Edited 28/9


Tobias P.O.V


" Help!" I yell, as if someone who cares would actually hear me and come to my rescue. Another day of being cramped into the closet, another day of being bruised. The thought of the leather belt hitting my skin sends shivers through my body and I sob. Sobbing, that's what I have been doing since the morning. The walls of the closet seem to close in on me, squeezing me from all six sides. My body frame is too big for this small closet and I feel the droplets of sweat on my forehead and the back of my neck.

If my estimate of how much time has passed is correct, my punishment may end at any minute now. This thought is barely formed in my head when the doors of the closet swing wide open and I involuntarily fall on the floor, taking in big lungfuls of air.

It takes about a minute to realize that I'm still alive but my joy is short lived as I see my father advancing towards me, wrapping one end of his worn belt around his right palm. I automatically cringe, hitting my spine hard on the closet door and wince. But soon I realize that my pathetic attempts to escape are futile the moment I hear the words coming out of his mouth.

"Tobias, I hope you know what I'm about to do… Listen to me carefully . Tomorrow after the aptitude test you head straight back home. You hear me?"

I nod so hard, so many times , I feel my neck as if it has turned into elastic .

His lips curl and he says "Good, and I hope you know what to do once you enter the room?" I don't respond to that and then his expressions change to somewhat of sympathy. "It's for your own good , Tobias" he says. I stare into the emptiness behind him, above his head, avoiding thinking about what will happen. He cracks the belt once into the empty air and then comes closer to me and hits me with the belt aiming for my face ,but before his belt can reach my face I fling my arms forward covering my face . I look at him from between the gap of my arms and see him frowning at me, then giving me a questioning look .My heart is beating at such a rapid rate that I can hear it right in my ears as if it has shifted from my chest to somewhere near my throat.

"What?" He shouts. I flinch and close my eyes , still covering my face. I remove my arms from over my face and stand up stumbling on my feet .

I gather all my courage and stammer as a force out the words from by mouth "I…I just wanted to..to remind you that tomorrow is my…my aptitude test and …you wouldn't want to …to bruise my face …Sir" I say quietly as if talking to myself. "Stop mumbling, son. say it out loud !"He spits out the last four words so loud ,almost shouting. " Tomorrow is the aptitude test." I don't have to repeat everything for him to understand.

He blankly stares at me and then understanding spreads across his face. For a moment I feel that his intention of hurting me has withdrawn, that he wouldn't hit me before the day of my aptitude test. This moment of hope is short lived as his expressions change . I can't really tell what he's thinking right now.

Then he thoughtfully says " Hmm…so in that case turn around". Fear engulfs me from all sides and I freeze, turned into a statue , not even blinking for a minute.

I soon realize how little I understand him, my father. I wonder what I have ever done to wrong him to be treated in such a way.

"Do you hear me," he says," Turn around ". He shoves me hard on my left shoulder. The impact automatically turns me around. I close my eyes shut and prepare myself for the belt.

The first hit has the worst impact and my knees buckle as the area between my shoulder blades to my lower rib on my right side stings as if millions of ants have bitten through my skin at the same time . I cry out but clap my hand over my mouth. If I cry out loud,he will only hit me harder. Immediately, without giving me time to recover from the first blow, he flogs me again and again till I fall unconscious, after which even if he had hit me I wouldn't have known .

I wake up at around 5 o'clock in the morning, still lying on the carpet on the landing after being tormented all night ,having nightmares about my father and the aptitude test.

I know I wouldn't be able drift off to sleep so I go to the bathroom to take a shower. I take a cold shower as it soothes my sore back . I step out of the shower , dry myself with the towel patting it softly against my back . I try my best not to hurt myself by rubbing my back with the towel.

I take out a worn pair of my Abnegation clothes out of my dresser and get ready for the test . Before heading downstairs I take out the trunk from underneath my bed and take out the blue sculpture my mother gave me . I hug it tightly to my chest . The sight of it brings tears to my eyes and I realize how badly I miss her. I wipe off my tears with the hem of my shirt and put the sculpture back and shift the trunk back underneath my bed.

If Marcus had known what the trunk contains he would have never approved of it . To him, it's just too selfish to keep anything that has no value or purpose . He assumes, as my mother had told him, that it contains spare blankets.

I go to the dining room without over thinking the events of last night. I realize that it's just six and Marcus won't be up by now and I give out sigh of relief, involuntarily. I just take out yesterday's leftovers out of the fridge and eat them cold.

Honestly, I am not at all worried about my aptitude test. There are no two ways about it. I will get Abnegation.

How will I not? Marcus has taken full care of me not leaving Abnegation . According to him,if I stay in Abnegation,regardless of my aptitude, it will be for my own good. The thought that follows is too painful. What if I don't want Abnegation ? What if I escape now and join the factionless? I get the thought out of my mind and close my eyes . I count to 10 taking deep breaths . As soon as I eat my breakfast, I get up and walk out of the front door of my house without doing my dishes. I sit on the first step of the staircase as the wind touches my cheeks softly.

After a minute or two of staring into the empty sky I realise that my eyes are full of tears. Maybe because of the dilemma of whether or not to leave Abnegation . maybe because I miss my mother so badly. If she were here she would have guided me, led me towards the right direction. Maybe if she were here I would not think of leaving Abnegation ,anytime, ever. I wonder if she would have told me to take my chances and escape from Marcus.

A flashback of the sweetest of memories spent with my mother runs through my brain . How ,even after living in Abnegation , she was not a grey clothed personality-less robot. How she could steal some moments from her selfless life for herself and defy Marcus without him even noticing it.

I do not realize but I start smiling blankly at the thought.

I feel someone standing behind me and I slowly turn . My throat chokes at the sight of my father . I tell myself ' Tobias,he is your dad . It's okay'. I stand and turn to face him and take a quick glance of his face and then look to my feet. His expressions are unreadable . " What are you doing here son?" he asks in a sympathetic voice.

" I …I –" I am about to answer when he interrupts.

" Never mind. come in."

We enter the house , walk through the living room and up the stairs ,into the hallway.

I look in the mirror, at myself, which is a rare sight . Marcus has already taken out the clippers. He's going to cut my hair. He is never so considerate. I wonder why he's doing it.

He seems to understand what I am about to ask and says " I know . I know .I just wanted to make up for what happened yesterday . I believe it was a bit too extreme, wasn't it?".

His words pierce through my heart like a needle and I just nod blankly. The thought of what had happened yesterday makes all my body parts hurt.

He smiles at me as if satisfied by my answer.

He switches on the clippers and starts cutting my barely long hair to, what we call the Abnegation short. I steal a glance at myself in the mirror. Brown hair ,hooked nose and frowning eyebrows like my mother. I wish she was cutting my hair. I try not to make eye contact with him through the mirror , or maybe the truth is, I can't. Our eyes meet a few times but then I just stare at my shoes and my cut hair.

"There you go" he says . I just look up, into my own eyes. Blue eyes, just like him and nod .

I walk down the alley, passing a couple of houses, to the bus stop . Its only five minutes of waiting and the bus arrives .

Its empty and only the Abnegates from this stop climb the bus, most of them are my age. So, we all sit. I believe everyone is worried about the test as all of them keep quiet and still until the next stop comes.

At the next stop a flood of Candors and Erudite get into a bus and all the Abnegates stand and offer them their seats.

I offer my seat to a Candor boy who takes it frivolously. I smile at him and he winks at me.

On reaching the school we let the others get down first and at last step out of the bus.

The school looks same as ever, the same glass walls and the steel rods supporting them. I walk through the front gate to my classroom. My first class is Biology which ends as soon as it starts and then there's Literature which I can't even remember attending.

The second half is supposed to be for the Aptitude Test so we all assemble in the cafeteria, sitting with our faction members, who may not remain my faction members after tomorrow. The thought of it makes me curse the entire system of this dissection of our society.

Across the room I see different factions sitting on different tables. Some enjoying, talking and playing as if their fate is decided, as if they know what they will get and what they will choose .From them I mean the Amity and the Dauntless . But not all of them are enjoying.

I see a guy sitting across the Amity table, all his friends laughing and cracking joke, but his expressions look somewhat of anxiety and sadness. He doesn't really look like someone who belongs to Amity, his body all muscular and his face clouded with ,I don't know , Anger. Anger, that's not a term one would like to use for Amity. Our eyes meet for a second but I instantly look away.

Some of them have a solid expression as if making strategies for the test. That's of course Erudite. All silent and after short intervals one of them would state a fact and all others would nod. Candor, they look normal Not too excited ,not to anxious . It seems as if for them it's just another regular day.

When they call out the name of the first ten students , the entire cafeteria goes silent . I shut my eyes close and put my head down for as long as my name is called out. The time seems to lope so fast.

I wave aside the thought of being inside the room, sitting on the reclining chair, being in the simulation and the only thing I hear is my name along with nine others being called out loud.

I get to my feet and look for the room where I am supposed to go . I advance towards one of the rooms which are exclusively used for the aptitude tests. The attendant in front of the room rechecks my name and asks me to go inside. I take a deep breath and slowly open the door to the room.

As I open the door I find a Dauntless woman with dark hair and tattoos next to a reclining chair working at a screen. She gets up and picks up a serum vial. "Sit" she says dismissively . I do as she tells me to." Hi-" she looks into a list kept on a small table next to the reclined chair "-Tobias …My name is Tori "I manage a nod. "I'll be taking your aptitude test". I nod again. "Please drink the serum" she points to the blue liquid in the vial . I drink it without hesitation. After five seconds of drinking the Serum she attaches a visor to my forehead and the other end of it to her own forehead.

After that I zone out and all around me I see thousands of my reflections. Besides me appears a table with two wide dishes. In one is a piece of cheese, in the other one is a dagger. But I knew what to expect. Thanks to Marcus. I pick the cheese up and as soon as I do the table disappears. I think in my mind 'Now is the time for the dog'. A dog sprints towards me baring his fangs, panting . I offer him the cheese and he calms down.

Suddenly I hear a girl exclaim "Doggie".

The attention of the beast shifts from the cheese to the girl and it lopes towards her. I, without thinking, throw myself onto it and for a second everything blacks out .

The next I open my eyes I find Tori looking at me and then I taste the tang of blood and realize I had been biting the inside of my lip throughout.

Tori asks me suspiciously "Were you aware that the simulation was not real?".

I know the answer " No-" I add to it "-I wouldn't be biting through my lip otherwise".

"Are you sure?" she asks.

"Yes" I say as if stating the obvious.

"Okay then… So, Tobias your result is Abnegation."

I manage a fake smile.

I get up to leave when Tori says "You know you can always choose another faction..."

I stare at her , perplexed.

" I mean you don't have to go with the results , you know. You have the right to choose to which faction you want to belong to."

I nod and look her in the eye. For the first time since my mother's death I don't feel afraid to look someone in the eye. She doesn't seem to scare me as Marcus does.

" All I want to say is -do what you think is best for you".

"Sure" I manage a smile and open the door to leave.

I get out of the cafeteria avoiding people's gaze. I walk down the corridor and down the staircase . As soon as I get out of the school I walk to the bus stop but the bus is not here yet.

I feel so guilty of knowing the answers to my test beforehand . Marcus has given me the key to abnegation. If I use this key the way he wants me to I'll be locked in my room forever . It's the key to my imprisonment , the key to my misery. I sprint towards home to stop myself from breaking down .

I sprint untill my muscles get sore, running so fast I hear wind whistling in my ears. Finally I stop when my body can take no more .

I drop to my knees and pant , breathing heavily. I look around and find out that I am in the factionless sector and in the distance I see the Abnegation houses, all gray and monotonous .

I look to my right and look into the grimy window of a small building. It's a mere thing to notice but I see a couple of coals lit inside the building. Out of curiosity I walk towards the window from where I can see the lit coals. I squeeze myself through the window and notice a lone girl sitting besides the fireplace.

I can now clearly see the small tin vessel in which I guess something is cooking , the smell of which makes my mouth water .It smells better than the dust and paste Abnegation food. I look closer. She is blonde and wears tattered clothes, seeing which one can easily make out that she is factionless. She looks small and is young, probably around twelve years old.

Not wanting to attract any attention towards myself or trouble the girl, I step back, only to hear a loud clanging noise which I have caused by stumbling on an old tin box which probably contained oil.

The little girl rushes out to see what happened and her eyes widen as she looks at me.

"Hey!" I hear a voice exclaim behind me. I turn around to see the source of the voice. Its a girl of around my age. I look at her . She is wearing the same kind of tattered clothes, a t-shirt of Amity , Abnegation trousers with patches of blue Erudite fabric. On top of her T-shirt she is wearing a leather jacket that I cannot relate with any faction. Maybe Dauntless. No it's different. She holds a garbage bag and the way she hides it behind herself it doesn't seem it has garbage in it.

"What are you doing here, Stiff?" She snaps,"Come here to steal some food?"she says sarcastically. She is technically mocking the entire Abnegation system of helping the factionless. She could actually be pretty but with her black , tangled hair and olive skin and tattered clothes she looks no better than any other factionless.

"No, I just-" I am about to say something right when she interrupts .I suddenly notice a knife glinting at her hip.

She stares at me with a predatory look.

I begin to feel very uncomfortable.

"Oh shut up and get lost if you want to escape with your pretty face unscathed".


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