PPC FFVII chapter 1

Disclaimer: final fantasy VII, sephiroth, materia, and other associated terms are property of their respective owners.

Claimer: the plot of this fan fiction, and the character Ian valentine are my property. Dan Ployer is the property of ShinraTurk-Krena. Sonux Hegidna is the property of Chaosdynasty. Claudia is property of Madja- duelist of the roses.

This chapter is dedicated to my friends Kage-youkai girl and bunnykitune, and all of the Pantheons, who are the main guardians of the avatar fandom and several other anime fandoms,

rooting out and destroying mary-sues wherever they show themselves.

Note: I'm still looking for Mary-sue suggestions, and a beta. Also, since I don't know how to do line breaks in this format, I'll be using lines of colons instead.

Sen looked around the building and let out a sigh. 'This has got to be the dirtiest city I've seen since I started at PPC.' She checked her equipment, turning on the canon analysis device Makes-Things made for her. She pointed it at the Shin-Ra HQ, and started to analyze the building. The device flashed, and a list popped up on the device's screen. The list said: '4x OC, recommendation: approach with caution. 1x SI, recommendation: approach with extreme caution, be ready to terminate, 5x Mary-Sue, BUZZ BUZZ CANON NONCANON FUZZYBUNNY FUZZYBUNNY ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ SELF DESTRUCT WILL COMMENCE IN 3, 2, 1(1),' At this point, sen wisely decided to throw the device away. She looked up, noting the oily metal of the city, and how run-down the region seemed. She turned on her canon cloaking device, and walked in the door.

"Damn it, why won't you die!" swore a loud male voice. A flash of light briefly revealed a tall frame obscured by a dark gray cloak, before it was once again lost to the darkness. The man in the cloak charged toward a radiant figure, which seemed to be floating in midair. He leapt into the air, and twin flashes of metal charged from his cloak, and struck the figure. The man in the cloak kicked off the ground, and rushed another figure that seemed to be exactly the same as the first one. The figure grabbed him by the leg, and threw him to the ground.

"You honestly think anything could defeat one as perfect as myself?" asked the radiant figure.

"One such as you can't possibly defeat m-."

"Let me guess!" yelled the gray man.

You have a tragic past, you're sephiroth's wife, you have more power than any god that could ever exist, you're immortal, you have purple eyes, and purple hair, but they can magically become any color you want them to be, you can make people act in ways they would never act, and you are completely perfect in every way. Did I miss anything?"

The Sue charged at the gray man, summoning a sword from out of nowhere, And knocked him to the ground, even though he has ten years of intense training under his belt, because she's just that good. She ran up, placed her sword at his neck, and flipped her shining, rainbow-colored hair out of her face, and said "Any last words?"

The gray-cloaked figure asked her "Are phrases alright?"

The sue nodded, and looked at him with eyes that rapidly changed colors, gesturing him to continue.

He said "First, with your hair and eyes all rainbow-colored like that, you look like a one man gay pride march, and second," He reached into his cloak and pulled a shotgun out, leveled it at her head, and said "Boom Headshot!"

After this, He pushed the now head-and-upper-torso-less Sue off of him, stood up, and said, "What now bitches!"

The rest of the sues Charged at him en masse, and he held a hand up, telling them to stop. He said, "Turn around."

But, before they could, one was killed by a heavy box of what appeared to be stale pizza to the head, one was killed by a rapidly spinning mass of blades and spikes, one was killed by a sever head wound, somewhere along the lines of having their brains turned into a smear on the opposite wall, and one was killed by an extremely sharp longsword to the heart. The man in gray asked all of the people who survived the battle "Are you alright?"

The four figures all nodded, and they were told, "Well, because of all of the Sues in this area, we'll need to stick together to stay alive. So, what are your names, how old are you, and what weapons do you use?"

One figure said, "Why don't you go first?"

The speaker said "Alright, my name's Ian valentine, no relation to Vincent valentine, I'm 26 years old, and I use a pair of shortswords and a gun."

One of the four, who had incredibly sharp spikes covering their back and heavy spiked gloves, said "Sonux Hegidna is my name, I'm about 20 years old, and I use these spikes and knuckles of mine in combat."

Another one, who looked like a Shin-Ra employee, said, "I'm Claudia J. Freeman, 17 years old, and I use a Longsword."

A third person said "I'm Dan Ployer, age 15,

The last one said, "My name's Mitch, I'm not telling you my age, and-"

"Are you 97?" asked Ian.

Mitch proceeded to kick Ian in the balls, then she said "And I weigh an amount that isn't yours to know."

Ian made a comment under his breath "Well, if it's over a ton there's going to be some problems here." This time, Ian was fast enough to dodge the impending nutshot.

Suddenly, a door banged open, and a voice rang out "Hands up!" Everyone who had gathered there turned to see a woman with a pair of switchblades and a strange uniform standing at the door, panting like she had just run a marathon. She wiped a hand across her eyes, and said in an impatient voice, "Where are the rest of you?"

Ian looked at her, and groaned out "Shouldn't you introduce yourself before you start making demands of us?"

The woman sighed, and said, "Fair enough, my name is sen, and I'm with the PPC."

(1)The reaction when a canon analysis device tries to record a really bad sue.

AN: well, sorry if this chapter seems a little short, but I've never really been good at writing anything long, when it could carry the same weight if it was shorter. Anyway, I'm still looking for a beta and some Sues, but I've got enough Ocs for the foreseeable future. Remember to review!