Carmen Christmas

By: FunahoMisaki

(A/N: I own nothing and read last chapter)

"Ready for the tour?" Zack asked looking at the women, grinning at the women, especially when he saw that Carmen was wearing the sweater that he had made.

"Yes, I must say this is rather warm Zack and well made. Thank you." Carmen said smiling at the boy who ginned wider at her as the others looked at the sweater.

"Nice boss." Dara said grinning as her boss hugged Zack, showing the back of her sweater to her coworkers.

"That's priceless." Sara said snickering as Carmen released him and turned to them, showing the front of the sweater to the now cackling women.

"Now on the fourth floor is the indoor greenhouse. If we go downstairs though then we have more rooms." Zack said grabbing Carmen and Sara's hands and pulling them towards the stairs again.

"You got Mary-Jane in that greenhouse?" Sara asked teasingly, just teasing the boy and not expecting him to take the question seriously or even know what Mary-Jane was. Zack paused and frowned for a second as he tilted his head.

"I'm not sure really. I think we have some in the far back corner but I'm not sure if it's near the African Strangler and other carnivorous plants or if it's on the side with the Ruti and Doll's Eyes. Ivy doesn't mind me going to those ends of the greenhouse when she's with me but I'm not allowed to do it by myself so I'm not too sure. I mainly tend to the herb and vegetable parts of the green house." Zack said thinking about it while Sara's mouth dropped open slightly.

"I was making a joke. I didn't think you'd have carnivorous and poisonous plants." Sara said weakly and earning a flat look from the boy.

"Ivy is pretty much an assassin for ACME and a lot of times her targets have to look like they died natural or accidental deaths. She's good at using the poisonous plants for natural deaths and the carnivorous ones for accidental. A targets jogging near some woods and ends up stepping into the path of the African Strangler…as long as she's careful where she uses it then no one thinks anything of it." Zack said making Sara wilt a bit, she had tried to forget the part of the seventeen year old being a killer…a professional killer at that.

"Moving on. That's the gym over there which comes with an indoor pool and holographic training room. That room is the library, that one is the entertainment room, over there is the hobby room. We got most everything there for almost every hobby. Photography, drawing, clay making… everything but gardening. That's what the greenhouse is for." Zack said pointing out each room as they were walking past the spaciously placed doors.

"Gym?" Dara perked up at that word while Hannah was looking between the hobby room and the entertainment room.

"Ivy designed that room mostly. Have at anything in there but the holographic training room requires the passcode from me or Ivy and the harder levels require Ivy's code. She doesn't let me use em cause they're really dangerous but if you ask her she might let you try out the weaker levels and then if you do good on em she'll probably let you do the stronger levels." Zack said nodding and earning a curious look from Carmen. Oh? Really dangerous holographic training courses. Interesting.

"Let's finish the tour and then you can do whatever you want but supper should be done soon." Zack said smiling up at them as he led the women downstairs again, he still hadn't let go of Carmen and Sara's hands. He didn't even think of it really, and they knew he didn't notice or care. He was just naturally affectionate it seemed.

"That's the living room where we usually hang out and relax and all if we don't feel like going upstairs to the entertainment room. That's the dining room through there for the big or formal meals and meetings. There's the less formal dining room for when it's just family and friends and all. The foyer for visitors is over through that door. That room is Ivy's private study, she didn't mention it earlier but trust me you don't want to go in there." Zack said frowning at the door that he stopped to glare at. It was a simple brown wooden door nothing special about it at all but Zack seemed to glare at it as if it were dangerous and evil.

"You don't like that room?" Hannah asked making Zack give her a frown and a shake of her head. Dara stepped forward as if to investigate, her curiosity in override. So the girls study wasn't off limits but seemed to be hiding some dark secrets huh?

"That's where all of her Valkyrie missions were given to her." Zack said quietly and at that the curious Dara stepped away from the door she had been approaching. They could almost see the blood that was soaking the door now.

"I see." Carmen frowned at the door. She'd have to break in later just to see who and what kind of people Ivy were sent after and why only a not even seventeen year old girl had been the only one who was sent after them.

"Moving on that is the kitchen, aka Ivy's sanctuary. Don't try to go in without permission from Ivy. She will throw knives at you, kick your ass, throw you out the window into the snow, and then threaten to turn you into her bitch… those are just from within the last four hours." Zack said amused as he looked pointedly at Tatyanna who grinned from nearby.

"It's fun. Besides I'm Russian. This little snowfall does not bother me." Tatyanna said proudly and shrugging slightly.

"She's going to end up stabbing you." Aileen said shaking her head at the Russian who glanced at the doorway and raised an eyebrow.

"And she will look very hot doing it I'm sure. Even if she is wearing a Christmas sweater and Pikachu socks." Tatyanna said causing Aileen to snort while Jasmine grinned.

"Don't diss the sweater or I'm gonna come in there and beat your fucking head in with my goddamn frying pan you Russian skank!" Ivy yelled from the kitchen making the VILE women jump a bit although Carmen's was less noticeable than the others.

"Forget the sweater and socks, do you see those leather pants on her? All those flying kicks she uses when fighting makes her legs look hella fine." Jasmine said earning a hum and nod from Tatyanna while Aileen blushed brightly at this and put her hand over her eyes.

"Please don't tell me you two are going to be talking about Ivy's legs and ass again? You both had an hour long discussion on it yesterday." Aileen said with a bit of a whine to her voice as she looked at the two of them pleadingly.

"Ah now if only we weren't having a discussion on it and instead actual were on her ass." Tatyanna said with a sigh while Aileen blushed brighter as Jasmine gave an agreeing noise. Hannah was bright red at this as she tried to duck her head into the fluffy jacket she was now wearing, Carmen merely had one eyebrow raised with a smirk on her face, Sara was looking at the teens and then just started snickering and Dara? She was laughing loudly.

"I can hear you and I can tell you both now I'm the one who always tops!" Ivy called back to them earning a considering hum from the Jamaican detective.

"Sounds just like college doesn't it?" Sara asked bumping her shoulder with Carmen who raised an eyebrow at her.

"Let's see…young foreign adult with an accent commenting on one of her friends legs and ass in leather pants…yeah sounds a lot like you in college." Carmen said making Sara blush slightly but send her a look.

"Yeah and I wonder who the one who always tops back then was?" Sara needled her friend who snorted and moved one hand to shove Sara in the shoulder playfully.

"Bitch you know I don't lay on my back for no damn body." Carmen said relaxing around the detectives and her two other henchmen a bit.

"I remember I had you on your back once." Sara said snickering and earning a snort from Carmen.

"Your dumb ass got drunker than a fucking skunk, decided I needed a hug and damn near tackled me to the floor trying to give me one while I was trying to keep you from getting to your lab." Carmen said unimpressed and earning a snicker from Zack who was still in-between them holding their hands. Between the two much taller women he looked kind of like a kid holding his parents hands in the parking lot.

"I don't even remember that. I was talking about the time you got shot in the shoulder and refused to go to an actual hospital or doctor." Sara said frowning at that while Carmen thought back.

"Oh yeah, back when you gave me morphine and I demanded cuddles because I'd be crippled otherwise." Carmen said remembering that now, her mind had been fuzzy as hell and she was higher than a kite on that morphine.

"You were a clingy bitch." Sara said although she was grinning to show she didn't mean anything by it.

"Just a bitch? Sara dear I am the bitch." Carmen said with a faux haughty accent that had Zack trying to hold back his laugh unsuccessfully, especially since a loud snort could be heard from the kitchen.

"Now you sound like Ivy." Jasmine said with a grin as she looked at the older woman who just raised an eyebrow.

"Of course I do. Note what my sweater says kid." Carmen said motioning with her free hand down to the sweater she wore, causing all three of the female detectives to look at it and begin snickering hard.

"Show em the back." Sara encouraged her boss and best friend who turned slightly so they could read the words on the back. Jasmine damn near howled in laughter and Aileen was trying to suppress her giggling as Tatyanna snickered hard.

"Well it's not like its wrong. Congrats you got an ass load of kids now." Tatyanna said dryly and making Carmen pause for a second before she smirked.

"As long as I'm not popping them out of my ass." Carmen settled for saying that making Zack frown.

"I may not be a girl but I'm pretty sure that the babies don't pop out of your ass. Sex ed taught me that much." Zack said causing a choking sound to come from Carmen, Sara, and the kitchen. Dara was nearly bent double in laughter and poor Hannah was so red she looked like a tomato.

"Zack? Who the hell taught you that word?" Ivy asked appearing at the kitchen doorway and staring at her brother horrified.

"Sex ed is mandatory for seventh graders Ives. I'm fourteen…I know where babies come from." Zack said rolling his eyes at his sister while Carmen and Sara looked shocked.

"There's an actual class about sex in schools now? Damn why didn't they have that for us?" Sara asked pouting slightly at how unfair it was.

"Because the biggest slut on campus would teach anyone who wanted to learn for free and in private." Carmen said dryly as she regained her wits, causing Sara to think about it for a moment.

"Oh yeah, that one teacher-student pair right? Smith and Joyce or something like that? Didn't Joyce end up with like five kids from different dads and didn't even know who the dads were?" Sara asked tilting her head slightly as she thought about it.

"And Smith got most of his female students knocked up so they could get an easy A in his class. You were the only one who didn't I believe. Well I didn't either but I was only a student because I was undercover at the time." Carmen said nodding her head in agreement.

"Hurry up and finish up the tour Zack. I'll have supper done in five minutes. Tatyanna you and Aileen mind setting the tableware out in the small dining room? Jasmine I'm going to need a hand carrying the food to the table." Ivy said looking at the mentioned people and not minding the conversation between the two women for the moment. Not like she could say anything when she's said and heard much worse after all.

"Hey how come Jasmine gets to help carry the food?" Tatyanna asked pouting slightly and earning a flat look from Ivy.

"Because I can trust her not to sneak bites of everything when I'm not looking. Now move your tight Russian ass blondie." Ivy said dryly before she vanished back into the kitchen again, leaving Tatyanna to sulkily move to set out the tableware with Aileen.

"What was left of the tour Zack?" Dara asked looking at the boy while Hannah tried to calm down her raging blush.

"Well there's the laboratory in the basement that comes fully equipped with the newest scientific and technological equipment thanks to Ives…the workers are all gone for the holidays but they stay in the other wing of houses bedroom floor…the last thing I can think of would be the obstacle course Ivy has out back but you need her passcode and several other codes from her to get into it and get it to run." Zack said taking his hand from Sara's to point to the basement door and then out the window to the backyard.

"Huh think she'll let me have a go on it?" Carmen asked looking interested while Sara moved over to the basement door.

"Maybe after supper. You all can do whatever you want and if you want to do something with a passcode just find me or Ives. We'll usually agree as long as we think it's not too dangerous for you." Zack said making the thief give him an amused look.

"You do remember who you're talking to don't you?" Carmen asked amused at him thinking it'd be dangerous for her, the woman who could steal every national landmark and monument and get away with it if she wanted to.

"The crazy woman who is the unofficial mom of most ACME Junior detectives." Zack said bluntly and making Carmen blink slightly at that. She hadn't been expecting that remark.

Sara busted out laughing at Zacks next remark while Carmen gaped at the boy. Yeah he had a point that wasn't her brightest idea ever.

"And is the only person I know that's super smart and yet is fucking stupid enough to steal Benjamin Franklins key and get rid of all technology…when she used technology to go back in time in the first damn place."