Chapter 2 because hell-to-the-naw at that finale. Definitely NOT canon and spoilers ahead for 4x16. Also, I'm no good at writing all the legal stuff, so I'll probably just skim through that and focus on the "Harvey and Donna" stuff. For the purposes of this story, I've altered the timeline a bit so that the first part takes place before the whole "Cahill" ambush. Constructive criticism still very much appreciated.
The next morning arrived far too early for either of their liking. Donna was confused as to whether or not she should confront Harvey about what he said. Harvey on the other hand was afraid that she would misinterpret what he meant, or worse, that she would understand it completely and not feel the same way. There was nothing either could do about it anyways, work was work and their busy lives at Pearson Specter wouldn't rest just because one of them may have uttered three life-changing words. So they both put on their bravest faces and set off to their office on the 50th floor to begin the work day, Donna just a couple of hours ahead of Harvey, as usual.
There was a moment's hesitation when he first arrived, strutting down the hallway to his office. He saw her sitting at her desk, busily typing away. It was just like her to already be getting back into her groove after the whole debacle of the past few days. God forbid anything ever get in the way of Donna Paulsen. He wasn't sure if there would be any lingering awkwardness from the events of the night before and debated in his mind whether to go for a gentler approach or his usual Harvey demeanor.
She felt his presence before she saw him, sauntering down the hall towards her. His eyes flickered and his face twitched for the smallest fraction of a second when he spotted her, before settling for a tiny smirk, the corners of his eyes crinkling slightly.
"Good morning, Donna." He chirped. Harvey never chirps.
"Hey! What's gotten into you today, Happy Gilmore?" Donna was still a little weary of facing him today but she would never ever miss out on an opportunity to tease him.
"What? A guy can't come into into work with some infectious positive energy ready to take on the day that awaits him?" He was teasing her and she knew it.
"Oh shut up," she said with feigned annoyance before throwing a cheeky grin his way and getting back to work. Maybe this day wouldn't turn out to be the train wreck she had pictured in her mind.
—
Of course she had spoken too soon.
By that evening, Donna had found out that Norma died, Woodall was very likely to walk free and go after Louis, and that Harvey and Mike were still working to take down Forstman. To top it all off, she hadn't seen Harvey since that morning and she was dreading the mood he would be in when she went to speak to him.
She opened the glass door of his office to find him seated behind his desk. "You wanted to see me?"
"Yes, where have you been all day?" traces of irritation - and concern, evident in his tone.
"Why, is there something you want to talk about?" A part of her hoped that he would be the one to bring it up first, if only to show that he wanted to deal with it as much as she did. Lay it all out in the open.
"Yeah, where you've been." Of course he wouldn't. "Sean Cahill was at my door last night and -"
"Harvey, Norma past away and I've been helping Louis."
"Norma died? That's terrible…"
"Thought you couldn't stand her?"
"I couldn't, but I assumed that Louis loved her so… do what you need to do."
Donna was getting impatient. She knew this wasn't the right time, that Norma's death shouldn't be demeaned as a lousy segue way into her issues with Harvey. But she'd honest-to-God been working the entire day trying to keep her emotions at a simmer, that right now she just felt ready to explode. Screw being human, she thought.
"Ohhh so because she was his secretary, he must have loved her."
Harvey could't hide the effect that Donna's words had on him. He knew the minute her tone changed that he had gotten himself into trouble. There was no way for him to wiggle his way out of this. "That's not what I meant -"
"But it is what you said."
"Okay Donna, what's wrong?" This was it, she was opening that can of worms.
"How about we start with the fact that I have been wondering for the last ten hours if you were going to acknowledge what happened last night, but you're you, so of course you're not!"
"I'm not going to acknowledge it because nothing happened last night." That was his last line of defense.
"Why? And don't tell me that I know why because all I know, is that something happened. And you ran away. But not before you told me you love me."
And there it was.
Harvey's expression grew somber for a moment as leaned back into his chair, turmoil evident in his eyes. He knew he had two options here: to either come out with the truth and risk everything, or to give her a half-assed answer just to get the whole thing out of the way. He knew both of those options had their own consequences, and that no matter which one he picked, their relationship would not be the same.
"What do you want me to say, Donna?"
She knew what he was doing. He was trying to buy himself some time, get himself out of making the decision. Donna could sense that she had dragged Harvey to the edge and it would only the smallest nudge to finally push him over.
"I want you to say what you mean."
Nothing happened in the ten seconds that followed Donna's request. No one spoke, no one moved. They both just stared into each other's eyes, daring the other to break the silence they placed upon themselves.
Harvey's mouth opened and closed a few times before he shook his head and threw his hands up in resignation. Donna could see the cogs in his head turning as he poised himself to speak. This was it.
"I love you. I'm in love with you, Donna. I have been, for a long time now." His voice was so low that she was afraid she misheard him.
"There, I said it. Are you happy now? Do you finally have your closure? Did me saying that somehow make you feel better?" The traces of anger and frustration were slowly returning to his voice. "Because I sure as hell don't!"
An eternity passed before Donna seemed to find her voice. "Harvey…"
"No, Donna. I don't want to hear what you have to say." He couldn't. He was afraid. There was no way this would go his way. She either didn't love him back, or she did, but nothing would happen because she couldn't break her rule and he respected her too much to try. He loved Donna, but he knew he couldn't lose her. Him fessing up was opening the can of worms, but having to listen to her offer up some dumb explanation as to why it would never work, was taking the worms and dumping them all over his head. And he just couldn't do it. "You should go. I'll see you in the morning."
"Harvey…"
"Please just go." There was a sadness in his eyes, something she definitely wasn't expecting.
To say that Donna was overwhelmed was a massive understatement. Everything Harvey had just said completely washed over her. She heard his words but she couldn't figure out which words went together to form which sentences. Love, in love, closure, happy. She heard them all but her mind could not work to make any sense of them. Her eyes could register Harvey sitting in front of her, then eventually getting to his feet. He looked angry, but she couldn't connect what she was seeing to what she was hearing. Eventually, one word managed to make it through her little daze.
Go.
He was telling her to go.
Go where? She thought.
She couldn't talk, she couldn't move, she could barely breathe.
Please just go.
She sensed the urgency in his tone and did everything she could to concentrate on getting one foot in front of the other, all the way out of his office.
Love, in love, closure, happy. These words played over and over again in her mind, as if on a continuous loop, as she grabbed her purse and made her way to the elevator.
—
To be continued.
