Inspired
This chapter was inspired by the song: Too Little Too Late by Metric.
Too Little Too Late
The ticking of the clock grated against every nerve in his body as he paced the front hallway. Every 'tic' was another worried fluttering in his chest, every 'toc' was another lonely sigh. The more time that elapsed, the more desperate rage he felt clawing up his throat.
How dare he?
Matthew slumped against the wall and clutched his head between his hands in frustration. Why did he stay? Why could he never say 'no'?
The only light came from their empty bedroom down the hall and it washed the walls with shadows.
Hours passed before Matthew could hear scuffling on the doorstep and the telltale jangling of keys. When Gilbert finally managed to open the door and stepped into the quiet house, it was to find his boyfriend standing with his arms crossed and a seldom seen sneer plastered across his face.
Gilbert opened his mouth to mumble an apology but was interrupted when his lover tackled him to the floor. Matthew sprawled across his stomach and slugged him squarely in the jaw.
"Where were you," he growled out. Matthew could smell the alcohol and the cigarette smoke and hissed angrily, "Where?"
Gilbert finally managed to shift underneath the other man and grabbed his wrists to stop any more punches. He stared defiantly up at Matthew; the cockiness that could be borderline sweet by the daylight was bitterly cruel tonight. Matthew could see the beginnings of a welt along his jaw line, but worse than that were his swollen, red lips.
"Who?" Matthew choked in realization and Gilbert turned his face away in shame.
"No one you know."
Matthew felt as if the world had abruptly stopped spinning and cursed his own stupidity.
Again.
This was not the first time such a thing had happened; this was not even the fifth time.
"What are you chasing?" Matthew murmured hopelessly; his heart shattering into a million jagged pieces. "What the fuck are you looking for?" Matthew delicately cradled Gilbert's face, mindful of the swelling along his chin, and searched his eyes frantically. "You are the only thing I have ever wanted and here you are; right in front of me."
Matthew leant over to kiss the other man passionately against his already swollen lips. Gilbert pressed into the kiss desperately and bucked his hips. Matthew ground his own hips back against his lover's and slipped his tongue along his bottom lip, begging for entry. Gilbert opened his mouth and Matthew could taste the scotch and the cigarettes, along with the tang of what he supposed was the lover du jour. He could smell their scent on Gilbert's clothes and it was too much to bear. Matthew snapped a few of the buttons off his shirt and pulled it roughly over Gilbert's head. He ran his nails over the love bites and bruises left by somebody else and felt his heart break all over again.
At some point, he realized that Gilbert was crying along with him; the salt of their tears mixing with the sweat and kisses.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I won't do it again," promised Gilbert between kisses and Matthew already knew that he would give him yet another chance. In the morning light, he would believe the whispered apologies and forgive him. Again, and again, and again. Forever and always.
It was too little, too late, but he could never say 'no'.
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