Author's Note: Hey there everybody! I'm really sorry it took so long to get the second chapter of this up. Oh, well. I blame school, first and foremost, and then a bunch of other distractible-like things. And heavy writers' block. Anyway, on to chapter two!
Disclaimer: I don't own the Pirates characters or make any money from writing this. Maybe if I did, I'd be rich already and I wouldn't have to go to college myself…
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"Isn't this exciting, Will? Oh, I wonder what Captain Sparrow's surprise will be! He was so excited about it last time, I'm sure it's something wonderful!"
Elizabeth Swann grinned happily as she dropped into her favorite seat in the front row of the history room. The young man who followed slowly behind her, however, was not smiling in the least.
"Whatever it is I'm sure it can't be anything normal." William Turner sighed as he slumped dejectedly into the desk beside Elizabeth. "Remember his last 'surprise?' He brought that awful cat in here and we had to treat it like royalty for a week."
"The ancient Egyptians did worship cats, Will," Elizabeth reminded him, digging for her notebook. "It was a hands-on experience to go with that portion of the class. Besides, I thought Her Majesty Queen Bastet was a lovely kitty."
Will did not agree. "Why can't he just be like every other professor at this college and give us pop quizzes as his 'surprises?' At least quizzes don't scratch you."
Elizabeth blinked innocently. "What fun would that be?"
Before Will could reply, quick footsteps were heard in the hall. Within moments, the door blew open to reveal their instructor. The entire class went still, staring with wide eyes as he slowly sashayed to the front of the room.
"Oh, Captain!" Elizabeth squealed.
"Oh, God," Will groaned.
Professor "Captain" Jack Sparrow was living up to his name. Gone was his usual post-hippie biker ensemble, and in its place a transformation had occurred. Ragged trousers and knee boots had replaced faded blue jeans and steel-toes. A long brown coat adorned with buttons and buckles had taken the place of a leather vest, and a worn three cornered hat sat jauntily atop the usual red bandana. Myriad sashes, belts, rings and bangles completed the ensemble.
Stopping at the front of the room, Captain Sparrow surveyed his stunned pupils. "Right then. Today is the nineteenth day of September. Know ye what extra-special day that be, me hearties?"
"Well it isn't Halloween, if you were wondering," Will said loudly.
Both Elizabeth and the professor sent him a dirty look. "Thank ye, lad, fer pointing out the bloody obvious. If any of ye scurvy scoundrels paid any attention to the holidays at all, ye'd know that today is the greatest one of the year: International Talk Like A Pirate Day!"
Will sighed, digging an elbow into the desk and propping his chin on his fist. "Oh, I should have guessed. How thoughtless of me. Can't believe I missed that on the calendar."
"Here now young whelp, less sarcasm and more piratical dialect. Yer participation grade for the day depends on it. Extra points will be awarded for creative insults that are not directed at the captain."
"Aye, Captain! This'll be fun!" Elizabeth chirped happily.
"Aye, avast," Will muttered, face in his arms. "I'd rather be keelhauled than sit through an hour o' this, arrrgh."
"Come now, lad." Strolling forward, Jack patted Will's shoulder condescendingly. "I thought all boys like to play pirates."
"And I thought you hated the Colonial period, which ironically is when the most famous of the pirates lived, sailed, and killed each other."
Captain Sparrow blinked. "Just keep it up, there, William. Snippy whelps like you wind up in the brig… and, since we have no brig at the moment, ye'll be locked in the prop closet."
Will's eye twitched at the mention of the commandeered storage closet across the hall; that dark, evil space where his insane instructor stashed all his period costumes, props, and miscellaneous junk that wouldn't fit in the classroom. "Do it and you'll be staring at a lawsuit so fast—"
"Now crew," Jack announced loudly, "I'll just be passin' out these sheets. Make sure ye all get one, they're very important. Once everyone's got a paper we will commence with our ITLAPD celebration by singin' the theme song fer it, understand?"
There was a general murmur of contentment from the class. A few were even trying out various pirate-themed insults on one another, more than happy to go along with the fun in order to be spared from any real work for the day.
"Alright, make like the hull's full of plunder and yer stomach's full of rum, everybody. Pity some of ye are underage, or there'd be real rum to enhance the experience. Now then, all of ye have a sheet? Good! From the top, and put some feeling into it, crew!" And the professor began to sing.
"I have to go to the restroom," Will muttered, and promptly fled. He spared a moment to be thankful that Elizabeth was too preoccupied, singing lustily along as she was, to notice his departure. He would hide in the little tiled room until the madness passed and it was safe to come out.
He had only been in the men's room a few minutes, however, when the raucous singing suddenly stopped mid-stanza and ceased to filter through the walls. Despite his better judgment William Turner slunk slowly back to the history room, dreading what he might find.
This whole course is an absolute joke, he fumed. I'd report that man to the dean if Lizzie didn't like him so much. Oh, well. Nothing can keep me from speaking my mind when it comes time for the all-holy instructor evaluations.
Yes, he was really looking forward to those evaluations.
O.O.O.O.O
Will wasn't the least bit surprised to discover, upon cautiously reentering the room, that in less than five minutes their brave "captain" had somehow managed to become embroiled in a heated shouting match with his mortal rival, Professor James Norrington of the Colonial History 101 class next door. After all, it did happen on a weekly basis.
"Where did you go, Will?" Elizabeth whispered, eyes never leaving the combatants.
"Oh, you know… out." He watched the two instructors stare coldly at one another as they circled like sharks, neither willing to back down. The confrontations were always mildly amusing, and Sparrow usually got himself so riled up during them that he then forgot to give out assignments. Will enjoyed those days, when he could kick back and simply read the textbook.
"And just how do you expect my students to concentrate on their quizzes with your lot over here bellowing like they're being slowly murdered, Sparrow? It travels right through the walls! I'll blame any and all poor marks on you, see if I won't."
"Well maybe if ye'd give the poor kids somethin' a bit more stimulating to work on than a borin' ol' quiz they'd get better grades! Quizzes are no measure of a person's intelligence."
"Midterms are in two weeks, Sparrow! You think I want them all to fail the standardized tests the superiors send me? I'd wager you've not even mentioned the need to begin studying for them to your class. I sincerely want all of my students to pass the course and I, unlike some people in this department, do not wish to lose my position." He swiftly turned to address the class. "Who here has read the text? Anyone?"
Will slowly raised his hand.
"One. One out of how many? Thirty or so? Sparrow, that's pitiful."
"No, that's an eager learner. Ye get one of 'em every once in a while. But I'm sure ye're too busy over there praisin' the theft an' colonization of other people's dirt to notice one if they jumped up an' asked ye fer extra credit!"
"Hear that, Will?" Elizabeth asked as the men's slightly civil conversation degenerated into a vicious exchange of insults. "He praised you just now! See, I told you Captain Sparrow notices how hard you work."
Will considered. Hmm, maybe it wasn't so bad that he'd gotten carried away on their last writing assignment and gone on for over ten pages. At least the professor, insane though he might be, seemed to be noticing the effort that Will was putting into the assignments.
"That's the last straw!" Norrington finally cried. "I'm not about to stand here and listen to you insult my teaching methods!"
"Likewise!" Jack pointed firmly out the door. "So just prance on back to your own space and stay out of mine until ye have somethin' constructive to add to the class, ye hear?"
"Oh, I'll have something constructive to add when I return, you can count on that!"
Elizabeth winced as he stalked out and slammed the door behind him. "Oh dear, I think he means business this time."
Will yawned. "Looks like."
"But really, he's in the wrong, isn't he, Will?" she pressed. "The captain's methods might be a bit… different, but I'm sure we're still learning everything we're supposed to be."
"I guess midterms will decide that." Will wasn't worried, as he had been reading the book as well as coming to class and doing all the assignments, but he wondered how the rest of the class would fare. He made a vow then and there to help Elizabeth study every evening until the exam, just to be on the safe side.
"Right then." Brushing off his coat and adjusting his hat, the professor pulled a bundle of rolled posters from behind his desk and strutted in the direction of the blackboard. "Now that the barnacle brain has deigned to take himself an' his stupidity elsewhere, per'aps we can get back to business."
"Aye, avast!" Will growled, whipping out pen and notebook. The sooner he accepted the madness and moved on the sooner it would be over. That had become his philosophy regarding the course in general.
Captain Sparrow smiled pityingly, stepping lightly over the long case that protruded from under Will's desk. "Points fer effort, lad, points fer effort. Kindly move yer clarinet case, or whatever that is."
Will bristled, going red as Elizabeth's discreet laughter reached his ears. "It's not a clarinet." Angrily he scooped up the case and tilted it against the leg of his desk. "And I'd imply something about using it on you, if that wouldn't be considered a direct threat to the life of a faculty member."
"Oh really, lad?" The captain agreeably dropped a hand onto the case and leaned his weight against the arm. "If yer not in fact pursuin' musical diversions, what might I ask have ye got in here?"
"Will's on the fencing team," Elizabeth said proudly as her friend wrenched the case out from under their professor's palm and snapped open the fastenings. "He's very good with a sword."
"Indeed. I used to dabble a bit in swords meself."
Something in the man's tone made Will's eyes narrow. "Then you knew what it was all along," he accused, staring hard at the smiling professor. He'd figure out this weirdo's game if it was the last thing he did that day.
"I must confess, I was hopin' ye might be willin' to help me demonstrate a proper pirate sword fight fer the class." Jack's smile widened. "Unless yer afraid I might beat ye."
"What did you say?" Will demanded.
"Now, now, don't get upset. No shame in wishin' to stay in yer own league, lad."
"I am not afraid of anything related to you!"
Angry flush still dusting his cheeks, Will sprang from his desk so fast the metal legs shrieked against the tile. Expertly lifting the light, slim weapon from its case he moved quickly away from the rest of the intently watching class and, facing Jack, dropped into the correct ready stance.
"Ooh, someone's got his game face on," Elizabeth grinned.
"Whenever you're ready, Captain."
Surprisingly, though, the professor made no move to arm himself. He had a strange look on his face. Crossing his arms over his chest, he stood very still and looked Will over thoughtfully. "Hmm... without yer hair pulled back I'd almost say ye'd look like... no, that can't be... Say, lad? Not to wander off topic, but what might yer last name be?"
Will blinked at the odd question. Why? Didn't the man read it over and over again at the top of all his assignments? "It's Turner. Common enough."
"And might yer middle name be Anthony?"
William Anthony Turner abruptly felt a cold chill. "…yes, yes it is. How did you know that?"
Captain Sparrow ignored the question. "And might yer father's name be William as well? And mightn't he have also been the one to interest ye in fencin' in the first place?"
"Yes! What are you getting at?!" Will yelled, beginning to feel a little concerned. His enemy somehow knew all about him and his family! This was starting to look like a bad horror movie.
"I knew it!" Jack crowed, dark eyes lighting up with delight. "I know yer old man, lad! William 'Bootstrap Bill' Turner and I go way back! We went to school together back in the day."
"Oh, really?" Elizabeth blinked, very interested. Will stared mutely.
"O' course. I knew the moment I laid eyes on this whelp there was somethin' familiar about him. Why, I bet the last time I saw you ye were barely taller than yer papa's knee, William! I remember last time I visited Bill an' yer charmin' mother, you toddled back an' forth between us fer the longest time…"
"My father does not know you." Will said the words as calmly and with as much conviction as he could muster. "I had never met you before attending this class. And you most certainly have never been near my home."
"Sure I have. Don't ye remember yer dad ever talkin' about ol' Jakkie? Some of his wildest fraternity stories star me an' him together, I guarantee it." The professor smiled, lost in fond memories. "How about that, ol' Bootstrap's own boy a star pupil in me own class. An' a spunky whelp he is, at that, just like his dad. Who'd have imagined I'd get so lucky?"
"Isn't that something, Will?" Elizabeth beamed. "Small world!"
"No!" Will declared loudly, sinking quickly into the first stages of deep denial. "It isn't true! It's not possible!"
"Oh, come now, lad, I wouldn't lie to ye! Ye can trust yer Uncle Jakkie. An' fer you I'll make an exception an' let ye call me that, seein' as how I'm practically family to yer dad—"
Will could take no more. Slowly he backed away from their grinning instructor, turning to run only when he could see the door in the corner of his eye. However, he momentarily forgot that he was still gripping his fencing saber, nearly leading to a potentially icky accident involving the person standing in the doorway at the time.
"My God, I'm so sorry!" Will gasped, thankful at least that he had been holding the weapon point down. "I didn't see you there, and—"
Against all odds, the imposing visitor merely glanced down at the blade quivering in the wall next to his thigh before brushing Will off. "Pray don't mention it, young man. Jack Sparrow?"
"I prefer Professor Jack Sparrow, actually," the captain said with an extremely pleasant and extremely strained smile. "And to what, might I inquire, do we owe this unexpected visit from our dear departmental head?"
"Besides the allowance of live steel in the classroom, I have something of some import to speak with you about. You and your good friend Professor Norrington." The stiff stranger, newly revealed as one of some authority, beckoned out the door. "If you'd be so kind as to follow me this way…"
"Why not? Luv'ly day fer a stroll." With a smile that clearly stated he would rather be receiving a root canal Captain Sparrow followed the man out, calling back over his shoulder. "Won't be a moment, crew."
There was an immediate buzz of conversation upon their exit.
"So that's the head of the history department?" Will asked, gently teasing his saber out of the wood beside the door. He hoped it hadn't been bent or scratched. Next time he'd remember to be much more careful.
"Yes, that's Professor Beckett." Elizabeth chewed worriedly at a nail. "I hear he's supposed to be an absolute monster! They say his classes are so hard that no more than half the students ever pass them. I hope he's not going to… you know… do anything to the Captain."
"I'm sure he'll be just fine."
"But Will, what if they try to fire him or something? That would be awful!"
"Don't worry about it, Lizzie." Will blew unconcernedly on the flat of his blade before placing it back in its case. "Something tells me 'Captain' Sparrow is the sort who can weasel out of anything unscathed."
O.O.O.O.O
The prediction proved true in due course. Soon enough Jack reappeared, none the worse for what must have surely been an unpleasant ordeal.
"What's up, Cap'n?" the girl behind Will asked, snapping her gum. "You tell that dude where to go?"
"Actually he told me," the professor replied sourly, readjusting his pirate gear. "Seems darling Norry has, very dishonorably I might say, tattled 'pon us, crew. I've been informed that if a single one of ye fails the midterm exam, which shall be written and drawn up by Beckett himself, yer dear captain is to take a trip downtown to the unemployment office."
Elizabeth, along with most of the class, gasped in horror. "Why those lily-livered, seaweed-sucking sardines!" she cried in righteous fury.
"Exactly. However." Jack smiled slightly. "What that pompous son of a sea cow's auntie has forgotten is that I happen to have a binding contract with this prestigious place of learning that can only be terminated by the dean herself. B'sides, I have complete faith in you, men and women of me loyal crew. Ace that bloody test an' make yer captain proud!"
"But that's, like, two weeks away and we haven't read anything!" came a panicked yell from the back. "Everybody says that guy's tests kill! How are we all supposed to pass something like that?"
"Not to worry, crew. We have an ace in the hole." Straightening his coat importantly, Jack strode behind Will's chair and clapped two strong hands onto his shoulders. "From this day forth until the date of the exam we shall have a nightly study and review session. And I hereby place Master Turner in charge of it."
Will's eyes bugged. "What?!"
"Oh, thank God, Will!" Elizabeth reached over from her desk and managed to wrap her dumbfounded friend in a grateful hug. "I know you won't let any of us fail!"
"But I… I… I…" Will stammered.
"That's right, lad, you." Very fondly, Captain Sparrow patted his shoulder. "I leave it in your capable hands to turn this crew into a lean, mean, exam-passing machine. And… looks like that's all the time we have today! Class dismissed, me hearties, an' don't forget to drop by an' run yer creative pirate insults past me ear fer that extra credit."
As one the class rose to their feet and surged for the door, paying no heed to their stuttering classmate still staring stupidly at the professor.
"I… I… I…"
O.O.O.O.O
Later that night…
Will blinked blearily at the clock, then turned it on its softly illuminated face. He yawned and stretched as hard as he possibly could. It would still be quite a while before he could sleep, so it was best he not see what time it really was.
Spread before him on the worn wood of his desk were countless notes and papers. He was doing his best to turn them into a study packet that would, with any amount of luck, help his class pass Beckett's monster midterm exam and save their professor's bacon from the fire.
I should have told him off, Will thought tiredly as he rifled through the thick stack to find the section on Viking exploration. I should have told him to do this himself. Except that I know he wouldn't. Something tells me I really am our only hope for passing this thing.
And the thing was that Will wouldn't have minded failing, really he wouldn't have, if not for one or two tiny considerations. Besides being worried for the sake of his own GPA, Will couldn't just stand by and let Sparrow be fired. Because…
"I love you, Elizabeth Swann!" Flinging open his desk drawer, Will pulled out a framed snapshot of freckled and curled eleven-year-old Elizabeth grinning from the deck of her father's sailboat and held it up to the light. "I'll work all night and help that pathetic excuse for a professor if that's what you really want! I'm doing it all for you, Lizzie—!"
"Hey, man, shut up!" Obviously very annoyed, the mussed head of Will's roommate suddenly appeared from under the mismatched sheets of one of the small room's two twin beds. "Some of us have eight o'clock classes tomorrow."
"Oh. Sorry!"
Quickly rubbing a smidge of dust off his treasure's frame, Will put it back into the drawer and made ready to go back to work. At least until his cell phone went off, launching into a loud and tinny rendition of Battle Hymn of the Republic. He dove on it at a snarl from his drowsy roommate and answered in a whisper.
"Sorry again! Hello?"
/Hi there, Will! Hope I didn't wake you?/
"No, Dad, I'm still up. What's going on?"
/Oh, nothing much. Just thought I'd check up on you, is all. And I also wanted to tell you, I got a call from an old school pal of mine earlier this evening!/
Will froze, the stack of papers sliding unnoticed off his desk to spiral in a chaotic whirl around the floor. "Yes?"
/He told me you've got the best grades in his class! I can't believe I didn't think to ask you who your history Prof was, knowing Jack teaches there and all. Of course I invited him over for dinner the next time you're on break, him and Elizabeth both. Have we got some stories for you kids! Are you enjoying his class, Will? Will…? William? What's the matter? …Answer me, son! William!/
As if in a dream, Will smiled. "Good night, Dad. Tell Mom I love her."
Very gently, William Turner closed his cell phone and returned to his studies, life having proved once again just how fair it was not. Oh, well. If in the morning he decided never to return to class, he could always join the Navy.
O.O.O.O.O
To be continued…
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(2nd) Author's Note: Yes, apparently I want to torture myself further and keep this going. Please don't ask why, because I don't have an answer for you. I don't know why Will's supposed middle name is Anthony, either. It just sounded alright when I stuck it there.
I thought I'd be clever and do a chapter for every month of the semester Will and Liz are in Jack's class. Chapter one thus being August, the start of term, this one being the next month, September, and so on until the semester ends in December. So only three more chapters to go!
Yeah, I'm not an author. I'm a masochist.
