She cries and cried, as if she had never shed a tear in her life and was letting it all go at once. Her grey sweatshirt was getting so wet and mascara covered, but she didn't care. It was messy anyway.
She didn't know what to think and let her emotions take control of her, complete control. The tear blurred world was absolutely nothing but regret, fear, sadness and loneliness. The regret of wasting forty years never, ever focusing on a family, always her career, always something else. Fear of the future… what the hell now? Pretty, blonde, younger women all around her kept getting pregnant just by standing downwind from anything attracted to them, and she's stuck in trap, old, baron, and without a family.
Sadness because this was all coming to her at once. Every single thing she could regret or feel sad about was rushing at her with the speed of light.
And loneliness because even though she was surrounded by people, she could never feel more alone.
Her loud sobs were interrupted with a nudge in the head. Somebody was jiggling the doorknob.
"What?"
"Lemon it's Jack," The familiar voice sounded impatient. "Open the damn door."
Liz straightened up and looked down at her self. She was disheveled, clothes ruffles and collar blackened. And if she opened the door, the writers would see her. They would not only ask questions, but make jokes.
"I'm s-sorry, Ja-ack." She hiccupped. "Now's not the t"-gasp-"time."
"Actually, because of that, it is."
Knowing arguing with Jack would end up being pointless and too much of a struggle for her mood, she reached up for the handle and pulled her person and the door away from the wall, leaving a little gap for Jack to enter.
"Lemon," He sighed. "I can't fit through that."
"Try to be narrow-dynamic." She said with a huff of a laugh through gasps and hiccups.
"Ill let that one slide. Move, please, Elizabeth?"
"Only because you're being oh-so nice." She hoisted herself onto her couch.
"Jenna told me you barricade yourself in with…. Yourself."
"Jenna tried to get in here?"
"That's not the point."
"Jack, can I talk to you about something?"
"Anytime, Lemon. Except, of course, when I don't feel like it. 'No' hasn't stopped you before. Shoot."
And everything poured out. How she wanted to break up with Carole but hadn't done it yet because she felt a tiny bit less lonely knowing that he might text her that he was within 8 hours of the City. How Cerie and her husband were pregnant and she normally be fine with big announcement like this because it didn't directly affect her, but it made her want to kick her straight in the stomach and rip her pretty blonde hair out. How it just was. Not. Fair that Avery Jessup was all upset about getting fat and raising a girl because "She never really did have any girl friends", such a fucking wonder, when she had a great man and job offers left and right. Her with her large objects and her wizard cloaks. And how she had just as much time as she had lived left to do so and she was never, ever going to have a family at this point. How goddamn furious she was. How she tried to eat it down. How she loved her job and hated her life and had nearly passed takeout boxes for liquor bottles. How when she wasn't spending 14 hours a day in an office with her friends she was locked up in her apartment thinking about how much it sucked.
Mid-way through her rant- yes, she'd barely started-Jack's arms folded around her. She started crying again, straight onto his Versace suit. Neither of them cared. And she cried and cried and cried until Jenna came in and took her arm and escorted her to the women's room to clean her up. She didn't argue. She had passed the point of caring what Frank and Toofer and Lutz would ask her.
Jenna was wiping up her eye make up and pulling a fresh white t- shit out of her bag when Liz asked if she should be at rehearsal.
"Um, no. Jack had them run tech a few times. We go at 2, if you're ready by then. We're mostly ready."
"What time is it now?"
"Lizard." Oh, wow, she hadn't called her that in forever, but it felt right in the setting. "No worrying about work right now. The show will go fine, okay? I promise you. All you have to do is get through tonight and then we can go home and you can take the whole weekend to deal with your stuff."
"Jenna… I don't know if this is the kind of thing that can be fixed in one weekend and few glasses of wine."
"Bottles?" Liz rolled her eyes. "I was kidding. Oh, honey, I know this isn't just a break-up or a drunken night with Rob Schnieder. This is you … I guess kind of realizing what you want and that if you're for real you've got to get going. Right?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"Elizabeth Lemon, I'm your best friend. I'm always here, no matter what. And you know what? The homeless dudes can wait. You're in for the weekend of your life."
Oh, no.
TBC
