No one's reviewed my first chapter yet. Tear. But im so into this, I figured f the planet! I shall write more! So I am. Did. Are. … smurg. Enjoy! Oh and if anyone reads this, chapter one had… two wicked references, I think. WHERE ARE THEY MUAHAHHA? They just randomly end up in there. Its like a magical treasure hunt, Charlie! I know. I know. Im gunna shut up now. And an FYI.. it gets M rated this chapter. Very early on. xD ENJUR. Yurp. Random italics= the past that has something to do with the current situation. Eventually it will be the future too, but not yet. Thanks for those who have reviewed.. ya know, the one so far :P thanks GG, I was gunna give up on this story! ^^

When Maureen first woke up, she screamed. She screamed for Joanne, again, and again, and again. It was like she was going through withdrawal. Mimi and Angel were always at her side, and they knew. They knew that when Angel found Maureen that she had thought it was Joanne. It hurt them, but Mimi made sure no one contacted Joanne. Maureen had said she didn't want Jo to know- and Mimi understood that.

"Hey Mimi." Everyone in the flat jumped. Maureen had been in Mark's room, sleeping and drinking water, for two days straight now. Apart from getting more water or going to the bathroom, she hadn't been seen at all.

Now she stood, looking as thin as ever, hair pulled back in a messy bun, makeup washed off her face, but she looked better. If only a little, though.

"Mimi." She repeated. Mimi leapt off of Roger's lap and came running over.

"What is it babe?" She asked, a concerned hand resting on Maureen's right shoulder.

"You didn't- you didn't tell Joanne, did you?" She asked in a hushed tone. Mimi just shook her head. Maureen smiled. "Thank you." Her hand glided up to Mimi's and she squeezed it very lightly before she sighed deeply and returned to her new room.

As Maureen walked, she couldn't help but glance at the bathroom door. How she hated that bathroom. Every time she went inside she began to shake. Every single time.

"What the fuck, Mark! I was just at an audition!" Maureen screeched at Mark. "You're all concerned with Roger and your mother fucking camera to ever notice me, but the ONE DAY I go out to try and do something I love, it's all 'where the fuck have you been, Maureen?' and shit like that!"

"Maureen, how am I supposed to take care of YOU? You aren't sick." Mark hated fighting, but he knew if he didn't do something to stop Maureen from leaving; he wouldn't be able to live with himself.

"God damn it, Mark, I don't know. Maybe if you set your camera down for one single mother-fucking second you'd take him to some clinic, throw that camera in the trash, and realize you have a girlfriend! A girlfriend you once told that you loved!" Mark could tell that Maureen regretted saying all that the second she said it. First she went pale, but then her eyes started to bulge out a little. She wasn't staring at Mark, but directly behind him- Roger.

Roger had just come back from getting high, you could tell. Mark's 'life-changing' plan for him and April wasn't going so well. She was out getting high, too.

"Ya know what?" Roger said slowly, his eyes tracing unseen patterns on the floor. "Fuck you." At this, two cold eyes met with Maureen's wide green one's. "Fuck you, Maureen. You and all your goddamn drama. The world has a lot of issues, and god forbid your precious Marky might ignore you to help a friend deal with shit. So fuck you!" He left. Mark looked at Maureen for a split second, and then dashed after him.

Maureen just stood. And stood.

April wandered in.

"Girl, what the hell's going on? You look like Mark just dumped ya because he thought you got fat or something," April said jokingly, leaning a little too heavily on Maureen's shoulder. Maureen glanced down at this. April smiled back, but Maureen saw something off. Her head was buzzing with a million things, so she assumed April was high off of some weird drug or something.

"Lots of shit, babe. Lots and lots of shit. Marky's being a dumbass, and just chose Roger over me. Might as well admit he's gay, or something." Maureen chewed on her lower lip, hands on her hips. April let go of her shoulder.

"Trust me… I don't think Roger's gay,"

"Trust me, you're so high all the time I don't think you would notice," Maureen said, venom in her words. She didn't know why, but she was pissed off. April let out a small laugh, then muttered something about going to the bathroom.

"To get high," Maureen mumbled back. Stumbling into her and Mark's bedroom, Maureen closed her eyes for a while.

What had happened, exactly? Mark went after Roger instead of going after her. She snapped at Mark, he snapped back, then Roger snapped at her, then they left, then April showed up and she had snapped at her too. But she hadn't snapped back.

That was one thing Maureen always liked about April. No matter what shit either of them did, she never would be mean back. She was the only one who understood that Maureen just needed to get it out of her system.

Marky would come back. Roger would forgive her, blaming it on her period or something. And April would listen to her woes like usual. And with thing resolved in her mind, she fell asleep.

Maureen couldn't sleep these days. Now she stood outside the entrance to the bathroom, her hand hovering above the handle. She wouldn't go in. Too much rushed into her, and she knew she couldn't keep what she had left together if she turned that handle.

But she did. As if it would change something.

"Maureen?" Mark yelled, but not with hate. He had just come home.

"Huh?" Maureen mumbled, rubbing the sleep and some makeup from her eyes. Climbing out of bed, she crawled into the living room. "What pookie?"

"Can you help me?" He said this very quietly and sincerely, enough for Maureen to jump to her feet and run to his side. He had a black eye and a bloody nose, but nothing too severe.

"Did Roger do this do you?"

"Oh, no, Maureen, no. Some guys on the street."

"You suck at lying…" Maureen thought, but didn't say it. They both knew Roger took out his addiction problems by beating the shit out of Mark.

"I'll go get some towels and water to clean off these cuts, you sit your cute ass down on the couch," Maureen said in a mocking motherly tone, making Mark smile, though he cringed in the process.

Maureen walked to the bathroom, humming 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow'. Her hand closed on the door knob and she noted that she needed to redo her nails; the red was beginning to chip. Examining her hands as she walked in the door, she took a deep breath.

What did she just smell?

Turning to the source of the stench, everything went silent.

April was happily sleeping, all the stress finally leaving her- along with all the blood that was once inside her body. The razor she used to slit her wrists was perfectly parallel to the wall of the bathtub and shower combo. On the mirror she had written them a final message in bright red lipstick- or blood. But Maureen told herself it was just lipstick. With that thought brought another bad one… it was her lipstick. April had picked up Maureen's bright red lipstick and written "I'm sorry. Roger- we have AIDS. It's over. I love you all, April" and then killed herself.

Maureen was still in silence, until Mark shook her and his voice broke through her barrier.

"Stop screaming, just breathe Maureen!" He sat her down at the couch and the rest of the night blurred by for her- April was dead, and Roger had AIDs. Things shut down around her; Roger came back, broke down, and vowed to never do drugs again. Maureen realized this was the start of the end for her relationship with Mark.

But right then, it didn't matter. April was dead and Maureen knew no one would ever listen to her like she did again. She was alone.

Maureen turned and returned to Mark's room. She felt that way again. Alone.

Lying on the bed, she let her hands explore her body. Counting the healing cuts up her arms, slender fingers tracing the perfect cuts on her abdomen, she wondered if anyone could ever even consider her beautiful again. She hoped not. She had tried to destroy herself, knowing she never deserved love again.

"God!" She shouted out, running out of the room and flinging the door of the bathroom open, standing in there triumphantly. Staring at herself in the mirror, she jumped into the shower quickly, pulling the curtain closed and throwing her clothes over the top.

"MAUREEN, STOP!" It was Collins. Pulling back the curtain to reveal her head only, she saw Collins standing there, hand gripped tightly around Angel's. Mark was at the door; phone in hand, Mimi was running past him into the bathroom, Roger stalling at the door, his face pale. "Don't do… it." He swallowed slowly, searching Maureen's face for something.

"Do WHAT?" Maureen shouted. "I look like shit. I'm trying to take a shower, I don't know what you guys are-" Her eyes grew wide. "I would never," Maureen said, almost jumping out of the shower to spit in their faces. "I would NEVER! I'm not-" She caught herself, quickly, eyes flicking over to Roger, but he had already left. "I'm not going to let Joanne win. As much as I'd want to make her feel bad, I would never give up. I know I will probably never be loved again, and I know I will never love anyone again, but killing myself would let this hurt and pain that Joanne caused me to get the upper hand. I. Would. Never." Maureen turned on the water defiantly, shuddering as the cold hit her frail body. No one even said sorry, they just shuffled out of the bathroom slowly, the door shutting softly behind them. Maureen kept her eyes closed as she showered, not letting herself think about where she was.

"Water can't wash away pain. You can wash away the blood and let the cuts heal but the inner wound will always be there… don't let it kill you, Mo." The door shut again.

Maureen began to cry, letting it get any last bits of makeup off her face, though she doubted she had any left. When she was completely clean, she stepped out and dried off. Pulling her hair back into a high pony tail, she applied a natural looking amount of makeup and carefully wore light colored lipstick. The memories of this bathroom still fogged up the mirror, and Maureen could smell the blood and see April picking up her red lipstick and writing her goodbyes.

Maureen walked, towel just barely covering her, to the bedroom. She pulled on some electric blue jeans and a black tank top. Digging in her one drawer, she found her red leather jacket and pulled it on. Finally she zipped up her leather high heeled boots.

Stopping in the bathroom one last time, Maureen put in some earrings. She could get over this, she told herself. Joanne had given her the earrings. But it was okay. Pretty soon, she'd be able to wear that lipstick again, too.

"Hey honeybear, why don't you ever wear this lipstick? It's pretty, and bright. Like you," Joanne added softly.

Maureen was sprawled out on the couch, planning out her newest protest. In other words, she was doodling on a piece of paper. She had the basic idea of the protest written out, but had drawn little "I LOVE JOANNE" or the like around the page.

"That's cute," Joanne whispered in Maureen's ear. Maureen shivered a little, leaning her head back against her lover's. Joanne nibbled slightly on her earlobe before kissing her temple and slowly working her way down Maureen's neck.

Maureen whimpered quietly as Joanne kissed her passionately on her pulse-point, and her moan was stifled by Joanne forcefully meeting her lips. Maureen let her explore her mouth completely, melting under the other woman as she made her way on top of Maureen. Sliding her hands into Joanne's back pockets, Maureen only stopped kissing for seconds to catch a quick breath before resuming. She felt like she could never kiss her enough, that the second she stopped her life would end. Maureen thought on this for a couple moments until she was jolted from her reverie as Joanne playfully bit at her lower lip, making her crazy with lust. Dark green eyes met with chocolate ones as Maureen pushed Joanne off her, stood, pulled her up by the hand, and kissed her. Wrapping her arms around her waist, Maureen's tongue began working its way inside Joanne's mouth till she heard her moan quietly, and quickly she broke the kiss.

"Honeybear?" Joanne whispered, practically whimpered, as Maureen just smiled devilishly and pulled Joanne to the bedroom.

"You know…" Joanne said a while later. "You never answered my question." Joanne gazed down at Maureen, whose head was resting on her chest, listening to Joanne's heartbeat. Her legs were wrapped around Joanne's, straddling her side. Joanne's hands where cuddling Maureen, while Maureen's hands were tracing shapes on her lover's abdomen with care.

"What was that, pookie?" Her voice was soft and sweet, like a sleepy child's.

"Why you never wear that bright red lipstick," Joanne murmured, placing her lips on Maureen's forehead.

She could feel very clearly that Maureen tensed. Glancing down at her wide green eyes, she watched as Maureen stammered.

"Well, uh, I-I… I just don't, babe." She plastered a smile on her face and then quickly dove for Joanne's, as if she could kiss away all of her bad memories. Joanne didn't try to stop her- not because she was overcome with love and lust for her beautiful girlfriend (though, that was definitely in her mind) but that she knew she couldn't get an answer out of Maureen. And the way she reacted was scary- they needed to talk about it when neither of them was high off of sex and late night love.

But Joanne could taste Maureen's tears as the kissed until Maureen drifted off into a fitful sleep. Finally she stilled- though she continued to whimper and cuddle closer and close to Joanne all through the night.