Kinderspiel
Edward frowned. Mustang's next letter arrived the next week at breakfast. It was three pages long, detailing the known movements of the Dark Lord and his loyal minions briefly. Whoever Mustang had as a mole was quite good at his job, if the information was correct. He flipped through the pages, absently eating as he read. He pushed his reading glasses further up his nose before flipping back to the first page, checking something he missed. With a slight shake of his head he berated himself for not being any better in the mornings.
Down in the mass that was the student body many of the female students were near swooning. Long gold hair, tailored clothing, reading glasses, eyes like the sun? What was there not to swoon over? Then there was the air of mystery around him as well. No one had ever seen him take off his coat or gloves, the only skin he ever showed was from the neck up. Rumors had already started as to the reason why. Edward did not even notice until it was pointed out to him. For a professed genius he was stubbornly unperceptive when it came to his effect on people.
"Hey Edward," Tonks said, slapping his shoulder and breaking him out of the report. Edward looked up at the woman, blinking. "What are you reading there? I can't read a word of it. Is it in German?"
"Ja. It is a report t'at vas sent to me to look over," he shrugged, took off his glasses and put the report face down on the table. "And ja, it is in German. Vhy?"
"No reason, you just looked so interested in it. What's it on, or is that military business," she raised an eyebrow.
Edward smiled, "Armee business, I'm sorry. I may be in England now but t'e people from home von't leave me alone. Vork and responsibility, you understand?"
"Aren't you a little young to be hounded by the office?" she teased, starting in on her own breakfast.
He laughed. "Frau Tonks, I vas never so young, not since after my Mutter died. Doing vork like t'is is easy now compared to vhen I first enlisted, practice and all t'at. Nein, the interesting section vill be trying to keep my skills scharf for my Einschätzung."
Several female students almost fainted from shock and pleasure. Professor Heidrich was smiling! He was laughing!
Tonks paused long enough to shoot him a confused glance. "Your what?"
"Einschätzung." he said again and frowned, trying to remember the correct word. "Estimation? It is vhen myvork is tested to make sure I have not become useless. I cannot remember correct vord," he frowned.
"Sounds like an assessment to me."
"Ja! That is t'e vord!" Edward slapped the table lightly and grinned, "Danke Frau Tonks."
"You're welcome," she said carelessly. "It's not a problem. So you have to keep studying for this Assessment? When is it?"
Edward patted his pockets, looking for the memo from his secretary. He found it in one of the inside pockets of his red coat. "Ah... vone mont'. T'e date vill be sent to me later by either my Sekretär or the Generalmajor."
"One month? That's not that long," Tonks furrowed her eyebrows, frowning a little. "That's not a long time away."
"It matters not," Edward said confidently. "It is Förmlichkeit for me, a hoop to jump through. I am too skilled for t'em to not vant." That was true enough. None of the higher-ups wanted to loose the genius that was Edward Elric, even if he was an insubordinate snot and the only person he would listen to was Mustang. And even then it was usually a fight.
"Then why do you have to do it?"
"Because I am field soldier, Alchemist, not desk Oberst. I have to be able to fight." He cracked a grin, looking positively wicked. "And t'e only people t'ey vill send to test me are other strong Alchemists... like Generalmajor Mustang."
"I take it you don't much like this Mustang character," Tonks observed with a wry smile.
"Generalmajor Mustang is lästig. If I am allowed to hit him I vill not say nein."
Tonks laughed, greatly amused at the look of unholy glee on Edward's face. No matter how adult Edward Heidrich seemed it was obvious he still retained something of a child in him if the idea of being able to hit someone made him that happy. He may claim that he had never been as young as his students but somewhere, deep down, he was painfully simple, childishly innocent. She wondered what had trauma happened to him that had forced him to grow up so quickly.
* * *
Alphonse,
You would not believe some of the things I have seen at this school already. The stairs move as if they have a will of their own, as do the portraits that are hung on the walls. There are even doors with personalities! It's taking me some time to get used to all of this. And the 'magic' they are taught here defies all of the Laws. I don't know how they do it but I don't want to try it either. What if the Truth demands an exchange? Don't want to go through that again.
The teaching is pretty interesting. I can't teach these kids like Teacher taught us. I think if I bruised them I'd be sent home! They're in the middle of a war yet they still coddle the kids! I don't understand them. But I'm going to be working with another one of the teachers, Miss Tonks, to teach them how to survive an altercation. That should be interesting.
The Alchemy I'm teaching them is the stuff we were doing when we were five! It's so basic I'm almost sleeping through the classes. They still can't draw arrays properly and hardly any of them are grasping Equivalent Exchange or Providence at all! This magic stuff is warping their minds seriously. One of these days it's going to come back and bite them when they're down. I mean, there should be no way that they can change a desk into a pig! Honestly, one of these days...
Anyways, I've been doing well. Feeling a little bored and I'm missing every one back home, even everyone at the office! Thanks for the letter, by the way.
So you got a cat? At least now you have a home and can afford to take care of it. Tell Winry that I'm doing just fine and so is my automail. If I have any problems I'll tell her right away, and that's a promise.
Tell everyone that I said Hello.
Edward
Edward checked over the letter and nodded. He had deliberately mentioned nothing about his secondary mission to take out Voldemort when the time came. If Alphonse knew about that then he would worry far too much. Plus, no matter how much he trusted his younger brother he was not cleared for the information and if he knew nothing about it then he was in less danger. And Edward would do anything to keep his precious people safe, even lie to them.
He had a class in a couple of minutes, he remembered. They were to take a test today, on runes and arrays. Identify some runes and draw an array. Simple. Nothing frightening about that. He had even given them the weekend to study. What a nice teacher he was! But he should probably start writing the questions down on the chalkboard if he wanted to get a head start on them.
So, thusly encouraged, he got to his feet and started writing directions on the chalkboard. He made sure to keep his handwriting neat and frowned over his poor English. Speaking was one matter, writing was another entirely. Unlike what he was used to there were many different spelling rules to English that there was not in German, and even more exceptions. It was a language that was waiting to be cursed.
By the time the students started trickling in he was only three fifths of the way though. He waved them to their seats and continued. By the time he had finished writing all of the directions and questions on the board every one had arrived.
"Gutentag everyone," he said turning around and sliding into the chair behind his desk. "Take out sheet of papier and answer t'e qvestions on t'e chalkboard. You have half an hour. Timing starts now." There was a swelling of confused complaints as Edward continued. "Anyone found schwindeln or copying answers vill be asked to leave t'e room for t'e rest of t'e testing time and vill receive a failure. Any qvestions? Gut." he took out a blank sheet of paper and uncapped his own pen and started writing in neat code.
To: Major General Roy Mustang, Flame Alchemist
From: Colonel Edward Elric, Fullmetal Alchemist
Subject: Mission Report
Major General,
Operations proceeding well here. Teaching going as scheduled. All classes are in the latter part of the day. I will be working with the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Miss Tonks, on preparing these children for confrontations in the mornings. During the rest of the day I have nothing finite scheduled. This time, I plan, will be used to scout the area and strengthen the meager defenses that I have noted already.
No one here has mentioned the movement of the Dark Lord. There has been nothing in the newspapers and nothing has been said in any conversation that I have been privy to overhear.
"Ja?" Edward looked up from his report as a girl near the back raised her hand.
"I'm sorry sir," she said, "but what does number thirteen say? I can't read it."
Edward looked back to the chalkboard. "T'ree-ten? Explain t'e importance of t'e laws of Alchemy."
"Thank you, Sir."
Edward nodded and went back to his writing after scanning the class carefully.
One of the young girls in my class has been mentioned in reports concerning the Potter boy. Neither he nor the other boy, Ronald Weasley, are attending Hogwarts this year. I presume that they have taken it upon themselves to track the Dark Lord. I will try to ascertain whether or not Granger is still in contact with them.
"Herr Valters, vould you please hand me your test and step outside," he said, not looking up.
"Me?" the boy in question squeaked indignantly.
"Ja. You. Now or I vill escort you to the hall myself." Edward's gaze flicked up and irritation darkened his eyes dangerously. Walters quailed and did as he had been directed. "Tventy points from Slyt'erin and I vill see you tonight for detention."
If it is at all possible I would like to request background checks on the following people:
Flanagan, Thomas
Smith, Ann
Tonks, Nymphadora
Colonel Edward Elric, Fullmetal Alchemist
Edward read it over, looking for any errors before folding the report and laying it atop his letter to Alphonse. Now that that was done with he sat back in his chair, propped his feet up on his desk, and tucked his hands behind his head. For all intents and purposes he looked like he was taking a nap.
"Frauline Saunders, bring your test here and join Herr Valters in the hall. Tventy points from Gryffindor and detention tonight vit' me," he sighed, rubbing between his eyes as he felt the beginnings of a headache. What made them think they could get away with cheating? It was a good thing he had Tonks cast that cheating-detecting spell for him. Gave him an unexpected edge.
At last the time was up. Edward stretched and got to his feet. He instructed everyone to pass their tests forwards and he collected them from the first in every row. He spent a moment to flip through the sheets, glancing over the answers. He shook his head.
"I vill have t'ese back to you next klasse. Open your text books to page tventy and read until t'e end of t'e chapter." He lay the tests on his desk and called Walters and Saunders in from the hall. He waved them back to their desks then sat down again. It took them to the end of the alloted time for the class to finished the reading. Edward had almost marked all of the tests by the time the bell chimed, excusing them to their next class.
* * *
It was after dinner, after all of the students had gone to bed and the teachers had retired for the night, that Edward slipped out of the castle. He took a lantern with him and a pack of matches to light the wick once he was inside the forest. There was no need to alert the people of the castle that he was wandering about in the night. He did not want nor need the attention.
It was a moonless night and there were clouds in the sky. Edward almost regretted choosing this night for this expedition. It was never fun to traipse around in the dark of the month. The moonless sky seemed to dim even the stars on the best of times. With the clouds as well Edward had a feeling that his little lantern would not do him much good. Nevertheless once he had slid across the grounds and was well into the tree line he pulled out the small box of matches and lit the lamp.
The thin stream of light only made the forest seem even more intimidating. If Edward had been anyone else, if he had not faced the worst of sins and evils, he might have had second thoughts about going any further. But he was Edward Elric, Fullmetal Alchemist, Hero of the People and there was no way he was going to act the coward and turn back. So he pressed forward, pushing aside branches and bushes that were in his path. He did not know what he was looking for, but he marked the trees carefully so he could find his way back. He had heard some pretty wild stories about this forest from rumors the students passed around to casual mentions from the teachers. He doubted any of them could be true. Giant spiders, sentient automobiles, centaurs and unicorns? Come on! Who in the world would believe tall tales like those?
Something large and canine howled in the distance.
The night before he had had Walters and Saunders working off their detention. He had each of them writing, without any resources, on what exactly Providence meant to Alchemy. They had come up with some of the strangest answers, deciding for Edward what the topic of his next lecture was going to be on. Needless to say, they knew practically nothing about Providence. Had nothing he said sunk in?
And why was he traipsing around the Forbidden Forest in the dark of night? To find Voldemort or any whisper about his whereabouts? Find the Potter boy? Get some relief from Cabin Fever? All of the above, if he could.
In the meantime Edward was really wishing he had brought a heavier coat. Britain was not as clement as Amestris. It was colder and rained far too often for his tastes. Why people would settle on an island that was so... wet was beyond his comprehension. But he wasn't outside in the middle of the night to complain about the weather. The further into the forest he went the darker it got and the less light his lantern threw until all that was illuminated was a thin line that only extended four feet ahead of him. With a muttered curse he cast about for something else he could use. Nothing that would make a lasting torch. Sure there was plenty of wood but had you ever tried to use a plain burning stick as a torch? It did not burn that well.
Something caught his eye. It looked like... the eyes of an animal.
* * *
Edward sighed and hid a yawn behind a gloved hand. He had forgone wearing his red coat today but had refused to part with his silver-trimmed black over-shirt to cover his arms. He had also only taken the time to pull his hair up into a ponytail rather than take the effort to braid it. Last night had been an illuminating adventure for the young Colonel, one that he rather hoped he would not have to repeat any time soon.
"Didn't sleep well?" asked Professor Sprout sympathetically.
Edward shrugged. "Had a lot to t'ink on," he said with another yawn, then joked, "Not as young as I used to be."
"Boy," laughed the jolly Herbologist, "if you're old then what am I?"
"Still young and filled vit' energy," he cracked a smile. "It vas cold last night in my rooms. I do not sleep vell anymore in cold." Flat out lie. Well, maybe not, but it certainly was misleading. True, his scars and automail ports did ache in the cold but that had nothing to do with his lack of sleep. But it was not like he was about to bandy about the fact he had been outdoors in the Forbidden Forest until just before dawn. That might garner a couple raised eyebrows in his direction, attention that he really did not want. Even when he was fresh in the military and new to the status of State Alchemist he knew better than to blow his cover in the middle of an operation. True, he had been more of a hot head back then and it had taken all Alphonse had to keep him quiet some times, but that was then and he had grown since then.
"Oh? Perhaps you should ask Thomas to brew you up a sleeping potion," she suggested.
"Nein, danke. I vould radder not," he shook his head and came up with another misdirection. "My Doktor has said not to take anyt'ing that might interfere vit' t'e medication I have to take for old injuries." Very old injuries but the only thing he had to do about them were make sure they stayed oiled and clean. Nothing to interfere with there. Ah, working under Mustang had taught him some interesting evasive maneuvers.
"Oh?" Sprout was too polite to push the subject but it was clear she wanted to know more. Edward did not offer anything.
"Morning all!"
Edward turned a baleful eye on the all to cheery Tonks. She sat down in her seat and smiled at everyone, helping herself to breakfast.
"Vhere did you find kaffee?" he asked, feeling just a little bitter.
"Coffee?" she raised an eyebrow, "What's that? A muggle thing?"
Now Edward just stared at her. What sort of people did not have coffee? Had the Major General sent him here for some sort of torture? No, he could not let that get to him. It would be simple enough for him to make coffee himself. All he needed was the proper elements.
That was easy enough.
"Never mind, Frau Tonks." He sighed, reaching around the table for what he figured would be appropriate ingredients. A pitcher of hot chocolate, a pot of tea, and a mug. Sprout and Tonks watched, confused and somewhat revolted, as he poured the tea into the chocolate until it was nearing the brim of the pitcher. He clapped his hands together and gabbed the jug. Blue light flared up as he transmuted the mixture into the drink that would save his day and life.
Chemical dependence? Not a chance.
Steam rose from the newly made concoction and with it a scent that melted Edward's annoyed expression. He quickly poured himself a mug full and dumped in several teaspoons of sugar. Without waiting for it to cool he downed it in one great swallow. A look of pure bliss washed over his haggered face.
"What is that?" Tonks asked, sniffing curiously.
"Kaffee," Edward sighed, filling another helping. "T'at wunderbar drink t'at keeps most of the people in my büro alive and vorking."
"Is it any good?"
"Wunderbar."
"Can I try some?"
Edward even poured her a glass full, he was feeling that much better. He suggested she add cream and sugar to combat the bitterness. She took a sip and grimaced.
"What is this made of?" she asked, spitting it back into the mug.
Edward downed his third helping and poured a fourth. "Ground Kaffee. It takes getting used to." He started in on his fourth helping slower, sipping and savoring the flavor. "T'e only reason vhy I started drinking it is because it vakes you up. Very helpful vhen paper-signing makes you sleep."
"Don't know how you can drink so much of that stuff." Tonks wrinkled her nose at him. Edward shrugged. The pink-haired professor went on. "By the way, are you free this morning, second period?"
"Vhy? Vant me to vork vit' the babies?" he shot her a half smile over the rim of his mug.
"Thought we might start today," she nodded.
"I vill go easy on them. Not too many vill get injured." His smile turned into a wicked smirk. "Dat is, if dey are fast enough."
* * *
Edward sat next to a pile of rocks that was almost as high as he was tall and even wider at the base. He had spent the first hour when the students were in classes to collect them by hand, wanting time to spend on thinking rather than dwelling. Last night had been illuminating, to say the least, when it came to what lived around this 'magic' stuff.
First he had run into something that looked like a giant wolf. Thankfully the creature had left him alone but right after that had come the even larger spiders. There was something terribly wrong when spiders grew to be bigger than large dogs and closer to the size of draft horses. It had taken him a good hour to clean out the nest of those disgusting creatures and an even longer bath once he did manage to get back to the castle.
It had been on the way back that he had met a group of what he had decided were man-horse chimeras on crack. He had stumbled into the middle of their... herd? After several initial mishaps and something about how the moons of Jupiter had predicted something he was supposedly going to do they let him go. Good thing too, since he was just about ready to see if he could split them into their base species just as a way to vent his irritation. For people who were half horse they sure had an inflated image of themselves. Toss in the fact that Edward was filthy and tired it was a miracle that they survived detaining him.
He should get a medal for self-restraint.
But that was last night. Now here he was, hyped up on a couple of liters of caffeine and waiting to work off some of the energy that had been building thanks to his morning coffee binge. Tonks had said she'd bring the babies down after she had taken attendance and that should be soon.
Sure enough, here they came.
Edward hauled himself to his feet and dusted off his pants and hands. He flicked his long braid over his shoulder and scratched his nose, resisting the urge to laugh evilly. He was not there to scare the babies out of their uniforms. That would just be mean spirited.
Once they had gathered in a loose group before him he began speaking. "Guten morgen," he said, hands shove carelessly into his pockets. "If you do not know who I am, I am t'e Alchemy teacher. Frau Tonks has asked me to help vit' today's lesson on practical Defense. Today ve are learning how to dodge." He picked up a rock and started tossing up into the air and catching it idly. "T'ese rocks vill be like your spells. If you cannot dodge t'e rock t'en you have been hit vit' a spell. I vill not take it easy on you. If you get hit you vill be hurt. So best not get hit." And now he allowed his grin to take on a sadistic tint. Intimidate them right off and they would take him seriously. There was a confused murmur ripple through the group of students and Edward looked around sharply, his golden eyes catching the light and glowing. "Any qvestions?"
"What are you going to do with the rocks? Why use rocks?" asked a boy in the back.
Edward closed his eyes, "Idiot." He sighed. "T'ink of t'ese rocks like spells. You get hit vit' a spell you suffer results, ja? Same vit' rocks."
"Yeah, but why don't you just use spells?" asked another boy.
"Because," Edward sniffed, "I do not use your magic. I am Alchemist. I do not t'ink t'at anyvone here could last in a fight vit' me. Frau Tonks, decide who goes erste."
The poor students were run into the ground by the time their class was over. Edward had pitched rocks at them, one at a time, forcing them to dodge, run, roll, and generally get filthy. And they still had another class before they were let out for lunch. He almost felt a pang of sympathy for them. Almost.
Too bad he was feeling heartless now that the coffee had worn off.
* * *
Edward scowled. He was tired, had a headache the size of Mustang's ego and desperately wanted to beat something senseless. Unfortunately he could not get any sleep yet, had nothing for the headache and had no one to beat on. It was terrible.
"Who," He said, looking around his class with narrowed eyes, "can tell me vhat 'Providence' means?"
Hermione's hand shot up. He nodded, permitting her to speak. "Providence is the law of Alchemy that governs what things are made of. Only things of similar elements can be transmuted into what the alchemist wants."
"Ten points to Gryffindor. So, vorking under t'at law if I vanted to make glass vhat vould I need to use?"
Hermione's hand went up again. He waited for another person to volunteer. A girl near the windows tentatively raised her hand as well when it was apparent that he was not going to call on Hermione again. He nodded in her direction. "Isn't glass made from sand?"
"Ja that is exactly it. Ten points to Ravenclaw. And sand is in the same kategorie as stone. Knowing t'at, vhat array should ve use?"
"One for stone?" ventured a boy in the second row. Edward cracked a smile.
"It is obvious, is it not?" he almost laughed and reached into his desk for a bag of sand he had left in there just for this demonstration. "In order for a transmutation to vork t'e alchemist must understand t'e process in vhich somet'ing is created. T'ere are t'ree basic steps to transmutation: Understanding, deconstruction and reconstruction," he chalked out an array on the desk top and poured the sand over it. He touched the edge and the lines of the array and the sand glowed a soft blue before moving to reshape, melting and molding it to his will. In seconds there was an elegant, clear glass fluted vase sitting where the sand had been.
Edward continued. "Because of t'e laws I could not make this vase from vood or vater... vell," he corrected himself, " I could, but it vould only be eis and vould not last long." There was a spattering of laughter and he continued. "Today ve are going to start using t'e transmutation arrays ve have learned. I vant everyone to come here and receive a bag of sand. Ve vill be making glass today."
The students filed up to the front of the classroom and each received a small bag of fine sand. Edward circulated amongst the desks to make sure they were all using the proper array. He had to correct one or three arrays for the students so they did not have to get too frustrated, wondering why it would not work for them. By the end of the period only three of the students were able to coax any sort of reaction from the array and only one was able to melt the sand into an odd-looking lump.
Not very promising. In fact, it had Edward stumped. Why could they not do it? For him it was as simple as breathing, in some ways simpler. Making glass was basic! Melt the sand and shape the result. Didn't they even know how to make glass? This was pathetic!
This was something he would have to discuss with some of the other professors, to get a better feel of how they did their 'magic' stuff and maybe find a better way to describe how to do a transmutation.
In the mean time he had some research to do in the library here. He had heard of it but had not yet had the opportunity to peruse its resources. It took him the better part of half an hour to find the expansive room. As was the ethos of the halls of Hogwarts they were somehow intelligent enough to confuse any poor soul that was not used to their shenanigans. Edward did not think he would ever get used to them. There were just some things that architecture was not supposed to be able to do!
When he did manage to locate the library he pushed his way in quietly. He had been inside all sorts of libraries and had had the proper etiquette beaten into his head at a very young age. Books held a higher status in his mind than most people he had come across. Nerdish as it was to admit that, it was true.
Then again, books usually did not try to kill you, that was people. And Homunculi. Never trust a homunculus, they were always plotting something wicked and dastardly, it was a fact.
But as far as Edward knew there were no Homunculi here at Hogwarts, just the books. And now it was time for him to find out just what sort of things they had in their library!
