Here, as promised (or maybe not... I can't remember anymore) is a Will/Jem love thingy. The song is "Life After You" by Chris Daughtry. So, er, enjoy, I guess, and REVIEW!
"Music is what feelings sound like." –Anonymous
Will stormed out of Jem's room and collapsed in his own, a floor below. He was furious with his parabatai for reasons even he didn't quite understand. It was something along the lines of; I hate you for making me love you. He knew he loved Jem, but times like this… he couldn't deal anymore. He couldn't, he wouldn't, and he shouldn't have to. This time he swore not to regret the hateful words that flew from his mouth like doves being released from a cage.
Ten miles from town and I just broke down
Spittin' out smoke on the side of the road
As always, it wasn't four hours before guilt settled on Will's chest like a cat. He hated himself, just as he always did. He was exactly one floor below Jem, the better to hear him when he had one of his fits, but it felt like a distance of ten miles separated them. This, too, was typical of their fights, the escape in the heat of the moment and the collapse a few hours later. Will just broke down, again, his heart throbbing painfully. He felt feverish, his body shaking and his breath coming shallow… just as it always did when he fought with Jem.
I'm out here alone just tryin' to get home
To tell you I was wrong but you already know
Believe me I won't stop at nothin'
To see you so I've started runnin'
I have been a fool, Will cursed himself, getting up and pacing. I have done it again. Why must I always hurt those whom I love? Jem, Charlotte, Cecily… He choked. I won't think of her, though the pain has lessened since that night. Perhaps it is because I have Jem instead. He stopped moving, frozen. I had Jem. Do I still have him, after the cruel words I flung? He didn't think after that, just tore out of his room and ran upstairs, hovering outside of Jem's bedroom door.
All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughin' with you
I'm thinking that all that still matters is love ever after
After the life we've been through
'Cause I know there's no life after you
It would be easier if we had never met. That was what Will had told Jem. It was the worst thing he had ever said, to anyone, especially because at that moment, he had believed it. He truly thought they would be happier without the other… If only he had known how wrong he was. He needed Jem more than anything, and he didn't want anything else. He didn't even want to want anything else. He had once thought that perhaps life would be better after Jem… passed away, because then he wouldn't have to suffer with the pain anymore, the pain of knowing his best friend was dying a little bit every day. Jem… I wish you knew how wrong I know I am. You know I'm wrong, and I know it, but you need to know I know it. There is no life after you.
Last time we talked, the night that I walked
Burns like an iron in the back of my mind
Just thinking about his crime made Will hurt, physically and emotionally. He actually prayed for relief, be it death or… apathy. Actually, he could never wish for apathy. The pain reminded him how much he loved the boy on the other side of this wall, the boy with the binding rune on his forearm that matched Will's, the boy to whom Will had given himself so fully.
I must've been high to say you and I
Weren't meant to be and just wastin' my time
We shouldn't be doing this. We can't be together like this anymore, because you and I are all wrong for each other. That was the other thing Will had said. He knew he was wrong almost as soon as the words left his mouth, but the look on Jem's face let on that he believed it. He truly believed Will didn't love him, and his face was tight as he slipped his shirt back over his head and turned away from Will.
Oh, why did I ever doubt you?
You know I would die here without you
"Jem," Will called experimentally. Jem said nothing. "Jem, I'm so sorry. I know that when you said you loved me… Well, I knew I couldn't let myself screw it up, but that's what I've done. I was so wrong, and I know the fact that you're– that you're–" He couldn't make himself say the word 'dying,' so he swallowed and kept talking. "That has nothing to do with our feelings, because without you, I'm dying inside."
All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughin' with you
I'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever after
After the life we've been through
'Cause I know there's no life after you
"I wouldn't trade the last six years for anything in the world, because all I want is you by my side. I want to see you next to me when I wake up in the morning, I want to know you have my back in battle, and I want you to be the last thing I see before I fall asleep. I can't possibly be happy unless you're there, laughing with me. I can't possibly go on without you." He took a deep breath and managed to find the courage to say those words. "There is no life after you, Jem, because I love you."
You and I, right or wrong, there's no other one
After this time I spent alone
He sat with his back against the wall opposite Jem's bedroom door, knees drawn up to his chest. His hair was falling in his eyes again, but he didn't care. "I don't know if we are right for each other, that I will admit, but I can tell you that I don't care. I don't care if everyone disapproves, I don't care about the Law, because all I want is you. Being without you makes me remember exactly hard it is to be without you."
It's hard to believe that a man with sight could be so blind
Thinkin' 'bout the better times, must've been outta my mind
Will's lower lip trembled, and he had to choke the tears back. It hurt that he had hurt Jem, that was true, but it hurt more that Jem still wasn't saying anything. "I don't want to forget you, Jem, and I'm scared… I'm scared that if I leave you alone too long, I won't have as much to remember of you. As much as I want to forget the bad times, I won't let myself, because they are a piece of you, and I need to have as much of you as I can. I– I am blind, or I was. I won't do it again," he promised, hoping against hope that Jem wouldn't decide that yes, Will would do it again, and therefore he should leave him to his own devices. My own devices, Will thought, disgusted, my own infernal devices.
So I'm runnin' back to tell you
All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
Without you God knows what I'd do, yeah
"Anyway," he concluded, hating the way his voice shook and cracked, "I can't live without you, and I don't want to. I am so sorry. Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa," he quoted, remembering that Jem had said it once. It meant, literally, my fault, my own most grievous fault in Latin. "If you weren't there to keep me out of trouble… the Angel knows what I'd do."
All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughing with you
I'm thinkin' 'bout all that still matters is love ever after
After the life we've been through, yeah
Know there's no life after you
He crawled on his hands and knees to try, like a child, to peek through the keyhole. He saw black, then the flash of brightest silver. "Jem? Is that you?" No answer. "Jem, please, don't do this to me." He let out a tortured sob. He had never seen Jem so unwilling to forgive him, and never before had he been so desperately craving forgiveness.
Know there's no life after you
The door opened just a bit, only a few inches, but it was enough. Will could see Jem sitting on the floor, not two feet from him, just inside the door. His huge silver eyes were sad, but loving as well. He held out his arms with a tiny smile and Will, without any prompting, dove into them. They sat together like that for a minute, pressed together, and Will only pulled away to plant a quick kiss on Jem's lips. Silky locks, ink-black and mercury-silver, tangled together like vines.
"I love you," Will whispered to the only person in the world he felt deserved the words.
"Love you, too," Jem responded, as he always did, and stood up, tugging Will up with him. He kissed his best friend and lover, fiercely, letting him know exactly how much he forgave him. Will smiled to himself. I don't have to live without him.
Know there's no life after you, yeah.
Aw... warm and fuzziness. I have become a Will/Jem shipper, everyone! God, I hate myself.
