Kara faced the wind. It shrieked. It raged. It sent tendrils of golden hair slapping her face, and her skin mourned the loss of a sting. It billowed her cape in long red waves. She closed her eyes and welcomed the darkness. A memory of dark hair, sky blue eyes and goofy smiles cascaded through the rain like a slow moving waterfall. The image hovered, a dim reflection, but faded away into obscurity as all memories do.
It had been days... No weeks since National City had been devastated by the Daxamite invasion. And she…shut down. She hadn't meant to. It was just too much. She'd pushed through so much already but there was a limit to what even she could bear.
But, better not think about that. It was safer that way.
Light from the moon bounced off the clouds. She raised her head, taking in the moon. Once she loved the stars and would gaze upon them for endless hours. Now, she avoided them. They reminded her of him and she did not want to think about him. She did not want to think about all that she had lost. But, her mind betrayed her and his name rumbled in her head.
Mon-El. Mon-El. Mon-El.
Fingers into fists, lungs swollen with air, she clenched her eyes shut. She had to fight, fight, fight against the pull of her emotions. Don't think. Don't feel. Inhale. Nothing. Exhale. Nothing. She breathed easier. She couldn't think past the white noise blanketing her thoughts.
It didn't matter. Her traitorous thoughts summoned him.
She had not been able to protect him. She had to let him go because she could not save him. It was no surprise. She understood the poison that ran through her veins and infected everyone around her. Tragedy followed in her wake. Ask her parents. Ask Aunt Astra. Ask….him. No, don't ask him. Because asking him would be to think about him and that would break her carefully constructed walls that protected her.
A minute passed. Maybe hours while she hid behind the clouds. She should go home and meet her deadline. She had a few days left. But, to write the article would be to remember that day. Remember the fires, smoke and him. James could wait another day. Supergirl had to remain elusive.
It hit fast. She wrapped her arms around her stomach. It churned. It churned. She could feel the bile rising up. Distantly, she picked it apart—the physical discomfort. She had never dry-heaved before this year. Before him. No. She shouldn't think. She shouldn't remember.
She took a cautious breath, then another. Her mouth was dry but she knew she couldn't drink.
A cry filtered through the cacophony of sounds that she had thus far ignored. A woman's cry. She snapped towards the source, peering into the fog that had swept through National City near the docks.
A man had jerked a boy against his chest, his other hand holding some sort of weapon. From her vantage point, it almost looked like some sort of sick embrace. The child could not have been more than five—just a mop of wild russet colored hair. He had all the traits that human children have used to win their parent's love: wide eyes, button nose, and blue eyes.
The boy's mother kept shaking her head, pleading for him to let her son go. Kara heard the tremor in the voice, the urgency. The anguish.
The child trembled, but he didn't cry. He did not whimper. He just stood there awaiting his fate. He reminded her of Alex, stoic, strong and still. Unbidden, a flashback rose from the far reaches of recollection.
Alex's body floating lifelessly inside of a tank…
Her nostrils flared and fire burned behind her eyes. The scent of fish, dirt, and ocean wafted through the air. The man jolted, stumbling backward. His insurance was now in her arms.
She stepped in front of the child, softly ushering him towards his mother, eyes fixed on the man. Everyone seems to be talking at once. Their voices were blurred and discombobulated and her brain refused to interpret it.
She stalked towards the man and smiled. It was not a nice smile. People like him were a stain. He thrived off violence and extorting others and she was so tired of humans hurting each other. Why did monsters like this man exist? Why couldn't they just…stop?
He tripped on the ground with a loud thump, hands extended outward. His palms up.
She sauntered forward without pause. Her muscles coiled tight, reading to spring.
There was a slight pounding in her head and hues of blue fell over her vision like a thin shawl. The pressure in her eyes grew intense. It almost hurt.
"You would hurt this child?" she asked, shocked by her indifferent tone.
"I—"
"Why? Why must you prey on your own kind? What kind of monster are you? It's disgusting."
"I didn't mean…Please…"
"Please?" She furrowed her brows. "I believe this woman said please and you still threatened her child?"
A whimper escaped the man's lips.
She raised her fist, her body vibrating with repressed energy.
A tiny tap on her shoulder. "Supergirl, you saved my son! Please, it's alright."
She froze. The pale faces of the mother and her child cut through her haze like a dull butter knife. It hurt. Their wide eyes and parted lips. She shook her head, unable to reconcile that they thought she would—that she could—hurt them. This was not right. This was not right!
It was those damned emotions. The anger. She hadn't realized she had let herself feel again. That was dangerous. She reached for glasses that were not there, and instead pinched the bridge of her nose
Without sparing another glance towards the mother and her child, she grabbed the man and shot up through the air. She could not even find it in herself to laugh at the undignified yelp ringing in her ear.
###
Kara had no desire to walk inside the precinct, but she had her duty. A laugh resonated down the hallway. Familiar and soothing. She knew that laugh. Maggie's laugh had been a constant during game nights and at dinner before—before. She was thinking and feeling again. Carefully, she stopped.
Maggie was rocking her chair back and forth, scraping the legs against the floor and it grated on Kara's nerves. Why did Maggie have to be there? Why?
"Supergirl." Maggie peered at Kara, the skin around her lips tightening. She turned towards the man. "And what do we have here?"
"He attacked a woman and her child by the Docks."
Maggie arched an eyebrow. "I see—" She paused and scrutinized Kara intently. Perhaps, trying to read her. There was nothing to read. Nothing. "I'll bring him in." Lowering her voice, she said, "Will we see you tonight? Alex really misses you."
Warmth rushed through Kara, followed by that tight ache in her chest. Her stomach twisted again. Don't feel. Don't feel.
"I don't have time." Kara said. "I have a deadline."
She did not wait to hear Maggie's response before she burst out the door and launched herself upwards. Away from the child and his mother. Away from the man. Away from Maggie. Away from Alex. Away from everyone.
Her phone buzzed inside her boot. She reached for it and frowned. Lena. Why couldn't everyone leave her alone? Another message. She wanted to ignore it. It would be easier that way, but she couldn't.
She played Lena's message and the world stopped. Lena's words penetrated the stillness in her mind. For a split second, Kara cared. For a split second, she squeezed her eyes shut and searched for that familiar heartbeat. It raced. It raced. It was breaking. Rao, it was breaking. And, Kara moved. There was a boom that cracked through the sky as she broke the sound barrier but she couldn't bring herself to care. Lena was hurting because of—because it—
She's hurting because of me.
For a split second Kara remembered, and her chest tightened. She peered through steel and brick until she saw Lena. Safe but tears streaked down her cheeks and jaws. Kara's own tears reflected the liquid leaking from Lena's eyes. For that brief instant, they were in sync.
And it was Lena's face that hovered in her mind. Emerald green eyes and thick dark hair.
Kara gulped. Barely breathed. Her throat was so dry. She wanted to rupture the building and get to Lena. But, her friend most likely would not appreciate the damage. The urge lingered. Lena's gasps reached her ears.
And for a split second, Kara's heart broke once more.
But the numbness pressed in, crushing and cruel, and with it, came the weight of her loss. She gasped, arms wrapped around herself tightly. She couldn't feel. She couldn't think. She couldn't be.
And she was lost.
It was better this way.
This silence.
A/N: Thanks so much for reading and the comments and follows/favs! Hope I did justice on Kara's POV. I was doing this entirely in Lena's Pov but a friend forced my hand!
