- 2 -
The pale light of dawn was claiming the sky when the happy tweeting of birds ruined my perfect dream of sleeping in the arms of a somewhat exotic but terribly handsome man with long dark hair, a large collection of medieval weapons and the most amazing brown eyes and brought me back to the harsh reality of...sleeping in the arms of a somewhat exotic but terribly handsome man. Weapons and all the rest also checked out. I blinked. No, my memory still didn't. Nothing there.
Time to deal with what was here. For instance long strands of hair that wasn't mine all over my face. Careful not to disturb him I brushed it away and studied his features. Long, thick eyelashes under charmingly arched brows, well defined cheekbones, a narrow and a little pointed nose, a determined chin covered in dark brown stubble that framed soft looking, sensual lips. Suddenly I longed to touch that mouth. Preferably with mine.
Maybe if I was really, really, really careful I could do so without him waking up? Just the tiniest turn of head would land my lips right on his. Butterflies started to flutter in my stomach as I made my move without closing my eyes. Softer than a summer breeze did I place a kiss and when I began to believe I could just get away with it, his eyes flew open.
For a few breathless moments we stared at each other, frozen in shock I, immobilized by surprise he. Then he moved those precious millimeters closer and the butterflies in my gut spun in whirlwind style, higher, faster, further. His lips were as soft as I had imagined and his hair caressed my face in the most delicious fashion. He tasted all sweet and exciting, no little feat considering the lack of dental hygiene that seemed to be the rule in these woods. My hands sank into his dark mob of hair and pulled him closer. After the first tentative caress of his tongue that sent sent a rush of heat through my body, Kili propped himself up on one elbow and looked down on me. He was breathing fast and it was all I could do to reach up and pull him back down again, for a more thorough exploration of his mouth. I did not remember any kisses of my past but I had the distinct feeling that this ranked very high up in the chart list. The little sexy moans he made indicated that I was not the only one finding pleasure in our early morning exercise.
Fingers were sneaking their way up to my belly and I yelped at the touch. My nerve endings seemed to be on fire. He broke the kiss and looked guilty.
"Did I cause you pain?"
"No!" I exclaimed, not wanting to loose contact, "No, quite the opposite", I assured Kili who was still doubtful. "The butterflies are going crazy, you, see!"
"Where do you see butterflies?" he glanced at the air around us, clearly seeing no butterflies.
"The butterflies in my stomach," I chuckled.
"You have butterflies in your stomach?" He still didn't get it.
"It's just an expression, silly!" His smile was enough to melt both poles. Resting his forehead against mine and rubbing the tip of my nose with his, Kili looked deep into my eyes.
"I do not understand what you are or what you are saying, love, but if butterflies are what does it for you, then let there be butterflies!" With that his mouth attacked the nape of my neck and the butterflies couldn't agree more.
Fingers resumed their way up my torso while I was trying to figure out how to get my hands on him in turn without having to ask him outright to take off at least four to five layers of clothing, when a thunderous boom from above forced our attention away from each other.
Dark clouds had gathered in the sky and fat raindrops started falling even while we were still trying to regain some composure.
Kili did not move away immediately. With rain pouring down on us and thunder roaring again, he took the time to kiss some drops from my face.
"Is that enough to quench your fire?" He asked with a silky voice.
"Pff, those few drops?"
He flashed me a wet, mischievous grin. "Let's go find some shelter."
"If you insist." Rainwater dripping from his hair and nose he still had me pinned to the ground, and if he wasn't the sexiest thing I had ever seen, I must have led an amazingly exciting life previously. I kind of doubted that I had.
After he packed we went to search a dry spot in the woods which we found in the form of a small cove between large boulders of rock. Soaked and shivering from the cold, despite wearing Kili's coat, I waited for him to start a fire with some dry wood he collected inside the cove. Once he was happy with the flames he went back out to collect bigger logs and soon enough he had a good fire going that lit and warmed our small hiding place.
Nevertheless I was still shivering. "Take off your wet things," Kili advised and for the first time since we'd met he slipped out of his own heavy leather jacket and the vest that appeared underneath. And the cardigan under the vest. I watched in awe.
"How much more is there?"
"Well", he pulled at the neckline of the shirt he wore under the cardigan. "There is this and then the blue one and of course my sheepskin top." He shrugged at my incredulous look. "Dwarfs dwell deep in mountain caves and spend most of their time mining. It tends to be chilly down there."
"Then I suppose you feel right at home here, " I gestured to the rocky walls surrounding us.
"Yes, I do," he replied happily. "It's pretty cozy, don't you think?" Kili held out a hand and his tone changed. "Come here!"
The words vibrated through me and created a whole new shiver up and down my spine. He helped me settle in front the fire and dropped himself behind me, having me sit me between his legs, his back sheltering me from the cool. Yes, that was totally acceptable.
"Hands up," he ordered. Up went my hands, off came my vest, tunic and green dotted jumper. And in another swift move off came his own brown shirt leaving him practically naked with only one blue shirt and a sheepskin top. The day still held great potential even though I felt slightly stupid in my sports bra and his brother's tights around my chest.
"What now?" I asked looking at him with fires in my eyes.
"Now," leaning in, his voice nothing but a low rumble in my ear, "we will make sure you stay warm." A surge of energy rushed from my head to my toes and made me hiss. Or was it his mouth that started to plant little kisses on my neck, his tongue tasting and teasing, easily finding the most sensitive spots. Truth be told, that was not so great an achievement. I had turned into one big sensitive spot under his ministrations.
Hands rubbed softly up and down my arms, my sides, my belly, making the skin tingle and burn and yearn for more while he seemed to be taking all the time in the world teasing, tickling, gently scratching, licking, kissing, breathing on my skin.
There was not much I could do, either. As strong as the desire to turn around and jump on him was, I knew it was not going to happen without a lot of shifting and pained movements on my part and he did not seem inclined to stop his assault on my senses for even a second. So I simply gave myself over to pleasure and let my head sink on his shoulder, hands in his glorious hair.
After a short struggle with my bra and the makeshift bandage around my chest, he cupped my breasts with strong but ever so gentle hands. With a desperate sob I arched my back for more contact. With a shake of head he denied me. Each and everyone of his fingertips had to greet my straining nipples first, only then he began to squeeze and probe in a more passionate manner. I felt his panting getting faster and was on the verge of begging him to come face to face with me when his right hand boldly slipped under the waistband of my sweatpants. I drew a shocked breath and tried to turn in his arms. To hell with the pain and all. But his embrace was like an iron grip and he would not yield either for my writhing nor my whimpering. He simply let his hand slide lower in excruciating slow motion and murmured in my ear in a language that I did not understand. His smile broadened when his hand came to a halt on my mound. Now he had me, I could not take any more, this was torture!
"Please Kili, please," I pulled his head down to find his mouth and engage him in a kiss deep enough to drown in, "please release me!" I pleaded through the kiss and he finally gave in, dipping his searching fingers in my overflowing opening and almost casually stroking the screaming bundle of nerves on top of it. It really did not take more to send me over the edge. With a lusty cry I came undone, writhing in his embrace and clinging to him for dear live.
After the waves of pleasure had ebbed out he let me down on a bed of discarded clothes, his thigh under my head. I wondered if now was the time to be slightly embarrassed. Torn between the wish to close my eyes for a second and the need to keep looking at him I decided for the latter and lucky that was, for else I would have missed his glare. So full of lust and longing it made my treacherous body instantly ring the bells for a possible next round.
"There must be worse ways to spend a rainy day," a smug voice in my head quipped.
Still catching my breath I rubbed his stubbly chin. "You are an evil, evil...dwarf."
And like an evil dwarf he threw back his head and laughed out relieved and I realized he had been as insecure about the aftermath of our encounter as I. That made him all the more endearing.
Kili fed the fire and returned his attention to me, an index finger languidly circling my belly button, little devils in his eyes indicating that he was up to no good but I was not to be distracted so easily now that I had my hands free to roam.
Head still resting comfortable on his thigh I reached up to run my hand over his broad shoulders and wide chest to a narrow waist where I untucked his shirt and pulled at it. "Off!" I demanded and he actually delivered more than I had ordered and pulled it all off, making me gasp at the sight.
By all that was holy he was truly gorgeous! Rock solid muscle from strong shoulders to finely chiseled abs and spectacular pecs, covered in silky soft black hair that trailed down to his belt and beneath. Mmmm, so much left to explore! I marvelled at my luck and went back to stroking his chest while placing kisses on the velvet just above the waistline.
He grew more agitated and fondled my breast with an urgency that I also could feel straining against his pants. With a chuckle I pinched a nipple. He captured my forward hand in a steely grip and growled. "Are you quite done with me already?"
Lazily gazing up into eyes that shone with suppressed need I shook my head. "Why, no of course! I believe we have only just begun!"
Shaking but tenderly he touched my left side that even through my endorphin induced haze throbbed numbly.
"You are in no state to..."
"Shhh!" I put a finger on his delectable lips. "Let me be the judge of this. Just be gentle!"He ran his tongue over my fingertip then bit down on it.
"That is the problem," he said in a constricted voice, " I don't know if I can."
How fortunate that I was beyond caring. Seeing my resolve he lifted my head from his thigh and got up in one fluid motion. Firelight danced on his flexing muscles while he opened the beautifully crafted buckle at his belt, kicked off his boots and stood there, pants low on his hips, breathing heavily and radiating the energy of an animal ready to charge.
I ached all over with the need to feel him close to me, on me, and yes, in me. Never taking his eyes of me he knelt down on one knee, untied my shoes so I could slip out of them and my still damp socks. He disposed of the knife still strapped to my leg and laid his hands on my hips. I lifted my bum and he stripped me of pants and panties. Running his hands up my legs he lay down beside me, claimed my mouth with his and this time his kiss was a lot less playful and a lot more passionate. His body glowed with heat and where his skin touched mine it seemed to ignite little sparks. I could tell that he was still holding back out of concern for me so I fisted my hands in his hair and pulled him closer even to kiss him back with all I had.
A growl formed deep within his throat and informed me that warm up time was over. He wriggled out of his pants and pushed himself up on his arms to gaze down on the flushed, whimpering life form he had reduced me to. My nails raked down his spine, causing him to arch his back and suck in his lower lip. Shoving with one knee he spread my legs to position himself between them and I strived to savour that moment but was not granted much time. With a forceful thrust he entered me and I found myself gasping for air again. "Holy Mother Earth!" was the last sort of coherent thought I managed before being swept away by dwarfish passion.
I believe nothing could have stopped him at that point. Eyes closed, hair flying wildly, his body heaved and grinded against mine and he filled me so perfectly with each powerful thrust that it did not take me all too long to jump off the cliff once more and dive into those gloriously mind numbing waves of a frenzied orgasm. His only reaction to it being a dirty smirk curling the corners of his mouth.
Crossing my ankles behind his back I urged him on but even now he took care not to crush me, favoured my good side and held me steady with strong hands. His movements took up speed and I fought to keep my eyes open, not wanting to miss the moment of his climax. As if it could have gone by unnoticed. With something resembling a war cry he buried himself within in me, his body tensing and shaking violently. Then, with his cry slowly fading, he collapsed next to me, fighting for air.
I held him as close as I could, waiting for his breathing to return to normal. When he looked at me a bit shy and apologetic but smug and chuffed with himself nonetheless, he was clearly waiting for something. "You did not lie, I give you that." I smiled inwardly. "There is nothing little or half about you!"
His laugh at my neck produced goosebumps in that area. He pulled away shortly to throw more logs on the fire, then grabbed his almost dry coat and covered us with it. Not half a minute later he was fast asleep. Stroking his black curls I sighed and even though I would have loved to enjoy the view a little longer tiredness got the better of me.
I must have slept an unusually long time. The smell of something cooking reached my nostrils before I fully awoke. Kili had not been idle while I had been napping away happily. My clothes were folded and neatly stacked at my left, new fire wood, was piled up ready to be used when needed, and dinner was up and boiling.
Outside the rain had stopped but dark clouds hung low and it was impossible to tell the time of day.
Kili sat stirring the contents of the iron pot with his long wooden spoon. Behind the curtain of his hair only his nose was visible and a tightly set mouth. He did not turn to look at me when I lifted my head.
"Hi," I greeted him softly. Still avoiding me he nodded slightly. "Uh, uh," I thought gloomily, "Here we go." How I wished I could get up gracefully, instead I skidded and moaned until a strong arm was offered to help me pull up. Tightly wrapping the coat around my still naked body I felt no need to beat around the bush. What I did feel was the need to find a bush, but first things first.
"What's wrong?"
"Wrong? Nothing is wrong" he muttered through clenched teeth, immediately correcting himself, "Everything's wrong."
"Care to elaborate?" With a frustrated huff he let go of the spoon and banging his fists on his knees he snapped around and eyed me fiercely.
"I did not ask for this to happen but I won't apologize for it either," he hissed. Confused I tried to understand what he was talking about.
"I did not ask for it either," I replied after a long second, "I was practically begging for it. So I don't know why you would have to apologize. It was wonderful, it was extraordinary and overwhelming and certainly nothing I am going to regret or want to forget." I had rather hoped for a repeat performance but kept that thought to myself for the time being.
Kili's expression softened a bit.
"Yes, it was all that and then some," he admitted with a bow of his head, "Yet it should not have happened. The people who call me reckless, they are right. But I won't ever forget either."
"Then what is the problem? I want to understand!" I fished for my clothes while he picked up the spoon again, only to flip it around aimlessly between his fingers.
"Why did you so openly invite me to touch you?" He seemed to have troubles getting the words out.
"Why?" I shrugged, fumbling to get my panties on with one hand while the other fought to hold the coat together. Not a piece of cake if one cannot bend at will and a question like that waiting to be answered. "Because I felt attracted to you. Because you make the butterflies come to life. And maybe because you are the only real thing in this fucked up mess I have landed myself in. I don't have a past and I am not sure what sort of future awaits me. But you are here and you are all I care about right now. I felt right and it was real. Don't ruin it now, Kili!"
All the while I delivered my pathetic little speech I still had not managed to put on my underwear. Annoyed and angry I made to throw it in the fire but it was intercepted in mid flight by Kili.
"No, you don't burn this. I just washed it!"
"I can do...you what? Where?" I blurted out, the prospect of having a place to wash myself shortly taking over priorities.
"There is a small stream not far from here. But I advise against going there as you are." Swirling my flimsy slip around a finger he stood up and pulled me along, causing me to loose the coat. Stark naked I stood before him, to baffled by his words to even mind.
'He does the hunting, he cooks, he does the washing and he is a wonderful lover. Mum, can I keep him?'
But no, he had just told me I couldn't, or had he? I lost that trail of thought because he started to dress me like a doll. Unhurriedly but painstakingly avoiding to touch me where it was not entirely necessary. He applied the also freshly cleaned bandage and I almost welcomed the sharp sting in my chest. It hardly hurt more than his strangely detached behaviour.
Then he slipped up and let his hands rest on my belly for a second. It was enough to send an electric shock to my core. I heard him hiss behind me. "Did you feel that?" I whispered in awe.
"Yes, I did. And that's what makes it all so wrong."
"Explain!" I pleaded.
"Later," he played for time and removed his hands and finished my dress session to return to his cooking. "Hungry?" Tone deliberately light he offered a bowl and despite the multitude of questions tumbling over each other in my mind I could not deny the simple fact that I was not only hungry but positively starving, to such an extend that I did not even ask about whiskers.
The food was of course meat. It tasted alright and filled my stomach with something more substantial than butterflies. I already missed the butterflies.
We ate dinner in silence but I could not stop watching him. The way his hair swung when he moved, those strong, sure hands that I knew now could fly me to the moon and back with a few caresses. His mouth, oh his sweet mouth! No, I could not let this go so easily. Night had not yet come and sleep was no excuse to escape a little intimate talk over the crackling fire and it would start right now!
"Kili, if I have offended you by behaving somehow wantonly I am sorry. That's the last thing I'd want. Please do tell me what troubles you!"
Uneasily he glanced at the opening of the cove, " My brother will be here soon." How he knew that or how Fili was going to find us was beyond me but if that was the problem it was an easy one to solve. "Right, we don't have to tell him anything."
"No, we don't have to," he agreed with a sad smile, "Fili will know anyway. He reads me too well. He won't approve but it's not him I am concerned about."
"Then what is it?!"
"I am not free to do as I please," he finally spilled the beans.
"Oh." Why had that not occurred to me earlier? Handsome little devil that he was, it wasn't so far fetched. "You are married," I stated flatly. He almost choked on the piece of meat he had been chewing.
"MARRIED?! NO!," he cleared his throat a little still coughing, "I am NOT married," he sputtered through coughs. While he was clearing his airways I pondered the question whether that was indeed good news. "I have pledged myself to help my uncle's cause. I cannot divide my loyalties but have to help him reclaim what is rightfully his."
"And what, if I may know, is rightfully his?"
"The kingdom of Erebor. To become king under the mountain. But I am not supposed to talk about this." He hung his head. "I cannot speak about it."
"Then don't." I did not really mind. Everything he said only served to confuse me more. If his uncle was a king, albeit kingdomless, what did that make Kili? A prince? I suppressed a hysterical giggle. No, it wasn't a joke. There sure was something noble in the way he carried himself, upright and proud, though in that very moment he sat there sadly resigned. "Fine," not wanting to see him like that I tried to reassure him, "Not a word from me to anyone and we simply pretend nothing has happened. No big deal, happens all the time." Little white lies to lighten the mood, failing pathetically.
"No big deal?" he echoed. "Happens all the time? Well, not to our kind, it doesn't! Has it happened to you before?" His stare was intense and I swallowed hard.
"I don't know." Even to my own ears that reply sounded weak. "I have been with somebody before, I guess..." Not knowing what to say I shut up.
Kili startled me when he suddenly bent over and took my face between his hands, his dark gaze firmly on me. "So have I, in fact. But did it feel like this?" His mouth, which I had begun to fear I would not be allowed to ever taste again was on mine and made me swoon. The by know familiar heat started to rise again. He pulled back but not before leaving a bite on my lower lip, making my inner chords swing.
Touching my forehead to his I knew with sudden clarity, "No, it has never been like this."
Still breathing my breath he followed my cheekbones with his thumbs. I prayed he would not stop and he didn't, stroking my throat, light as a feather before paying a visit to my collarbones.
Where his finger's touched, the skin tingled. "I can feel you, you see. I am feeling the pleasure this brings you." His lips traveled to my ear. "Or this," his whisper sent shivers down my spine.
Then, as fast as it had happened it was over and I was left with a burning feeling of loss and longing.
His stare had lost nothing of it's intensity. "And I can feel that, too. How am I to fight when all I want is to be close to you?"
I was beginning to see a point in what he said but that didn't mean I had to like it.
"So, no. It does not happen all the time. To some it happens once in a lifetime, to most – never."
When the message finally hit home I could not decide whether to cry for joy or frustration. Had I been just listening to the most amazing declaration of love ever? Only to be told in the same sentence that it was doomed to never be lived? Or at least not before his landless uncle had regained his kingdom? How long could it take to regain one's kingdom? And from whom? And if he did, would I move into a palace of rock with my little prince? Was I destined to stay in this foreign world forever? Most likely never knowing who I was and pining for a love that could not be?
I violently shook my head to clear it of all those futile questions when Kili leaped to his feet to draw his sword and dashed to the entrance. He gestured for me to be still and cautiously peeked around the boulder wall. Now I also heard something approaching and then a soft whistle. Kili visibly relaxed but did not let go of his weapon until a large brown horse broke through the trees and from his back jumped a fancy haired blonde figure, running towards us past the horse that still carried another rider.
Fili!
The brothers hugged with a clash, clapping each others backs. Then Fili greeted me with a wide grin and bowed. "Greetings, my lady. I hope you are well and my brother has not driven you insane with his incessant babbling!"
"Babbling?" I laughed, "I could hardly get him to talk at all! You must speak of another brother."
"Na, only have this one. Forgive him, he is not used to such fair company." I smiled, Kili said nothing at all, which caused his Fili to raise an eyebrow or two. His eyes darted between me and his brother, who had been right. Fili didn't need to be told anything. He was on to it barely two minutes after rejoining us. Fili's expression darkened but before he could voice is opinion a tall frame filled the opening of the cove.
A seemingly very old man with long gray hair and even longer bead, dressed in an overlarge cloak of the same colour and sporting a wide rimmed pointed hat cleared his throat. He leaned on a long wooden walking stick, taking in the scenery with intelligent, keen blue eyes and nodded graciously towards Kili. "Gandalf!" Kili shouted, relieve and dread clearly audible for all within earshot.
The tall man turned his attention to me. "And the young lady without memories, I assume?"
"Hello," I muttered nervously. He made me a touch uneasy. "Are you the mighty wizard?" I had not meant to be so blunt but he dismissed it with a wave.
"Mighty, by all means, no. I may know a little trick or two." He entered the cove that began to look a bit crowded, to take a seat on a small rock near the fire. Fili took position next to his brother and eyed him with a stern face behind the sitting man's back.
"Now, Master Fili tells me you have been in an accident of sorts," our gray clad visitor began his examination.
"She is hurt," Kili, bless him, piped in, which earned him another glare from his brother.
Ancient blue eyes bore into mine. Without turning his head the wizard spoke. "Well, Masters Fili and Kili, I believe you have an appointment to keep in Bag's End. Maybe it is best that you should be on your way so as not to be late. I will stay with the young lady and we will follow you in the morning on horseback."
More of an order than a suggestion that was and the boys sprang to action. I looked at Kili alarmed but he did not object. Fili handed him bags that he dutifully shouldered. I stood up and went to give him his coat. He put it over my shoulders and gave me a sad little smile. "You keep that. It will keep you warm."
Fili grabbed his belt from behind and unceremoniously towed him away. "Come on you!"
