"I thought you were in meetings all day." Kate said
"I was supposed to be but they got postponed so I came home to see if I could get some writing done. Apparently I've missed something here."
"I'll let you to talk." Martha rose from the sofa to leave
"Mother, I think I know what's going on here and we will talk later." His tone was neither playful nor light
"Of course." She said and left the room
"Castle…" Kate started as she stood up from the sofa
"No, I need to say some things." He interrupted her
"Okay." She replied quietly
"I told you almost a year ago that I loved you and you remember. For months you've been lying to me. And if what you told my mother is true then why, Kate?"
"Rick, I never meant to hurt you. I know you probably don't believe that but I didn't." She said, "I was scared. You scare me."
He gave her a questioning look and she continued
"My feelings for you are different than anything I've ever felt. I cared about Demming and Josh but not like you. The intensity overwhelmed me and I didn't know how to deal with it. At first I was just trying to heal and get better after being shot. Then I was afraid maybe you didn't mean it. Maybe it was just a heat of the moment thing."
"Kate, you know me better than that." He said, "I wouldn't have said that if I didn't mean it and after everything we've been through don't you know by now you can trust me?"
"I know. Maybe it was me I didn't trust." She said and he gave her another questioning look and she sighed heavily, "It's like I told you when we were trapped and almost froze to death. With Josh and even Demming it was easy to keep one foot out the door because I didn't care if the relationship went anywhere. But I can't do that with you. I can't have one foot out the door and I've never felt like that before. I don't even think I know how to do a real relationship. Not like the one I want to have with you."
"You could have been honest with me, Kate." He replied, "I would have understood. You didn't have to lie."
"I know it was a coward's way out. But I really felt like lately I was ready to tell you. But you found out in a way you never should have."
"You're right. Hearing it like that was like a kick in the teeth."
"I do love you, Castle, and if you can forgive me and…your feelings haven't changed I want to try. I'm going to need your help. Old habits are hard to break."
He ran his hand through his hair and for a moment she thought what it would be like to run her own hands through it and kiss him senseless but she kept quiet and he finally spoke again, "I do love you, Kate. That will never change but we have to change. We have to talk to each other. I mean really talk and stop acting like insecure teenagers. But I do want to try. Slowly, though."
She nodded, "I understand."
He thought for a moment and realized he had to come clean with her, too, he moved closer to her and took her hands in his, "Before we do anything there's something I need to tell you, too, and it may make me sound like a hypocrite but we can't move forward unless we both lay everything out."
"Okay." She said slowly
"It's about your mother's case." He began
"Castle, what did you do?" She asked
"I've been contacted by a man who was a friend of Montgomery's and he has copies of files that have information on who ordered the hit on your mother and as long as you stay away from the case you're safe. But if you investigate anymore this man can't guarantee your safety. The man who shot you will come back for you."
Kate pulled away and looked at him in horror, "So you've had information that could have helped me find my mom's killer and you just sat on it?"
"To keep you safe, Kate, it was the only way. I was supposed to steer you away from it." He admitted
She paced back and forth then stopped and looked at him angrily, "You made a deal for my life like I was some kind of child, Castle. I didn't need protection. I needed a lead. How could you do that? This is my mom's case. You know what that means to me."
"I love you and wanted to keep you safe. You said before Montgomery was shot, and I believe this is a direct quote, that it was your life and not my personal jungle gym. But it's not just your life, Kate. Do you want your father to have to bury you? Do you want Lanie to look down at that slab and see you lying there? The people who love you don't want to lose you. Kate, I know how much this mean to you. I've seen your murder board. I was there when you found out Dick Coonan shot her. Maybe there is a way to do this or we can turn it over to someone we can trust and stay out of it. Please just don't start digging into it again."
"Castle, how do you know that this man, whoever his is, isn't involved in my mom's murder? How do you know you can even trust him? I was shot anyway, for god sakes."
"He didn't have the files then. He only got them after you were shot." He explained
She sighed heavily again, "You think we can trust anyone to investigate this? This all started with corrupt cops."
"We could talk to Gates." He suggested
"Gates shut down the investigation into my shooting like I was no different than anyone else. Why should I believe she'd help us?"
"Because she didn't know the whole story, if we tell her that could make a difference. You know she was IA so she's not going to sweep under the rug what some corrupt cops did."
"Unless she shut my case down because she's in on it." Kate reasoned, "And we'd have to tell her about Roy. I don't want his reputation tarnished."
"We won't know unless we talk to her. We have to give this to someone. It's bigger than us. My gut tells me Gates can be trusted. She's never really warmed to me but she is fair."
Kate didn't respond and seemed to be considering everything.
"Kate, please. Let's take this to Gates and let her handle it. We don't need to dig into it again. For me, for us and everyone who loves you. Please don't go down that rabbit hole again."
She looked at him with those large mesmerizing hazel eyes, "Okay, we'll talk to Gates."
He moved closer to her and took her in his arms and before she knew it his mouth was covering hers in an all-consuming kiss.
"I love you so much, Rick." She said breathlessly when their lips parted, "I can't imagine my life without you. I don't want to know that."
"You have no idea how much I've wanted to hear those words." He replied looking
into her eyes that bore the raw truth
"But we said slow." She reminded him
"Just hearing those words is enough right now." He said, "And we'll find our way through all this. Together."
She smiled and nodded as he wrapped his arms around her.
/
A short while later they exited the study to find Martha at the breakfast bar.
"Before you say anything, Kiddo, I know you're angry." She said as they approached her
"Yes I am, Mother, but if you hadn't interfered we wouldn't have made the progress we did." He wrapped his arm around Kate's shoulders
Martha smiled brightly, "I take it the progress was positive?"
Kate smiled shyly, "We worked some things out but we're going slowly."
"Well, that's wonderful news."
Rick smiled, "Yes it is. We both got things out in the open."
Martha nodded knowingly, "Good for you, Kiddo." She said, "Katherine, I hope you won't hold anything I said to you against me. I want to see you two happy together."
"Not at all, Martha." She assured the older woman, "It was the push two stubborn people needed."
Rick put his hands in his pockets, "Oh I need my keys, then we can go."
"Where are you off to? The precinct?" Martha asked
"Yeah, some things we need to discuss with Gates. We'll fill you in later, Mother." He said and headed to his study
Martha turned to Kate, "Katherine, there is one thing, a piece of advice really, that I want to share with you."
"Of course." Kate replied
"Relationships never last that are one sided." She said cautiously, "Richard has followed around far longer than necessary to write his books. I think we both know that…"
Kate put her hand up, "Martha, I get it and I love him and we're going to work together to make sure neither of us is doing all the giving while the other does all the taking. And I know I've been doing a lot of the taking so far but now that we are both on the same page for what we want that will change."
"Found them." Rick said as he came back into the living area
"Well, I don't know what all this is about with Gates but I'm glad to see you two being sensible. " Martha said, "You're both far too smart for all that nonsense."
Rick and Kate chuckled, "We're going to face whatever happens together from now on, Mother."
"Always." Kate added
"Always." Rick echoed
THE END
A/N: This didn't go as I had originally planned but I thought they had to deal with the Smith thing eventually and why not now? Not the same as Kate lying but the air needed clearing on all counts. Thanks for reading and reviewing.
