Disclaimers: All rights to owners. I gain nothing but my own amusement. If you sue me, you will end up with dust bunnies and cracker crumbs.

Apologies to Ian McEwan, who wrote a wonderful book, to Christopher Hampton, who wrote the script. Thank you to Joe Wright for his vision, and to Keira Knightley, James McAvoy and the rest of the cast for bringing Joe's vision to life.

Notes: Some images and references are taken from the novel, others from the movie. Some are taken from unused scenes in the script.

Forgiveness

by

Ninja Elizabeth

Chapter 2

Never Alone

July 1940, Tallis House Lodge

Ward Sister Cecilia set her coat and overnight bag down on a small wood chair by the dining table and made herself at home in the lodge house that belonged to Grace Turner. She visited Robbie's mother whenever her schedule allowed. She knew how hard it was for her to continue to work for the family that had condemned her only son. But where could she go? Robbie's trial had been a public one, and not only was there a stain on his name but hers as well. No one would hire a woman whose only son had been convicted of raping a child. She had not been fired, nor the lodge house taken away, so she continued to do her job. That fact caused Cecilia to hate her wretched family even more. Grace had assured Cecilia that she would be all right. "Your defiance will be for the both of us. You are young and have a life full of opportunity in front of you." The older woman told her the day she had come to say 'good-bye'.

Entering Robbie's room, Cecilia put on a record. At Robbie's desk she ran her hand over the keys of his typewriter that had stamped out that now infamous letter a little more than five years ago, the letter that he had mistakenly placed in the envelope to be given to her. In his modesty he had given the letter to her sister upon seeing her on the Surrey path on the way to the main house. She spit her sister's name. She had betrayed Robbie by reading the letter that day. He trusted her and she betrayed him. She betrayed her as well. Cecilia had placed the letter in the vanity in her room before coming down to answer the door for Robbie. Her sister was the only one who knew about the letter and would have dared to enter and search her room for the letter to give to the police. Their mother was always complaining about the state of Cecilia's room and how she never wanted to set foot in it. That suited the little as well as grown up Cecilia just fine.

Tears filled Cecilia's eyes as she recalled the day in the trial as Robbie sat on the stand, accused and already presumed guilty by most of those there to witness the proceedings, forced to read the letter that was never meant to be seen, let alone read by anyone but himself. "In my dreams I kiss your cunt, your sweet wet cunt. In my thoughts I make love to you all day long." Cecilia smiled at him. To hear the words from his mouth filled here heart with love. Robbie managed a half smile at her. Robbie was always so quiet and private. It was so hard for him to be put on 'display' for the trial.

She sighed and wiped her tears on her arm as she placed her hand on the vacant spot on the desk. Robbie's copy of "Gray's Anatomy" had once lay there. That book was now on her dining table.

Hearing the door open, Cecilia took a deep breath. It would be Robbie's mother.

"Cecilia? Is that you?"

"In Robbie's room, Grace." Cecilia replied.

Moments later she was joined by Robbie's mother. Her face lit up when she saw the young lady whom her son loved. Cecilia however noticed how much the older woman had aged since her last visit leaving with a sense of hope for the both of them that Robbie would soon be home.

"I'm sorry I didn't come sooner." Cecilia responded with a bit of guilt in her tone. "Things are really picking up at the hospital. It's been hard to get away."

Grace Turner hugged the middle Tallis child. She had known the now grown young woman most of her life. "It's all right, dear. I knew you would come when you were ready." she replied softly knowing that the load at the hospital wasn't the only reason for the delay in her visit. "How did you learn ...?"

Pulling away and lead Grace down to where she had left her coat. She took out the bundle of letters she now kept in her inside pocket. She handed them to Robbie's mother. "A soldier came to my flat and gave me these. I want you to have them. I added the letters I received from Robbie to the bundle."

"I can't take these, Cee. They are your letters from him... yours to him."

"I want you to have them. I love Robbie, Grace. And Robbie loved me. I have the only letter I need at my flat." She replied clutching the letters in Grace's hands. "Please keep them safe. Something to remember us both by."

Grace smiled. "I will keep them close to my heart." She replied. "Can you stay for dinner?"

"I can. I don't have to report back to the hospital until tomorrow evening. I didn't expect to see you back so soon. I was going to prepare supper for the both of us."

"Betty sent me home early. Bless her heart. It's more work for her, but she knows I do not want to be near the present company." the older woman responded. "It's hard enough seeing Emily and Jack on a regular basis. Besides, you are much better company."

"I should hope so!" Cecilia teased.

** *

Cottage House Eastbourne

Robbie sat on a hill overlooking the cottage that gave him a view similar to the photo that Cecilia had given him. It was his favorite place since deciding that this was where he would wait for her. Occasionally he wandered the shores, frolicked in the waves, or went inside the cottage but today, he sat on the hill. They had planned to meet here until his leave was canceled.

A car pulled up to the cottage. Curious, Robbie watched as three young ladies exited and headed for the cottage. One had to be Cecilia's friend by the way one of them kept going on about what a 'lovely cottage' her friend had. Jane was the owner of the cottage.

"Oh, Jane! It's so lovely! The pictures just don't do it justice. It's so sad that Cecilia could not come here with her fiancé. She should have come with us today! She should not be alone." one of the young ladies went on. "It's not fair that he didn't make it home."

"She's been here before," Jane responded. "She came here regardless of him not being able to make it since she had arranged for the time off."

Robbie's heart warmed. Was that how Cecilia referred to him when talking with her friends? Her fiance?

"Imagine receiving word that all your dreams of happiness torn to pieces by learning that the man you love died overseas in this ridiculous war." Lydia continued. "She shouldn't be alone. You should have insisted she come with us, Jane!"

The third young lady sighed. "She won't be alone. Cecilia told me that she was going to her fiance's mother's house." she replied. "She had last seen her when they learned of the retreat to Dunkirk. They had a sense of hope then."

Robbie smiled. He was the fiance, not that he had any doubts but it was nice to hear it confirmed. Cecilia had written him about how she visited his mother. He walked about the house following the three young ladies. It was nice to hear their mindless chatter about 'girl things' and work at the hospital. He found himself smiling every time his beloved Cee was mentioned or 'her darling fiance'. 'My darling', he could hear her say. It was how Emily referred to her husband, something the Cecilia must have picked up from her mother. It was such a relief from the constant rambling of Nettle and the numbing silence of the rare occasions when Nettle didn't have anything to say as they trekked toward Dunkirk. He had heard nothing but his own voice in prison. And he had no sisters. His only other exposure to female chatter was that of Cecilia and her little sister, but being born ten years apart it consisted mostly of the older sister bossing the younger sister around or yelling at her to stop touching her things and to stop following her. Despite his hatred of the younger sister now, he could not help but snicker at the memory 'bossy Cecilia' and 'little Briony' tagging along behind. The sisters had been so close once. In fact, Cecilia had been close to both her older brother and younger sister.

It was getting dark when Robbie decided to move on. He had his fill of the girl chatter for a while. He would return once they were gone.

Standing over his mother sleeping in her favorite chair, Robbie smiled. He would often come home after working late to find her in the very same spot. He would wake her and help her to her room or draw her a hot bath. Tonight he could do none of that. He hoped that she was dreaming peacefully of happier times not of his death or of missing him. He kissed her on her forehead and wandered on through the house.

Nothing had changed. It was just as he left it that hot June afternoon a little over five years ago. Two sets of plates were soaking in the sink. He smiled. Cecilia must have stayed for dinner. He moved on to his study. His typewriter was still on his desk but his copy of Gray's Anatomy was missing. "Cecilia must have it," he mused. He was certain that his mother would not give any of his things away except to Cecilia.

Making his way to his bedroom he smiled seeing Cecilia sleeping peacefully in his bed. She was so very beautiful, so relaxed. He had never seen her like that before. Even as a child there was always an ere of confidence about her. Some would have called it conceit or snobbery, but Robbie never saw it that way. Yes, there was a bit of snobbery to the way she acted but it was the way she was raised. That night in the library, everything changed.

He sat down next to her sleeping form. She stirred and rolled over towards him. Could she sense that he was near? Was she dreaming of him?

"Cee, I'm here. I'll be waiting for you at the cottage." He brushed a strand of hair from her eyes. "Thanks for being here for my mother. I love you."

Cecilia's eyes opened. "Robbie?" she responded, then started to cry.

Robbie felt bad. He didn't like to see her cry. He has witnessed it too many times. He had seen her tears that day in the library when she feared that he did not feel the same way about her that she felt for him. He had seen her tears that night when he returned with the twins. He had seen her tears everyday of his trial as she sat there often alone in support of him. And he had seen her tears the day she received his letters learning of his death.

He stood up. "I'm sorry I disturbed you, Cee. Please don't cry. I'll wait for you. Look for me and you'll find me."

"I love you. Come back. Come back to me," she responded reaching out to where he had been sitting.

She could sense him. He was sure of it. He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, then disappeared. It would be too painful for them if he remained. He would wait for her. He knew she would know where to look.

Cecilia touched her cheek, smiled and went back to sleep.

** *

Tallis House Lodge

Grace Turner whistled as she prepared breakfast for herself and Cecilia. It was so very nice to have company. She was glad that Cecilia could stay and did not have to rush away after dinner. They had played cards after dinner and laughed telling stories about earlier times.

She chuckled as a very groggy Cecilia shuffled into the kitchen wearing the robe belonging to Robbie that she had given her. She was reminded of the many times a groggy little Cecilia shuffled into the kitchen having slept in late and missing breakfast with her family. Robbie was always more than happy to share his oatmeal with her so little Cecilia sat down and ate with her and her little son.

"Good morning, Cee. Did you sleep well?" Grace asked.

Cecilia yawned. "I did. Thank you." she replied wondering what the older woman was chuckling about. She set the table while Grace finished up breakfast.

They ate quietly. Then Grace turned to Cecilia looking rather serious. Cecilia was concerned.

"Grace, is there something wrong?" She asked.

Grace took a deep breath. "You will probably think I'm just a crazy old woman, but I think Robbie was with us last night."

"You're not crazy. He was here." Cecilia replied. "I've felt him before, the day I learned of his death."

"You've felt him before?", she asked. The older woman sniffled. "Is my little boy doomed to wander the earth?"

"No. I think he's waiting for me. I promised I would wait for him. Granted I meant that I would wait until he was released from prison and later after he returned from the war... I'm sure he's waiting for me."

Grace smiled. She knew her son loved Cecilia. And it made her happy to see that Cecilia truly loved her son.

"Grace," Cecilia asked, "I'm going to go to the Sparrow Teahouse before I report to the hospital tonight. Would you like to join me? It's the last place I saw Robbie. I would love the company."

"I would love to join you, Cee."