Chapter 1: Watch Out, He Bites! (Or, How To Catch A Vala)

Armed with a special net Aulë had especially made for the purpose of trapping one Námo Mandos, Oromë and Tulkas left for the Halls of Waiting. Oromë was worried about the Doomsman, and wondered in what state they would find him. Tulkas just seemed elated at their "adventure". When they were sneaking into the grey halls, Tulkas remarked gleefully,

"It's been a long time, hasn't it?"

"What?"

"That we went on a hunt together."

"This is not a hunt, this is an intervention."

Tulkas grinned.

"Yes, and we're intervening with arrows and a net. Which makes it a hunt! We're hunting for Doom today! You're called the Great Hunter, I thought you'd be a little more excited…"

"You are really incapable of taking anything seriously, aren't you?"

"I am capable, I just prefer not to. The world is boring enough without having to be serious about it all the time."

Oromë sighed and shook his head. The Vala of War was his best friend, but mature he definitely was not. Knowing that it was no use to continue on the subject, he said.

"So, how are we going to go about this?"

"We seek him out, and then you shoot the net at him so he can't escape, and then I'll catch him."

"He'll be caught in the net already."

Tulkas laughed.

"Ah yes, but getting him to Irmo won't be easy, caught in a net or not!"

They had slipped into the Halls effortlessly, but now it was a matter of finding Námo. After passing through room after room full of fëar –who were frightened, impressed, or unmoved by their presence there- without seeing a trace of the elusive Doomsman, Oromë grumbled.

"I wonder if he has ever tried to have a map drawn of this place. I had forgotten it was this big."

The Vala of War shrugged.

"Lots of war, means lots of dead people, so there's a lot of fëar to house. It seems logical to me that the Halls are big. Imagine they wouldn't be! I mean, if you were dead, would you like having people in your personal space all the time?"

Oromë didn't know what surprised him more, that Tulkas spent time pondering over such completely useless hypotheses, or that he was familiar with the concept of personal space to begin with.

"I suppose it would be uncomfortable."

"Totally. I don't think we'll find Námo like this, by the way. Why don't you just blow your horn, and we lure him here?"

Now there was a good idea. Oromë blew his horn, and as the loud tone echoed through the dark marble halls, the Doomsman appeared from thin air. He looked… well, Vairë hadn't been exaggerating; he looked horrible. He was even more gaunt than usual, his black hair was unkempt, black bags adorned his deep-laying eyes, and his expression twitched between anger and fear. Oromë didn't waste time, and before their target had even opened his mouth he shot the net at him, successfully binding his powers. The tirade of curses that exited the Vala's mouth when he realized this made even Tulkas raise an eyebrow… Oromë tried to apologize.

"We're really sorry…"

"No, I'm not, this is hilarious."

The Great Hunter glared at his mirthfully grinning companion.

Not Helping, Tulkas.

"It's for your own good… We're just going to bring you to your brother and he'll help you, and you'll be back in no time."

The reaction to that was immediate.

"No! Not my brother! PLEASE! Don't bring me to Irmo! There's nothing wrong with me! Let me go you spawn of Morgoth!"

Tulkas smirked and simply picked up the struggling Doomsman and threw him over his shoulder, net and all.

"I said LET ME GO!"

To put force in his words, Námo bit down hard on the first piece of his captor he could set teeth in. Tulkas frowned.

"Did you just bite me? Námo, did you just actually bite me?!"

Námo answered that question by repeating said action, making Oromë sigh.

"Just so you know, Mandos, you're not really helping your case here."

"Argh!"

"If you don't stop biting me I'll be obliged to bite back. And just so you know, my teeth are bigger than yours."

That seemed to stop the Doomsman from setting his teeth in Tulkas, but it didn't stop him from screaming, cursing and clawing to get out of the net… As they entered the Gardens of Lòrien, Námo was having a full-blown panic-attack-slash-temper-tantrum, screaming and kicking in his restraints. Irmo and Estë, who were waiting for them in the healing house, looked worried. With a wide and triumphant grin, Tulkas deposited his screaming catch on the bed.

"One Doomsman, freshly caught! Watch out, he bites."

When Irmo looked shocked, Oromë nodded.

"Unfortunately… he does."

Irmo restrained his brother, who was still in the net to prevent him from escaping, and tried to calm him, to no avail.

"Námo, calm down, it's just me!"

"I will not let you in my mind and I won't let you put me to sleep! You can't force me!"

"I'm not going to force you. You know me."

And as he said that, Námo's movements stilled. His breathing calmed, but it was clearly not by his own free will, as he frowned at his brother. He already sounded drowsy when he glared and said,

"How is this… not forcing me?"

"I'm not forcing you. I'm simply allowing your mind to feel its own exhaustion. You're falling asleep all by yourself."

"I h-hate you."

"I know, and I hope you'll be able to forgive me one day. But now you really need to rest."

Incapable of fighting it any longer, Námo's eyes lost focus as he surrendered to sleep. Irmo sadly looked at his brother.

"I'm so, so sorry that I have to do this to you…" Then he turned to the other Valar. "Can anyone get Aulë to release my brother from this net? I can't treat him like this and he won't be going anywhere soon anyway."

Oromë and Tulkas were happy enough to go, having done their duty of Doomsman-hunting…

(Author's Apologies)

So, we have Immature!Tulkas and VoiceOfReason!Oromë, who make for a total bromance in my opinion. Of all the male "pairs" (others being tragic Manwë and Melkor, mysterious Namo and Irmo) they are my favorite set, even though they're not technically brothers xD

Also... Psychiatrist!Irmo for the win! He has a tough task in front of him... but trust me, the other Valar are about to get way, way more problems than simply a psychotic Doomsman to take care of... xD (suggestions as to who should be tormented by my ridiculous imaginationare always welcome!)

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