Okay so bottom line I'm new at this this is my first story and I hope you enjoy it. This is an entry were you learn some of Bella's past and for some of the reasons she feels so lost...


Dear Diary,

I'm so frustrated! It's like I can't every get out what I want, no what I need. It's been so long since I actual confided in someone, someone who is real, Derrick. Man I miss him so much, it's so hard to bare what happen. Specially cus I'm the one who killed him. That's right, I, Bella Swan murdered my best friend. When I was little, around when I was six…um the first time I was...um I was ra-rap-pped, I was raped by my step father, Mik. And after it happened I ran, ran and ran some more, until I find myself at this beautiful park, I just loved it, it looked so enchanting. I went over to the swings and there I meet Derrick.

Derrick was so sweet and amazingly comforting, it didn't help the fact that he was so cute but we became so close after that day. I of course told him what had happened, not that at the time I didn't realize I hae been raped, I just simply new it was wrong and I felt like I lost something, a part of me after the event. Derrick didn't know what he did either than, even though he was two years older than me, I thought older beings were all knowing, but he was only eight hell I didn't even understand what happened until I was 10 and still I couldn't comprehend it.

Over the years my step father would still molest me. But at least I still had my Derrick, he would be there when I would cry or have a total freak-out moment. He would never leave and over time I grew to love him, love him like I never loved anyone before. At the age six I had found my true love and turned out he loved me back. When I was 12 we started to go out and when I turned thirteen we were going steady. Still my step father was touching me and causing me so much emotional and physical pain, Derrek was very understanding and would never try to touch me like that not unless I wanted to, and I did I wanted to but I just couldn't. The memory of it all would fly through my mind and make me stop so he would stop and reassure me it was okay, he was a total gentlemen.

My Mom never noticed she was too busy getting drunk; I think that's why Mik started to fuck me because he could never get her attention. So whenever she wasn't looking he was groping me and sleeping with me when she was gone or come in my room in the middle of the night. It was weird cus I loved him, he was a great dad, but he ruined everything he had when he had ruined me. Well when I was around 14, Derrick had enough of my pain and had took action, he was huge, even though he was only 16 he was 6'2 and had a lean frame with mass amounts of muscle. To someone who was looking at the side lines they think he was just tall and lanky, but once you got closer you could see how strong he was. His whole body was covered in fine toned muscles. I would know especially because I had felt every single one of them. He was the number 1 swimmer in California, Championship winning quarterback from are school, and national star basketball player; so of course he was going to have strength, you would think he could take down my step father. The funny thing about what you think would happen and what actually does. Well basically Mik had won and taken Derrek out, my Derrek, my love, was killed and had moved on to the afterlife.

I was so mortified, my heart felt like it had just been cut out, smashed to the floor, a car driving over it over and over, cut it into a million little pieces and then stuffed in to a blender. It took me forever to move on, for me to even actually function right; it's still really hard, even after two years. I wish I could take back that day every day of my life, even worse I wish I had never meet Derrek so he could still be alive and I would never be in this much pain, in this much emptiness. I had falling in to a black hole and have yet to dig my way out of it, I tried but I never succeeded just dug a deeper hole and now I've just given up. Nothings ever going to change I'm going to be molested by my step father for the rest of my life, every ones going to think I'm perfect and hate me for it. Maybe I should just end my life and get it over with, to stop every ones pain and mine, especially mine it's so overwhelming.

Wait. OMG! I can't believe I haven't thought of this before, I can move to Forks, where my Dad lives, my real dad. Maybe things could change, maybe I could find what I'm looking for, what I'm longing for there. I can leave and never come back; I could change myself for the better. I'll reinvent myself and have a fresh start, I just hope nobody will hate me; I can't do the whole perfect hating thing again. Forks, well it certainly would be different, it's not sunny, and it's small but if I'm going to make a change why not do it the right way and do a whole new change of scenery. I'm so excited this could work I could finally be free Diary, do you know how big this is? I'm going to call Charlie right now.

Guess what? He said yes and my parents said it was fine to. But the only way Mik's letting me go if I have a full sex weekend with him will my Moms of on a business trip. But it's totally worth it; finally once I leave he can't ever touch me again!!!!!!!

Alright, goodnight Diary I'm going to bed because I'm not going to be getting any sleep during this weekend, you'd think Mik would get tired because he's older but he can keep going for ever.

Love You Diary, Thanks for listening.


Okay So what did you guys think? Like it or hate it? Please give me feed back and give me the truth even if its nasty. Thank You for reading this. Oh and Edward and the other Cullens will be showing up soon!