This is a revised version of the original chapter that I posted. Thanks so much to my new beta Amber. You are a genious!

1921

It would be Christmas in just three days, but it didn't feel like Christmas to me. There were celebrations going on all around me, families gathering while my heart was breaking. For years I longed to be a mother, to hold my child in my arms. Grief washed over me in agonizing waves as I remembered the feeling of my child being ripped away from me. There would be no Christmas celebrations for me this year. What would be the point?

The wind whipped my skirt around my ankles as I walked down the road toward the edge of town. The sun was just beginning to set off to the west and I could see the cliffs shadowed against the evening sky. It was freezing out, but I didn't really notice the cold. I was too focused on where I was going. I knew that I needed to get there before it got so dark that I wouldn't be able to find my way.

A door slammed and out of the corner of my eye I caught a flash of red just as the cheery laughter reached my ears. "Oh, James, stop teasing me! You know I hate having to wait and you have been teasing me for days now. If you're going to make me wait you are going to have to just keep quiet." she said as she playfully grabbed his arm. He just beamed down at her and pulled her in close as they walked on by me.

I hurried on not looking back, but they didn't even notice me. It was just as well, I didn't want anyone to follow me or try to stop me. Not that anyone would. I know that I had been in my own world of anguish since the baby died. He was my world, the only reason that I was in this town. Now that he was gone, I didn't want to be here any longer. There was nothing for me here now.

I passed several more people before I made it to the edge of town. Like the first couple no one paid me any mind at all. I moved through the snow at a decent pace considering that I wasn't really dressed for a trek like this. I approached the trail with some hesitation.

I hadn't really spent too much time thinking about what I was about to do. I just knew that I needed to be with my baby. I was desperate to rid myself of the hurt and grief that I had felt every minute of every day since he died. No one around me seemed to understand what I was feeling. They all went about their days like they always did. They took care of their children, their husbands, their homes. I didn't have a husband to take care of and now that my baby was gone I had no one. I was all alone here, empty. There was a part of me that was gone forever, a part that I would never be able to get back. That emptiness consumed me.

The trail started to get slick, but I could still see pretty well. It must be all the snow that was making everything brighter. The trail was lined with dried bushes, but they were sturdier than they looked. I was able to use them to steady myself when it got too slippery. I didn't notice at first that they were icy, but then my hands started to bleed from the jagged, icy branches. I was so focused on getting to the top that the pain barely registered.

I heard a long low howl in the distance. I wasn't frightened, though, it was too far away. The sound was almost supernatural, like a warning somehow. I was almost to the top, but it took longer than I expected to get there. I had never come up here in the snow, let alone at this time of the evening. I wasn't frightened, but I was a little uneasy. There was another howl, this one seemed closer. I tried to shake it off as I kept making my way to the top of the cliffs.

I felt an odd sensation shiver though me. The howls were getting louder almost impatient. I had to stop for a second to pull my coat closer around me. My hair whipped around my face as the wind whirled around me. I had this strange feeling that someone was watching me. Making me feel…no, it had to just be my imagination or maybe my personal demons. Surely all the townspeople were safe out of the cold enjoying their families, having parties, having fun. No one knew what I was about to do.

I was at the top or the cliffs now. I could see the whole town from here. It's was like a scene from Currier & Ives. The cozy little town, yellow lights shining out of the frosty windows, smoke curling from the chimneys. I suddenly realized that I never did fit in here. My life wasn't like a scene from a story, at least not a happy one.

I could see the school all dark and deserted for the Holidays. I wondered what would my students think? Did they like me well enough to miss me? Did they really know me well enough to care? I had only been here for a few months, not really long enough to form any relationships with anyone. It made it easier knowing that there would be no one here to mourn for me.

All of the sudden doubt hit me. What was I doing? I considered the potential consequences of my decision again. Was I really ready to do this? Just give it all up like this? I thought I might need to sit down…No, I needed to snap out of this, I needed to refocus. No second thoughts, I had made up my mind about this. There was no turning back. I wasn't giving anything up, I didn't have anything left. My life was and empty shell of ache and disappointment. There was no one to help me, no life for me here anymore.

I made my way closer to the edge. That was it, the end for me. I had this one thing left to do before I could see my baby again. Tears streamed down my cold face, they felt like ice against my cheeks. I knew I would have to do this now or I won't be able to. I was at the edge. For some reason it felt so much colder there.

I stepped off the edge. It was like stepping down the first step at the top of a flight of stairs, but then suddenly losing balance. I felt like I was moving in slow motion, but the cold air was rushing by me so fast. Suddenly I was horrified by my decision, but it was too late and everything went black.

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My next conscious thought was filled with pain. I was burning all over. Was I on fire? I couldn't be, I was so cold before. It didn't make sense that the cold and ice could be replaced with such heat, such burning, or such pain. I didn't know where I was and the confusion just added to my feelings of discomfort. I could hear voices, but what were they saying? I couldn't make out anything, I couldn't concentrate on anything. The pain was unbearable and it was starting to consume me. I couldn't move, every part of my body felt like there was something holding it down. My blood was boiling, I had to be on fire. What else would cause this kind of pain? I couldn't take the pain any longer. My mind suddenly went blank.

"I don't think she is going to make it through this, Edward. What have I done?" His soft voice was familiar to me, but it was filled with so much pain. "What if it doesn't work this time? I don't want to lose her"

I heard an agonizing scream. Where did it come from? Was it me? I heard it again just before it all went blank again.

I heard his voice again. "I think she is starting to come out of it, she doesn't seem to be in as much pain as yesterday."

I tried to open my eyes, but I was still in so much pain. Yesterday? How long have I been here I wondered as I drifted out again.

I woke up again and was oddly comforted by the voices even though I wasn't certain who they were. The burning was still there, but not as hot as before. It was changing, but I didn't know how or why.

I just kept drifting in and out of consciousness. I knew that there was someone there with me and I remember hearing the name Edward, but I didn't know anyone named Edward.

I woke again and was able to open my eyes for what seemed like the first time in days. The burning was nearly gone now. I hadn't been on fire, I knew that now. My throat was dry and still burning though. I no longer felt like my blood was boiling, but something wasn't right. I didn't feel the same. I knew that this wasn't where I was supposed to be.

I didn't move, I wasn't sure where I was. I wasn't at home and it didn't look like I was in a hospital. I wasn't supposed to be anywhere. I'm not sure what happened. The last thing I remember before the burning pain was stepping off the edge of the cliff. There was no way I could have survived that, was there? It was becoming increasingly more apparent that I had though. If I did survive that fall surely I would be in more pain. I would with out a doubt have a lot of broken bones and bruises. I lifted my right arm over my head to look at it. It moved without any hesitation, there were no visible cuts or bruises. I repeated this with my other arm and both legs. The results were the same with each limb, in fact I felt remarkably good all over.

I wasn't tired, but my eyes drifted closed as I pondered what on earth could have happened to me. Someone had to have seen me jump and been able get help pretty quickly. It just didn't seem possible though. I felt strong, but I wasn't ready to get up. I wanted to know where I was first. I knew the door had opened, but I just lay there not moving.

"Esme sweetie, how are you feeling?" My eyes snapped open when I heard his voice. His pale hand was resting on my arm and when I looked up and saw him I knew immediately who he was. I knew why his voice was so familiar.

"Hello, Dr. Cullen. What happened, why am I here, and who is Edward?"