The Sniper didn't find the appeal to marrying any of his teammates. He didn't even think he was homosexual, he just desperately did not want to marry another kangaroo. A man has his limits. So he decided to start with the Pyro, because its gender was up to debate. Sure, the thing was terrifying but any chance of landing an actual woman was always a welcome one. Plus, whatever it was it had a nice butt.
Asking them out wasn't difficult, and they seemed excited to have a boyfriend. Honestly, they aren't as intimidating as Sniper originally thought. Pyro passes their time playing with balloons and drawing with crayons. Not exactly the ideal activities of a supposed demon from hell.
It's been a few weeks since Sniper and Pyro started dating. Each second that passes is like living hell to Sniper. What once used to be rather cute about the Pyro is just annoying as fuck, Sniper always smells like gasoline now, and if he complained about anything Pyro would either get angry or start crying. Sniper was at least hoping their relationship would have some level of "oh cool, I'm dating someone batshit insane. Now I don't have to worry about face-to-face confrontations," but even that lost its shine. There is nothing left to do but wait and hope Pyro cuts off their relationship. Which is actually a very traumatic experience and which leaves Sniper in the infirmary for several weeks.
Oh god, was dating crazy mercenaries a bad idea?
Hey everyone! Sorry for the long wait, also sorry for the length. All of these have been written several months ago, I've only recently decided to actually post them. Sorry about that! I'm so glad that it's already gotten so much attention. I promise they get much longer as they continue, but we won't get out of the pit of old writing until Scout. Thanks for reading.
