AN: Thanks to anyone that took time to read chapter one. Without reviews, I'm concerned you're not interested. Here's chapter 2. Again, I don't own these amazing characters or creation of Gilmore Girls.
2.
"What, you have someone hidden at your apartment?" I try to joke with him as I see we're at one of the many Westfield Holdings hotels in NYC.
"The boys are crashing there, luv. We were celebrating Robert's birthday when you called. Bloody bastard is going to Prague with his new infatuation next week over spending that glorious day of his birth with his mates, bloody wanker" he jokes leading me into the elevator and up to a suite.
I immediately kick off my heels I had on and pull my knees to my chest on the couch. He pours himself a drink before sitting beside me. "Alright luv, explain and don't leave anything out" he states placing his phone on the table and silencing it. I'm his priority right now. No matter what is going on, where we are…if I need him, I become a priority. I love that about him. Always have.
"I'm pregnant" I say hugging my knees and looking at the holes of my distressed jeans.
"That kitten, I heard on the phone. What I don't get luv is that I know you and Huntz. The two of you are always careful especially after the scare you guys had at bloody school. Always regardless of who is bloody in your bed" he remarks and he's right.
"Bloody hell, you have carried on this arrangement for three years away from preying eyes for a reason. We all have covered for you both" he continues me. I nod. Logan and I have asked so much of them to cover for us during this Vegas arrangement we had.
"Should I assume that you and everyone else knows how we fought two weeks before you'll surprised me in Stars Hollow. Fought and I ended it in the heat of the moment" I question Finn and he shakes his head. The boys rarely lie to one another. I would think Logan would have told them.
"I did. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't have him part-time. I couldn't be what he wanted either, though he never once voiced he wanted more than what we had. He was with Odette and she moved in. How could I be with him anymore, Finn?" I explain. He touches my knee softly and I know I need to continue.
"And then you'll showed up in Starts Hollow. Whisking me back into the world of crazy and life-fulfilling moments that I will never forget. I knew the moment I saw him standing there, that this was it. The last day we would ever have together. I thought I needed something from him. Some sign that he wanted me, that our arrangement meant as much to him as it did me. That I wasn't delusional to think that perhaps this time…this moment would be it for us. We would finally admit the truth to one another. God, did I want that Finn" I say starting to cry again. I whip the traitorous tears off my cheek. Finn just squeezes my knee, making me finish.
"That night I asked him if he was really going to marry her and all he said was that it was the dynastic plan. He will never choose me, Finn will he? He will never truly go against his father and the Huntzberger dynasty" I say looking at him. Tears down my cheek, pain in my heart.
"Is that what you think, luv? That he has never chosen you? Are you that naïve and blinded to what is right in front of you woman?" he snaps taking his hand away. I'm stunned. Finn never has spoken to me like this.
"That he would always be what your mother claims we all are? Selfish, conceded, society boys that you're better off without? Because we both know you, Lorelai Gilmore-Hayden you're as rich and as blue blood as the rest of us and yet you allow the opinions of one woman to poison your mind" he snaps at me almost disgusted at what I said. I stare dumbfounded at him.
"Finn" I try as he stands up. He shakes his head, mumbling no. I stare at the man, he's angry.
"You seriously need a wake-up call. I love you luv, but you're still so damn naïve, so passive that it's frustrating to even look at you sometimes. You are your mother, luv. You allow that woman to possess you mind. Hell, I thought you were the smart one, brilliant one. Maybe I was wrong" he says pacing in front of me. I don't know what to say and it seems that he's not done.
"Mate has always fought for you! He has always chosen you. He sees you for who you are and adores you like the rest of us. It's you luv, you need to grow the hell up!" he yells at me. I stare at him. Oh shit, this isn't good. My mouth drops open in surprise that he's yelling at me.
"Oh, don't look so bloody surprised! At Yale, you called him what? A butt faced…" he starts.
"Butt-faced miscreant" I smile softly at the memory.
"Yes that! Bloody brilliant but you were wrong. Your mind was so poisoned by Lorelai's hatred that you never really saw us or him. You never allowed yourself to become the woman he saw in fear of becoming someone she would hate. He fought for you, for your bloody relationship all the time. It was Logan who, if memory serves right, decided he wanted more at the beginning. It wasn't you. You were going to walk away. Give in to your mother's opinion and what did mate do, he fought back. He told you that he wanted to be your boyfriend. He's the one that took the first step in your relationship. NOT YOU. NOT YOU RORY GILMORE" he yells at me again. I close my eyes and wipe the tears. Finn yelling at me is something I never expected but he's right.
"You challenge him in ways that he never had been. He decided he wanted YOU, Rory Gilmore, as his girlfriend. If he was the enemy, if he was just using you, as Lorelai has made us all out to be doing, that wouldn't have happened" he adds staring at me.
"Finn…I" I try and he cuts me off again.
"I'm not done. You sit there and listen kitten, I have to get this out and you need to hear it" he warns me. I nod.
"When you dropped out of Yale, everyone was against you. We all saw it. Bloody hell, luv your own mother refused to even speak with you" he chuckles shaking his head. I remember that very clearly.
"Maybe you don't understand. Maybe we never let you in far enough to know the truth" he mumbles.
"What truth? What are you talking about?" I pipe into his mumbling. He looks at me, hands in his pockets, drink on the table.
"Luv, when we took a year off for Fiji because we all needed a break, we didn't get radio silence from our parents. And yet when you did, when you deviated from Lorelai's plan that is all you received. She never reached out, she made you the enemy. Told you that you weren't the daughter she raised and left you deal with the fallout" he tells me. I nod agreeing.
"And Logan…instead of judging you like you had done to us all this time, judge us for what you thought was irrational behavior, he stood by you. He didn't demand that you go back to Yale. He would have been a hypocrite for it. Instead, he became the rock you needed, luv. He was the one that you turned to keep you afloat. Hell, he hated that decision. Went on complaining about it for weeks in Europe. Bloody threw off my game too. It was only worse when we came back for school but he loved you even then. He supported your decision out of the love and affection he had for you. And you know who taught him that? You did, luv. Taught him that if you love someone, you support whatever decision they make. The good or the bad" he continues and now I feel like shit, worse than before. Tears won't stop now. I ruined everything. Why couldn't I see that then?
"Lorelai contemned you for that action. Why? Because you were acting like Christopher, your own father. Why? Because you didn't follow the yellow brick road she laid out for you? A dream to go to Ivy league, to be a journalist, to be everything she wanted to be before she screwed up and got knocked up at 16. She pushed you to be everything she couldn't be and hated you when you decided to do something for yourself" he continues and I see everything he's saying in my head. Memories of the fights with Mom. How Finn is very right on everything.
"Luv, I adore you as much as Huntz. But bloody hell woman your actions are furiously pissing me off" he states sitting down with a small laugh and another drink.
"I messed up. Big time. I don't know what else to say, Finn" I start and he nod, laying his head back on the couch.
"Dropping out was a bad idea. We all knew that. My place was at Yale. My place was there on campus with him and all of you. But you know what, Finn? I fell in love with Logan when he became that rock for me. I knew then that if he was at my side, that I could make it through even the darkest times" I admit and he laughs.
"Well at least you bloody admitting it now, kitten" he chuckles.
"Problem is, you're right" I reply and he looks at me. "Her emotional detachment to society plagued my life. I see that now. I think I always have but couldn't bring myself to admit it, Finn. Part of me always knew that she hated that I was with Logan. That I was in love with everything she hated. That I loved a man much like my father and that she would never approve. When we broke up the first time, or took a break whatever it was…I knew I could go home, be with her and it would be okay. She would forgive me because she was my mother. And she did. She forgave me, started to push that I was better off without him in my life. A laundry list of how he wasn't the man I needed or wanted in my life. How I was better off without him. I started to believe it even though inside I was broken. Though, the resentment I got when Logan and I got back together stung. Why couldn't she just be happy for me? Why couldn't she see that he made me happier than I ever was in my life?" I ask him. He just shrugs.
"I was trying to follow my heart, make me happy and yet when I did that…I was hurting the woman that gave up everything for me" I say looking down at my hands in my lap. I moved my legs down, crossed under me.
"She will always be your mother, Luv. She's supposed to allow you to have your own life, though. Make your own decision. To succeed and to fail. Her opinions shouldn't carry that much weight on your life. You allow it. You allowed her opinions to cloud your own mind, it's bloody frustrating. It can't be what is best for Lorelai anymore, luv. It needs to stop now. What would make Lorelai happy doesn't matter anymore. Especially not now" he pauses and I nod.
"Bloody hell Luv, it shouldn't have at Yale either, but that's the past luv. Her opinion, her directive of your life should have ended at 18. It's a conversation we have all had with our parents. You have been judgmental, ignorant about that. Sure, we complain about them, hate how much pressure they pushed on us when in Yale but for good reason. They didn't want us to fail. Hell, even Mitchum never wants to see his son fail" he chuckles and I look at him.
"How is Lorelai with your absentee career? How is Lorelai with you not following her dynastic plan of being a brilliant journalist? How is Lorelai with your idea of writing a book? And how is Lorelai now with your impending motherhood?" he throws at me. That stung.
"Judgmental. Hates the idea that I want to write a book like I'm wasting my life. That it's beneath me. That it's her story not mine even though I was there. She refused to talk to me for three weeks when I told her. Barely spoke to me before her wedding because I refused to give up the idea. She's married now to Luke. She's happier now than I have ever seen her. Told me that I should get married now too, so we can be married women together. That now I can be as happy as she is with Luke with someone" I chuckle.
"Luv, stop…think about that" he urges me, "what did you just say?" he adds. I stare at him replying the words in my head.
"Damn it" I snap standing up. It's like a light just went off in my head. The fog lifted off my eyes. I finally understand everything, my life, my mother. "She did all this for her own happiness. If I was miserable, she didn't care so long as she was happy. She hated the man I love because he was everything she hated and wanted to make sure I became her. That I would hate it all too. Pressured me into making sure I did everything she wanted" I laugh. "Everything she couldn't handle or make work with my grandparents and yet she became worse than Emily Gilmore" I chuckle shaking my head. "She used my father. She failed at being a good daughter. Failed at being part of society. She hated me because I can. I found a way to be part of that world like she never did" I cry almost in anger with her.
"And now?" he questions smirking at me. This is what he was getting at. He was pushing me to get to this point.
"I have let her dictate my life for too long. I have allowed her opinions on what is right, per Lorelai Gilmore, affect my decision making, my pro/con list. If she hated it and I knew it, the list would go con and I wouldn't do it. When I decided to go to Yale, she was furious. Blew up at me at my grandparents. Harvard was her dream. Always was" I laugh running my hands through my hair. My mind becoming clearer by the second. I fall back onto the couch.
"Until she realized it was best because you would be closer, she would still have control over your life" he adds.
"And when I dropped out of Yale. She never supported it, my grandparents understood more than she did. The people she hated the most understood me. Logan stood by me when I did. They stood by me, my own father stood by me and yet the one person I wanted to never did. You know she still throws that in my face" I tell him sitting back down smiling at him.
"Doesn't bloody surprise me" he remarks sipping on his drink. "Do you know that our parents never do. I sank a bloody yacht, two really and not a word about it since. Logan left HPG for his own company and when it bankrupt because of his partners and the recession of '08, the dark lord himself told him that it would be okay. That he would come home and take what he learned move forward. No, I told you so. No, I knew you would fail Logan, just come home. Mate did. You see…" he says sitting up, leaning his elbows on his knees as he looks at me.
"Our parents might get furious at the time. Make it look like they hate everything we do, luv but everything we do is a learning experience. They were never perfect. They will never expect us to be. Situations are handled right then and there not brought up 12 years later" he says tapping my knee getting up for another drink. Wow. I stare at Finn.
"I owe everyone an apology, don't I? You, Logan…all the friends we had in Yale" I say hating myself.
"All the friends you still have, luv" he smirks over his shoulder before turning back to me. "You're the one that went radio silent on us after you turned Logan down. We have always been just a phone call away. The girls bloody miss you. When mate said, you were seeing one another again…bloody hell we all thought it was about time. Then he explained it, I was bloody pissed at you, at him, at the situation. You claim to be so selfless, so compassionate to people. Hell, you showed us more love and passion in three years than we really saw all our lives. Made an impact that you can be brilliant, follow in dynastic plans and not treat people like damn pets or beneath you. It's why we all adore you luv" he tells me sipping his drink. I smile softly at him.
"But we won't let you hurt him anymore. You want Logan then fight for him, like he did you. Be the woman we all saw at Yale. The one that stood by him while he went to London for Mitch. You were so strong then, it was brilliant to see luv" he chuckles. "Be the brilliant, strong, compassionate woman we all know can be. You jumped off that scaffolding with him because you wanted to. You knew that Lorelai would never approve and yet you did anyways. You stole a damn yacht with him because you needed to feel something. There was no changing your mind and he loved it. The freedom that you possessed that night. It was like you were finally living out from her demands, her shadows. I think mate might have fallen in love with you that night. You'll have to ask him that" he laughs.
"When you want to kitten, you can be a force to be reckon with. We adore that of you. Do you want to be a weak mother? Do you always want to be a weak woman that will always put what makes her mommy happy before herself, her family?" he counters staring at me as he stands there.
"I've made so many mistakes Finn, I don't know how to fix them now. Hell, I don't even know where to start" I say defeated. He walks over to me, kneels and places his hand on my flat stomach. I stare down at him. His eyes staring into mine.
"I think fate intercepted that one for you, luv. You have 30 weeks to put things on the right track. Not just for you, not just for mate, but for this little bean you're carrying. Be the fierce woman we all know you are. Stand up against opposition even if that is your own mother. Tell me right now, what do you want? NO thinking, no pro/con list…what is it that you want?" he questions.
"Logan" I say without a doubt in my mind and he smirks. Knowing him, he already has a plan.
