfortable and content,

It was something he hadn't felt in a very, very long time.

It happened to them several times beforehand, but every time those feelings would be torn from him and he was sure it would happen again and again. But this was different.

In fact, he was praying for it. Praying for some way to stop the pain.

Meg stirred in her slumber, something that made Castiel a bit uncomfortable as she stretched over him, her arms just falling over his thin hips and her face buried in his chest.

She had overlooked the burn scars that covered his abdomen, a result of a stupid decision he'd made as an angel that left him deformed and displaying a spray of pink raises and narrow cliffs that now adorned his skin.

The reason I left the Men of Letters. Why I ripped out my grace.

He appreciated she didn't ask him on it, she more or less just gasped at the webbing of scars that adorned him, and then proceeded to distract him from her face.

Ego sum angelus burnded.

The burdened one.

He let out a heavy sigh.

What am I supposed to do?

Why did you give her back to me?

Once again, he was unanswered. He was tired, upset, drained.

He closed his eyes and fell asleep, and for once no dreams came.