Brittany's POV. Two and a half years ago.
There were too many stars out that night. It's like they were warning me. Warning me not to do it. But I didn't hear their warnings.
The stars glistened like thousands of bright diamonds in a sea of the black abyss. But I didn't notice them.
I continued walking towards the house, past the rose garden I had helped plant just last year. I was completely oblivious to the stars' warning, yet somehow deep down, I could feel her watching me through the window. I could feel her eyes burning through my soul, demanding the truth from me. But I could not tell her the truth. The truth was that I loved her. But that wasn't the whole truth. I know I'm about to lose her, but I have to tell her. I can't lie to her. If only I could reverse time and change what happened. If only she had have been there. If, if, if. So many if's I have in my mind.
I take a deep breath to help with my nerves, and knock on the front door. I can hear muffled voices on the other side and I wonder if Santana is warning them not to let me in, but then the door swings open.
"Hi Brittany," Alma Lopez says smiling up at me. "What a nice surprise, I haven't seen you in a while."
I nod slowly. Santana must not have told her that we had a fight. "Hey Alma," my voice comes out croaky, and I cough to clear my throat. "Is Santana here?" I know she is, but I'm trying to be polite. Plus, every second that I spend talking to Santana's grandmother is buying me time to work out exactly what to tell Santana when I eventually see her.
The fact that Santana chose to run away to her grandmother's shows me how bad this is. Santana and her grandmother haven't really gotten along since Santana told her that she loved girls instead of boys. Her grandmother had only recently come to accept her back into her home.
Alma steps aside to let me in. "She's in her room sweet heart."
"Thanks," I manage to mumble as I step into the large house. I walk up the stairs and knock twice on Santana's bedroom door. When there is no reply, I slowly open it.
Santana is lying on her bed, staring straight up at the ceiling. She doesn't bother looking fully at me as I enter even though I know she is watching me out of the corner of her eye.
"San.." I try get her attention. I want her to look at me properly, but she doesn't. I step further into the room and close the door behind me. "Please talk to me San."
A small silence fills the room, and I take a seat on the end of her bed. Finally, she sits up and faces me. She doesn't look angry, she doesn't look happy. She just looks... neutral.
"You've been acting really weird. What's going on with you?" She crosses her arms defensively.
"I know.."
"There's something you aren't telling me," it's not a question, it's a statement. The confidence in that one sentence throws me off a bit.
"San-" I start, but she cuts me off.
"What is it? Are you breaking up with me?" Her bottom lip quivers as if she is about to start crying and I have to look away to fight the urge to pull her into a hug. She didn't need a hug right now, she needed the truth.
"No.." I whisper.
"Then what is it Brittany? You have been avoiding me like the plague for the past two weeks!" I look into her eyes, they are darker than normal. Angrier. Sadder. They glisten with unshed tears which makes my heart clench. Santana never cries. She is the toughest person I know.
"I.. I'm.."
"Spit it out Brittany," she says through a clenched jaw.
"Santana.. I'm.. I'm pregnant.." My confession comes out so softly, that for a minute I'm sure she didn't hear me, but then Santana jerks back, unable to stop the flash of hurt from shooting through her. It makes my heart clench.
"You're... what?" she spits. She doesn't wait for an answer before she is asking her next question. "When?" Her voice sounds so small and sad. I have never heard her sound so defeated.
I hang my head. "Four weeks ago.. At Kurt's party..." I watch as Santana's brow furrows as she tries to remember what I'm talking about it.
"The weekend I came here to visit my grandmother?" I nod my head weakly. "What the fuck Brittany!" I feel my shoulders tense up as she starts to yell.
"San.."
"Who?" Santana asks through gritted teeth.
"It doesn't matter."
"It does matter. Who was it with?" I chance a glance upwards. I can tell she is desperately trying not to let the tears fall. Santana hates people seeing her weak side and I hate myself for doing this to her. She has always been good at putting up her walls, but I always catch the flashes of sadness in her eyes. I hate that she feels like I no longer deserve to see her cry. I don't deserve to, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt.
"Ben." Santana scrunches her nose up in confusion.
"Who the hell is Ben?"
"He is friends with Kurt and Blaine."
Santana furrows her eyebrows. "What the fuck Brittany? I can't believe you would actually cheat on me!"
I felt a pang in my heart at those words. I hated myself. I couldn't believe I had done it either. "I'm so sorry Santana.."
Santana shakes her head furiously from side to side. "Un-fucking-believable!" She stood up from her bed and started pacing around the room. "Why did you do it?" She asks, turning back around to face me and stopping in her tracks. "Why?"
"I don't know," I replied honestly. It wasn't a lie, I didn't know what possessed me to do it. "I was.. I was drunk and I was lonely.. and you weren't there.."
"What, so because I wasn't there it gives you permission to sleep with other people? Do I mean nothing to you Brittany?" I felt my bottom lip tremble at her harsh tone. I couldn't help but notice that since I told her, she was only calling me by my full name. I couldn't even remember the last time she didn't use my nickname. It made this hurt so much more.
"San! You mean everything to me!" My eyes were pleading for her to believe me.
"Obviously not Brittany," she spat acidly. She didn't believe a word I was telling her
"Stop doing that," I shot back at her.
"Doing what?" She asked, crossing her arms in frustration.
"Saying my name like it's a curse word or something."
"Well sorry Brittany," she said sarcastically. "I cannot believe you did this."
I sighed and hung my head. "I know, okay. I hate myself for it and I know it's not an excuse, but I was drunk. I don't even remember it happening! It meant nothing to me, I swear San!"
"But now you're pregnant Brittany. Are you keeping the baby?"
"..I can't just kill it, San," I replied with a small pout.
Santana throws her hands up. "Well, that's decided then. You're having a baby. With the guy you cheated on me with. Me, Brittany. Your girlfriend!" She was furious. I always knew about her 'snix' side and I had witnessed it numerous times, but she never, ever directed it at me. It was honestly a little bit scary. Until now, Santana had never even raised her voice at me.
"San, I'm so sorry-" but she cut me off by putting her hand up.
"Don't. Just don't even try explain yourself. I can't even look at you right now," her head hung in defeat. "Please Brittany. Please, just... Just go."
"San..."
"Not now, Brittany." She turned her back to me, so that she was looking out her window. There was nothing I could do right now. Santana was the most stubborn person I knew, right now, all she needed was time. I had to give it to her, or I might lose her completely.
"Okay. But please San. Call me so we can talk," I tried to make my voice not sound too hopeful, but I don't think it worked.
I took one last look at her, before I turned around and left. Even when I felt her gaze on me as I was walking down the street, I still didn't glance back in her direction. I didn't want her to see the tears which were streaming down my face.
